Author dartchik Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Tank you for ALL your comments,,no one i perfect nor is anyone you.We are not each other and in situatins of others.You can saywat you will or what you want,,its all others opnions,,i exept that.I screwed up and that is that.Good luck to you and your perfect self,,i am far from perfect,,i havenever cheated before in my life,,nor did i PLAN IT!! Good luck and ma god be with you in our life. I judge no one,,i do not believe in being judged either...but as I said,,you are intitled to an opinion of yourself and others. Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I'm not saying cheating is okay here in any way shape or form... but I have been on both sides of the issue. You are hurting right now, and so is your husband. As for you, you will feel like crap for quite awhile, I never did find anything to take the pain away, and I could have rationalized it away a million different ways. Well he cheated first, second, third etc... well I was drunk, well he had ignored me for so long, we had been separated for 5 months by work... etc. But it wouldn't have worked, I felt like scum... What did help was coming clean, which you have done... figuring out why I did it, and preventing it from ever happening again... and time, a lot of time. In time i could close my eyes and not see the terrible thing I had done, and I forgave myself, even though he never did. For your husband... he is hurting too, I asked a lot of questions, the same ones over and over. mostly why? how did it happen? how could you? I needed my mind set at ease, I needed to know that I could trust him, that it would never happen again. We made the rule that we would never be alone with a person of the opposite sex. He refused to adhere to these, which should have been my clue that he didn't take it serious. This will be your husbands too... Take responsibility for your actions (which you have done so far) and give him what he asks for in reason, he will want to know details, but that's not good for him or for you... counseling is great, and anything that will build up the marriage. For both, put it behind you as soon as you can... try to find a way to reassure him that you do love him, let him know where you are, who you talk to just so he knows you aren't keeping anything from him... ask his forgiveness and expect it. Don't let him use it in fights in the future... once he has forgiven you, remind him if he brings it up. If he says and that one time... just softly say "and you forgave me" and stop the discussion until you can get back on track don't let him use it to twist the knife in your gut. Guilt will kill your marriage if you let it... That's all I can think of for now... Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
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