Soaring Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) My girlfriend was introduced to clubs via a co-worker the last two months of relationship. She went slowly at first, then she started to go more and more some nights not even coming home as she said she would stay with her friend. Things started to drift slowly when this began. Three and half weeks ago we split up after a year of living together, she came home crying she wanted to be single about three weeks ago. I started to pack my things and her mother called her as she knew what was going on and told her about clubs and how they are bad for her ect. She then asked me to stay, I stayed and for the next three days but my mind was racing about her just wanting to be single and go to clubs. She was then treating me a lot different, even said she didn't want me to touch her or look at her one day. I then decided I would go stay at my fathers house for a while... told her being single for a few weeks is maybe what she needs to get it out of her system. I got to my dads that night, cried for hours and couldn't unpack my stuff. I called her and said I couldn't do this, that I loved her way to much... we can fix it. So she came over to "talk", we didn't really talk just ended up holding each other and watching a movie. I tried talking, she was dead set us having our time apart and her being single. Two weekend went by with me doing the following... I kept panicing and trying to contact to tell her we can fix this.. that I love her and would do anything for her ect. We then met up to eat, after she agreed. I asked her what are we now?(Facebook still said together), she said she doesnt even know. I tried to confess everything that I'm open to the clubs. She said she just doesnt know. I went home that night furious and full of emotions, deleted her from my facebook (sent her a message explaining why I had to, because it was keeping me so emotional.) Few more days went by and called a few more times, she eventually said im pushing her away and I need to stop. I had not talked to her for a little over a week after all of that, and I broke NC and simply asked how how she was in a firm and calm voice, told her I understand now why we are separated and that I think its best for us right now. ( I was trying some stupid tactic a friend told me to do, which was agree with the break up.. which I understand why I just wasnt honest. I disliked every aspect of us apart.) She said "ok" and I said I hope you have a good day and that was it. I messed up and called again on Sunday, I was going to invite her to Church as friends, but she didnt pick up, I texted after the service just to tell her I was going to invite her to church. She ignored that as well, the next day she deleted every picture of me on her facebook, but left all the ones where we went places together and hung out + cropped me out of ones that used to have me in. I have a letter I want to send her via post mail after we have been on NC for a while. "[Her Name] I apologize for how crazy I acted the first few weeks. I finally understand why we have seperated and I agree with your decision. I'm doing great, a lot going on. I hope your promotion is in progress! We should catch up sometime as friends. [My Name] " What should I do? I want her back, she really is the love of my life. [Edit]: Also the very first night she came in saying she wanted to be single, she said she wants no other guy but me. That she wants a family with me. She just needs to go through the single phase as she hasnt done it in her life. She said I was perfect, and admitted she was making a huge mistake. (I know I have made mistakes too, and can improve.. but we had something truly amazing) Edited April 26, 2011 by Soaring Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 I think I know I'm going to stay NC until she decides to contact me... I just am not sure what else I can do to help salvage what we had. It was AMAZING, and she constantly told my mother that I was the best guy that she has ever had, and she wouldnt know what to do without me. But how she is acting now, she seems perfectly fine. I just need help on the issue of her birthday coming soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Anyone? =( Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 don't send it. appearances on the outside can be deceiving. i can make everyone think im ok by how i look yet inside right now i feel like im dyeing. she might be just as miserable as you and using the clubs and stuff to get you off her mind for those few hours Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Well she thinks I left her and I honestly think she believes that ( technically I did) I was hurt and confused after her wanting to be single.. I just wanted to fix things but I ruined them. I acted to fast. What can I do from here? Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 i still trying to figure that out myself...but it does take a hell of a lot of effort to crop you out of a ton of pictures...she must have been pretty pissed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 It happened after I called her a week after saying I would try to give her space, I messed up and caved in. I'm on full NC right now, but I continue to feel as if I dont want her.. as if I betrayed her. I tried to tell her, but she was already content on being single. My current situation only makes me feel that NC is making it worse. =( I just want to set things straight with her, tell her what really was going on in my head ect... Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 i did most of my "one last thing to say" and yet i still have them popping up in my head all day long.i have plenty more that i want to send but im trying my best not to. use this thread, maybe it'll help to get rid of the urge http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117844/ Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Dear ReallyConfused, I'll tell you straight up what's happened. You seem like a down to earth church going and conservative kind of guy. Your ex-girlfriend was introduced to the club life. Guys are hitting on her left and right. She may have slept with some guy as well (no clubs stay open past 4AM) and cheated on you. Basically, your ex-girlfriend has decided she'd rather be a club whore than be with you. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be chasing her. In fact, I'd give her my blessings, dump her, and never look back. By the time they are done with her at the club "meat grinder", you won't want to be with her anyway (trust me on this one). So I suggest, you don't bother sending any letters. You'll only waste the ink and paper. Also, stop contacting her unless you plan on waxing your eye brows, start wearing Affliction and Ed Hardy t-shirts, getting a fake tan, and piercing your ears. