2long Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 ok there is a lawyer in my church who attends one of the support groups im in. anyways he has offered his services to me for free of charge. i have a meeting with him tomorrow ao we can go thru what we are going to do about this RO. then we will work on the divorce and take whatever actions we need to. Thank god for bringing us together cause now i know i will be ok after all of this. Tom, I PM'd you. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 I can't read minds, but I will say that clearly one's reach goes as far as they can extend it. Tom respects himself by not putting up with her crap = she will end up respecting him for it. Whether she cares about him, likes him, thinks he smells nice or not, if he doesn't take her crap, she will respect him and then the dynamic will change. The dynamic will change when he uses the law to it's full extent. Her vision of him in the future doesn't matter. He's not doing this for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 If you are under a restraining order under no circumstances should you contact her by any means. You should already have an attorney. If not get one fast. Any communications from her get documented and forwarded to your attorney. Let your attorney, not you, respond. Yes this will be expensive. Unfortunately this is a necessary strategy based on the tactics she has adopted. I could not have said it any simpler or clearer for the poster. There is no DOITYOURSELF handbook for this matter. Use the Professional services. Best advice is: Talk Less, DO more. I had an amicable divorce based on that concept. The restraining order is standard in some divorce matters. The marriage dissolution is entirely separate from guardianship hearings. Keep the issues separate. As any good lawyer will convey. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 The dynamic will change when he uses the law to it's full extent. Her vision of him in the future doesn't matter. He's not doing this for her. Do you have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Do you have kids? Yes I do. I have a son. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 The dynamic will change when he uses the law to it's full extent. Her vision of him in the future doesn't matter. He's not doing this for her. Interesting perspective. The way I see it if she doesn't have respect for Tomcat she will be butting into his life for ever. Tomcat meets a wonderful new lady? Nasty XW on the scene to ruin things. Tomcat lands a fantastic new job? Nasty XW holds her hand out for more money. You get my drift I think. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Tom, Glad you started a new thread, I was looking for the old one to see how things were going and saw it was gonzo - did you ever find out why it got deleted? Moving on though, I AM THRILLED for you that you found an attorney who can help you through this. Is divorce one of his specialties? Just be aware that if his specialty is in another area, he may not be the BEST person to help you. Adequate, but if the s*** hits the fan, you may need a heavier hitter. My husband went through that when he divorced his ex - the divorce decree stipulated that his ex would get the house and have 90 days to re-finance in order to get it out of his name. It's now about 20 months later, she quit her job and cannot get approved for refi and is trashing his credit by being over 90 days late in mortgage payments. There is no mention of what penalties there would be for failing to refi, and he now has to retain new lawyer in order to deal with this loser. I am SO proud of you for all the documentation you mentioned you have - EXCELLENT. That ball is much more in YOUR court with that. Let us know how things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 He should still PM Tony himself and get the straight answer. you really think he'd get a straight answer? because there is absolutely no reason why his thread should have been removed unless he asked for it to be removed as the original poster. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 you really think he'd get a straight answer? because there is absolutely no reason why his thread should have been removed unless he asked for it to be removed as the original poster. I'd like 2 think that Tony would give him a straight answer. He's been good with me when I've asked. I can't remember if it was on loveshack, but I saw a thread disappear by mistake once. When the mod was asked what happened, they put it back. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 how do i PM tony to find out cause i would really like to know myself Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 You know what? I don't know! I always replied 2 a PM he'd sent me. But you should be able 2 use the "Alert Us" button 2 get hold of him. I'd "alert" your own post, though, so maybe they'll know you're not reporting someone else's post. Hopefully, there's a text box for you 2 explain why your PMing. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 on my way to the court house today. my lawyer and i drew up papers yesterday to respond to the bs RO. we are confident it will be thrown out and not be an issue. im also filing a copy of the parenting plan and divorce with my response as well. im going to have the courts serve her while i am there in court on tuesday. wish me luck and pray things go well and in my favor. who knows this may help to calm things down and maybe wake my wife up. doubt it but nothing wrong hoping for the best as long as u prepare for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Interesting perspective. The way I see it if she doesn't have respect for Tomcat she will be butting into his life for ever. Tomcat meets a wonderful new lady? Nasty XW on the scene to ruin things. Tomcat lands a fantastic new job? Nasty XW holds her hand out for more money. You get my drift I think. This ^^^^. plus if she respects him, she won't trash him to the kids. She totally seems like the type. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Let us all know how court goes today, fingers crossed for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 got my response to the RO filed with the courts and i have my wife being served with the divorce papers. so here it begins. inless god creates a miracle for us i will be single and divorced within the next few months Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Okay....sooooo... what happened exactly? Did thr RO get thrown out? How did your WW react to the divorce papers? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 the hearing is not until tues in the morning. i cant serve her the papers so a family member is doing it for me. today i just went and got my response filed for the RO which my lawyer and i drew up yesterday, attached the divorce paper work, parenting plan and evidence of her attitude and threats. as well as proof almost all my contact with her has been about the kids which she has been keeping from me. My lawyer and I are both confident it will get thrown out. as for how my wife reacted to the papers wont know till i get the call from my famliy member. she will probably not even care. she is to far gone at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Interesting perspective. The way I see it if she doesn't have respect for Tomcat she will be butting into his life for ever. Tomcat meets a wonderful new lady? Nasty XW on the scene to ruin things. Tomcat lands a fantastic new job? Nasty XW holds her hand out for more money. You get my drift I think. She never had respect for him in the first place because she chose not to. She can be arrested if it ever comes to harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 This ^^^^. plus if she respects him, she won't trash him to the kids. She totally seems like the type. Again it doesn't matter whether she respects him or not, even though it's obvious she doesn't. Her view of him is not written in stone over everyone and everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tomcatf14g Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 well aparently my wife had a bunch of stuff stolen from her today including her laptop so she had to pull out our old desktop computer. she found a bunch of old pics of us on it and now she is apparently missing me tonight. HMMM i wonder. doubt anything will come of it but who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 well aparently my wife had a bunch of stuff stolen from her today including her laptop so she had to pull out our old desktop computer. she found a bunch of old pics of us on it and now she is apparently missing me tonight. HMMM i wonder. doubt anything will come of it but who knows. 180 and wait. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 She never had respect for him in the first place because she chose not to. She can be arrested if it ever comes to harassment. Path of least resistance is always nicer. Plus harassment is a bitch to prove. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Again it doesn't matter whether she respects him or not, even though it's obvious she doesn't. Her view of him is not written in stone over everyone and everything. No one said that. Taking it to extremes. Link to post Share on other sites
JLB Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 well aparently my wife had a bunch of stuff stolen from her today including her laptop so she had to pull out our old desktop computer. she found a bunch of old pics of us on it and now she is apparently missing me tonight. HMMM i wonder. doubt anything will come of it but who knows. Let her miss you...don't fall for it. Remember...180, 180, 180... Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Path of least resistance is always nicer. Plus harassment is a bitch to prove. It isn't hard to prove unless you have the right equipment. Link to post Share on other sites
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