I didn't think exes could be this cruel...

[Cristoforo]

I'm about to write a book, but I have to get it off my chest. If you stick in there and read the whole thing, I'll appreciate you for the rest of my life.

 

So my ex of 5 years broke up with me almost a year and half ago. I won't get into the reasons because they don't matter at this point. Anyway, after she broke up with me she moved to Hawaii. Over the last year she would email me and try to get in touch with me to see how I was doing every couple of months. Just recently, about a month ago, she called me, drunk, but kept saying how much she missed me and really thought of me and this and that....and she invited me to come see her in Hawaii.

 

I never really stopped having feelings for her. I guess I never really got over her...so I jumped at the chance and booked a flight to Hawaii. Yeah, bad idea, I know, and everyone warned me against it but in the end it was my executive decision. She emailed me shortly before I went out there and said she was getting nervous and that she just wanted us to be friends wihen I came to visit and that I don't bring up anything from the past. I was ok with this. Yes, I still had feelings for her but I was going to play it cool and not bring up any things from the past or try to push romance.

 

So I flew out there last Thursday and she picked me up from the airport. I was a little nervous because I hadn't seen her in so long. We went to get dinner and drinks and we both got pretty drunk. Apparently, she drinks a lot now, which I'll get into later. So we leave dinner and then she tells me that she's going to drop me off at her dad's place (who lives there) because she is a little freaked out and apparently, I'm giving off a nervous vibe that is making her uncomfortable. Here I thought I was just playing it cool. She drops me off at her dads and goes out drinking with her friend. I am just absolutley mind boggled. You invite me here. I flew halfway around the world for her to pawn me off on her dad and go drinking with her friend a mere 3 hours after I land in Hawaii? Are you kidding me??? Am I crazy for thinking that is one of the coldest things someone can do?

 

So I am beyond pissed so I start calling her up and she won't answer. I keep calling her. Texting her. Telling her I don't understand what's going on and that I wanted to hang out with her and meet her friends. She just ignores me and then tells me to get some sleep. I go on a walk with her dad who I always liked and who always liked me. He tells me he's trying to get my ex to go to AA meetings because she has been drinking pretty much every day after she gets done with work (she's a waitress). So the next morning she calls me and I miss the call and she leaves a voicemail saying she got a little freaked out last night and just needed space, but she was glad I was here and wanted to take me to the beach with her friend and she was going to come pick me up.

 

She picks me up, I meet her friend. I'm thinking everything I fine. She drops off her friend at the bank real quick and while we are waiting she tells me that I was a little too intense for her last night and that she wants me to stay at her dad's place the rest of the trip. I just get confused and she says it was because I kept calling her and texting her. Whatever. I accept it and apologize and that was that. We hang out at the beach all day and again, I thought everything was fine. I was just having a good time, chatting up her friend, talking to her, not bringing up a single thing from our past or making any kind of romantic gestures. We leave the beach and go to dinner. Here we go again, thought everything was fine. I had an enjoyable dinner with her and her friend.

 

After dinner she drops her friend off and then drives to her dad telling me she has to talk to him. She comes back out and then says I have to go and stay with her dad. I'm like, WTF is going on here. I ask if we will hang out later, and she says no and that she doesn't want to hang out with me and that she hung out with me all day. I'm just in absolute shock. She removes my bags from the car. I grab my bags and just start walking down the street. I feel like I'm going to vomit. She drives right by me. I call her up and ask her if she will take me to the airport and she refuses and then calls me "crazy pants". I have no clue where I am and it's night time so I call her dad up and ask if I can come into his house and he says yes.

 

He wanted me to stay there while I was insisting I have to leave to go to the airport. He says theres no sense in that and to wait until morning. He leaves and says he will be back in an hour. He said he was really upset with my ex for what she just did. When he leaves I just can't take it anymore so I call a cab and get a ride to the airport. I fork over more than a grand to get one of the last flights out of there for the night back to the mainland US. I'm in absolute shock. Tears pouring down my eyes. The airport people probably felt sorry for me. I text her saying I just don't understand what the hell is going on. I tell her that I still love her and that I don't understand what the hell is going on. She texts me back saying she is so sorry for leading me on and that being around me was just too much for her and that I should call her dad and hang out with him for the rest of my trip. I just text back "You are selfish, F you" and leave it at that. Her dad calls me but I ignore, he leaves a message concerned about where I went. I board my flight, and I'm holding back tears. I make it half way home, and then have to scramble to find a flight back home.

 

She emails me the next night saying how sorry she is for everything and that when she invited me to Hawaii she was just drunk and lonely. She said she really just wanted to be friends and that the whole time she claims she could just read my mind and tell that I wanted to say something to her or push romance on her and that it made her feel uncomfortable. She claims that I was just so nervous and it made her feel so uncomfortable and she couldn't deal with it. I'm just mind boggled. I never brought up anything from our past, I never pushed romance, I was a little nervous, but who the F wouldn't be if you were seeing your ex for the first time in so long. I thought I was enjoying myself, I enjoyed hanging out with her and her friend but she claims the whole time I was just trying to impress and and be with her and all my focus was on her and that she felt like I was watching her the whole time. WTF???

 

I'm just mind boggled, all my friends and family are mind boggled. I don't know how any person on earth could do that to someone?? Am I wrong for thinking what my ex did was incredibly selfish and cruel? I should also add that my ex had a terrible childhood, and also has what I think is borderline personality disorder. Also, apparently she drinks all the time. I'm sitting here with $2400 that I basically burned for this trip, I'm in shock and I just don't know what to think. So I turn to you on this board. What the hell just happened?

Edited April 27, 2011 by Cristoforo

[whatdoido1717]

I should also add that my ex had a terrible childhood, and also has what I think is borderline personality disorder. Also, apparently she drinks all the time. I'm sitting here with $2400 that I basically burned for this trip, I'm in shock and I just don't know what to think. So I turn to you on this board. What the hell just happened?

 

Hey, I read your entire post and I am sorry you had to go through all that. To be honest, I am just getting out of a relationship with, what I presume to be, a BPD ex and I can't fathom why, knowing that she has such a severe illness, you would spend that much money to fly to Hawaii to see her. You had to know that this was a serious possibility. Others here will give you better advice, and I don't mean to be rude, but if I were you I would cut off all contact with her. You cannot continue to let her drain you like this. I had my entire life sucked down the drain trying to care for her and I ended up absorbing all her pain and nearly ruining my own life. Sorry man.

[coltsfan1]

I feel terrible for you my friend but the hard truth is you MUST never speak to her again. When I say never I mean NEVER, only time you speak to her is years down the road when you couldn't care less. She might be telling you the truth she was drunk and lonely, take comfort in the fact that living in Hawaii hasn't turned out like she planned. That might be cruel but forget her, never allow her the privilege of hearing your voice of basking in your light. Just hard facts my friend.

 

Will you answer me this, why wouldn't you despise her now? She has given you every reason too!!

[Cristoforo]

This has really opened my eyes, this whole experience. I realize that this person is toxic and I need to stay far far away. Lesson learned. Expensive and time consuming....but I am really glad I got to see who she REALLY is.

[knathema]

I am heartbroken like you as well, but my relationship just ended about a week ago. After i read your story, it felt like my story is nothing compared to yours at all. If i was in your situation, i honestly wouldn't know what to do. And i understand how you're feeling right now, I am so sorry for what happened.

[timchambo]

This sounds incredibly painful. I have to imagine she could read via body language you were not over her. I think you satisfied her needs just by traveling out there to see her, then she lost interest. She sounds pretty ****ed up to just disown you once you showed up. Even my selfish whore of an ex wouldn't have done that...your ex is a special kind of crazy that is for sure. It's funny how women want romance like the movies. Well you sure tried my friend. This should answer the question I'm sure that's been in your mind for a while...is it truly over for good?

[Cristoforo]

This sounds incredibly painful. I have to imagine she could read via body language you were not over her. I think you satisfied her needs just by traveling out there to see her, then she lost interest. She sounds pretty ****ed up to just disown you once you showed up. Even my selfish whore of an ex wouldn't have done that...your ex is a special kind of crazy that is for sure. It's funny how women want romance like the movies. Well you sure tried my friend. This should answer the question I'm sure that's been in your mind for a while...is it truly over for good?

 

Yeah, to be honest, I don't know what kind of body language I was giving off. We were having normal conversation, nothing painful, nothing emotional, just current stuff. I have no clue. I thought she might not have been over me because she invited me all the way out there. Then, as you said, disowns me the minute I get there. I can't subject myself to that kind of pain ever again.

[ilovedhim]

She's so cruel and evil. Yeah ok maybe she has a substance abuse problem but still you don't treat people like the way she treated you.

 

I assume you're NC forever now. Put the experience behind you. Learn from it but don't beat yourself up. Btw she's the crazy one. Karma will get her. Or maybe she should meet my ex, better than karma

 

Hugs

[timchambo]

Yeah, to be honest, I don't know what kind of body language I was giving off. We were having normal conversation, nothing painful, nothing emotional, just current stuff. I have no clue. I thought she might not have been over me because she invited me all the way out there. Then, as you said, disowns me the minute I get there. I can't subject myself to that kind of pain ever again.

 

Hell no man. Gotta cut ties now. Hopeful you will see the humor in her actions one day. Maybe for some perspective take my situation. Spent 5 years supporting my ex while she chased her dream job and contributed nothing. She finally lands dream job then leaves for another guy she meets at said job. Down plays everything I did for her to anyone that will listen and says she was "unhappy". So in essence I wasted my youth on this girl while she used me and came up with some cliche reason to cheat. It's just so cold that I find myself smiling and laughing about it at times.

[JasonRules]

Your ex girlfriend is nothing more than a cvnt. I have never said this about any other woman, but what this biatch did definitely deserves this title.

 

Personally, I would write her an email and just blast the shvt out of her calling her every epithet in the book.

 

You should have never ever went. I hope you learned your lesson. When EVERYONE is telling you not to do it, then don't do it. You should have never told her you still have feelings for her. Basically you allowed yourself to be her personal feminine napkin.

 

If you ever contact this woman again, I will personally kick your azz.

[John Michael Kane]

Your ex girlfriend is nothing more than a cvnt. I have never said this about any other woman, but what this biatch did definitely deserves this title.

 

Personally, I would write her an email and just blast the shvt out of her calling her every epithet in the book.

 

You should have never ever went. I hope you learned your lesson. When EVERYONE is telling you not to do it, then don't do it. You should have never told her you still have feelings for her. Basically you allowed yourself to be her personal feminine napkin.

 

Agreed.

 

If you ever contact this woman again, I will personally kick your azz.

 

LOL!!!!

[Cristoforo]

I'll be honest...I am partly to blame as well. I could have prevented every ounce of this pain if I only chose not to go to Hawaii. But still, for someone to practically ditch me like that almost as soon as I get there, for reasons I can't understand but are probably just delusions in my exes head, that is pretty cruel and cold.

[Chi townD]

Wow, to be honest, I would have handled it differently. I mean, I might sound like an ass...but you were in paradise! If it were me, once I figure out stuff wasn't going right with the Ex, instead of forking out a grand to scramble back to the mainland, I would have gotten a nice hotel, relaxed...there are a ton of great clubs in hawaii and I would have met people and partied it up. Made a nice vacation out of a screwed up situation...Would have ignored texts and phone calls from the Ex and enjoyed my vacation.

[Cristoforo]

Chi town, in hindsight, yes, I wish I had stayed and just gotten a hotel, but I was just in shock and in pain and didn't know what else to do.

[marqueemoon4]

well, if nothing else I assume this will give you 100% closure on this person... she sounds horrible. sorry you had to endure that, you so didn't deserve it.

[Cristoforo]

If this isn't 100 percent closure, and I talk or interact with her again, then I'm the biggest moron on the planet and I deserve the pain.

[Chi townD]

Yep! time to heal and move on, delete everything of hers....e-mails, texts and de-friend her from Facebook. Has she try to contact you any further other than when you received the e-mail after you got back?

 

Regardless, I believe that she'll probably try to contact you again in the near future especially after she actually sits down and thinks about how crappy she treated you. If she's drinking alot, expect some drunk texting or phone calls. Don't except any of it!

[JasonRules]

If this isn't 100 percent closure, and I talk or interact with her again, then I'm the biggest moron on the planet and I deserve the pain.

 

 

I will kick your azz if you have any contact with her again...no joke!

[Cristoforo]

Sounds good Jason...I'll message you my address so you can make sure to be at my door ready to kick my ass if I talk to her again..

 

 

ChiTown, no that email was the last I heard from her and I'm glad.

[JasonRules]

Sounds good Jason...I'll message you my address so you can make sure to be at my door ready to kick my ass if I talk to her again..

 

 

ChiTown, no that email was the last I heard from her and I'm glad.

 

 

I wish you could have taken the $2,400 dollars and went to Vegas to spend it on hookers, partying, and drinking instead of spending it to go see that stupid bipolar biatch. I hope you have learned your lesson:

 

"Never invest so much in someone who has not invested anything in you"

[Cristoforo]

That would have been nice. Good news is, my friends and are are planning a Vegas trip this summer. Bad news is, I have $2400 less to spend on it. That could have been for the summer trip. Oh well, lesson learned the hard way.

[JasonRules]

That would have been nice. Good news is, my friends and are are planning a Vegas trip this summer. Bad news is, I have $2400 less to spend on it. That could have been for the summer trip. Oh well, lesson learned the hard way.

 

 

Indeed, but you have to look at it this way. Let's say you were with this train wreck in Hawaii and you got back together with her. Imagine the amount of money you would have spent on trips, gifts etc. Now let's add an engagement ring and we're easily at 15-20K. Now imagine you went there and she flaked out on you then after you spend 20-25K. So better to lose $2,000 something dollars NOW then a lot more LATER.

[lemonlegs]

Your ex girlfriend is nothing more than a cvnt. I have never said this about any other woman, but what this biatch did definitely deserves this title.

 

Personally, I would write her an email and just blast the shvt out of her calling her every epithet in the book.

 

Exactly what I was thinking while reading this.

 

I'm a girl and though I do not advocate women scrapping, because it's not classy, I would gladly punch this girl in the head for you. She sounds like a selfish, delusional biatch.

 

Kudos to your for restraining yourself because I would rip her a new *******, probably to her face and once again via email when I got home.

 

Please DO NOT ever talk to her again, and if she even TRIES to, a simple "fack off" would work wonders.

 

This enrages me.

[Cristoforo]

Well, I forgot to add that I did respond to her email....and I was furious in it. I told her she was selfish and cruel and had issues she needed to deal with and that she could have easily pulled the trigger on the trip and told me not to come. I also told her she was delusional for thinking the whole time I was just trying to impress her and be romantic with her and that I was giving off some vibe that was making her uncomfortable. I said what kind of friend would even do something like that?? I didn't get too vicious, but mean enough.

[ShoeGurl1973]

JASONRULES - you're posts crack me up.. you need your own blog - I love your advice