John Michael Kane Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 No one said that. Taking it to extremes. You just said that. Find it funny you're a BS and you're so busy worried about her respect for this man. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 It isn't hard to prove unless you have the right equipment. You just said that. Find it funny you're a BS and you're so busy worried about her respect for this man. Twist, twist. Yes, I am deeply deeply concerned. My point is twofold: 1. LIfe after this would be a helluva lot easier if she respected him. 2. She doesn't "get away" with anything if he stands up to her 100%. And most likely a perk of this is that she will respect him. None of these points are vile and it would be far better for the kids instead of dealing with a)being taken from Mom b)hearing Mom trash-talk Dad c) going through a legal proceeding for harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Twist, twist. Yes, I am deeply deeply concerned. Thanks for being honest. My point is twofold: 1. LIfe after this would be a helluva lot easier if she respected him. Life after this is going to be easier when he divorces her. Someone who cheats doesn't even know what respect is. 2. She doesn't "get away" with anything if he stands up to her 100%. And most likely a perk of this is that she will respect him. He's doing this for himself, not for her. She didn't cheat on him to see if he'd leave or not, she did it because she only cares for herself. None of these points are vile and it would be far better for the kids instead of dealing with a)being taken from Mom b) You think her all of a sudden being nice will change things? If she does, it's for some ulterior motive, not based on his actions. His actions do not cause her to be nice about anything. You're personal view of "actions cause reactions" is too universal. hearing Mom trash-talk Dad c) going through a legal proceeding for harassment. He's going to have to fight her legally if he wants to be at peace. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Thanks for being honest. Welcome back, it took me a bit! Life after this is going to be easier when he divorces her. Someone who cheats doesn't even know what respect is. Yes, but it would be even easier (spectral here) if she respected him. He's doing this for himself, not for her. She didn't cheat on him to see if he'd leave or not, she did it because she only cares for herself. Yups, that's why it would be a "perk" and not a "reason why." You think her all of a sudden being nice will change things? If she does, it's for some ulterior motive, not based on his actions. His actions do not cause her to be nice about anything. You're personal view of "actions cause reactions" is too universal. Some things. If he put the boots to her, then odds are she'd wise up, that doesn't mean that she'd be "nice." It means that she might shut-up though. He's going to have to fight her legally if he wants to be at peace. Quite likely. Well the RO for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Welcome back, it took me a bit! Yuppers. Yes, but it would be even easier (spectral here) if she respected him. She doesn't even respect herself so she'd be stupid to even talk about respect after it's over. Yups, that's why it would be a "perk" and not a "reason why." Yea okay. Some things. If he put the boots to her, then odds are she'd wise up, that doesn't mean that she'd be "nice." It means that she might shut-up though. She'll shut up when the time comes; when she wants to. IMO he should just focus on him and his children, and not a dime on her. Quite likely. Well the RO for sure. Yup. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Again it doesn't matter whether she respects him or not, even though it's obvious she doesn't. Her view of him is not written in stone over everyone and everything. Are you WorldIsYours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Im starting to see this RO as a blessing in disguise. It has forced me to have NC. Its given me some time to heal and work on myself. Im confident i will prevail on tuesday. But now i feel alot better then i did a few weeks ago. I still have hope for my wife and I. Still hope we can work this out and reconcile, repair this marriage. But im not going to try anymore. theres nothing i can do but to work on me and prepare myself for war if thats what she wants. Its in Gods hands now. Thru him all things are possible and ive placed my faith in him. Ive had some time to heal and to reflect. Despite it all i still love her and given the chance i would let her try to work this out. But she needs to be the one to change and the one to fight to get me back. She did me wrong and im tired of feeling like the one who is to blame. I can handle NC on my own now. I feel comfortable with it. I am going to continue to improve on myself and make me and my childrens life better. If and when she is ready to admit her wrongs and wanna try and save this marriage i will be here until it is truly over. but i wont fight to get her back anymore. its not my responsibility. its hers. I will continue to pray and i forgive her for what she has done. I wont hold on to hate and anger for her anymore. all it does is drag me down and its just not worth the energy. Its better focused on me and my kids. If she comes around then we will see. Today i feel good. I feel confident and determined. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and i know now no matter what happens between me and her i will be ok. Im going to survive this and come out on top and stronger than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Im starting to see this RO as a blessing in disguise. It has forced me to have NC. Its given me some time to heal and work on myself. Im confident i will prevail on tuesday. But now i feel alot better then i did a few weeks ago. I still have hope for my wife and I. Still hope we can work this out and reconcile, repair this marriage. But im not going to try anymore. theres nothing i can do but to work on me and prepare myself for war if thats what she wants. Its in Gods hands now. Thru him all things are possible and ive placed my faith in him. Ive had some time to heal and to reflect. Despite it all i still love her and given the chance i would let her try to work this out. But she needs to be the one to change and the one to fight to get me back. She did me wrong and im tired of feeling like the one who is to blame. This is an excellent, excellent attitude to have. I can handle NC on my own now. I feel comfortable with it. I am going to continue to improve on myself and make me and my childrens life better. If and when she is ready to admit her wrongs and wanna try and save this marriage i will be here until it is truly over. but i wont fight to get her back anymore. its not my responsibility. its hers. I will continue to pray and i forgive her for what she has done. I wont hold on to hate and anger for her anymore. all it does is drag me down and its just not worth the energy. Its better focused on me and my kids. If she comes around then we will see. Today i feel good. I feel confident and determined. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and i know now no matter what happens between me and her i will be ok. Im going to survive this and come out on top and stronger than ever. The bolded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 so court was today as for pertaining to the RO. The judge feels my wife and i need a 3 month cooling off period so she has ordered NC between us for the next 3 months. I do get to see my children though and they will be transfered back and fourth between us by my father. I see this as a blessing in disguise. It will give me time to clear my head and get myself back in order. time for her to cool off and maybe start to think about things. my focus now is getting a job, paying my debts and getting myself re established. to be the best father i can be and spend the next 3 months healing. I dont know the future and i dont know if we will ever work this out. I hope and pray we do but its time i shift my focus to me and my children. let her live her life and make her mistakes. i need to focus on me. plain and simple. i have a huge uphill battle to repair my life and get back to center but i know i can do it. Its time to put the concerns about my marriage on hold and concentrate on me. i served her with the divorce papers and i am getting ready to have a hearing set to further enforce my parenting plan. we will see what happens from there. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 So it sounds like it was, in a way, upheld, then? Or did the judge broaden it's scope? Completely agree re: focussing on yourself and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 it was upheld to an extant but i am allowed to see and have contact with my kids. the judge felt most of my wifes claims were unfounded but she sensed the tension between us so she wants us to stay apart for 3 months with no contact then it will expire. as long as we both behave and agree to follow the terms of the order. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 So is this a legal separation that "counts" 2ward your divorce? When will the divorce be final, in other words? -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 no its not a legal seperation it is an anti harrasmant order that will be in effect for 3 months. neither her nor i are aloud to talk to each other. NC at all. She was also served the actual divorce papers as well. she has 20 days to respond to the divorce. if she responds we have a mandatory 90 waiting period and since we have minor children we both have to take mandatory parenting classes. so basically by the time i am aloud to talk to her again my divorce could be final. only way that will change is if she magically comes around and changes her mind. I still dont want a divorce. I still have hope for us. but i am protecting myself and my rights and now i have no choice for NC. I have placed all of this in Gods hands now and let him take control of what happens with my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 i have my kids for the first time in a month and i feel truly blessed to have them. im doing good and feeling much better about everything. i now know my wife is not sleepiing with anyone at the moment and she has even started going to church. Im pleased by this. hopefully she will hear or see somthing or someone that will wake her up and allow for complete honesty and reconcilation between us. I still do hope for that. I have my kids again though and i love it. im still searching for a better job and going to IC and attending my supprt group and church and a regular basis. i have found a great deal of peace. especailly with the Lord. I have but everything into Gods hands and I pray daily for my marriage my kids my wife and especially myself. Im taking things a day at a time. im prepared now for the worst but i am hoping and praying for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 my wife called me tonight and i never answered the phone. her and my daughter left me a voicemail. my wife had that sweet tone to her voice like she even wanted to hear from me. my first instinct was to call her back despite the NC order. but i didnt. but it was the first time i have heard her voice in weeks and i longed to hear more. i have been doing so well and i know i will be ok by the morning, but tonight i just wanna cry. tonight i miss her as much as i did a few weeks ago. its all rushing back again. i know i have to stay strong and be paitent. i ahve to wait for the lord to do his work one way or the other. but i miss my friend. i miss my wife and my family and i miss my home. im sorry i dont mean to vent but i guess its better then calling her and letting her hear how i am feeling at the moment. not to mention i could go to jail for even speaking to her. atleast for the next 3 months. but tonight i am crying and tonight i miss her Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 my wife called me tonight and i never answered the phone. her and my daughter left me a voicemail. my wife had that sweet tone to her voice like she even wanted to hear from me. my first instinct was to call her back despite the NC order. but i didnt. but it was the first time i have heard her voice in weeks and i longed to hear more. i have been doing so well and i know i will be ok by the morning, but tonight i just wanna cry. tonight i miss her as much as i did a few weeks ago. its all rushing back again. i know i have to stay strong and be paitent. i ahve to wait for the lord to do his work one way or the other. but i miss my friend. i miss my wife and my family and i miss my home. im sorry i dont mean to vent but i guess its better then calling her and letting her hear how i am feeling at the moment. not to mention i could go to jail for even speaking to her. atleast for the next 3 months. but tonight i am crying and tonight i miss her Every time that slimy woman tries to bait you, think about what she's done to the marriage and trying to take the kids away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Welcome to that roller coaster of emotions I was talking about. Post here and vent all you want, people will listen and give their support. We're here for ya! Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Tom: That NC order was the best thing that could happen 2 this si2ation. It forces BOTH of you 2 get your waterfowl coaxial, and it give you the time 2 do it. It's also good, considering the depth and severity of her betrayal of the marriage, that the DV is in the works. Document! If things go south for whatever reason, you have that voicemail that shows your STBXW tried 2 violate the NC rule. I wouldn't be surprised if this marriage is recoverable, so be prepared 2 do it with a good head on your shoulders. Start compiling a list of things you'll need 2 see from her before you're willing 2 reconcile. And be sure you both get tested for STDs and you do NOT have sex until you're both given a clean bill of health. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 i now know my wife is not sleepiing with anyone at the moment and she has even started going to church. Im pleased by this. hopefully she will hear or see somthing or someone that will wake her up and allow for complete honesty and reconcilation between us. her going to church is like pouring perfume on a pig. you really think that she is going to lose the desire to have sex with other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 her going to church is like pouring perfume on a pig. you really think that she is going to lose the desire to have sex with other guys? And do you honestly think her going to church will change her callousness or her uncivilized personality? I see a lot of cheaters trying to use church as an escape route and it's hilariously pathetic that they think by "speaking to God" that will give them a spot in Heaven. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 my wife called me tonight and i never answered the phone. her and my daughter left me a voicemail. my wife had that sweet tone to her voice like she even wanted to hear from me. my first instinct was to call her back despite the NC order. but i didnt. but it was the first time i have heard her voice in weeks and i longed to hear more. i have been doing so well and i know i will be ok by the morning, but tonight i just wanna cry. tonight i miss her as much as i did a few weeks ago. its all rushing back again. i know i have to stay strong and be paitent. i ahve to wait for the lord to do his work one way or the other. but i miss my friend. i miss my wife and my family and i miss my home. im sorry i dont mean to vent but i guess its better then calling her and letting her hear how i am feeling at the moment. not to mention i could go to jail for even speaking to her. atleast for the next 3 months. but tonight i am crying and tonight i miss her First off. Tomcat -- "Anytime Baby" -- Black Aces Rule. If it helps get you through the night ... remember caving in and breaking NC will not get your family back together. She quite frankly is being incredibly cruel to you. The restraining order is in effect. She wants you to break it for her own ends. Otherwise it would not exist. Not to be cruel but remember that she had another man listening to that call. One day at a time. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 i have my kids for the first time in a month and i feel truly blessed to have them. im doing good and feeling much better about everything. i now know my wife is not sleepiing with anyone at the moment and she has even started going to church. Im pleased by this. hopefully she will hear or see somthing or someone that will wake her up and allow for complete honesty and reconcilation between us. I still do hope for that. I have my kids again though and i love it. im still searching for a better job and going to IC and attending my supprt group and church and a regular basis. i have found a great deal of peace. especailly with the Lord. I have but everything into Gods hands and I pray daily for my marriage my kids my wife and especially myself. Im taking things a day at a time. im prepared now for the worst but i am hoping and praying for the best. This is probably a peripheral question because it matters not really. BUT, how do you know she is not sleeping with anyone? Keep in mind her attending church and not looking like she is shaking up helps with custody in some venues. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hey dude, I don't think that your wife is the pinnacle of evil that everyone here may believe her to be. In the last year or so of looking posts from cheaters and reading about affairs, I think most of them just haven't mastered impulse control and being able to see the effects of their actions. And since they don't have the physiological fallout of being betrayed they just don't "get it." She wanted her "fun" and you got in the way so she had some legal temper tantrums. Not uncommon. Don't contact her back just in case she wants to get you in trouble. Wait it out, most of us are here to support you. I think you will pull through and the time alone may help her put her head back on straight. I think you have one Hell of a shot actually. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hey dude, I don't think that your wife is the pinnacle of evil that everyone here may believe her to be. You can choose to not believe it, but this thread has all the evidence that points to her callousness. In the last year or so of looking posts from cheaters and reading about affairs, I think most of them just haven't mastered impulse control and being able to see the effects of their actions. Reading a few books from folks who are probably cheaters doesn't cut it. They know exactly what they're doing and how their actions will affect those around them, yet they continue on the path they chose. And since they don't have the physiological fallout of being betrayed they just don't "get it." They do "get it" but they refuse to be remorseful. She wanted her "fun" and you got in the way so she had some legal temper tantrums. Not uncommon. But nonetheless, trifling and evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hey dude, I don't think that your wife is the pinnacle of evil that everyone here may believe her to be. In the last year or so of looking posts from cheaters and reading about affairs, I think most of them just haven't mastered impulse control and being able to see the effects of their actions. And since they don't have the physiological fallout of being betrayed they just don't "get it." She wanted her "fun" and you got in the way so she had some legal temper tantrums. Not uncommon. Don't contact her back just in case she wants to get you in trouble. Wait it out, most of us are here to support you. I think you will pull through and the time alone may help her put her head back on straight. I think you have one Hell of a shot actually. Wow that seems terribly evil to me. BUT, we agree on not contacting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
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