Unless I can find someone else to be with, I think I'm screwed.

[Professor X]

Will I though? What if I told you that in my first year of uni, I fell for a guy, got everything sorted so that we'd live in the same flat halls together the next year, and then it all fell apart because he went back to his ex? ..who didn't take him back. I spent the next year living in the bedroom next door to his. For about a month I was gutted about it, but then I fell for the second guy. I spent next to all of my time away from my flat, and after a while, it wasn't to avoid the first guy I fell for, it was because I was having fun with the new group of people. Surely if I distance myself from them I'll have a better chance of getting over it, and then it won't matter that I'm living with a guy I [hopefully] used to like [instead of still like]? ..again.

 

I don't quite get it what you wanted to tell me here, because situations are different.

Here you lived in an apartment with a guy you didn't want vs. a situation where you're gonna live in an apartment with a guy you do want, but can't have and with a guy who wants you and from the sounds of things, you don't oppose him THAT much (since some stuff do happen after all).

[LittleMaya]

But I did want him. I wanted him right up until I saw him make out with some random girl right in front of me. Literally, I was like right next to them. And then I got really angry, and then I decided I didn't want him anymore, and developed this thing with the guy I now can't have. All while I was living with him.

 

Now I just want help ending the want for the guy I can't have I don't think it's going to be as simple as seeing him kiss another girl. I've already seen him kiss plenty of other girls and gotten upset about it, but not angry enough to get over him completely. I NEED to not want him anymore. To stop caring about what he thinks of me. To stop hanging around to see if he changes because I've hung around long enough and all he's done is proved that he likes having me around but not enough to make me his. Maybe he thinks he can do what he likes and it doesn't matter because I won't leave, because that's exactly what I've done. Not left. And now he's with someone else. And he doesn't know how much I hate it. He probably thinks I'm fine. I've been acting fine. Apparently I can be a good actress. But it doesn't do anyone any good in the end, does it? I offered a friend some noodles the other day because I had plenty and he wanted to go get some vending machine junk, but instead the guy I want asked for noodles instead and I said alrighty then, and the other friend went to the vending machine, and I went with the guy I like to my kitchen and cooked him up some noodles. This was right after his ex gf, the one hated because she reminded me of that controlling girl from school, had come along and had a chat because a mutual friend of ours had to pick something up from her [our] place. He sat there chuckling about how weird it was he didn't know I hated her. Then he came over and said he felt bad because I was cooking noodles for him, but they were only those 3 minute noodles. He asked me is he training me up to be a good housewife, and I frowned and told him I'm not a housewife, I'm just a good host.

...Why I typed all that out I don't know, but I might as well add it to my pile of what I've told you.

 

Please just, forget about the first guy I mentioned. Things with him are not going to be an issue. I was just afraid that I was going to turn into someone like him, so I ranted about it to get it out of the way. He's got his own issues to deal with and they're not my responsibility, so considering I have so many issues of my own I should just leave him to it.

[LittleMaya]

Also I should probably clarify that the affectionate touching has never been in my, ahem, naughty places, with the first guy. Pats on the head, hand on my shoulder. Maybe he does like me, but he's not ever going to make me his woman.

[LittleMaya]

Also I did yell at him and the other annoying guy who's going to live in the other house for touching me. I was talking to someone and they kept patting me on the head so I told them to stop ****ing touching me.

[Professor X]

Don't know what to tell you kiddo; If you wanna have a chance at forgetting about him within the 2 upcoming months (assuming you're gonna go through with the moving and all) than I suggest you don't hang out with him at all until then, don't follow his FB, don't reply his texts, etc etc.

If you're afraid that it'll be awkward once you do meet, than just tell him you were on a vacation, that life was to much for you (most people will understand this and leave you be).

Might try and get a new hobby in the meanwhile, maybe get hooked to some TV shows, or maybe go on a real vacation (visit some different country), etc.

[LittleMaya]

Yeah. Okay. I'll do this. My final year project is due in at the end of this next month anyway so I'll make myself busy with that for the first half. Then there's grad show prep and grad show itself for the second month.

 

I'm kind of surprised you're still trying to help me, so thank you. Hopefully I can help myself.

[Professor X]

You're most welcome.

I got some spare time on my hands, might as well put it for some good use

 

Oh and, good luck! May the force be strong with you.

Edited April 29, 2011 by Professor X

[LittleMaya]

I have seen and chatted to all three eventual housemates about random stuff and hung out with the first guy and realised that yeah, he probably does "like" me more than I realised. I also realised I've probably been using him somewhat, which wasn't very good. I decided to quit that, so now I'm not hanging out with any of them purely because I have "free time" or "nothing better to do". I've got loads of stuff I can do without them

 

I'm still going to make the anklet, although my beads haven't arrived yet. I haven't decided whether to enquire as to whether this is a paid gig or what yet. His birthday is soon and originally I thought I could just give it to him for that, but maybe I'd be better off not.. We'll see how much the materials used up cost me. Maybe I'll just ask him to provide me with free advertising. Have I written about this already yet?

