He's abusive, I'm scared.

[coffeeaddict]

 

ooh Leo called !! ^_^

 

Woot, hope it goes well.

[betterdeal]

Another song for you:

[Kaito]

Another song for you:

 

Omg that was weird lol. She was making out with a man of fire.

 

And it did go well, thank you. I went to his place again last night am already invited back tonight. And I'm in fact talking to him right now lol.

 

 

But ... still no talk of anything "official"... Ex's stuff will be moved out soon. That's when I feel like I can actually start to think about asking Leo about "us".

 

My birthday is in like 20 days too... so... maybe I'll wait and see what he does for it before asking anything. I know he can't really afford a gift, but I mean... acknowledges it, does something sweet like cook me dinner or whatever. I think that would be a hint into which direction he wants this to go. Then again in my experience guys can be forgetful and he may not remember it at all :-/

 

But, again, still enjoying my time with him. Enjoying getting to know him a bit more each day.

[betterdeal]

Hooray! I'm pleased to know you're doing so well!

 

Just to let you know, I'm going to start weaning myself off LS so I won't be replying some days.

[Kaito]

Aw, okay betterdeal. Thanks for sticking with me through this

 

 

Another update, ex texted again saying he misses my family, his life, etc. I'm not sure when he's going to get it that he shouldn't keep texting me. I recommended to him a book on abuse, letting him know it would let him see the way he was, and hopefully help him to understand it. Knowing him he'll try using it against me somehow, but he won't be able to succeed this time. And if he tries, that's just one more reason I have to distance myself from him (not that I needed a reason).

 

I'm trying to figure out how many nights in a row I spent with Leo so far. I think tonight will be the 7th and final day in a row. Tomorrow my mom is coming over so I'll be spending the night with her at my place. It was a lot of fun, hanging out with Leo every day. I go back to work soon though so its going to stop anyway :-/ And with him going to school, and me back on a better schedule, its going to be tough to see him at nights. Boo.

 

Oh well. Gotta go finish cleaning the house. I have the living room, kitchen, and entertainment room to finish moving his stuff out of. Every other room is done. I still don't know what to do about the furniture, but I imagine it will stay because I can't lift it with just my mom and me anyway. If he wants to bitch about it later then I'll deal with it then.

[kaycstamper]

I haven't read through your whole thread, but will, but there's things coming to mind I want to respond to first, while it's still fresh.

 

You need to get out NOW! If you are afraid of him, you have reason to be and belongings, etc. do not matter as much as your safety. Can you have a police officer come be with you while you get your belongings, on an official basis?

 

You alluded to all he'd been through as a child; that may not be his fault but it WILL affect him and it's up to HIM to get the help he needs to transcend it. This is NOT a good basis for a relationship and I'd STRONGLY encourage you not to marry him.

 

Being alone is not the worst thing...being with an abuser is.

 

You don't need to know someone else loves you...you need to know that YOU love yourself...and treat yourself accordingly. Besides, if you look around, I'll bet there are plenty of people who love you, family, friends...

 

Get yourself safe, first and foremost. You may not want to stay with family for fear of him knowing where you'd go and coming after you...you will not want to involve them, it could escalate ugly. Instead, find a women's shelter to go to and get some help, they are trained to be a safe place for you.

[Kaito]

Thank you, Kayc. He is in fact now moved out, in fact I'm sort of dating someone else now. He still contacts me, we still have a lot to work out, but I'm safe now and he's gone.

[kaycstamper]

You have to stop feeling responsible for him and covering for him. Your idea about telling people so you'll be held accountable is a good one. What is to work out, you need him totally out of your life, you cannot trust him. He has shown himself to be more concerned about himself than you, even when he damages you. And who wants anyone in their life that would abuse a dog?

[Kaito]

An update to everyone -- and I may need some convincing / support here.

 

I called about storage today. I cannot put the unit in his name without him there. This defeats the purpose. If I were to put it in my name, I could theoretically put it in our old joint account ... but this still makes me liable when the payment comes due, so it gives him no incentive to take his things.