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 addressed to the wrong guy jason but great advice anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Jason, I know for sure she never cheated on me, she called me everytime she was staying at her co-workers house (female). The club always closed at 2 AM, some nights she couldn't drive because of drinking. I can't assume she cheated, I just would like simple advice to take from here to try and fix it. She thinks I left her, even though she came home crying wanting to be single three days before I left. She said "You left, I was trying". I begged and pleaded for two weeks, she said just give me space I need to be single right now. I didnt give her space, she ignored me / deletes my pictures from FB. I said stupid things I didnt mean or say right to her ( never insulting stuff ). I just want to start down the path of getting her back into my life, I am focusing on myself right now. The pain isnt that bad anymore, I am doing good for myself actually but I still want her in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 has she been texting you or calling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 She hasn't instated contact since the night I moved my stuff out, I called her 10 mins after I left saying " I cant do this, I cant..." she came over and watched a movie with me to "talk" she didnt really talk. Just said, " I need to be single right now ". Days went by, I tried and tried. I got so mad/emotional I deleted her from facebook. I know I hurt her doing that... I just want to fix all this crap. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Jason, I know for sure she never cheated on me, she called me everytime she was staying at her co-workers house (female). The club always closed at 2 AM, some nights she couldn't drive because of drinking. I can't assume she cheated, I just would like simple advice to take from here to try and fix it. She thinks I left her, even though she came home crying wanting to be single three days before I left. She said "You left, I was trying". I begged and pleaded for two weeks, she said just give me space I need to be single right now. I didnt give her space, she ignored me / deletes my pictures from FB. I said stupid things I didnt mean or say right to her ( never insulting stuff ). I just want to start down the path of getting her back into my life, I am focusing on myself right now. The pain isnt that bad anymore, I am doing good for myself actually but I still want her in my life. And how do you know her girlfriend wasn't covering for her? Or how do you know she wasn't at her girlfriend's place and there was a guy in bed next to her and she just told him to be quiet? Also, do you know what "I need space" means when a woman says this to you? It means, "Leave me alone, so I can do whatever I want/please without feeling obligated to fill you in". I suggest you dump her instead of being a proverbial doormat. Trust me on this; this isn't one worth fighting for. Find a nice church going girl from church. Your ex-girlfriend is fickle and immature. Find someone normal who respects you and your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 guess you gotta do what the rest of us are doing and be strong with your NC and get through the suffering. i know im miserable now,probably the worst ive ever been but tomorrow is another day and each one will make it easier to not be looking at the phone all the time or spending all day belly aching on here like i am Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Also, do you know what "I need space" means when a woman says this to you? It means, "Leave me alone, so I can do whatever I want/please without feeling obligated to fill you in". have to agree with that. a few weeks before we broke up i asked to be more involved with her life,she would never tell me anything- how her day was or what she did during it. few weeks later she needs space. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 I need to be single right now Dude...stop being a doormat and man up. She told you she doesn't want to be with you. Let her be the club whore she aspires to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 So let me ask you think, her birthday is may 12th. If I'm doing NC, just to even get her friendship back if that works, then possible reconciliation of our relationship. What should I do about that? ( I love her, I'm going to be stupid and try to save what we had. ) Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 guess you gotta do what the rest of us are doing and be strong with your NC and get through the suffering. i know im miserable now,probably the worst ive ever been but tomorrow is another day and each one will make it easier to not be looking at the phone all the time or spending all day belly aching on here like i am Really, I used to look at my phone hoping for a call/txt from her, but 6 weeks later the only reason I'm looking at it is because my phone is blowing up with the text messages and phone calls from the 5 other women I have met. And guess what? My ex can't hold a candle to any of them. Trust me when I say this. When your "car breaks down", it's time to upgrade instead of trying to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 So let me ask you think, her birthday is may 12th. If I'm doing NC, just to even get her friendship back if that works, then possible reconciliation of our relationship. What should I do about that? ( I love her, I'm going to be stupid and try to save what we had. ) You should do the exact same thing when my ex girlfriend's birthday came 2 weeks after we ended it, around on March 28th...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 I understand your hatred and or dislike of your situation between your ex and you really have opened my eyes a bit to what she is doing to me, but in the idiotic plan that I have to get her back into my life either friend / partner. Doing nothing on her birthday wouldn't just upset her even more than I have previously? Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 I understand your hatred and or dislike of your situation between your ex and you really have opened my eyes a bit to what she is doing to me, but in the idiotic plan that I have to get her back into my life either friend / partner. Doing nothing on her birthday wouldn't just upset her even more than I have previously? Actually by not wishing her a happy birthday you will send the following messages: 1. I do not need you 2. I am not a doormat 3. I respect myself and will call your BS 4. I am moving forward 5. I am not a weak, needy guy 6. I have balls But maybe you should send her flowers, a card, chocolates, and go over to her place crying and pleading. I'm sure she will respect you then, see the light at the end of the tunnel, and come back to you, right? Do you know what the definition of INSANITY is? Doing the exact same thing and expecting different results Link to post Share on other sites
reallyconfused2542 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 hate to say it but if she cut your head out of all of your pictures i dont think a happy birthday will make all that much of a difference Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soaring Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) You guys are right, all I can do is nothing. Just move on with my life, is she happens to call-- then maybe.. maybe.. we can be friends again. Edited April 27, 2011 by Soaring Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 You guys are right, all I can do is nothing. Just move on with my life, is she happens to call-- then maybe.. maybe.. we can be friends again. Dude...she's not going to call. She decapitated your head off all your photos together... Forget about her... Link to post Share on other sites
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