Attracted to jerks

[BiscuitXOXO]

A lot of men here complain about how girls flock to jerks.

 

I used to think that this wasn't true. I would never date someone who disrespected me, blah blah. But recently I have realized that I actually AM more attracted to someone who isn't all over himself to please me.

 

Is this just because I'm young? I can't help who I'm attracted to, right? I can't just MAKE myself like "nice guys" just because they're more healthy for me.

 

I just feel bad when I have to put "nice guys" down.

[orangelady]

And YOU were giving advice to 39 year old males to on how to get confidence and dates?

 

Geezus girl.....I'm not saying this in a harsh manner, but really....

[Eeyore79]

I would never date someone who disrespected me, blah blah. But recently I have realized that I actually AM more attracted to someone who isn't all over himself to please me.

 

Just because someone isn't a yes-man, that doesn't mean he automatically disrespects you. I am also not attracted to weak men who abase themselves to please me, but I still wouldn't date someone who treated me disrespectfully. I think there's a happy medium; a guy can be confident and in control without being disrespectful.

[Ross MwcFan]

A lot of men here complain about how girls flock to jerks.

 

I used to think that this wasn't true. I would never date someone who disrespected me, blah blah. But recently I have realized that I actually AM more attracted to someone who isn't all over himself to please me.

 

Is this just because I'm young? I can't help who I'm attracted to, right? I can't just MAKE myself like "nice guys" just because they're more healthy for me.

 

I just feel bad when I have to put "nice guys" down.

 

It's probably just the confidence and the fact that they aren't a yes man that you're attracted to, not because they are a jerk.

 

There are plenty of guys that are confident, even alpha, who aren't jerks. How common this is with the younger guys though, I don't know.

 

Don't try changing yourself, or let bitter weaklings make you think you have a problem. It's natural for most women to be interested in the more confident guys/bad boys, and to not find yes men attractive.

 

You don't have to give anyone a chance who you aren't attracted to.

Edited April 27, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[ASG]

I have been known to be attracted to jerks. And I still am, cause they have the alpha thing down. But I don't date them.

 

I don't like being mistreated, so I look for someone who has a bit of both worlds. I can't stand "nice guys" that bend over backwards to please me.

[Woggle]

Tons of women are. I guess they don't realize that men who mistreat are not alpha and confident but actually scared little boys. A real man would just walk away and live his life at the first sign of a woman mistreating him but why should I not want to spoil a woman in my life. If I have committed to her believe me she has earned it.

 

I do notice though that alpha women seem to be the most obsessed with alpha males. Maybe they spend all day taking charge so when they check out for the day they just want a man to be in the driver's seat.

[Professor X]

I have been known to be attracted to jerks. And I still am, cause they have the alpha thing down. But I don't date them.

 

I don't like being mistreated, so I look for someone who has a bit of both worlds. I can't stand "nice guys" that bend over backwards to please me.

 

Just do as ASG does. Sounds reasonable.

 

Unless, of course, you like to get hurt so you can whine after.

[fishtaco]

Pretty common.

 

Also, "jerk" doesn't mean he beats his girlfriend. Sometimes, it's just a self absorbed guy that thinks he's more important than everyone else. He's not necessarily a sadistic bastard that takes pleasure in making women miserable. More like he accidentally hurts others out of carelessness as opposed to intentionally. Somehow, that makes women want to dig into his soul to find the good guy inside. It's strange. Being a man, I don't understand it.

 

Anyway, only damaged women would want the sadistic bastard jerk. Normal women will not put up with that. But they will put up with a normal jerk, if he's exciting enough.

 

Don't worry about putting "nice guys" down. They need to learn. That's how I changed. I got punched enough that I decided to do something about it. So you'd be doing them a favor by not babysitting them.

 

Men face the same problem too. I rather date a beautiful but less mentally balanced woman than a "personality girl". When I know a LTR with the personality girl would be a lot more smooth and with less headaches.

 

In fact, I've passed on on many personality girls that were interested in me over the years. See, I'm the reformed nice guy. I still have that nice guy stink about me, but at the same time I play the alpha game. To personality girls, I'm like the wolf in sheep skin. And I have to admit at certain times my morals were compromised and I have slept with some of them with absolutely no intention of a serious relationship. I didn't lie, but I played every technicality in the book.

 

It wasn't nice. But that's what I did, and I openly admit I have flexible morals. Since I just saw Faust (the opera), I'm going to say that's the contract I signed with the devil. I got rid of my nice guy-ness that was making me undesirable to women, but the price is I have to give up part of my moral principles. That was the trade. Maybe I'll regret it, just like the protagonist in the opera, but as of now, I think it is well worth it, I only wish I had made the transition earlier.

