robf1971 Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Just concentrating on myself, kids, work and getting house sold. All very good, but you need to take my advice. Did you get the passports back? did you CRB check OM. As much as you don't want to talk to her, and she is a bitch etc. She still can take you to the cleaners under the UK system, GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW. Ohh and the easiest way to break up her affair is to pack her stuff up in boxes and kick her out. She'll have to wait for it.... G G get a job. Unless she wants to move in with OM and his mum lol. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 rob1971 is right about the passports. You really need to do something about it now. A friend going through basically the same situation spent 6 months of hell getting his kids back from Germany. His crazy wife took them and fled to Germany with the OM. He went through hell mate. Do it now and have piece of mind that your kids will stay in the same country no matter how bad it gets. The CRB on the OM isn't a bad idea either -- the OM has access to your kids and you likely don't know much about his past (your W probably doesn't either). --Jeff2321 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 rob1971 is right about the passports. You really need to do something about it now. A friend going through basically the same situation spent 6 months of hell getting his kids back from Germany. His crazy wife took them and fled to Germany with the OM. He went through hell mate. Do it now and have piece of mind that your kids will stay in the same country no matter how bad it gets. The CRB on the OM isn't a bad idea either -- the OM has access to your kids and you likely don't know much about his past (your W probably doesn't either). --Jeff2321 Damn right It happened to a friend of mine who trusted his wacky cheating wife, she ran off with the kid abroad. The plot to that one makes Eastenders seem boring. In short, it need never have happened if he's have done the right things. The very fact that those passports are at her parents house is theft clear and simple. It needs to be reported to the police pronto. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 30/05/11 16:30 Come home from a weekend break round a friends house and the kids aren't here. So i unpack my stuff, while upstairs the stbxw comes in the house says hello and then leaves, I get pictures from upstairs of scumbag and her on the drive. They then go. I text her parents to find out where the kids are, they said that they are with them and stbxw will be bringing them back after dinner. 30/05/11 17:00 i walk to grandparents house, the scumbags car is parked out side. I text and say i will be round in 20 minutes. stbx texts me back and sayd that its not a good idea, she will be home in 30 mins. I ask why its not a good idea, after all they are only having dinner. She then confirms that scumbag is with her, the grandparents and my kids. 30/05/11 17:25 I send her a text that I will be leaving now to come over, she replies that it is not a good idea. 30/05/11 17:30 she calls me and tells me the kids are eating dinner and she will bring them back soon. I told her I will be round in a minute and will be picking up the kids passports too. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Wow! Good luck jaymz,hope you get passports without any fuss! I think you deserve a medal the size of a bin lid for you're patience alone. Think I would have flipped by now with om in you're face so much. You're stbxw is a real piece of work, I think shed get on great with my stbx! Hang in there man,you're doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 30/05/11 18:00 went to grandparents house, scumbag had left. kids were in car and w was just backing out of the driveway. As I walked up to the house w saw me and stopped the car, the grandparents both gave me very dirty looks. i got in the car and spoke to the kids. we came home, I bathed them, talked abotu their day etc. the kids confirmed that they saw mummys friend (scumbag) and had seen him 3 times in total, i guess that confirms that she has been introducing them to him. I didnt say anything to the kids about him, just re-assured them that i love them very much. w started to go on about the cc being cut off and unable to buy presents, i told her that she knew why and I want her bank account to put money into as she cannot be trusted. she went on about moving soon to a new house that was much better than this, then 5 mins later asked me if i was going to let her buy me out. I just ignored it all. 30/05/11 19:30 She has left for the evening. I am spending the evening playing with the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Any luck with the passports Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 30/05/11 Just found CSA ref number on scrap paper, I guess she has spoken to them already. Not quite sure what is going to happen next there, will talk to solicitor and CSA tomorrow I guess. 