marqueemoon4 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 She is pushing for me to leave the house, I wont go. She is now threatening to invite the scumbag round when I'm out. I can believe she has zero respect for me, the kids, the house and the 15 years together we had and what we built together. Yep, once she decided she didn't want or need anything else from you she is going to do whatever she wants, no matter how hurtful or disrespectful, my ex is doing the same... its ALL ABOUT HER. whatever you do DON'T LEAVE! Just act like it doesn't bother you and focus on you and your kids. This will come back to haunt her. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I feel for you. I went through the EXACT same thing. I stayed at home and watched the kids while she went out with OM 3-4 nights/week until 2-3 in the morning. she had him over for dinner and to meet the kids one night when I went out to a friends birthday party. After a month of that, I moved in with my parents (I checked with a lawyer who told me that in my state, moving out has NO effect on ownership, no indications of abandonment, etc.). She was originally going to keep the house but, after 2 weeks, she discovered that she wasn't able to keep up with it, fix it up, manage it by herself. OM was over most evenings (when he wasn't with HIS kids) and the kids would talk about him and tell me about him...very unpleasant. For a while, she wanted him to move in with her because they wanted to see if they were "compatible" living together. Luckily, that didn't happen because his wife turned out to be crazier than mine and started causing major problems for him once she found out he was dating. Anyway, 5 months after d-day, she moved out to a smaller, somewhat newer house and I got to move back in here. Now she's broken up with OM because they finally got past the honeymoon fog and really got to know each other and discovered that it wasn't quite as perfect as they had thought. Now she's alienated all of "our" friends (who were mostly my friends to start with), she doesn't have any of her own friends locally, her family isn't around and she has lots of social anxieties so has problems meeting new people (except online). Hardest thing you'll ever do, but you WILL get through it. A few months from now things will start to look better. Stick to the 180, work on yourself, be the best dad you can be and DON'T let her know it even bothers you. Show her (and yourself) that you will be FINE without her. You have no idea how powerful independence and confidence are... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 She is now doing my head in: 5/5/11 Agreed to me being "scarce" this weekend so she can spend all her time with the kids. 6/5/11 Changed agreement: She wants me to stay Saturday until 3pm, so I can mow the lawn, clean the bathroom and look after some of the kids while one goes to a birthday party. I agreed to it. 6/5/11 She later said that this arrangement wasn't going to work and we should communicate better as to when we are out, I said that was sensible. She wants to be out Friday & Saturday next week, I said I didn't mind but if she wants both nights then she needs to arrange a baby sitter for Saturday night. 6/5/11 I went out around 21:30 to see my parents and discuss what she has been up to, came home around 01:00. 7/5/11 09:30 She is doing a run tomorrow (for charity) and wants me to have the kids all morning, I'm surprised at that as I thought she would want them with her. 7/5/11 09:40 She now wants to go out tonight and wants me to arrange a baby sitter, I reminder her that this was not the agreement. She then accuses me of "wanting my cake and eating it", by being out both nights this weekend and not letting her next weekend. She then threatened to have the scumbag come over to the house while I was out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 7/5/11 09:50 She called me a c**t and then tried to hit me. Started going over old ground about how I didn't appreciate her and lost her etc etc. 7/5/11 10:20 She informed me that scumbag is coming to my sons 8th birthday party in a months time. She wants me out of the house 7/5/11 10:30 Told me scumbag has already spent alot of time with my youngest and she likes him alot. She again wants me out of the house as its causing issues with the kids etc. 7/5/11 10:40 Told me that she is taking me off the family holiday in october and June next year and putting scumbag on instead. She is really trying to be so nasty and yet acuses me of the same thing when I have done nothing really. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) This is WAR! Think of her as your enemy. Document everything Purchase a Voice Operated Recorder and keep it in your pocket. Then transcribe every word to your documentation. I am not sure of your laws but you also might be able to save the tapes to cover your a$$ To H with her and what she is going to do, your goal is your childrens health, well being and safety. And possibly custody I do not know the laws of the UK, but over here it is best that you not move out of the house. And there are such things as temporary custody hearings, and being as the childs well being is at stake, a judge can order your wife to not bring your children in the vicinity of the OM Edited May 7, 2011 by 2.50 a gallon Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 J, Don't know about the laws where you reside, but in the US, if she attempted to Assault you, then that would be grounds for obtaining a Protective Order from the court. Then SHE could be tossed out of your home. Check with your solicitor on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 7/5/11 12:30 Told me she was just "lodging" here until she can leave and therefore will not doing anything around the house, let the estate agent in to market the house or potential buyers 7/5/11 12:32 Told kids they can't have any food or toys as daddy wont give her any money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 7/5/11 14:10 just super nasty now. she is accusing me of "stealing" from her because I had withdrawn money from a cash point to use to pay for things. She took the kids and left. She told me she is not using legal aid and has found the nastiest solictor in town and I will be paying double legal fees. And she is now moving out of the house today and I wont see the kids unless its under supervised conditions. I cannot believe someone I loved so much for so long has become this evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 7/5/11 19:00 after pestering her for 15 minutes I am allowed to talk to the kids and say good night to them, it was a short conversation as she hung up mid call. She is back home with the kids now, i have stayed the night at my parents. she wants to talk tomorrow, she has her parents there as "witnesses". 8/5/11 03:45 cant sleep so go on internet. she is now posting pics of herself and scumbag on facebook, with comments like "me & my baby" and "if your happy show it xxx" i guess she is trying to rub my face in it even more. I try and show that i'm not bothered by her actions but it is really hard, she seems to have the upperhand in everything. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I don't usually comment on these types of things, but lawyer up, quickly. This woman is out to destroy you and everything you've worked hard for. This is war as one poster put it. Be nasty as you have to. Use this affair she's having to hurt her. She sounds unstable I would work hard to prove that she is. Make sure you get ample visitation with your children. There will be no reconciling now- accept that and move swiftly. I would clear out all of the accounts. If she wants money for the kids make her ask for it and give it out as you feel it's needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 Back home now, she has gone to the charity run. She wants to talk when she gets back with her parents and I have invited mine along too, she is then going out to dinner at 5 with her parents to "discuss solicitor & the divorce etc" I believe the scumbag came back to the house last night, not surprised, wasnt going to pry into anything as recommended by the 180, didnt want to give her any more satisfaction. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 It gets ugly really fast... so be prepared for the worst. Like others have suggested lawyer up quick, keep doing the 180, don't try going tit for tat with her, you'll end up losing. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I know how painful it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 8/5/11 13:30 had a meeting with me, w, her parents and my parents. It went really well, and we agreed to stop all the **** and behave ourselves until we can go out seperate ways. This is great for me as I spend a lot more time with the kids before the big day. its **** as she is probably going to be out most nights with scumbag. I know lots of you have gone through this period. its so hard seeing her make herself up and then disappear until late, it really is emotionaly crippling me. My parents are great. they told me I had become more withdrawn over the last 5 years and now I am their son again. I feel very positve, even though there are set backs I do feel I am becoming my old self again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 8/5/11 21:10 Just called me while out with OM. She is popping back to pick up some stuff and wont be back until 16:00 tomorrow. Kids first eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 8/5/11 22:40 She came back and picked up her stuff, she asked me to kiss the kids for her I replied that they would appreciate her more being around for them, she still went. 8/5/11 23:00 She came back, for a brief moment I thought she was doing the right thing but no, she had forgotten something. This is so hard, her looking great and them spending the night together. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 WOW. So she has an affair, breaks up two families and its your fault? Expects to remain finacially supported, expects to stay in the house and turns super b!tch on you when you don't comply with her requests? Get real women. As for her parents, well they raised two cheaters, enough said, don't concern yourself with their behaviour in supporting her, going on holiday with them etc, not worth your time. OK so good to hear you have a solicitor. Have you told them that she assaulted you (actually hitting someone is battery)? Also about her behaviour and threats etc? The advice another poster gave you about not talking to her anymore is priceless, I know it's tough, she is the one person who you would confide everything in, but she is not that person anymore. Do not trust her as far as you can throw her and just keep 180, don't rise to the bate, that is all she is trying to do, get you angry, cause a row and then she can justify to herself even more. Amazes me how cheaters have this warped logic of only seeing your anger and not the fact that they caused it! Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 8/5/11 22:40 She came back and picked up her stuff, she asked me to kiss the kids for her I replied that they would appreciate her more being around for them, she still went. 8/5/11 23:00 She came back, for a brief moment I thought she was doing the right thing but no, she had forgotten something. This is so hard, her looking great and them spending the night together. Just remember she might look great on the outside but inside she ugly, very ugly. You can do so much better than her. I know you love her and you can't see it now but one day you will, just keep focusing on the ugliness of her personality. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 8/5/11 22:40 She came back and picked up her stuff, she asked me to kiss the kids for her I replied that they would appreciate her more being around for them, she still went. 8/5/11 23:00 She came back, for a brief moment I thought she was doing the right thing but no, she had forgotten something. This is so hard, her looking great and them spending the night together. Just....... hugs:bunny::bunny::bunny:. This part is crap but it will get better! Link to post Share on other sites
PollyIvy Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 8/5/11 13:30 had a meeting with me, w, her parents and my parents. It went really well, and we agreed to stop all the **** and behave ourselves until we can go out seperate ways. This is great for me as I spend a lot more time with the kids before the big day. its **** as she is probably going to be out most nights with scumbag. I know lots of you have gone through this period. its so hard seeing her make herself up and then disappear until late, it really is emotionaly crippling me. My parents are great. they told me I had become more withdrawn over the last 5 years and now I am their son again. I feel very positve, even though there are set backs I do feel I am becoming my old self again.[/QUOTE] Then welcome back, Jaymz! Your story makes my head spin - so much going on SO rapidly. I worry about your children - they are so young, and that is a LOT of drama. You're holding really firm through something that is heartbreaking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Just remember she might look great on the outside but inside she ugly, very ugly. You can do so much better than her. I know you love her and you can't see it now but one day you will, just keep focusing on the ugliness of her personality. All the little things keep adding up and I have less and less feelings for her. It helps but us still living together makes it hard for 180/lc etc and for me to keep positive all the time. Now I feel that I'm glad she is going and will be someone elses problem, due her and OM personality I dont think it will last once they do move in together - I will be left to pick up the pieces with the kids but I will not have her back now no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Just....... hugs:bunny::bunny::bunny:. This part is crap but it will get better! Need hugs, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Then welcome back, Jaymz! Your story makes my head spin - so much going on SO rapidly. I worry about your children - they are so young, and that is a LOT of drama. You're holding really firm through something that is heartbreaking. My wife is the type that is very focused and extremely impatient when she wants something. At the moment she just wants to be with OM 24/7 and I am in the way of that total happiness. So she is trying everything to get me out and get him in and I wont allow that. I have read up that you need to let children have 6-9 months after a break-up to get used to new things before introducing them to someone new, she wants to move intogether with OM within a month and start introduing them soon. We (my parents & her parents) told her that its a big mistake and she needs to put the children first but I fear that she is too focused on the dream of total bliss that she is not really thinking about the children at all. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 7/5/11 09:50 She called me a c**t and then tried to hit me. . Call the police, ... Remember actions, actions, actions. I wouldn't have hesitated 1 second to dial 999 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I believe the scumbag came back to the house last night, not surprised, wasnt going to pry into anything as recommended by the 180, didnt want to give her any more satisfaction. Pack her sh*t up in boxes, put them in the garage, say nothing, tell her she has 2 weeks to find a new place. Silent, strength... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 7/5/11 12:30 Told me she was just "lodging" here until she can leave and therefore will not doing anything around the house, let the estate agent in to market the house or potential buyers 7/5/11 12:32 Told kids they can't have any food or toys as daddy wont give her any money. Ok she's losing control and doesn't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
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