[Woggle]

I used to be into unstable crazy chicks as well until I married one and reality smacked me upside the head with enough force to turn me off of them forever. Now I thank god that I have a normal and sane woman. Maybe women attracted to jerks have to learn the hard way like I did.

 

The fantasy of the crazy chick/bad boy is much different than the reality which will chew up a person and spit them out. It's all fun and games until they put you through enough drama to literally drive you insane.

[jane100]

what makes jerks interesting (sometimes)?

 

1. dominant, therefore a challenge

2. don't necessarily have society's values i.e. are their own men

 

- that kind of thing.

 

but it gets old after a while if they genuinely don't care about anybody (including you).

[dispatch3d]

sommmmeeebuddy likes drama. Also I enjoyed the post referring to "bitter weaklings" haha I pictured the hulk going "I will CRUSH YOU!" rawrrrr....

 

Anyhow, beats me. I used to hang out with people that were difficult sometimes, mostly because I thought if I could get along with them I could get along with anyone. Really faulty logic though.

[Nexus One]

Sometimes the only way to learn something is to get burnt. Everyone can tell you fire is hot, but you will only thoroughly realize what that means once you put your hand into it.

 

A guy like me is turned off by girls that are attracted to jerks and players. Because you know what the process is? We see girls get it on with these kind of guys, those girls then get burnt and then go looking for more decent guys. I don't know what it is, but I just don't like being a second choice. It would feel like getting thrown a leftover. It would feel like an insult that I'd only be considered good enough for a woman after the players and jerks destroyed her and are done with her. It's perhaps the man in me that doesn't accept that, a sort of pride perhaps, I don't know. I respect women by default, but when I see them being attracted to aggressive guys, players, jerks, what have you, then that just destroys the mental image I have of that woman in my mind. Like she's not mentally capable of understanding what she's getting herself into, like she goes willfully looking for problems. And I'm not interested in drama, so if I see a girl is drawn to it, then she just kills any attraction I have towards her in my mind. A beautiful girl can turn really ugly in a fraction of a second due to behavior like that. And in high school there were A LOT of girls that were attracted to these type of guys.

 

In high school I had this girl in my class that was quite pretty, a lot of guys were head over heels with her, except for me. The reason was that I knew she liked a guy that once stabbed a classmate of mine with a pencil in his back. And you know why he did that? Because he found that classmate of mine fat and bullied him over it. Now this girl was intelligent, but she was attracted to an @sshole and that's why I simply wasn't able to be attracted to her.

 

Men are often better in making threat assessments of other men. Thousands of years of warfare has given us that intuitive ability. We also use that ability to protect ourselves and our families and if a girl is attracted to things that we see as threats, than that girl herself becomes a threat and something to be avoided, because you don't integrate a threat into your family and jeopardize it as such. But that's my view on it, I also know guys who just don't care about any of this.

Edited April 27, 2011 by Nexus One

[Jazzari]

Sometimes the only way to learn something is to get burnt. Everyone can tell you fire is hot, but you will only thoroughly realize what that means once you put your hand into it.

 

A guy like me is turned off by girls that are attracted to jerks and players. Because you know what the process is? We see girls get it on with these kind of guys, those girls then get burnt and then go looking for more decent guys. I don't know what it is, but I just don't like being a second choice. It would feel like getting thrown a leftover. It would feel like an insult that I'd only be considered good enough for a woman after the players and jerks destroyed her and are done with her. It's perhaps the man in me that doesn't accept that, a sort of pride perhaps, I don't know. I respect women by default, but when I see them being attracted to aggressive guys, players, jerks, what have you, then that just destroys the mental image I have of that woman in my mind. Like she's not mentally capable of understanding what she's getting herself into, like she goes willfully looking for problems. And I'm not interested in drama, so if I see a girl is drawn to it, then she just kills any attraction I have towards her in my mind. A beautiful girl can turn really ugly in a fraction of a second due to behavior like that.

 

In high school I had this girl in my class that was quite pretty, a lot of guys were head over heels with her, except for me. The reason was that I knew she liked a guy that once stabbed a classmate of mine with a pencil in his back. And you know why he did that? Because he found that classmate of mine fat and bullied him over it. Now this girl was intelligent, but she was attracted to an @sshole and that's why I simply wasn't able to be attracted to her.

 

Men are often better in making threat assessments of other men. Thousands of years of warfare has given us that intuitive ability. We also use that ability to protect ourselves and our families and if a girl is attracted to things that we see as threats, than that girl herself becomes a threat and something to be avoided, because you don't integrate a threat into your family and jeopardize it as such. But that's my view on it, I also know guys who just don't care about any of this.

I love this post.

[hoping2heal]

I like men who have boundries, are assertive, and strong character. DF is sensitive, kind, and so very sweet. However, he will call me on my ***** any day of the week if I were to try and pull it, and vice versa. There is really nothing sexy about a yes man who will bend to my every whim, but there is also nothing sexy about someone self absorbed, selfish, and full of duplicity, either. They are both deal breakers imho. I have no motive to be mistreated and do not tolerate it.

[Woggle]

Sometimes the only way to learn something is to get burnt. Everyone can tell you fire is hot, but you will only thoroughly realize what that means once you put your hand into it.

 

A guy like me is turned off by girls that are attracted to jerks and players. Because you know what the process is? We see girls get it on with these kind of guys, those girls then get burnt and then go looking for more decent guys. I don't know what it is, but I just don't like being a second choice. It would feel like getting thrown a leftover. It would feel like an insult that I'd only be considered good enough for a woman after the players and jerks destroyed her and are done with her. It's perhaps the man in me that doesn't accept that, a sort of pride perhaps, I don't know. I respect women by default, but when I see them being attracted to aggressive guys, players, jerks, what have you, then that just destroys the mental image I have of that woman in my mind. Like she's not mentally capable of understanding what she's getting herself into, like she goes willfully looking for problems. And I'm not interested in drama, so if I see a girl is drawn to it, then she just kills any attraction I have towards her in my mind. A beautiful girl can turn really ugly in a fraction of a second due to behavior like that. And in high school there were A LOT of girls that were attracted to these type of guys.

 

In high school I had this girl in my class that was quite pretty, a lot of guys were head over heels with her, except for me. The reason was that I knew she liked a guy that once stabbed a classmate of mine with a pencil in his back. And you know why he did that? Because he found that classmate of mine fat and bullied him over it. Now this girl was intelligent, but she was attracted to an @sshole and that's why I simply wasn't able to be attracted to her.

 

Men are often better in making threat assessments of other men. Thousands of years of warfare has given us that intuitive ability. We also use that ability to protect ourselves and our families and if a girl is attracted to things that we see as threats, than that girl herself becomes a threat and something to be avoided, because you don't integrate a threat into your family and jeopardize it as such. But that's my view on it, I also know guys who just don't care about any of this.

 

This is very true and more often than not these women will still cheat on a good guy with a scumbag. If I see a woman who keeps being attracted to jerks over and over again I pretty assume she is incapable of having a healthy relationship and therefore not somebody I would ever want to be involved with.

[BiscuitXOXO]

I understand that just because someone who isn't a doormat doesn't mean they are disrespectful. But sometimes people think differently of others.

 

For example, a lot of people think "Ryan" is a jerk. Mostly guys. In fact, one friend of mine has asked me why I allowed him to treat me in the way he does. But I think that "Ryan" is just kidding. And when times have gotten tough, he is the most supportive (besides my girl friends ofc.) He has a romantic side, which I saw with his exgf. And since he acts so atrocious at times, I also feel that he doesn't judge me when I'm being a biatch.

 

I would never date "Ryan." But, I would prefer him over some of my other, "nicer" guy friends.

 

So when you guys say that you would never find a girl who likes "jerks" attractive...might you just be jelly?

 

Except for the example when the guy stabbed some1 with a pencil. That is just mentally unstable, violent, and scary.

 

And to the orangelady's post and to the post about liking drama...stay on topic please. Thanks.

[DreamerGirl27]

Tons of women are. I guess they don't realize that men who mistreat are not alpha and confident but actually scared little boys. A real man would just walk away and live his life at the first sign of a woman mistreating him but why should I not want to spoil a woman in my life. If I have committed to her believe me she has earned it.

 

I do notice though that alpha women seem to be the most obsessed with alpha males. Maybe they spend all day taking charge so when they check out for the day they just want a man to be in the driver's seat.

 

I agree with you. But I will also add...

 

Alpha males are the ones who are Christians and end up marrying their wives and their wives and their children are the world to them. A true "alpha" male has a family.

 

A jerk....lives for himself. And just wants to get laid.

[SteveC80]

I have been known to be attracted to jerks. And I still am, cause they have the alpha thing down. But I don't date them.

 

I don't like being mistreated, so I look for someone who has a bit of both worlds. I can't stand "nice guys" that bend over backwards to please me.

 

What is it with the whole alpha thing? Ive never heard this even discussed in the real world only online where it seems to be the end all be all for allot of women..

 

Whats wrong with a laid back guy? some women seem to think being quiet or laid back means weak and beign assertive or overly talkative means the guys strong

 

Do "alphas"make you feel more feminine by domanating and controlling you and the relationship?

 

Seems like women want to be controlled and told what to do and if theyre not they lose attraction..maybe some of you equate dominate personality with being dominate in the bedroom?