30/05/11 19:31 Passports not returned, had forgotten about them with the excitement on seeing the kids, dealing with them and their questions etc. Text the w to bring back passports when she comes back. I don't think she will bring them back so I guess its another phone call tomorrow. This whole thing is so relentless, tiring and really getting me down. I had a good weekend away with a friend, ate and slept much better. I come home to all this and it has really put me down. I just don't know how long I can put up with all this all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Not surprised you are feeling like this,with the amount of crap you have to deal with. All you can do is get all the legals in place and document as you are. I still have bad days and the thoughts are there every day,but it does sting less with time. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Jaymz. She has stolen your kids passports. Report it now to police and customs or she could take them with on out of the country. If she does this, what you are going through now will be like a picnic in the park. You are being too weak Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 31/05/11 19:20 While bathing the kids they told me that scumbag had been over this afternoon. I asked stbxw if that was true, and she said "yes, they have to get to know each other as we are moving in together at the end of the month" I guess the promise she made about respecting my home means ****. I am now angry and going to start doing the right thing, fed up of trying to be good about this whole thing so it can be done amicably for the kids sake, she has constantly taken the piss out of me. 31/05/11 19:45 stbxw has left for the evening, wont be back until the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 She will continue to take the piss as long as she is getting her own way. That is no surprise,as she is so utterly selfish. You're nature is to be open etc,even with the hand you've been dealt you are being reasonable. That says a lot about you're character,exactly like me bro,prob too nice! Ultimately we will better off without these women Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 31/05/11 23:00 w posts another pic of her and scumbag together on FB Link to post Share on other sites
witheredandfading Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 It's unbelievable she can consider any of this to be justified. When you say she's moving in with him, will she be leaving the house or bringing him in? My promise to slap her still stands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 31/05/11 06:50 She came home late making me late for work, she was wearing the same clothes from last night. I didnt say anything. She said she is moving out of our house by the end of the month into rented accommodation and scumbag will be moving in with them at the same time. No idea if its true as she is such a liar. I will wait a month before making a call to the benefit fraud office. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 31/05/11 06:50 She came home late making me late for work, she was wearing the same clothes from last night. I didnt say anything. She said she is moving out of our house by the end of the month into rented accommodation and scumbag will be moving in with them at the same time. No idea if its true as she is such a liar. I will wait a month before making a call to the benefit fraud office. You are being too weak. You are taking no action, she will walk all over you if you let her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 01/06/11 19:00 tried calling kids, w said they are in bath so call back in 10 mins. When i next called she wanted to know about going to the mortgage advisor tomorrow, i told her that we will take the kids as its just a matter of bringing id and signing a form to change it to interest only, she doesnt want to bring the kids and wants me to organise a baby sitter for them, i tell her that if she doesnt want to bring the kids then she can organise it, she hangs up on me. I then spend next 50 minutes calling and phone being ignored, denying me to talk to kids. 01/06/11 19:30 I am on phone to CSA, if we live together she gets no payment from me. When she moves out she has to pay for anything in her name as well as half the mortgage. I get discounts for insurance and pension contributions. I'm glad I called the CSA now as they were really nice, helpfull and were totally on my side. That is one less weapon for her to use. 01/06/11 20:00 I get a text that she didnt hear the phone and now the kids are in bed asleep and she will not disturb them etc. 02/06/11 09:30 I cancel appointment with mortgage advisor. I go into bank to sort out the bank account, only to be told I have to do it via internet banking - stupid bank.... 02/06/11 13:00 Get home, no-one here, also notice that w has stopped doing my clothes washing so I put a load on (so shes happy to spend my money on £150 sunglasses but wont put the washing on????). 02/06/11 13:30 Call w (and record phone call) usual crap about the mortgage appointment this morning and I asked her to bring the kids back so I can see them, she said she would and will be back in 15 mins. 02/06/11 14:00 no kids Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 02/06/11 14:30 w finally turns up with kids. i ask why she is not doing my washing, she says she was advised not to by the CSA. How petty can you get? 02/06/11 14:52 called CSA, they confirmed they wouldn't have any envolvement in domestic stuff and as we still live together they wouldn't get envolved. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 dude my stbx wouldn't piss on my gums if my teeth were on fire... and you expect yours to wash your clothes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 MM: i know what your saying, and i think what i said is silly now but she is happy to live at the house and spend money on herself/nights out/hotels/ etc rather than spend time with kids, she puts half load on and I know its just to be petty and spiteful to me. I spend long hours at work just to get enough money to cover the basics (she has given up work for months) and she is just wasting cash. not cleaning house or doing washing. Its just frustrating. going to spend most of this after noon on phone to bank to stop the account being abused by her. Also told by kids that they spent this morning around w parents house and with scumbag again. I guess she is with him now. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hi jaymz How dare you complain,sunglasses must have been an essential purchase!! Like my stbx using overdraft to buy a new bag,while banging someone else. Its more selfish behaviour,you just have to expect it with everything she does,because that is what she is. The sooner you get all finance sorted and everything seperate the better. You will no doubt be the one doing all the calls,arranging appointments etc and she'll just sit back and let you. Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Jaymz, I have been reading your situation for quite awhile now and I have to take my hat off to you. The 180 is a hard thing to do for anyone much less with a partner that is acting like a spoiled child. Your stbxw sounds like that little girl in the old Willy Wonka movie (Baruga) she want's it all and she want's it now. From where I'm standing you need to be sure that she get's what she wants, bill's, loser OM and the freedom to screw her life up as much as she wants. I found that the $$$ part can be the most refreshing part of the meal for any WS to fully enjoy or the lack of it to be up front. I don't know how it work's in the UK but here in the US as long as we are in the same house I don't have to physically give her a dime. I can buy the clothes for the kids and provide the food as long as I can provide proof that I've done it and the store gives you one everytime you spend $$$. If you are both still living in the same house and she is recieving compensation isn't she responsible for half of the bills or at least a reduced portion based off of her income? If so why not ask her to start pulling her weight. Child support is just that for the children it's not mean't to supplement her income. Stop giving her cash instead buy the grocery's for you and the kid's, pay for the clothes yourself and cover their medical expenses. Just talk to your lawyer about what you plan to do so that you can have all your ducks in a roll and then implement "Operation Grown Up" on her and her soon to be Old Man. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 jaymz, much of this sounds very familiar as far as W planning to move in with OM. Just remember, she could cheat on you, she'll cheat on him. He contributed to breaking up your family, he'll have no problem breaking up with her once the "honeymoon" is over and real life sets in and she starts expecting him to pay for her, etc. they deserve each other. You deserve much better...and someday, once all this insanity is over, you will get it. And she will regret her decision. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I am on phone to CSA, if we live together she gets no payment from me. When she moves out she has to pay for anything in her name as well as half the mortgage. I get discounts for insurance and pension contributions. I'm glad I called the CSA now as they were really nice, helpfull and were totally on my side. That is one less weapon for her to use. Excellent mate, excellent !! Can you open a new account in YOUR name and change your wages to go into that. That's what I'd do lol. That would mean she'd have to go and get a job. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 01/06/11 19:30 I am on phone to CSA, if we live together she gets no payment from me. When she moves out she has to pay for anything in her name as well as half the mortgage. I get discounts for insurance and pension contributions. I'm glad I called the CSA now as they were really nice, helpfull and were totally on my side. That is one less weapon for her to use. Go to Wickes or Halfords ask them if they have any boxes, bring em home pack her sh*t up in them while she is out wasting your money and shagging OM. Put them out in the front garden. When she gets home, tell her " Your right , I think you should be with OM, I'll even help you move out. If she starts screaming at you calmly raise your hands. Wife, until you can speak to me in a civil and respectful manner this conversation is over, then just walk away. Kick her to the kerb. Link to post Share on other sites
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