 

My mom said, "Why don't we just drop the stuff off where he's living? Its not that much." I said no at first, because I love the people he's staying with and don't want to inconvenience them or drag them into it. But what am I to do? I felt bad to do that. My mom offered to give him a week to get it, then to move it. But... well, then I won't have my mom around to help me move the stuff.

 

Two things...

 

1) I really want this stuff gone but I am kind of nervous to do it without a warning.. then again, I was hinting left and right, we even talked about it, I said how I wanted it gone but he wouldn't listen since I had "no good reason." As if I needed a better reason than: we're separating and thats what you do! He seems to think this is still his house just cause his name's on it. Well, he's never paid for it and he signed something saying its not his anymore so.... yeah.

 

2) I know that they are gone this weekend. I'm pretty sure they won't be back until Sunday night or even Monday. I could be in and out in probably 20-30 minutes. I know the combination to their garage, plus there is plenty of spaces that are private but available to the outside that I could use as long as it doesn't rain. I feel like I'm betraying the trust of the friends he's staying with but at the same time, its not like I'm going to ever see them again. I plan to leave a note apologizing for doing it this way, saying I felt this needed to be done. The thing is, even if I do this, there is still stuff here that will be his. The ATV for one... also, some camping gear I'm not sure who's getting it. At first I thought I was but now I think he wants it. I'll probably just give it to him to get him out of my hair. Also there's some bad memories attached to that stuff. The only time we used most of it wasn't exactly a great memory. Not terrible... but we were having trouble the first and only real camping trip we went on.

 

 

So... I want to give it all back tomorrow. Get it done and over with while my mom's here. But like I said, I'm nervous... I feel bad, not for him but for "using" the friends he's staying with. They're an older couple who have always been there for us. But.. it needs to go. It should not be here anymore. I don't know why he doesn't get that.

 

Support /thoughts please.

[coffeeaddict]

One thing you could do to avoid being liable if he refuses to collect his stuff is give him a deadline. Put it in storage under your name and make the first payment, but if he doesn't pick it up by suchandsuch a date you'll begin selling the contents in order to pay for the storage. You're already doing way more than you have to by doing the lifting for him and then paying out of your pocket for a certain time period of storage. I don't know how feasible that is or whether you want to go through the time and trouble to do it, but it would give him an incentive to pick it up within that period of time. It would also accomplish the goal of separating his possessions from your living space, which is an emotional victory. If you go that route, you should save documented proof stating that you gave him a period of time to claim whatever you sell.

 

If you don't pay the fees storage companies either they'd claim the property/put it up for auction/get rid of it, or hit you with loads of fees and then have a collection agency come after you. The policy varies depending on the company, but that's a pertinent question. You could call around and try to find a company that simply claims the stuff if you don't pay by the end of the time period, as opposed to accruing a ton of fees. You'd pay in cash obviously. Then all you'd have to do is tell him where it is and how much time he has to pick it up, and it's out of your hands, either he takes care of it or the storage company auctions it to pay the bill. You'd have to be real careful about that obviously to avoid getting stuck with a bunch of fees and damaging your credit rating, make sure you know what the terms are.

 

If you do choose to drop the stuff off at his current place, my advice is try not to feel guilty about it. You're doing this for a very important cause which is your emotional health and peace of mind. Since he's getting room and board from them and it's his stuff, they might be annoyed with you but they will ultimately turn to him to solve the problem of his property in their garage, and rightly so. His possessions are his responsibility, not your responsibility. They will be temporarily inconvenienced, but if these friends are people of good character who were aware of the story, I highly doubt they would blame you. If you feel bad about it you could always pay them what you would have paid the storage company for one month, for their inconvenience.

 

As far as him not getting that his stuff shouldn't be in your house, I think he gets it, he's just making it difficult for you to push him out of your life, he's forcing you to do the heavy lifting.

