imagine Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 The fun starts.. W saw lawyer today and he sent a request to my lawyer that I just file a few documents and don't bother with the others he requested with the filing. I have put all the docs together and it is an 8 inch stack. Nice touch... ask for 5 years of docs and then 3 weeks later say never mind.... This sound like harassment. They use this technique to weigh you down so that you cannot build up your case. I have not seen her financial docs since she did not file them when the divorce was filed like she should have... wonder what is in the statements from the cards in her name only... Hmmmm Wonder if she has separate account somewhere... Hmmmm. I'm sure that there will be a FICA printout of all her finances. They can't check purchase of all hard assets. Why would lawyer say just send balance for 401 k and sworn financial disclosure and we will send our settlement offer... without W supplying anything.... I don't think so.... Can't wait to see her charge statements... Ask your lawyer! Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 INDEED... make sure you view her financials and completely understand the law and your laws for your state before you agree to anything. she's moving this at light speed for some reason... seems like she's intending to cover something up - or she wouldn't be in such a hurry. kick her out! since she wants the D that badly - make her move now! she hasn't considered your feelings in all of this - so give her what she's asking for - get her out. let her figure out her future - it's no longer your worry. i agree with your stance on not going places with her... she's still trying to lie and pretend. she has another man - i guarantee it... probably at her work. you haven't been digging deep enough... or she's good at hiding things. be absolutely sure she discloses everything before sining any papers. and don't take her separate debt as your own. hugs if her name is on the deed to that house the OP won't be "kicking her out" unless & until a judge orders it if she doesn't wish to go. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 if her name is on the deed to that house the OP won't be "kicking her out" unless & until a judge orders it if she doesn't wish to go. really? i told my cheating exH that his stuff was out front and to come pick it up - the locks were changed and he wasn't to come home. he threatened to continue living there - i promptly reminded him in a calm voice - he could - but i would be sure he was damn miserable every day - all day - if he chose to be in the same house as me. he decided not to argue any further about it... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 really? i told my cheating exH that his stuff was out front and to come pick it up - the locks were changed and he wasn't to come home. he threatened to continue living there - i promptly reminded him in a calm voice - he could - but i would be sure he was damn miserable every day - all day - if he chose to be in the same house as me. he decided not to argue any further about it... I think I better email myself this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hydin Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 thinking of leaving this letter for her. your thoughts? I have been through some tough moments since you decided to leave our marriage, which I know you have seen or noticed. My love for you is so deep that I just couldn’t bring myself to face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, in good times and bad, it is a shock to see our relationship end. I have done a lot of thinking, listening and reading and I now realize that I have been hoping to hold on to you against your will. That can’t be done of course. You married me because you wanted to. You saw things in me then that made you want to be with me as my wife and start a family. It was your free choice to marry me. It was a decision you made with no pressure from me. Now you want out of our marriage and obviously, I have to let you go. I know that I can no more make you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1985. You are free to go. If we split and you never want to be with me again, then I will accept your decision. This experience has been painful , but I will make it. God has been with me so far and He’ll walk the rest of this walk with me as well. We had some great times, and raised an amazing family. ****, you were my first real love, and I will never forget the happy memories that we shared. I am deeply sorry that I failed to meet your needs as a husband. I will carry that shame with me for the rest of my life. I will pray for you and trust God will guide you in the years ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Hydin, as someone who has been down a similar road, do not lay yourself down humiliation-style in front of her like this. She won't respect it and you will not get the response that you desire. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 (edited) Hydin, as someone who has been down a similar road, do not lay yourself down humiliation-style in front of her like this. She won't respect it and you will not get the response that you desire. yea walkaway spouses don't want to hear your true feelings. they want you to act like its not bothering you and hell you don't need them anyway. in some twisted way this earns their respect. go figure. Edited April 28, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 thinking of leaving this letter for her. your thoughts? I have been through some tough moments since you decided to leave our marriage, which I know you have seen or noticed. My love for you is so deep that I just couldn’t bring myself to face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, in good times and bad, it is a shock to see our relationship end. I have done a lot of thinking, listening and reading and I now realize that I have been hoping to hold on to you against your will. That can’t be done of course. You married me because you wanted to. You saw things in me then that made you want to be with me as my wife and start a family. It was your free choice to marry me. It was a decision you made with no pressure from me. Now you want out of our marriage and obviously, I have to let you go. I know that I can no more make you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1985. You are free to go. If we split and you never want to be with me again, then I will accept your decision. This experience has been painful , but I will make it. God has been with me so far and He’ll walk the rest of this walk with me as well. We had some great times, and raised an amazing family. ****, you were my first real love, and I will never forget the happy memories that we shared. I am deeply sorry that I failed to meet your needs as a husband. I will carry that shame with me for the rest of my life. I will pray for you and trust God will guide you in the years ahead. nope -she'll stop reading after the first two lines. and stop apologizing for HER bad behavior. it's not yours to apologize for. how about this: you want out - get out!!! i'll be fine. life is moving forward and i have enough love, tolerance and compassion for the right woman who will appreciate me. best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hydin Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Well out of town and in separate hotels.. nice day watching S in a championship.. I was pleasant but separate car, timing... not together 75% of the game time.. W invites me shopping around dinner. I say I will head to store. We meet in parking lot. She is leaving I am arriving.... no mention of dinner... One minute it is like we are married... the next separated. funny how when we are alone is when she is the most "separated". When others are around, you would not know we were even having marriage trouble. Keeping with 180. Turned off my phone. Won't see her until game time tomorrow.... then will spend even less time with her. I am acting like we are done... but still hopeful. On a crazy note, W told youngest S that it will work out better if he is with me as primary and I stay in the house since she can't afford it... her lawyer must have explained things..... or she wants her freedom without S around.... still sounding very interesting. OM????? OW????? hmmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 yep, she wants him staying with you as primary so she can be with her OM more often. she's only capable of thinking of her own selfish needs now. IF she invites you to do anything with her - if it were me - i'd tell her to go f -off. she's toying with you and your emotions... stop playing in her playground. to pretend is the same as lying - i wouldn't do it. she's laughing at you every time you go along with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hydin Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 OK, two weeks of following the advice above... still no signs. Could be an EA at work on that computer. no strange numbers on any phone... checked fb and other things. She is here all the time. very friendly but no relationship talk. Trying 180 as much as I can in house. Maybe the three sentences from homer mcdonald next?? " I want the marriage to work. But if your right it is impossible. I will help you find and apartment and help with your move." It is really crazy. I feel like she could change her mind tomorrow... or never. It would be easier if we were fighting. I suspect her counselor is advising her not to talk to me about the relationship at all. She has phrases down pat. I have tried once since Easter. Told her I need to know what I needed to fix for my next relationship. She refused. Said we were getting along too well for her to say something and hurt me. She did not want to change the relationship while we were going through the legal stuff. I have a friend whose wife used the same counselor last year and just got divorced... funny huh? she used the same lines almost exactly. Best part is the counselor is working at a Catholic Church and giving this advice from there. NICE. Any next steps? I am at a loss what to do. Cut contact for 3 weeks and wondering if it is helping or hurting my chances. _________________________ h 50 w 49 m 26 d20 s18 s16 sep 12/10 d filed 3/11 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 she's essentially gone - so why are you spending time and energy trying to figure her out? she's walked away. she's been telling you with her actions - or lack of actions - that she doesn't care. accept it - move forward - and find a way to be happy without her. get busy living. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hydin Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Sunny two posts ago you were convinced she was having an affair... now that that is not panning out... give up? I am moving forward and working on myself. I am not talking to her at all about the relationship. I do have a family to consider her... I would like to at least try and make things work (I know old fashioned). I feel better about myself than i 5 years... I would prefer trying to work things out.. a want on my part, not a need. I do not need her anymore...I know it would not be the same. The best thing for all if she is going through depression, menopause or MLC would be to help her get through it.. not toss out 20 years because of 3 months. Of course I am treating the divorce itself as a business transaction. I am going to come out fine. It will be her loss in the long run. Kids know who is driving this situation. Your posts seem to encourage break ups... I can tell by your posts on this site you have been through tough times and dragged through the mud by your remarried ex. Not everyone is in that situation or will be in that situation. Of course they would if they followed your advice though. I was expecting more. Maybe the ones who have figured it out and reconciled don't spend their time here anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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