dreamingoftigers Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Enh, she's odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Went to the pub last night to watch the football (spurs vs manu) with a couple of friends. One of them is still friends with stbxw on facebook and told me that she is constantly: 1. Moaning about the kids. 2. Moaning that she can't go out with scumbag as she has the kids all the time. 3. Loves scumbag loads & loads, which he replies to how much he loves her. My friend told me that everyone just thinks this is really odd and its now becoming obvious that she is in some sort of MLC. Shame Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 While walking home I saw scumbag driving along the road on the way back from his work. I assume he is now back to work. Funny, he would be getting home same time as I would be... His job is in an area miles away from where i live, so his commute time must have tripled. shame. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Went to the pub last night to watch the football (spurs vs manu) with a couple of friends. One of them is still friends with stbxw on facebook and told me that she is constantly: 1. Moaning about the kids. 2. Moaning that she can't go out with scumbag as she has the kids all the time. 3. Loves scumbag loads & loads, which he replies to how much he loves her. My friend told me that everyone just thinks this is really odd and its now becoming obvious that she is in some sort of MLC. Shame Indeed, My prediction, it will all explode in her face, she'll cheat on OM or he'll dump her. Then she will be full of regret and remorse by which time you will tell her where to stick it. Or you will meet a fantastic woman, who is everything she is not, trust me she won't be able to handle it. All this I love you loads and loads stuff is prime BS also, my wife was giving me this boll*cks the day before she told me she wanted to separate. So enjoy the weekend... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Kinda f*cked up today 28/08/11 18:30 arrived at w house to pick up my daughter. it was cold and had been raining. w opens the door and says she is not ready with daughters clothes, i said ok, she replies "scumbag will be back soon", I said "i guess you had better hurry up", she says "i want to close the door as its cold" so i walk into the house. She then asks me to buy the boys new school shoes, like an idiot i said "i dont have any money", she replies "you are unbelievable, you get paid wednesday, get them then". 1 minute later, scumbag arrives, he comes in, mutters hello, takes off his shoes and disappears, i ignore him as i am giving my daughter my full attention. w comes back with clothes and asks if i am going to get shoes or not, so i look at my diary to check the dates and say ok. Get my daughters stuff, get in the car and go. No petrol in car again. this is annoying as its bad for the car and should be a small courtesy to have some petrol in it. She looks awful. no make-up on, wearing old clothes, hair tied back and her belly looks big. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Indeed, My prediction, it will all explode in her face, she'll cheat on OM or he'll dump her. Then she will be full of regret and remorse by which time you will tell her where to stick it. Who knows. I honestly doubt it. She shows no interest in me whatsoever. all she is interested in is money. She seems to be doing great. Or you will meet a fantastic woman, who is everything she is not, trust me she won't be able to handle it. Not dating yet, I want to get the house sold, the divorce done, get a new place and a car before i even consider dating. Hopefully 6 months away. All this I love you loads and loads stuff is prime BS also, my wife was giving me this boll*cks the day before she told me she wanted to separate. So enjoy the weekend... Maybe it is BS. I have no idea. But i do want to be in the position where I am happy without her so if she ever does want to come back, I will be strong enough to say no. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 She looks awful. no make-up on, wearing old clothes, hair tied back and her belly looks big. Yeah, I thought it was funny to see how long it was before my stbx stopped getting all made-up and hair done every time OM was coming over...didn't take long... Who knows. I honestly doubt it. She shows no interest in me whatsoever. all she is interested in is money. She seems to be doing great. I'm sure she's doing great right now...the fog of a new relationship, being put on a pedestal, always being right, it's pretty intoxicating...it's also not real...reality will set in. She's NOT a different person than she was with you. If she can suddenly get disinterested and fall out of love with someone she promised to be with forever and started a family with, how easy do you think it will be for her to do that with some random guy who happened to be in the "right" place at the "right" time. Maybe it is BS. I have no idea. But i do want to be in the position where I am happy without her so if she ever does want to come back, I will be strong enough to say no. Best thing I've seen you say. That's the key to being happy in, or out, of a relationship. Being happy with yourself...with life. I think it really bothers my stbx to see me doing well (other than financially, but she knows that's temporary) when things are suddenly not as rosy as she thought they would be for her. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 FWIW I think you're doing great Jaymz. You are a good, loving Dad and your kids are lucky to have you in their lives- as for the lack of petrol in the car- don't sweat the small stuff, it's not worth it. Rise above the irritations and enjoy your kids. Your wife may be on a pedestal but it sound like it's starting to wobble..... . Hugs:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Yeah, I thought it was funny to see how long it was before my stbx stopped getting all made-up and hair done every time OM was coming over...didn't take long... 6 weeks of living together, guess it takes the shine off things, esp when he seemingly works from home all the time. He looked like a pile of crap too but i wasn't paying him that much attention. I'm sure she's doing great right now...the fog of a new relationship, being put on a pedestal, always being right, it's pretty intoxicating...it's also not real...reality will