 

I mentioned while the first guy and the girl were talking to me that I had to go home to check if my beads had arrived yet, and the girl asked me casually to make her a knecklace too. Not sure how much she really wants one though. Not sure if I want to make her one for free though. Part of me says she talks to lots of people and if she gets asked about it she can provide me with free advertising, but a part of me doesn't want to make one for her for free, and I'm not sure what price I'd put on it. A current housemate also requested a bracelet during a chat in the kitchen, saying he wanted something on his wrist now he doesn't have a watch. I haven't agreed to make any of the recently requested stuff. A one off is a one off, but multiple requests sounds like a business, and I still don't feel on my feet enough to be making stuff for everyone that asks. I asked the guy who asked first why he wanted me to make it for him, and he said he thought I'd like that task and that it would be a bit of escapism from 3rd year work for me.

 

As you can see, this whole anklet thing has thrown up some questions in my mind. To me it means I've still definitely got underlying stuff to work through. I think at the time I accepted the anklet request, I was still trying to find ways to stay connected with him somehow, and now it's like, "well, am I still trying to do that? Because if so, I don't think I should be."

 

I had another dream about that guy I'd had dreams about before. Not so sexual, but close. I still intend to ignore it.

 

In fact, what I'm doing now is trying to act as if I am my own significant other. Try to respect myself, spend time on myself, but not necessarily spend all my time on myself. Spend a bit of time helping other people too. Just not all my time.

 

Will probably be better for me than trying to lie in wait, plotting and dreaming and holding back solely for guys to realise they like me more than the girls who go after them, especially when that may not actually ever happen, or if it does, it might not actually make for happy living for me.

 

I have been a bit naughty though and have had a look on everyone's facebooks a few times. The only thing I felt relevant for me to notice was the fact that during random comment convos they were having, the girl had asked a couple of times the guy that annoyed me what I was upto on a given day, saying we should all hang out, and he will have replied in the positive saying how he doesn't know what I'm upto but he's sure he could persuade me to join. But then I never got asked or told by either of them about any hanging out to be done on those particular occasions. I found that somewhat interesting. I don't feel shunned at all, but I'm surprised that it feels like my backing off has had an effect on him.

[Professor X]

What happened to all the "I will make myself busy so I won't hang around with them" - at least until the living together part?

Or you decided to not forget him by giving him a present?

 

And congrats, you've finally found out that other guy wants you, was a really tough one! :rolleyes:

[LittleMaya]

It WAS a really tough one, he does that stuff with everyone in the house and acts like it's a big joke, going as far as pretending to be gay lovers with one of the other guys [who is deffo straight], so when he'd do or say tamer things I always thought it was part of the same joke. I'd probably say now that he played it out as a joke just so he could do it without anyone taking it seriously and freaking out.

 

And yes, I know, I've been a moron.. Thing is I noticed how I found it so much easier to get a ton of work done when I'm at their house. It's all laptop work so I can do it so long as I have that with me. It's like, because the environment there makes me want to escape, I escape into my work. But when I'm at my place, I feel pretty comfortable and end up getting a lot less work done. I don't suppose it helps that everytime the guy I fancy sees I'm STILL working, he praises me and calls me badass. I'm a sucker for his praise. Although lately I was surprised that he was surprised I was still working.

 

Anyhoo. Well. The anklet. I'm not going to give him a birthday present. Actually, his birthday is tomorrow, and by some weird twist of luck, something with my project fell through, and my team mate is taking longer to do something than he said he would, and we arranged to get a certain amount of tasks done by tomorrow afternoon. If he continues taking so long getting his part done, then I... might be too busy.. to go to the guys house tomorrow for the guy's birthday.

 

I say might. My challenge is to not go over. Not call him to say Happy Birthday. Not worry what the others think of me not turning up. I've got a perfect excuse to not go and hang out for the day, not to mention my own perfect reason; I don't want to ****ing be there. I'm sick of feeling like a safety net, and he doesn't need me there anyway, and it's not like he's even asked me to be there anyway [probably because he expects I'll probably be around because I always have been. I'm such a muppet, really need to get my motivation to work in my own time up to speed].

 

Also I feel like I've got some avoiding to do anyway. Yesterday I kept thinking about that other guy, the one I had the.. dreams about. He keeps praising me for being able to do fairly impressive stuff that no other girls he knows can do, and he's been less angry about life lately now that he's feeling like he's progressing in his hobby and had a slight change of style, so I feel like I'm getting some feelings for him that I really can't be having right now, especially since he definitely still has a gf.