Author jaymz Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 2/9/11 10:00 the doctors called me and ask to get stbx to call them, i am on their emergency contact list. I text stbxw as i know she will probably be down the gym. now i worry what is wrong with her. 2/9/11 19:30 picked up kids late because of work. she text me that she was going out and her father would be there. no I am relieved that noting it wrong with her but am feeling down as she is out for the evening with scumbag and one of his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 3/9/11 Spent the afternoon down the park with the kids, it seems most of their school friends were there so it was a great afternoon. I was speaking to one of the mums from the school, she was telling me about when she found out about the affair that the first thing my stbxw told her was how much money scumbag earns! She thought it a very odd thing to say. I told her some of the things that went on and she couldn't believe it but now understands why my stbxw is ostracised by all the mums down the school. She also said that my stbxw is posting disgusting pictures of herself and scumbag on facebook and she is p*ssing off everyone with her superior attitude. It feels good to talk about these things to people and not get all upset about it again. It seems I have turned a page and can now discuss things that happened without getting emotional about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Jaymz, You are onto it dude... The mums down at the school!!! I had overlooked a brilliant oppurtunity to meet new people. As i pick up my daughter some fridays from school to have them on the weekend, i have noticed a few lookers waitin for their kids. They may be married, maybe not, the point is i underestimated the fact they might know of the situation from their sons/daughters whom my child plays with. They are adults with whom i could talk, relate and possibly get new perspective from. I know of 1 time OM has gone with her to get my eldest from school, but i live in a little place, so i guess people would know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 04/09/11 20:50 w turned up late to pick up kids from my house. They didnt want to go, they all wanted to stay. w started on me while this was happening "are you writing a letter to the school about the kids not being there for your brothers wedding?", "did you measure the kids feet when you bought them shoes?" and "are you buying the kids an outfit for the wedding?". So i was dealing with her and my eldest at the same time, the two younger ones went into the car by my eldest refused to go. He kept saying that he loved me and wanted to stay with me, the w was getting really pissed off with this and scumbag was waiting outside in his car. It took my about 10 minutes to convince him to get into the car, but his face... I broke down as soon as I had waved them all off. I feel like I have betrayed them, If i was better husband they would be happy now. I am so sorry kids... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 She had been on a day out with scumbag. She did actually look nice but had on clothes that were a size too small... She also really stank of cigarettes... I just cannot believe I loved this woman so much. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 "are you writing a letter to the school about the kids not being there for your brothers wedding?", "did you measure the kids feet when you bought them shoes?" and "are you buying the kids an outfit for the wedding?". ... It's because she can't nag you anymore, I bet she's doing the same to OM lol. Your kids are also beginning to hate their own mother, wait until they are teenagers, my guess is she'll be lucky if their on speaking terms... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 So do I just no to anything she asks me to buy for the kids? Like school shoes? At the moment I only pay her £225 in maintenance as I am paying off our credit cards, mortgage, 2 loans etc. Not sure if I should pay out for essential things for the kids on an ad hoc basis or just tell her no. Her argument is that I don't contribute more to the kids, which is hard due to the financial situation we are in - and she created... Its also galling to see her picking up kids in new designer clothes (even if they are too small) where I dont have enough money to eat properly let alone go out and doing anything. She also loves to use scumbag as an example of "taking care of his kids" and I should "man up and pay up" etc. She also wants the house rented out so I can pay her more... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 She also wants the house rented out so I can pay her more... Jaymz She cannot make you do this now she has moved out. Possesion is indeet 9/10ths of the law. Do not cave on this for the sake of you and your kids. It would also have the effect of making you homeless. Stand up strong to this woman!! Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Jaymz She cannot make you do this now she has moved out. Possesion is indeet 9/10ths of the law. Do not cave on this for the sake of you and your kids. It would also have the effect of making you homeless. Stand up strong to this woman!! Agreed - she cannot force you out. The house is up for sale and you are paying the mortgage. Just keep a note of the payments you make for settlement. Jaymz - those credit card debts you are paying, are they debt she built up to? If so she owes you half of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I am happy to pay the repayments and then settle the credit cards and loans etc out of the equity of the house. I guess the question was based about telling her no when she asks me to pay for things for the kids when I am paying for our debt and she isnt. It just pisses me off I have no money while she is going out and still buying new designer clothes - courtesy of scumbag. Also if she gets a new credit card while we are separated, am I liable for that too? Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 From what I remember, you will both be responsible for those taken out in joint names. If she took anything out after seperation it will be in her sole name and her responsibility. What do you mean out of the equity of the house? Will you not be seeking her share of what you are paying now? Its joint debt, so yes you could be paying it now, but her settlement should be less than yours because you have been paying the mortgage and debts whilst she hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Agreed - she cannot force you out. The house is up for sale and you are paying the mortgage. Just keep a note of the payments you make for settlement. Jaymz - those credit card debts you are paying, are they debt she built up to? If so she owes you half of it. If I was Jaymz, I'd seriously be slowing the sale down, Houses can take years to sell in the UK at the moment anyway. His wife has moved out which means she can talk all she wants but in reality has no power. In fact if he's changed the locks he can have her arrested for breaking and entering if she or OM tries to break in. He could rent out the spare bedrooms to generate income and his wife could sing for the house for all the good it will do. In fact every month's mortgage payment his wife will be liable for half of it in the final settlement. I've been on the receiving end of this so I know exactly how it works. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 If I was Jaymz, I'd seriously be slowing the sale down, Houses can take years to sell in the UK at the moment anyway. His wife has moved out which means she can talk all she wants but in reality has no power. In fact if he's changed the locks he can have her arrested for breaking and entering if she or OM tries to break in. He could rent out the spare bedrooms to generate income and his wife could sing for the house for all the good it will do. In fact every month's mortgage payment his wife will be liable for half of it in the final settlement. I've been on the receiving end of this so I know exactly how it works. Yes he could drag it out - depends whether he wants to and if he is managing the mortgage payments. Legally he cannot change the locks. His wife is co-owner of the property and is entitled legally to have access. He could rent some rooms out, but I think you would find that she may have some claim on the rental income too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Phoned the kids a couple of times during the week, they all keep saying they miss me and want to live with me, its really hard to talk to them. Last weekend I went to stay with a friend, had a good weekend away and was able to keep my mind off work and the w & kids. 11/9/11 19:05 Called kids, my daughter was crying so much. She is only 3, told me she missed me and wanted to be with me. I told her that she was being a good girl and I would see her soon. My youngest son came on the phone and he was crying too, saying the same things. I was so upset by this. w came on the phone and told me the kids were very tired as they had a late night last night at a family party - I guess that explains it then? I don't know whether she is heartless or just trying to avoid the upset by making excuses for their behavior. Then she asked if I had "the papers" yet, I said no as I was away, she then wanted to know if I was on holiday or abroad, but not in a nice or interested way. I didn't really say anything. She then told me that she had spent £270 on private swimming lessons for the kids and wanted a contribution towards it. I told told her I would see her Thursday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Yes he could drag it out - depends whether he wants to and if he is managing the mortgage payments. Legally he cannot change the locks. His wife is co-owner of the property and is entitled legally to have access. He could rent some rooms out, but I think you would find that she may have some claim on the rental income too. Not managing the payments very well, getting further into debt each month. I just want to sell the house so I can get the divorce done quickly. I can then start my life over again. I have looked into changing the locks and I can do it and make it hard for her to have entry back, again costs money etc which I don't have. She can claim the rental money, I would split the income with her but I would need to buy furniture etc and also I don't want to jepodise the selling of the house by having lodgers... Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Can you discount the price of the house to sell it faster? It might be worth taking a bit of a loss to get out of the house faster so that you can move on faster. A friend of mine has had her house on the market for a YEAR and she's draining her savings just paying the rent on an empty house. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Jeff2321 has got a good suggestion about the house. Not sure what your situation is, especially with the forecasts that houses are due to fall again! We've been thinking of moving to a different either late this year or early next one so I've been watching the local housing market for months. Houses that are priced reasonably are selling. This was confirmed by the estate agents when I spoke to them. Perhaps speak to your estate agent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 House prices in my area are reasonably stable, its a commuter town and I'm in the best location. I have changed agents and reduced the price to get more people looking at the house, but no offers yet. The summer holidays have just finished so hopefully will get more interested from family's and those wanted to buy a house and move in before xmas. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Not managing the payments very well, getting further into debt each month. I just want to sell the house so I can get the divorce done quickly. I can then start my life over again. I have looked into changing the locks and I can do it and make it hard for her to have entry back, again costs money etc which I don't have. She can claim the rental money, I would split the income with her but I would need to buy furniture etc and also I don't want to jepodise the selling of the house by having lodgers... Jay, Yes she can claim rental money for the time she is out of the house, however, you are also paying the mortgage and she isn't, as it is a joint mortgage she is also liable for this, so, the payment of the mortgage by you is offsetting her claim to rent, yes? Why do you have to wait until the house is sold to finalise your divorce? Have you been to court yet? I did not take family but in general I understand that you can have an interim hearing and is it not possible to have a settlement agreed, or a court order for sale and division of assets and still get your decree? What does your solicitor say about all this? Why is it taking so long for you to get your court date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Jay, Yes she can claim rental money for the time she is out of the house, however, you are also paying the mortgage and she isn't, as it is a joint mortgage she is also liable for this, so, the payment of the mortgage by you is offsetting her claim to rent, yes? This is true if i have lodgers in, if I rent the house then she will have claim to half the extra money over her half of the mortgage. It would also give me some financial respite as I wouldn't be paying the utility bills either. Why do you have to wait until the house is sold to finalise your divorce? Have you been to court yet? I did not take family but in general I understand that you can have an interim hearing and is it not possible to have a settlement agreed, or a court order for sale and division of assets and still get your decree? The court date has been delayed mainly by her and by me a bit, by me due to not getting a letter about outstanding fees and paying them. The stbxw has been sending me stupid letters, which I detailed earlier, but my latest response has been to have her position on ancillary relief and look at completing the finance part of the settlement now - this will mean she will have to expose all her income and expenditure as well as scumbags. Not heard a thing since... I just want to sell the house and pay of everything so I can move on. We can look at split settlement but it complicates things. What does your solicitor say about all this? Why is it taking so long for you to get your court date? The solictor thinks that these things can take time and if my stbxw wants to drag things out then there is little to stop her. The papers went to court and they wrote to my stbxw on 31/08/11 and she has 14 days to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 13/09/11 19:05 called kids, daughter was in bed already. spoke to eldest, he seems ok, spoke to youngest son and he was still a little upset. Both are looking forward to my brothers wedding on thursday and spenind time with me and my family. they both miss us a lot. My youngest son said "goodbye scumbag, er daddy" Pisses me off to be called by scumbags name! Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 My kids slip up a few times too, calling me by his name when i have them. Really upsets me inside, but i cant blame them, they're kids, plus they'd prolly been callin his and her name all week... Comes with the (unwanted) territory i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 The day of my brothers wedding. STBXW was meant to drop kids off at 9:30, sends me a text and says will be 10, she actuall drops them off at 10:30, no apology, nothing. she then complains about the shoes i bought, I told her to exchange them if they are no good. Now she wants me to have the kids late sunday evening, I would love to but have already made arrangements. She then starts having a go with me that "its only an extra hour and a half" and "why can't I be flexible" etc. I reminded her that we have an agreement in place and if she had given me notice I would have loved to have had the kids - she has asked before and gave me notice and I was only too pleased to have them. Spoke to my solicitor as well. She tells me that the STBXW has returned the court papers so it looks like we are now on to stage 2! This will be the fun bit, release of financial position information and mediation... Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 NICE!! Stick with it. Yeah, my younger son would often call me by OM name accidentally and then correct himself. That doesn't happen anymore since OM seems to be out of the picture. Too bad for the kids, they seemed to like him. Too bad for me, he kept stbx distracted. Maybe this will be the time of growth and introspection that my stbx needs to be able to "find herself" and get to a happy place...or, she'll find another guy to drag in and out of our kids lives... ugg...and she just can't understand why I'm avoiding relationships... Good luck with the next phase jaymz. Excellent job being the bigger person, maintaining civility and putting your kids first...they're lucky they have you! Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 Great day! Really was brilliant. The highlight was my daughter locking herself in the toilet! And her cousin climbed in through the window to release her. My daughter was brilliant, cool, calm, composed and after being released went to the basin to wash her hands! soo cute!! Everyone thought it was so funny! If the STBXW was there, it would have been a different story. Also met someone, so maybe things are looking brighter. Link to post Share on other sites
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