[Woggle]

What is it with the whole alpha thing? Ive never heard this even discussed in the real world only online where it seems to be the end all be all for allot of women..

 

Whats wrong with a laid back guy? some women seem to think being quiet or laid back means weak and beign assertive or overly talkative means the guys strong

 

Do "alphas"make you feel more feminine by domanating and controlling you and the relationship?

 

Seems like women want to be controlled and told what to do and if theyre not they lose attraction..maybe some of you equate dominate personality with being dominate in the bedroom?

 

The thing is that the ballbusters are the worst when it comes to this. I have found that many ballbusting so called strong women secretly yearn for a man to manhandle them.

[Jazzari]

What is it with the whole alpha thing? Ive never heard this even discussed in the real world only online where it seems to be the end all be all for allot of women..

 

Whats wrong with a laid back guy? some women seem to think being quiet or laid back means weak and beign assertive or overly talkative means the guys strong

 

Do "alphas"make you feel more feminine by domanating and controlling you and the relationship?

 

Seems like women want to be controlled and told what to do and if theyre not they lose attraction..maybe some of you equate dominate personality with being dominate in the bedroom?

Your definition of alpha is incorrect. At least in my world.

 

An alpha male can be laid back and quiet. Every heard of the strong silent type? None of the action heros (think Vin Diesel) are life of the party chatterboxes.

 

Alpha means they can hold their own. It does not mean they are controlling or try to dominate the woman.

 

I personally do like a strong, protective man. But they are loving, not jerks. They offer to help, they don't dominate or insist on doing it their way. They support, they don't take over. They make you stronger, not weaker. They are a partner.

[SteveC80]

The thing is that the ballbusters are the worst when it comes to this. I have found that many ballbusting so called strong women secretly yearn for a man to manhandle them.

 

I agree.my friends wifes an i guess alpha[hate using that term[ female my friend she married is laid back non confrontationa guyl and the dynamic works well for them..

 

Theyres a friend in or social circle whos your typical alpha leader of the pack arrogant guy..She talks about jokingly his alphaness and how hes way to arrogant but other tiems referred ot his masculine energy..you can tell deep down she wants to be put in her place..

 

I think allot of women deep down want to be controlled and lead and told what to do..they like beign submissive by nature i guess and feel womanly when doing so..

[SteveC80]

Your definition of alpha is incorrect. At least in my world.

 

An alpha male can be laid back and quiet. Every heard of the strong silent type? None of the action heros (think Vin Diesel) are life of the party chatterboxes.

 

Alpha means they can hold their own. It does not mean they are controlling or try to dominate the woman.

 

I personally do like a strong, protective man. But they are loving, not jerks. They offer to help, they don't dominate or insist on doing it their way. They support, they don't take over. They make you stronger, not weaker. They are a partner.

 

I said that..we are agreeing here..

 

My point is allot of women mistake what a strong man is...A guy can be a "alpha" and assertive and loud but it doesnt autoamtically make him a strong guy..and allot of women assume the quiet laid back guy isnt as strong..

[blueskyday]

I think the OP should refrain from making excuses for "Ryan." That's how you get knee deep in bad relationships...."Oh, he's not so bad. He's romantic with his girlfriend." Much better to err on the side of "he's a jerk."

 

If he's a selfish guy who doesn't care how others feel, then call it like it is....We women get in trouble making excuses for guys like this. On the other hand, give nice guys a break by making a few excuses for them...as in, "He is probably a very protective guy who can show his teeth when necessary."....look for a guy with boundaries....

 

It's all a matter of balance. We like an assertive, confident guy who can be a little lamb with us. Sometimes it IS hard to tell the jerks from good guys. We all have our days!

 

But a nice guy will feel bad if he hurts someone's feelings and will make it up to them...if he cares about the relationship. That's how you know the difference. A terminally selfish person won't care about balancing your needs with theirs...next!

[Jazzari]

I said that..we are agreeing here..

 

My point is allot of women mistake what a strong man is...A guy can be a "alpha" and assertive and loud but it doesnt autoamtically make him a strong guy..and allot of women assume the quiet laid back guy isnt as strong..

I see. Yes, some women do mistake "loudness" for strength.

 

Real strength doesn't have to proclaim itself. It just is, and shines through in the calm and confident way a man carries himself. Not to say he can't be a fun guy - but he's not out to prove anything.

[blueskyday]

Remember, too, that you don't have to like anybody, even if they are nice guys. Just watch outif all the guys you go out with turn out to be jerks! I've gone through that....

 

Now I realize it wasn't that I was attracted to jerks. Most guys are very charming at first and seem to be nice guys. It was that I didn't leave a guy right away when I saw bad behavior turn into a pattern of insensitivity..Time will tell if a guy is really kind (better word than "nice.)...

 

Kind is good!