set in. She's NOT a different person than she was with you. If she can suddenly get disinterested and fall out of love with someone she promised to be with forever and started a family with, how easy do you think it will be for her to do that with some random guy who happened to be in the "right" place at the "right" time. I guess. Time will tell. Best thing I've seen you say. That's the key to being happy in, or out, of a relationship. Being happy with yourself...with life. I think it really bothers my stbx to see me doing well (other than financially, but she knows that's temporary) when things are suddenly not as rosy as she thought they would be for her. It has been a long time but I am slowly starting to enjoy my life again in some places - like everyone else here I thought it was over, just kill myself and get it done. Time does heal you, I have been busy with work and taken up cycling. I now get up at 5am to cycle to keep fit and keep my evenings free for chores and going out. I try and be upbeat and give the impression I am happy, have things to do, places to go, but its hard some days. I have absolutely no idea what my stbxw thinks or sees about me, I guess I don't really care any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 FWIW I think you're doing great Jaymz. You are a good, loving Dad and your kids are lucky to have you in their lives- as for the lack of petrol in the car- don't sweat the small stuff, it's not worth it. Rise above the irritations and enjoy your kids. Your wife may be on a pedestal but it sound like it's starting to wobble..... . Hugs:bunny::bunny: I am really enjoying the kids now, much more than before. When they are with me we try and have fun 100% of the time and they are my only focus. We have set backs with tantrums, poor manners at times but that usually goes after the first night. The kids are super affectionate now with me, tell me they love me all the time and what a great dad I am. Its lovely to hear them talk like that, its lovely to spend the quality time and they really appreciate it. Its just so sad for them their world is turned upside down. The petrol in the car is just really annoying. I don't say anything about it as I know its another power play. I always return the car with a quarter tank, to prove a point. Thanks for hugs and bunnys. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I'm sure she's doing great right now...the fog of a new relationship, being put on a pedestal, always being right, it's pretty intoxicating...it's also not real...reality will set in. She's NOT a different person than she was with you. If she can suddenly get disinterested and fall out of love with someone she promised to be with forever and started a family with, how easy do you think it will be for her to do that with some random guy who happened to be in the "right" place at the "right" time. Totally agree. In a couple of years (or whenever) when you are happily over your wife, either with or without someone new. Your wife will get dumped by this or some other OM. At that point she will be all over you like a rash. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 6 weeks of living together, guess it takes the shine off things, esp when he seemingly works from home all the time. He looked like a pile of crap too but i wasn't paying him that much attention. . Domestic bliss ..... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I am really enjoying the kids now, much more than before. When they are with me we try and have fun 100% of the time and they are my only focus. We have set backs with tantrums, poor manners at times but that usually goes after the first night. The kids are super affectionate now with me, tell me they love me all the time and what a great dad I am. Its lovely to hear them talk like that, its lovely to spend the quality time and they really appreciate it. Its just so sad for them their world is turned upside down. The petrol in the car is just really annoying. I don't say anything about it as I know its another power play. I always return the car with a quarter tank, to prove a point. Thanks for hugs and bunnys. I think it would be a bad thing if she breaks up with OM. She'd be homeless and peniless, and you would be in the firing line. Mind you she seems like the type of lady who would have someone else in place before leaving anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Yeah, I thought it was funny to see how long it was before my stbx stopped getting all made-up and hair done every time OM was coming over...didn't take long... Thats too funny, Debtman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Totally agree. In a couple of years (or whenever) when you are happily over your wife, either with or without someone new. Your wife will get dumped by this or some other OM. At that point she will be all over you like a rash. I don't know if she would tbh. I don't see the relationship failing and if he did dump her I don't think she would come back. At this point I am sure i would say no to her. I am enjoying some parts of being single, its not as daunting as I thought it would be all the months ago. Domestic bliss ..... I did wonder how long it would take... I think it would be a bad thing if she breaks up with OM. She'd be homeless and peniless, and you would be in the firing line. Mind you she seems like the type of lady who would have someone else in place before leaving anyone. If they did break up then she would go into council, I don't think she would be homeless. If she does get bored of the OM then I suspect she will do the same to him as she done to me. I still cannot believe to this day that I bent over backwards to keep her happy and all i was doing was making the affairs much easier for her: Like us doing the house work on the weekends to give her free time during the week! such an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Having a down day today, I don't think i am feeling too well either... Yesterday I was feeling like a domestic goddess: Looked out the window and saw it was a perfect drying day so I did two loads of washing and also my bed sheets too; love the feeling of a fresh bed. In the evening I cooked myself bangers & mash with onion gravy from scratch: I burnt the frying pan, there was too much mash, the gravy was like glue but it tasted excellent! I got the kids too: the eldest was ill yesterday to we spent the day at the house, did games, drawings, paintings and in the eveing watched a film togther. Today we went shopping and are going down the park. When we come back I'm going to make homemade burgers with them before a bath, film & bed. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 You might feel down, jaymz, but trust me - you're terrific with your kids. They're lucky to have you. You're still radiating positivity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Having a down day today, I don't think i am feeling too well either... Dont know why i feel down, not sure what has triggered it this time. But the down days are getting less & less now. When my brain is thinking of things it flits between the relationship in the last year (the events leading up to what happened i guess) and then the relationship as a whole. Still a lot to process through and deal with, but the hardest parts are seeing how we were together, all the good times we had and then comparing that to how callous and devious she was in the last 6 months of our relationship. It just doesn't make any sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 jaymz, I know I hit some times of depression after spending quality time with the kids one night and knowing I wouldn't have them the next day (or several days). I found it tough sometimes to separate the time with the kids from thoughts of the relationship, but, it does get easier. And, I found that filling my time without the kids helped distract me, as well as giving me a chance to meet new people, work on myself and find happiness again. As things seem to be changing with my stbx and OM, she keeps coming back with talk of reconciling, doing things together, etc. and I'm SO glad I'm at the point now where that's the LAST thing I want. Having gone through the healing, seeing the kids go through the acceptance and understanding, I'm in a place now where I can't imagine EVER going back to that. And, it's not like there's any chance that she's changed, she's just looking for the next thing (man) to come along and sweep her away from her troubles...but no one can, her troubles will be hers until she faces them on her own... You're an incredible father and your kids are lucky to have you. And you're lucky to have them, and, eventually, you'll see that you're lucky to NOT have her. And, don't try to make sense of her decision. There's no sense in it. It was a decision made from emotions, confusion and unhappiness. A decision made without communication, effort or introspection. It was the choice that seemed to be the easiest at the time... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 My eldest is so astute: We were sitting in KFC having some food (a rare treat from me) when he said to me "Daddy, does it make you sad when you see couples walking down the street and you have no one?". I was stunned for a minute, do i look sad? was I that obvious? So i just replied "I am happy as I get to spend a lot of time with you guys and when I'm not I'm busy with work and my exercises" he seemed happy with the reply. He is 9 years old. He shouldn't even notice things like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 J, When my H had his affair in 1997, my son was 7 years old. One day I took him shopping with me and he sat on the floor outside the dressing room. The other dressing rooms were occupied. He asked me if I was going to get married again and I said, "No, I don't think so" and he said "Oh, I guess you are afraid that he will leave you too". Good Lord, I was embarrassed and could hear the snickers of the other people in the dressing rooms. I laughed, though, and said "well, maybe, but I don't think I'll worry about that right now". Kids...they will surprise you with what they know, won't they? Your son liked your answer, so that is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) haha...a few weeks ago I was in the car with my kids and my 6-year old daughter asked me if I would ever get married again. I said that I might if I ever met the right person. Then, she and my son started talking about who they were going to marry and my son said he was going to marry one of his friends and my daughter said "You can't marry him because he's a boy." to which I said, "That's not true, NY just changed the law so that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls." Then, she completely shocked me by saying, "Wow, you should get married to OM!" I almost drove off the road, then, I almost said something very inappropriate, but bit my tongue. I just said "That probably won't happen because, if I do get married again, it will most likely be to a woman." And then I thought...how funny would that be...hahaha... ...kids... Edited August 30, 2011 by debtman Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 My eldest is so astute: We were sitting in KFC having some food (a rare treat from me) when he said to me "Daddy, does it make you sad when you see couples walking down the street and you have no one?". I was stunned for a minute, do i look sad? was I that obvious? So i just replied "I am happy as I get to spend a lot of time with you guys and when I'm not I'm busy with work and my exercises" he seemed happy with the reply. He is 9 years old. He shouldn't even notice things like that? C'mon be honest your sad because spurs got whipped 5-1 by Man City lol Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 My eldest is so astute: We were sitting in KFC having some food (a rare treat from me) when he said to me "Daddy, does it make you sad when you see couples walking down the street and you have no one?". I was stunned for a minute, do i look sad? was I that obvious? So i just replied "I am happy as I get to spend a lot of time with you guys and when I'm not I'm busy with work and my exercises" he seemed happy with the reply. He is 9 years old. He shouldn't even notice things like that? Kids notice every tiny little detail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 31/8/11 Great day down the beach with my brother and his nephew, then shared a bag of chips with the kids. great times. 31/8/11 18:30 dropped kids off, the stbxw was being very nice, she had made more effort with her appearance and had the carpet cleaners in. It annoys me that she claims she cant feed the kids yet they have new clothes and toys all the time and she can spend on having her carpets cleaned. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts