worlybear Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 You're doing good Jaymz ! Hang on in there!:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Crashed again today, feel so down. I think its because our 11th wedding anniversary is coming up on the 30th. She could never remember the date, always thought it was the 31st. When will i get off this emotional rollercoaster? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I did correct him, told him not to use that word or talk about mummy like that. I know he understands everything that is going on in a simple way, and it hurts to be so nice to the w when she has done nothing like that in return. The kids come out with little things all the time that she has said about me, i guess its another thing she is not keeping her side of the agreement on. 23/07/11 All bundled together in the bed, it was a nice way to wake up until I realized it was 6am! Spent morning outside with kids, then did some shopping - had to as the w took everything and I don't even have a can opener to open a can of beans! (we had 3 before). Spent the afternoon at my parents, playing games and such. Then a lateish night with the kids. 24/07/11 Again kids bundled into my bed, again at 6 am! Spent the day down the beach, just me and them. Then went for dinner in a local pub with my family and the kids and their cousins played all afternoon together. Got sad when i took kids back. 24/07/11 18:35 Dropped kids off, saw w and we were both coldly polite to each other. I gave the kids their gifts so I hope they get are allowed to put the photos by their beds. Said goodbye and walked home. 24/07/11 19:30 Was home for a bit and decided to go for a bike ride. Text my brother and told him i was coming his way with a few beers. Took me 45 mins to cycle 7 miles to his house. Stayed there a couple of hours drinking, caught up on things etc. Cycled home, took 35 minutes. Sunday was indeed a good day for a bike ride, I did about 10 miles round Oxford, nearly ran over a couple of tourists though gotta watch it round here. Anyway your kids aren't stupid and it will be very clear to them what's been going on. Your wife has no idea what she is doing to your kids. She is either too thick or too depp in fog. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Crashed again today, feel so down. I think its because our 11th wedding anniversary is coming up on the 30th. She could never remember the date, always thought it was the 31st. When will i get off this emotional rollercoaster? jaymz, It will take a while. It comes and goes...our wedding anniversary came and went without either of us mentioning it, even though we saw each other 2 times for the kids exchange. Used to be a special day...now, it's just another day...another day to get out and seize life by the b@lls and be happy!! Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 06/07/11 19:15 Spoke to kids, they have the picture of me by their beds and they promised to kiss it goodnight everynight. I am so pleased. Spoke to stbxw, all she was concerned about was money as usuall, threatening to rent the house out and get CSA to get what she deserves straight from my pay. I didn't bother arguing with her, just told her that as soon as i know anything I would tell her and left it as that. She thanked me! Went for a bike ride with a friend, then down the pub after for a few well deserved jars. Am feeling the burn now! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 get CSA to get what she deserves straight from my pay. I didn't bother arguing with her, just told her that as soon as i know anything I would tell her and left it as that. She thanked me! Went for a bike ride with a friend, then down the pub after for a few well deserved jars. Am feeling the burn now! Lol well handled, Sadly for your wife I think she is going to be bitterly dissapointed by what the CSA has to offer. Ohh and SHE deserves nothing, the CSA, child support etc is for the kids Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 threatening to rent the house out !here You do realise, now she's moved out there is next to zero chance of her being able to do this. She loves to posture your wife, big words no action. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 here You do realise, now she's moved out there is next to zero chance of her being able to do this. She loves to posture your wife, big words no action. She wants to control you, do exactly as she wants and she is finding it harder and harder to do that now. How frustrating for her Keep on doing what you are doing, look after your kids and yourself and you will be fine Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I am slowly learning that I don't need to tell her anything, in fact I don't say anything at all other than "I'm not sure" "ok" "no" "i'll get back to you". Makes conversations very short and I don't actually so anything for her any more. When I see her i just say "hello" and "goodbye". I do not initiate any conversation, I do not ask her to do anything or tell me anything and I dont ask how she is. I will only converse on the kids, the finances and the divorce and nothing else. I will also do her no favours at all now. She wants me to have the kids for two days when she goes into the hospital to have her hernia done. previously i was going to have the kids but now I will tell her no when she gets the date through. I feel like an assh*le doing it and its missed time with the kids but I need to get across to her that I wont do what she wants, she needs to ask and negotiate with me rather than assume I will do it and secondly i will see the kids on my terms and spend *my* time with them. This way i regain control of my life. I think it is going to be very important to me to regain control of my life. To hell if she doesn't like it. She threw me under a bus. Well i am now healing and replacing all the stuff she stole. I may forgive in the future but I will never, ever forget what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 jaymz: Good attitude. That is exactly what you should do and how you should be thinking now. It's all about you my friend (and the kids). Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I am slowly learning that I don't need to tell her anything, in fact I don't say anything at all other than "I'm not sure" "ok" "no" "i'll get back to you". Makes conversations very short and I don't actually so anything for her any more. When I see her i just say "hello" and "goodbye". I do not initiate any conversation, I do not ask her to do anything or tell me anything and I dont ask how she is. I will only converse on the kids, the finances and the divorce and nothing else. I will also do her no favours at all now. She wants me to have the kids for two days when she goes into the hospital to have her hernia done. previously i was going to have the kids but now I will tell her no when she gets the date through. I feel like an assh*le doing it and its missed time with the kids but I need to get across to her that I wont do what she wants, she needs to ask and negotiate with me rather than assume I will do it and secondly i will see the kids on my terms and spend *my* time with them. This way i regain control of my life. I think it is going to be very important to me to regain control of my life. To hell if she doesn't like it. She threw me under a bus. Well i am now healing and replacing all the stuff she stole. I may forgive in the future but I will never, ever forget what she did. Actually, your doing great but I think your wrong about not taking the kids when she's having an op. Your making it about her, it should be about you and the kids. Take them, you won't regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 jaymz, Way to stick to your guns. I certainly understand your decision to let her know that your time is yours, but, as far as my kids are concerned, ANY time I don't have plans, I will take them if my stbx asks. I don't make myself available for any other "support" but I want her to know that I will always be there for the kids, and, if she ever decides she wants me to be the primary caregiver, etc. I will be there. It's a tricky line of decisions to make, so just try to make sure that anything you do to draw a line in the sand with her doesn't have an impact on your time/relationship with your kids. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
starting2wakeup Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Way to stick to your guns. I certainly understand your decision to let her know that your time is yours, but, as far as my kids are concerned, ANY time I don't have plans, I will take them if my stbx asks. I don't make myself available for any other "support" but I want her to know that I will always be there for the kids, and, if she ever decides she wants me to be the primary caregiver, etc. I will be there. I could not agree with debtman more in this case. Anytime you can spend with your children, take it. And document it. That way when and if a time comes where custody becomes an issue you will be able to show that you went above and beyond for your children. All the best to you jaymz. You were dealt a sh*tty hand but you are playing it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) The problem i have with stbxw is three fold: 1. Its important that she realizes that i am not at her beck and call, I have my own life and my own plans now. She needs to give me notice and negotiate in a timely and adult fashion - this is something she spectaculy fails at at the moment 2. I have time set aside for the kids, it is no where near enough but that is not a decision i made. I do want to spend as much time with them as possible but realistically I cannot see them everyday as much as i want to and they are used to. I speak to my stbxw and ask for additional time with them as much as possible. This is HER weekend with the kids but i have them all day Sunday. Its the kids holidays now and I am hopeing to get some time off and spend with the kids... 3. Due to her behavior she has seriously fscked up my financial situation and my employment. I am having to work long hours and show willing at work in a bid to keep my job and to keep the house why i try and sell it. This means problems getting time off for anything at all, an issue she has caused but has no interest in accommodating or even apologiesing for it. She has contributed nothing financially for months and months as the affairs were more important to her than feeding the kids and keeping a roof over their head. She has taken on a rented property that she cannot afford and is now pressuring me to give her more money to pay for it. She will not compromise on her life style at all, not even for a short period while we disentangle our lives. So i have to choose what to put first now, work, house, kids etc and I am not happy with her putting me in that situation. The last few months has shown me so clearly that she is very selfish, immature and a manipulator - something I find so repulsive now. The over riding feeling i have for her is disappointment. Edited July 28, 2011 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 Its our 11th and last wedding anniversary tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. I have a very busy day planned so hopefully will be pre-occupied. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Do something especially for you tomorrow and remember the day will pass! Hugs.:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 30/7/11 Didnt actually do that much today. Parents came over as they were worried and to drop of a car for me to use. We ended up chatting about things and they helped me redesign the furniture so the house looks more attractive to potential buyers. They will be back tuesday to help with the front and back of the house. I spent the evening with my BIL ex wife, she is happily remarried and has a kid. It was nice to see how she coped with everything and now she is so much happier. I cant wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 31/7/11 Didn't receive anything from w and i didn't send her anything either, quite sad. I picked up the kids and had a really great day out with them. went to the O2 with my brothers and their kids. The w text later and asked that i have the kids until 8, i told her that i would love to but couldn't, I had already said i would drop them off later than originally planned, she then started to get nasty, refused to pick the kids up from my house (to make things awkward for me as i have to leave the car and walk home while she and scumbag practically have to drive past my house on the way to their house), usual crap so i told her that i will drop them off at 6:30 as agreed. Got home and went down the park with the kids and the middle brother, had a great time again and hopefully the kids were very tired and would go straight to bed. 31/7/11 18:45 When i saw her she just said hello, i dropped the kids off and briefly discussed the youngest as she is just out of nappies and had a couple of accidents. I then got my bike out of the boot, showed my eldest as he was interested in riding it and cycled back home. 31/7/11 20:00 cycled to my brothers house, its a 15mile round trip. Had a few beers, fixed his wi-fi and he commented that today was the best day out for him as the kids were all relaxed and well behaved and he didn't have to tread on eggshells around w - she is neurotic about the kids being clean etc - and was looking forward to many other trips like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 I just don't know why she hates me soo much. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Jaymz... it doesn't matter. Why are you still concerned, thought you were past that? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I just don't know why she hates me soo much. you can't possiby know whats going on in her head.. you want a rational explanation, because if you "hated" her there would be a reason for it. accept that you won't get an explanation, its just so. i struggle with this too, it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Jaymz... it doesn't matter. Why are you still concerned, thought you were past that? I guess not. I suppose she is still playing games, making outrageous demands, laughing at me etc that keeps jerking me back. I guess i also want answers to questions. I also want some sense of closure on the whole thing. I know i wont get any of the above and I am quite sure she will be the same for the next 20 years that I have to deal with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 1/8/11 ill, did nothing all day. very sad. no contact with anyone. felt very down 2/8/11 felt better so spent the day tidying up the front and back of the house. The front looks great, definitely "showroom" condition and will hopefully help with selling the house. The back garden is half done. I will need to spend another day working on it but once its done it will look great too. I am completely exhausted this evening and feeling alot better. 2/8/11 18:50 called kids, wasn't allowed to speak to my daughter as she had gone to bed already as the w was going out tonight. Spoke to my sons, they are doing great and cant wait to see me Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hang in there man.. all part of the healing process. You're handling things perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 03/08/11 Felt better today but didn't go into work, had the kids over and tried to tidy up the back garden with their help. That lasted for about an hour before they were bored and so we played games, picked blackberries, frisbie, football, play fighting, golf, toy cars etc. We had a great day outside in the sun all day. They hadn't done it before this holiday, they spent it either inside or at a kids play centre. So even when they complained of being "bored" and wanted to go inside I distracted them with another made up game instead. While having lunch with the kids they told me that scumbag shouts at them when they are playing as he is trying to work and he now goes down the gym with mummy. I guess he doesnt have a job.... 03/07/11 19:00 w turns up late to pick up kids, she also brings scumbag as well. I hesitate to go out to the car to say goodbye to the kids, but thought, f*ck it, my kids and went and waved them off. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts