Katarina Posted August 24, 2000 Share Posted August 24, 2000 Hello to everyone who reads this: I know after reading many of Tony's replies to posts and his own reply to my previous post that he is so good at this that he ought to be paid. So now I have more thoughts to get off my chest. My problem in my previous post (to update) was that I was in a relationship for 4 years and was recently feeling very strongly for another person. I have been thinking very hard about my problem. Tony's advice was invaluable and intelligent (Thank you!). I realize I will have to deal with the fact that I feel claustrophobic. The only conflict I have now is that if I go back to school and find out this crush I have has a girlfriend or isn't interested in me, I will lose all my resolve and become depressed and stay where I am. I, right now, am determined to explore all I can and experience other people before I commit to being with one person for the rest of my life. I want no regrets. But I'm afraid if this person I have set my sights on doesn't want me, I'll crumble. Damn, am I that weak? And I don't know whether to have the "big talk" with my boyfriend until after I find out if this guy I like has the same feelings for me. Am I trying to use my boyfriend as a security blanket if my fantasies go poof right in my face? I know I feel strongly about being apart from him for however long it takes, but I am scared. I haven't been alone, single, for 4 years. Though if this new guy works out, I don't want to tell him that I'm fresh out of a 4 year relationship. I guess you can see how confused I am. I realize what I have to do, I just don't know if I have the courage to do it. I've been praying that this new guy is single and interested in me, so I can pursue what I want. If he isn't interested, I'm afraid I might not have the balls (pardon my French) to get out there and be a swinging single girl. I'll end this tirade now. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted August 24, 2000 Share Posted August 24, 2000 I'll say this in the nicest possible way (do not take offense)... I think you are being selfish. Personally, if you are not happy in the current relationship, I think you should take responsibility and tell him that you would like to end it. You are not being fair to this person, because you well know that the two of you will not last together for the very reasons you have described. What if the right person for him walks by him tomorrow and he ignores her simply because he is infatuated with you. There is nothing wrong with ending the relationship, no matter how much he loves you, its a part of life I have had to deal with myself just weeks ago, but better now than when the hooks are deeper. I understand your thoughts, they have crossed my mind in the past, but you have to be tough here... Lots of actions in life just ain't damn easy when you have to do them, but you will be a better person for it. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Elmer Posted August 24, 2000 Share Posted August 24, 2000 Hi Kat, after 4 years of being together you really do have to question how much you were dependent on the other person, for security or whatever. It was much the same with me, only now I'm a month past those thoughts, and things are much easier now. It's easier to come to terms with being single once you've found out: 1) You aren't lacking in any way because your relationship didn't work out how you might have expected 2) There are a lot of people out there, many will like you, and some have just been waiting for the chance to meet you. So even if it works out with none of the prospective men you like right now, there really are others. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts