Jessica Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 My husband and I met through a dating service. We dated for several years, and then got married. Over the course of our courtship we ran into trouble with him visiting the dating service website--to view profiles. We discussed the problem extensively. He did not understand why I was upset, but agreed to stop. As a newlywed couple, I thought everything would be pure bliss, but I have found that he is viewing profiles of posed and naked women online. Is this "just a guy thing"?? How do I appoach him to have respectful dialogue about this? All of his other actions show me he truly loves me. I know he is not cheating on me. My concern is that this behavior could lead to infidelity. Should I be worried? Thank you in advance for reading and writing.... Troubled Wife Jessica Link to post Share on other sites
worriedinside Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Jessica I know exactly what you are going through I was also married to a man who did the same things the difference is he tried to lie his way out everytime and would never say that it would stop ! The thing is he should respect the way you feel and at this time he isn't try telling him again how this makes you feel it could be different now that your married and not just courting. As for the whole is it just a guy thing I think a lot men are curious and that is probably all it is I think a lot of guys look and chat to women just for the hell of it ! I seriously doubt it is anything serious unless there is more than you have said ! Just approach as you are concerned not outraged that way you will get a better response as apposed to making him feel like you are accusing him of cheating. good luck babe! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I wouldn't worry too awfully much as long as he is paying attention to your needs as a wife. I look at profiles and pictures on the web too but I have no intentions of cheating on my wife. Now saying no intentions means I don't want to contact anyone....have relations with or desire to be with anyone else besides my wife. Plus, he promised to stop.....see if he holds true to this. It sounds like to me he's sincere about his love towards you and yes...it is a "guy" thing.....to some. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by Jessica All of his other actions show me he truly loves me. I know he is not cheating on me. My concern is that this behavior could lead to infidelity. Should I be worried? I don't know your husband well enough to make such judgements. Plenty of nice guys cheat behind the scenes, and plenty of porn-watchers wouldn't ever stray. Because of the personal aspect involved in these online-nude posts, could you perhaps suggest alternate forms of adult media that don't have that personal connection? The more reasonable you sound, the better your chances of him playing along will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jessica Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Thank you for all of your responses. I do believe that some of this is him "just being curious." I am still unsatisfied with how I feel about the whole thing. Women always seem to "feel" one way or another. I am still uncomfortable with it, but more willing to be less confrontational about it knowing there is little to no "harm" in it. Thanks for helping me to feel better about this. As a new member, I am impressed with this site. THANKS! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by Jessica As a new member, I am impressed with this site. And as a jaded-on-porn-threads member, I'm impressed with your open-mindedness. Stick around, give yourself some time to monopolize the computer. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh Anne Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Jessica! I am commending you for your open mindedness! Very impressive. Most women go on here seeking advice, and when honest advice is given, they grow defensive. Some come on here to have others reaffirm what they already believe, which is their right, however, what then, is the point of posting on here. At least take some of the advice into consideration instead of immediately dismissing them. I have always been the minority voice in terms of women and porn, I am a female who has no problems with her Significant Other enjoying porn. Dyermaker made a wonderful point, and he is always right on, that the personal aspect of online profiles, where there is the ability to contact the person in the picture, may be what is bothering you. I truly believe that if he looks at porn videos or sites without this ability to contact the people, then your mind would be at ease. And since you come off as an understanding and caring girlfriend, your significant other would most likely be very grateful and thankful for being with you, and have no problems compromising on this matter. It's when women make a scene, act in a possessive, psychotic manner ie: playing BIG BROTHER by smashing computers, confiscating magazines, videos, while their SOs hide them, like a hide and seek game, that their men become dishonest about using porn and not being open about it. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
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