 

The whole "three months" is baloney for several reasons. First is it's disingenuous, he doesn't have a good reason not to agree to put his things in storage. Even if he did have one, it's your house. The second reason is it's very disrespectful, a person who's healing emotionally from abuse has to keep the possessions of the abuser in the house for three months until said abuser chooses to pick it up. Third reason is there's no guarantee he picks it up after three months. Maybe he spends the three months sending you flattering texts trying to worm his way back into the picture, and then three months turns into four months and five months.

 

You gotta do what you gotta do for your own peace of mind and that's the bottom line, best of luck.

Edited May 29, 2011 by coffeeaddict

[Kaito]

Thanks. Here's what's going on...

 

Last time I came at him with an issue and "hardballed" him about it, he told me all I had to do was ask nicely and he would have obliged. "Okay," I thought. "I'll ask nice this time."

 

So I asked him if he is working Tuesday (apparently he's been getting work here and there from his old employer). Tuesday is our deadline to close an account in both our names. He signed a paper on it. We have discussed this since the beginning of the month. I wanted it taken care of in two weeks. He asked for the entire month, I gave it to him. Now he acts like its a big surprise. Anyway...

 

He said, "No." So I said: We need to cancel the TD account. Also, I need you to come here and take your things please. I will help and follow you to the [friends place]. Its not that much stuff.

He said: On second thought I'm suddenly busy. I can't do that because I'm out of work and can't afford to do it. No. (pretty much just threw three excuses at me)

 

I said: We have to cancel TD on tuesday anyway. Fine, then I'll bring your things to [friends place] or Goodwill.

 

He complains that he just sent checks out with that account for bills he's paying. I told him that wasn't my fault, we discussed this. I have given him ample time to transfer his money to his private account (its not like he even had to open a new one, he's had it since before I knew him... and he has checks).

 

After an argument, he goes from ******* trying to find things to blame me for, and suddenly "I dont want to fight" nice guy saying he'll come. He can't get mad.. I asked nice without mincing words. Then I had to get rough. He never mentioned us taking care of TD yet. I have a feeling he's gonna be like: okay I got my things, can we at least hold off on TD? If he literally takes ALL his items, I might let him wait on TD if he write a letter and signs it saying he had to fail to uphold his end of the agreement and that closing the TD account will be pushed back because of his failure to plan, or w/e. I don't want his checks to bounce but he's really an idiot for using an account that needs to close for next month's bills, if thats in fact what he did. Also he complains that his checks from work goes into TD... but hello he can just pick them up. He then tried to blame ME for HIM not being able to pick his checks up, as if he was planning on doing that anyway. Then he caught his own bluff and realized he was over here on Thursday, not Friday (paycheck day). Unbelievable.

 

I don't get this guy. Everytime I give him the tiniest bit of slack he walks all over me again. He then referenced the thing he signed and was like: wait, I wanted the car out of my name in 2 months! (it was originally 12 I think, I shortened it to 3 or 4) And the house in two! (I think I have it 2.5) I blindly trusted you!

 

All I could think was: Read what you're signing... you agreed first to give me a year on the truck and 5 on the house. Then you kept shortening it and shortening it and I wasn't about to fight you while you were in my face making these demands. So I found a common ground. Not my fault you didn't read it.

 

What I said was: Trust me it will all be out of your name ASAP. I'm working on it... because I want it done. I'm not delaying it like you. I'm taking every step I can to finalize this separation. All you have to do is move your stuff out. I have to do a whole ton of legal and financial crap and you're fighting me every step of the way.

 

He says he won't take his name off the deed until his name is off the loan. He doesn't seem to understand that he signed the house over to me... that its not his anymore.

 

He also kept trying to say like, its illegal for me to move his stuff out since his name's on the property. Again, he signed something saying he has no right to it anymore. Plus he's been moved out a month and has thus taken residence somewhere else. Not my problem.

