tnttim Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 I like this site but I've come to a realization. Why are people with obvious relationship problems of their own giving relationship advice to others? Is this site really mentally healthy? or is it just pack/like me mentality? Link to post Share on other sites
Maladjusted Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 I like this site but I've come to a realization. Why are people with obvious relationship problems of their own giving relationship advice to others? Is this site really mentally healthy? or is it just pack/like me mentality? Third party perspective. This board really helped me alot when I was going through serious, serious problems in my marriage. I also like hearing from people that have been through similar experiences that you wouldn't necessarily hear from someone face to face, be it embarassment, privacy, or whatever their reason. As far as mentally healthy goes, who can say? I think it helps get things out that you might ordinarily bottle up inside. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Extra set of eyes/ears. As Maladjusted said, it gives you perspective from a third party. Maybe you don't want to take your problems to your friends or family and it's easier to open up to a group of anonymous strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
Maladjusted Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Extra set of eyes/ears. As Maladjusted said, it gives you perspective from a third party. Maybe you don't want to take your problems to your friends or family and it's easier to open up to a group of anonymous strangers. Exactly right. For me, friends and family are more likely to be biased in your favor, which is nice sometimes, but they may not necessarily know or understand what you may be going through. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Many of us are past the disfunctional stage & because of hind site can give somewhat rational advice based on what we've been thru. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tnttim Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks to all who posted Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 because we've been there, regardless of our relationship's outcome... Link to post Share on other sites
honiebie Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Oddly enough I was thinking the same thing yet I always comfort myself in the fact that I give great advice and wish I were wise enough to take my own. Hopefully sharing ideas and experiencesx can open a person's mind and make very lonely situations empathized Link to post Share on other sites
SunkistGirl Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I just joined this site.. and I like it. Because I have a few problems but in other areas of my life they are great and maybe I can give advice or a point of view or just an opinion or share an experiance with someone else that helps them. And who knows maybe there is some Dr on here on her free time who cant get enough of helping people. *lol* but whatever the case it feels good to rant about your problems and have people have your back or tell you what they think. =) It also makes me feel like WOW im not the only one having these problems hehehe.. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 That's interesting. What do you consider to have been your dysfunctional stage (your words), and at what point did you know you were past it? OUR (my husband's & mine) dysfumctional stage would be about a 7 year stretch where he discovered he liked the bar scene, left me behind raising kids. Once the kids had left home I felt it was my turn to do my own thing. Which compounded the problem. We're almost 3 years out of the lowest point (when I moved out) & we are VERY happy. That's how you know you're past it. You have that happy & contented feeling again. (I don't mean content as in apathy....I mean content - mature love) We've been thru more than most couples have - or should have to go thru. We've come out the other side a bit bruised & beat up - but we made it thru & we're still together. Link to post Share on other sites
Baroness67 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 The experience of others, what worked and what didn't, or even just knowing that others have gone through what you have, is an incredible resource. I see what you are saying. I know that when my H confided in me that he'd been discussing difficulties in our marriage with the OW and told me "she had a lot of great advice" - my response was that considering she'd been involved with my H and had two previous divorces, that it sounded to me like she actually knew "very little" or at least hadn't learned the right lessons. However, I'll take lessons from the experiences of people who have done it both ways, wrong and right. Advice doesn't necessarily come from people who believe they've done everything right, and if there are people who believe they've got the magic formula, that's suspect to me. None of us do. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I thought you cheated on your husband. Are you saying he cheated on you first, then you had a revenge affair? What specifically caused you to end your revenge affair? You mean there are no hard feelings between your husband and you, about your affair, or his affair? Are you sure about that? How would you know w/o counseling? I said he liked the bar scene. Not cheated. He was IN LOVE with Happy Hour.....so much so that he did it every single day. Got to the point where he was 'pickled' every single evening. I didn't have a revenge affair. I stopped the affair because the OM put a stop to it. (Long Story) Hubby found out. Asked what I'm assuming are the typical questions & now we don't speak of it anymore. As for counseling....it really isn't for everyone. We tried it. It did keep us from killing one another during the separation - but other than that it was a waste of a lot of money. & Yes I'm sure about that! The hard feelings are in the past. No sense in drudging them up every single day just for the sake of it. He's not that kind of guy...if you'll read other posts where folks here have questioned that....it's all true Anyway - That's why I think that those of us that post here that have BEEN THERE - DONE THAT - have a lot to offer those that are just now starting to wade thru the crap in their relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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