cdeyoung Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 that's right - she cheated on me with her ex. and, to be honest, i don't know why she didn't want to work it out. here's what happened... throughout the relationship, i had some control issues. each time i said i'd change, but i said i also needed her help to change and i needed her to let me know when i was being controlling. at the beginning of the relationship i was worse (as in i got angry even if she went out with friends), but towards the end of the relationship, i wasn't controlling really at all. a few weeks back she said that she didnt love me as much as she did and that i wasnt the man she fell in love with. she said i changed, my personality changed completely. i gave her an explanation saying that i didnt change really at all, and personally i think that was BS. a week or so after this, she wanted to go out to some bars with her friend haley and i said she could... hell, i didnt even try to stop her, though i did give her some grief about it saying i didnt really like it, but i let her go anyway. she said "i would never cheat on you... ever. i love you too much". turns out the next day when she comes home, she was talking dirty with some guy that she used to have a fling with. thing is, her friend haley was right next to her when she was doing this, too (might i add her friend haley is engaged). i knew this because when i logged on to facebook, it showed a conversation between them and she gave him her number to text while they went out... well, apparently they texted all night (i know from her phone log) and he even texted her the next morning to ask her how her hangover was. she went down to sheet harbor (a small community from halifax) with her friend haley, and cheated on me with her ex. she told everybody she did it, almost like she was proud of it. two weeks later, she's moved in with him, and calling him her "hunnie" and how he is the most sweetest, caring man she's ever met. this is why i think it's bull****... i did a lot of things with her, as did my family. she broke up with him after four months of being with him, while me and her lasted a year. if she felt this unhappy, why didnt she leave sooner? she is all "i love you so much TJ (her ex)" and "he is an amazing, caring man" when she has always told me that he was the opposite. obviously that is true as they didnt last more than four months. she calls me childish and pathetic and a loser and says that i am nothing like him, and that i dont know him like she does. okay, well... what i do know is that he's a pot smoker, doesn't pay attention to her like i did, didnt do special things for just us like i did, didnt take her places when she needed to go like i did... her sum of the relationship was that all they did was ride and stay inside. even after all the heart broken emotions are gone... i still want another chance with her. even after all of this. i feel she still loves me, because a week before any of this happened she was talking about how "our kids are going to be going to school with crooked haircuts (she was a hairstylist)". she was talking about marriage with me, talking about kids, and a new life together with me and her. i dont know where i went wrong, really. i was a good caring man, who did nothing to deserve this... and i just want to know what you guys think? will she ever come back once she realizes how good our relationship was compared to their one? maybe she went out to see if i was the man she wanted to spend her life with? i dont know... all i know is i miss her, and am willing to forgive and give it another chance.. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Dude, cheating is a deal breaker, and if you got back together the trust would never be regained. You would only become more controlling out of fear that she would cheat again, she would become miserable, making you miserable, and you would just break up again. You need to be strong and cut her out of your life completely or you're just going to drag out your own pain and misery. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 that's right - she cheated on me with her ex. and, to be honest, i don't know why she didn't want to work it out. I just have one question...have you totally lost your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdeyoung Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 no? i just cant see why she wouldnt want to work things out. the woman lived with me... she seemingly loved me to death, and she just did this pretty much out of the blue. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 no? i just cant see why she wouldnt want to work things out. the woman lived with me... she seemingly loved me to death, and she just did this pretty much out of the blue. I think you're failing to see the 800 lbs Gorilla in the room. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. CHEATING NEGATES EVERYTHING ELSE. She may have been "seemingly" loving you to death, but apparently she's been ACTUALLY loving someone else as well. Do not make yourself out to be a fool or a doormat. If you take her back, no one will respect you. Not even her. Link to post Share on other sites
danny1972 Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 sorry dude i'm with jason on this one , the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your'e feet on it not respect it , there is a cut of point . Link to post Share on other sites
The_411 Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Rule #1 Pay attention to what women do not what they say. Rule #2 You can't make a ho into a housewife. This girl didn't want to work it out because you basically became the female in the relationship for some reason or another. She didn't respect you. The question is why do you want to work it out with a low quality woman? A woman worth keeping wouldn't pull that crap. Being a good guy is great but there's being a nice guy and there's being a good man. They are two compeltely different things. You need to snap out of your naive hollywood true love thinking and pay attention to harsh realities of life, which brings me to Rule #3 He/She who cares the least about the relationship is in control of the relationship. Just assume a woman is lying until she proves otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdeyoung Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 i doubt i was "the nice guy" if she called me a piece of **** and said i was a prick all the time. i was a good man, and i wasnt too nice. that's what a lot of people have asked, and no.. i was definitely not "too" nice. nice guys finish last. i treated her really good, but i didnt let her walk all over me, that's for sure. i just genuinely loved her and wanted it to work out, through thick and thin, regardless. unfortunately she just wanted the easy way out instead of working on issues and problems. Link to post Share on other sites
poorguy Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 How long were you two together again? In addition, did you live together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdeyoung Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 we were together for 10 months and we lived at my parents' house for 9. we felt good enough about each other that we thought it would last but nope she cheated. she was only with her ex for four measly months and she's going on like she's so deeply in love with him and how he's so caring and sweet and amazing yet she left him because he treated her like ****.... women eh? go figure Link to post Share on other sites
poorguy Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 One other question... How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdeyoung Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 we are both 20 Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Trust me when I say you DO NOT want to go back to these kind of girls man. My ex cheated on me multiple times and me being the love-blinded fool I was at the time took her back each and every time. Each time riding on hope that maybe she learned and won't do it again. Boy was I wrong because we'd be good for a month or few and then she'd do it again. Once it starts, its a vicious cycle of heartbreak that you don't want to set yourself up for man trust me. Don't be blinded man. Take a step back to analyze the cold hard facts of whats actually going on. See the situation objectively before making any decisions to try and get back with her. Good luck brother. I know your pain, it sucks huh? But lemme tell you...I'm around 3 months NC and I can honestly say it gets easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cdeyoung Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 i guess now that i look back at our relationship i can see why she was unhappy, but still cant see why she'd cheat. i changed... a lot. funny thing is, once she left, i changed back. when i was with her in the beginning i was the typical guy, you know.. enjoyed watching sports, action films, etc. but as we lived together i got a little too comfortable and got into new age sh*t that i'd never even think about getting into, meditation, reading books, watching history channels and all of this stuff that i never was interested in before i met her. now, for whatever reason, i am not interested in any of that stuff anymore. im back into drinking beer, working out, watching my action movies, and being the confident man that she fell in love with in the beginning. i just dont know exactly why i changed so much... it's weird. i guess we both changed. she went from being a sweet, caring woman to being a demanding, manipulative deceitful b*tch who had no respect for anybody in this house. she'd always be yelling at me even when my grandmother was right next door, calling me a piece of sh*t and how pathetic and stupid i was...... i dunno why i changed, and i dont know why she changed.... we both did. Link to post Share on other sites
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