 

Pretty soon I'll be changing where his bills go FOR him. I'll just have to open his mail and fill out the "change of address" forms on the mail-in stubs for him, since I doubt he's done it yet. Not like its hard... He says he wanted to wait until he has a place but I'm pretty sure in our agreement it gives him until the end of June. If he fails to do that too, then I'm going to have to get something else in writing saying he again failed to uphold his end of the agreement. Not like I've given him anything tough to do. He's asking me to sell a truck in 2 months. Its already been one for chrissake. I need to buy a car before I can go forward.

 

Whatever. It feels like I have to fight for every step. Totally sucks. I may start looking for a new place to buy/stay and just sell this house to be done with it. Maybe a nice trailer on more land somewhere out here. I'm sure it'd be a lot cheaper and better suited to one person.

[coffeeaddict]

Whatever. It feels like I have to fight for every step. Totally sucks..

 

Definitely seems that way, all I can say is hang in there because that light at the end of the tunnel is your independence and freedom. At the end of the day whatever you have to go through to get that is gonna be worth it.

[Kaito]

Definitely seems that way, all I can say is hang in there because that light at the end of the tunnel is your independence and freedom. At the end of the day whatever you have to go through to get that is gonna be worth it.

 

Sigh. I know its worth it. I won't quit, of course. There's no way he'll ever gain a foothold back into my life. I am so happy without him. But its so phenomenal to me how it actually seems like he's trying to linger in my life even though we are breaking up. Like... wow. That's all I can say. Wow. I have to keep reminding him that we are breaking up, and we need to speed this process along and stop delaying it. All I'm trying to do is get it over with but, I told him, he's always trying to slow it down. The things I need to take care of take longer than what he needs to do (get his stuff out), but that doesn't give him a reason to take his time. The sooner we can both move on the better. I don't know why he doesn't get that. I mean, I can understand being heart broken over a breakup. But I'm not sure he is. One second he tells me for the past several months he knew things were bad (I didn't until the last day when I kind of had an "a hah!" moment, so this was news to me), then he tells me that we were fine and I totally surprised him. Well which is it!? I don't think its a random coincidence that the day we had our last, deciding fight, that a couple hours beforehand you said, "If we break up, you can have the house." It made me cry cause I wasn't planning on that, but when you go ahead and turn true to form and start degrading me for the millionth time (after many sweet promises I received all week to the contrary)....... it gets old.

 

So I don't understand him. He's torn up over it but I know its not because he ever cared about me. He says he loved me, we were soul mates, but its amazing to me how idiotic that is. First, he does't even know how to love, so he can't even say he loved me. I could never get him to realize that you don't treat the ones you love so callously. Also, soul mates?! Don't make me laugh. Sure, that's how I felt too once upon a time. I was totally hooked. But when time went on I saw just how uncompatible we were. He fit into a small portion of my life that involved having fun, being young, focusing on hobbies and not responsibilities, etc. He fit that small chapter. When I moved on from it, wanting a family and more out of life, shedding the one toy I had for a home, he didn't really. He pretended to. But the whole way, it wasn't what he wanted... he still wanted those toys, to play irresponsibly, to not grow the hell up. He was so bad with money, it drove me nuts. He liked pharmaceutical drugs and I can't stand taking them -- he'd go to the point of guilting me and degrading me until I took a pill for some ailment I had that really didn't require one. He drank a heck of a lot more than I ever did, and I sort of got sucked into that for a while. He was all about good times and going out and going fast and all that. I was about that too.... for about two summers of my life. And they were fun, and I made a lot of dear friends I still have, but .... to say that makes him my soul mate is a lot of hogwash. My long term dreams are to live simply, with a couple kids, a loving husband, hard work on my homestead, my own little slice of heaven that may look threadbare but is the source of my strength and happiness. No matter what I did to reach that dream, my ex was in my way. He wanted it this way, not that way. And it HAD to be his way... which ruined my dream entirely. We had to have the nice, fancy stuff.... oh, wait... when he decided he could settle for "not top of the line" things, he thought that was progress. No! Our dreams, as much as he liked to believe they were the same, simply were not. I am SO GRATEFUL now that I've found someone who is so in-line with what I want out of life. I just hope that things continue on this good track with Leo.

[coffeeaddict]

I'm happy for you that you're feeling happier, and that you're so determined to reclaim your life. Yeah, from his perspective it's a more favorable version of events to say in hindsight that he knew things were bad too yata yata, because it projects self-awareness and makes it seem as if you're on the same page. It's that same pattern of duality, having two versions of events, the real version and then one that looks better. It's like when he says he's moving forward, but then throws monkey wrenches into the process. All you can judge someone by is their actions as words are cheap, actually words are free lol.

 

Aside from the incompatibilities like having different dreams and pharmaceuticals, I think even if he was on your wavelength or you were on his, it still wouldn't work out. Someone who views the other person's emotions as a malleable object can't really be a soulmate to anybody. Soulmates are all about reciprocal exchange, empathizing with each other, making each other happy, and benefiting mutually.

 

Invoking emotions like guilt and shame to get the other person to do things you want them to do isn't being a soulmate. Neither is being nicer when it suits your purposes, using verbal/emotional abuse and even physical abuse to enforce your authority. Being this guy's soulmate sounds like a pretty tough job, lol. His describing that relationship as soulmates is really just another example of the same behavior/pathology.

 

Anyway, my best wishes, it sounds like you've got a promising thing going with Leo. I'll keep reading any updates and chime in when I have something to contribute.

[Kaito]

Thanks coffee. Ex is supposed to be cancelling our bank account today. He told me that I can close the bank account without him there because he called to ask. That's funny because last time we broke up I also called to ask (if his name could be removed) and they said no, that we could only close the account and that both parties would have to be present. Anyway, he has to close it, not me, since he's keeping the money. So I don't know what's going on there. Today is the deadline though that we agreed upon. So it either gets done or I'm keeping note about it and that's something I might be able to use later if he tries to screw around.

 

He is also supposed to be coming to pick up some of his items. He's going home from the beach today and has to more or less come through this way... its a little out of the way (about a half hour I think). I really want this stuff gone but I told him I'd help him drive it to his place, which I really don't want to do. I'm short on cash, its a lot of gas just to drop off his stuff. I originally thought I had no choice because I had to cancel the bank account, and the only TD banks are near his place anyway. But if its true that I'm not needed... then why go? Still, I think he's incorrect in saying that I'm not needed. Also, if he asked if I could close it without him, the answer might be different if he asked if he could close it without me... not sure who is primary on the account.

 

Anyway.. I'm short on money for gas BUT, as much of an inconvenience it is, I really want his **** gone so I'll probably drive it out anyway and deal with it. I also need to mail an item for my mom and that will be easier over there (stuff is closer by). I just want this all over with even if its gonna suck to drive way out there.

 

 

 

EDIT: So exactly what I thought would happen has. Ex isn't cancelling the account today because he's been using it. He promises by next week. I said okay, as long as I get a letter from him, signed, saying when it was closed so I have documentation saying that... proof that 1) he closed it and 2) he did it late. Its proof that he was the first to breach our contract.

 

Next, he is coming Friday for his stuff, so I don't have to worry about it today. That gives me time to pack up some more of the little stuff.. but mostly all that's left is his tools strewn about the barn, which I think I'll just let him pick up. He is picking it up on his way to the beach house, I guess he's gonna store it there. If he's doing that, I assume it means I do not have to help drive it out. If I must, I guess its okay. I'll make a day trip of it and maybe go to the beach while I'm there. Actually, that sounds kind of fun... to go to the beach by myself... bring a book to read, some snacks, some ice tea and some sun bathing lotion Still working on my beach body but I'm not a whale either lol. I need a more even tan, my job gives me the WORST farmer's tan... all forearms and face. The rest of my body is snow white lol.

Edited May 31, 2011 by Kaito

[Kaito]

So ex and I had a good conversation for about an hour on the phone the other day. Mostly it was him talking about how he can and will improve himself, this and that, etc. But some of it was normal friendly conversation, which hasn't been able to happen for a LONG time. It was a nice change of pace. He went on a date but I guess wasn't happy about it, even though she seemed pretty cool. I'm not sure the bank account is closed yet... and he hasn't come for his stuff cause he didn't go to the beach. But he said he will come during the week, so that's good.

 

I spent much of the day yesterday and all night with Leo. I had a really good time, but I'm awfully quiet around him. I'm like that in just about every situation though... Very quiet for a long time until I fully warm up. I don't feel scared, awkward, or shy.. I just don't always think of stuff to say. When I'm more comfortable I'll think of stuff to say no matter what, usually for the sake of being funny. But as it is, I need to know what I'm talking about in order to be comfortable talking about it. Otherwise I mostly shut up and listen.

 

I'll update on the ex moving stuff out as it happens. I can't wait until its all gone. In good news, besides that long decent conversation (and a few texts he sent right before it) we had I have had no contact with him. Or, well, the only contact was brief texts about business. But mostly no contact, which is awesome... he's starting to lay off the texts. He said its cause he's feeling better in those times, but sometimes he gets "weak" and texts me. Meh.

 

Oh, I spoke to the loan manager about our loan. I may have to wait another 6 months (which ex has agreed is a good idea) but it looks like I can get his name off the loan without having to re-finance. I should here back from him by Monday I think.

[betterdeal]

*fistbump*

[coffeeaddict]

Well, sounds like you're doing pretty well.

 

About the conversation with Leo, the best advice I can give you is not to judge yourself/be your own critic, be kind to yourself. If you don't know all there is to know about a particular topic, or if you're afraid of saying the wrong thing, just be yourself and say whatever comes naturally.

[betterdeal]

Yep, the wisest people I know frequently say "I don't know"

[coffeeaddict]

So did your ex ever come for his stuff? Feel free to drop us a line and let us know how it worked out.

[betterdeal]

Yeah, how's it going?

[Kaito]

Sorry for the long wait. Here is my update.

 

Things are going well with Leo, for starters. We hang out all the time, and I am much more open with him and am finding it easier to talk naturally. I always have this problem with people I'm getting to know (its much easier for me to talk to perfect strangers -- I do that a lot for work so its nothing). He has introduced me to some of his friends online because we have been playing a game together (yep, I play video games), which feels good because I feel more like "one of the group."

 

Also, I spent father's day with his family and met his grandmother and uncle. So, I also feel like I'm more part of the family. They were talking/acting like I was the new gf, but Leo has still only referred to me as "friend."

 

Today he came over my place and we worked outside, cleaning up brush, he fixed a few things in my house. I was paying him cause he needs the money but I know he'd do it for free if he could afford even the gas it took to drive to my place. Anyway, I don't feel bad paying him cause 1) its damn hard work and he's doing a lot to help me, and 2) I've been a guest in his house so many days and have eaten his food, accepted rides places, etc., even though I know he can barely afford to feed himself and his family (he pretty much takes care of his dad and even his brother to some degree...).

 

He's been in class most weekday nights so I don't see him as much as before. Also, I'm working now and no longer on vacation. So, I'll tend to hang out with him very late at night when he gets out of class, and stay the night and hang out in the mornings/early afternoons before he has to go to school (on days I'm off). Its been cool. I actually see him quite a lot, and he calls often to talk about whatever as he drives places.

 

I spent all weekend on/around my birthday with him. In fact the day before my b-day was the first time he came to my place. After that, he was much more touchy/cuddly. I enjoy it much. Still no kissing and all that when I leave, no affection at all in public actually.

 

 

As for ex...

1)He says he will come for his things and never does.

2) He has already broken his end of the contract because he has failed to close a bank account before the time limit, still waiting on him to do it.

3) He is approaching another deadline for which I am positive he has made no progress. He is supposed to change the address on the bills he gets, and since he hasn't even come to pick up his mail I doubt he has had a chance to do that.

 

Its annoying to make the trip to where he is, but I asked the ppl he was staying with if I could drop his things off and they said it was just fine. So that may be happening soon.

 

Also, I spoke to his friend whom I like very much. He said a lot of the stuff Kevin told me is either a lie, or he hadn't heard it, or w/e. For example, apparently he never made out with the girl he said he did, and that he had probably only said that to make me jealous. Friend (henceforth referred to as SJ) said that the girl had come to the party as a friend of my ex's friend (a guy he's staying with). This friend and girl had never kissed or anything at all. In fact she is apparently seeing someone else. But I guess friend ex is staying with (CJ from here on out) likes girl (we'll call her Brit). So... Brit comes to party with CJ, CJ makes out with another girl but is so drunk he THINKS its Brit. Brit sits next to ex, ex and her talk it up... CJ, realizing his mistake, tries to sit next to Brit while ex is up. Ex walks over and is like: hell no, I'm talking to her, get your ass out of here (or something to that effect). Ex told me 1) he had no idea they were friends, and that in fact they had been physical, and 2) him and brit made out and hit it off that night but that since she didn't seem to have interest in him that way.

 

So sounds like ex was really just being an ass.

 

Also, ex told me about many fights he has been in. Cause guys "opened their mouths"....... who knows.

 

He has at least gotten a job... making less than I do. Which is funny and only worth mentioning because he has held money over my head SO many times. In his face.

 

He was for a while texting and making promises, saying how he's changing (his actions proved otherwise), trying to be sweet, asking to be taken back, etc. His last effort (after about 3 more "last efforts") was to ask me if I would date him "part-time." I asked my co-workers about this and nobody could tell me what dating "part time" meant. Ex mentioned this along with coming over to help me with the house. Well, clearly I do not need his help because I was doing much of it on my own, and also because now Leo is assisting me. Which is great, cause Leo and I worked together really well. We didn't get a ton done this time because it was really hot/muggy and we had to take many breaks, but its amazing how smoothly it goes when I can actually communicate with my partner and not waste time being yelled at / defending myself / being put down, etc.

 

Oh, best part, Leo helped me cut WAY back on my energy usage by showing me how to use the power switch / breaker / thing. So I turned off all non-essentials when I'm not home (everything but the fridge) and we figured out what switches powered the outlets I need when I am home (For computer) and lights... water, etc. If I ever get lost I'll just switch most back on for the little while I need them and then go back to default (everything off but fridge) when I'm done. When we have more time I'll probably ask him to help me relabel all the switches. We thought we labeled the AC but I turned it on when I got home and, while it sounds on and air is blowing, the air is not cold. So not sure what that's about.

 

No big deal though, I'm not going to be home during the hot times of the day the next 3 days, and the temp is supposed to go down anyway.

 

He comes back monday or tuesday to help around the house again. He said he didn't feel he finished nearly enough and he wants to work at it again. There is a lot of brush we still need to clear, but his push mower died as we were working. It was getting late anyway so we called it a day.

 

uh.. So yeah. Also took him on a walk around my property. It was fun. Its the second time he's come here.

 

So I've known Leo for about 1.5 months now. It feels like longer, I think. I was thinking the other day.. how when I first "met" him, he was just pictures and voice (we met on a dating site).. now I picture him and his mannerisms. He's just not a face anymore, he's animation.. words, movement, etc. I like it

[betterdeal]

Aw, bless! I'm happy for you

 

You have the right to dispose of your ex's stuff now (according to Judge Judy).

[Kaito]

I wish I could garage sale it all lol, but then I'm afraid he might be a dick about his name being on the house. Its not a problem to sell, its just an annoyance and I don't want to lose any more money.

[betterdeal]

Tricky. Threaten to bin it if he doesn't have it moved in 7 days.