Is it over?

[jaymz]

Didn't happen. Karma burn. Maybe I am the horrible one. Getting just desserts.

[jaymz]

16/09/11 18:40 picked up kids as usual, no dramas, got stuff and went.

 

16/09/11 19:00 w called, forgotten to give me daughters dummy, I told her to drop it off, she wasnt please and wanted me to drive back.

 

16/09/11 19:15 w text, she is cooking dinner, can scumbag drop it off?

 

16/09/11 19:45 I see text and reply "sure, she wont sleep without it"

 

16/09/11 20:00 a female friend comes over to see me, looks after kids while I jump in shower

 

16/09/11 20:15 In shower and w turns up, i jump out and run downstairs to head off any trouble. w just gives my dummy and kids homework and leaves.

 

Could have been nasty. But I guess as she didn't say anything and looked pretty indifferent, she has no feelings for me at all. I am pleased in a way, hopefully if it goes all wrong for her she wont be knocking back on my door.

[jaymz]

18/9/11 18:35 Drop kids off back at her place. She takes 5 minutes to open the door, snaps to me that she didn't hear as she was in front room. Whatever. take all the stuff from the car to the house, tell her kids homework has been done but they need to do reading at bedtime. Say good bye to the kids. She then tells me she needs to tell me something: She is busy next saturday so wants to drop the kids off earlier in the morning but she says it in a spiteful way so I know that she is now using the kids against me, i say that we stick to the original time please as agreed, she then says that unless i do what she says I cant have the kids. I walk off. she screams out that I cant have the kids unless she drops them off when she wants.

 

I dont understand why she wants to always change agreed plans all the time. Its really starting to piss me off and make it difficult to deal with her. Yesterday I was dreading dropping the kids off as I knew she would do something.

 

Any ideas or tips?

[robf1971]

Any ideas or tips?

 

Yep, take the kids whenever you can get them.

[BrettLost]

Jaymz,

 

Hey mate, u seem to be getting the f around also to pre-arranged plans. But Rob is right.

Not sure who's forum i was in but they said they did ALL the leg/car work for pick ups and drop offs just to avoid the drama. I heavily disagreed at the time, cause it felt like giving into her (much like swallowing changed agendas), but in the end they had a point.

 

Still not entirely fair of us to do it ALL THE TIME, but being smooth and somewhat generous towards the lengths ul go to for time with your kids should pay off, for u.

[robf1971]

she has no feelings for me at all. I am pleased in a way, hopefully if it goes all wrong for her she wont be knocking back on my door.

 

These are the one's who are most likely to come back knocking on your door.

 

Lol I remember back at uni some chick who used to act like she hated me, seemed pretty convincing, i'd done nothing to offend her. I just couldn't figure it out! Later, I found out she was in love with me. Go figure!!

 

If your wife had been trying to be all friendly like brother/sister with you and nicy nice, then I'd say she has no feelings for you. Hate is an emotion that is very closely linked to love. The minute you meet someone new, you're wife will be all over you like a rash. This will prove exactly what I'm saying.

[ver13]

Jay.

 

The reason why she was such an ass when you dropped off the kid's is because she saw another woman in her old house sitting with her kid's. Which is good by the way I really don't think that she doesn't care she's just caught up in her own BS at this time and place. It's good to see you moving on and it will only get better but mark this sooner or later she will be back because she left for all the wrong reasons. OM is a loser period he can't even face you on his own and she is about to really find out how much of a loser he really is when you are D and he is all that she's got. Just remember it's all about the babies and you'll be fine.

[jaymz]

20/9/11 17:37 stbxw texts that she has something important to tell me, i text her back and tell her to call me. She calls and then "someone" comes to door, she says she will call me back.

 

20/9/11 18:45 stbxw calls me and says she is going into hospital to have her hernia done on 4/11 and could i have the kids that day & weekend? I looked at my work calendar and on a training course that week, so I told her that and said I wasnt sure if it was 5 or 7 day course - technical courses i go on are miles away and are residential, I have been on several over the years so she knows that they are legit. She then exploded into how unhelpful I am and she will never do me any favours again and then hung up.

 

20/9/11 19:00 Called to speak to kids. She let me but wasn't happy. she then hung up phone after I spoke to two youngest. I called back 10 times before she picked up the phone and said the eldest wasn't back yet.

[jaymz]

I would have looked into changing the course or asked her to change the hospital date, but as usual she thinks the worse of me, has a go and then hangs up. I thought about calling her back and look at the options we had but after that conversation i thought, nuts to you. AT the end of the day, if we were still together I would have taken the day off work and then took the kids out over the weekend to give her some rest time. I guess scumbag will have to step up to the plate and do it himself.

[jaymz]

Jaymz,

 

Hey mate, u seem to be getting the f around also to pre-arranged plans. But Rob is right.

Not sure who's forum i was in but they said they did ALL the leg/car work for pick ups and drop offs just to avoid the drama. I heavily disagreed at the time, cause it felt like giving into her (much like swallowing changed agendas), but in the end they had a point.

 

Still not entirely fair of us to do it ALL THE TIME, but being smooth and somewhat generous towards the lengths ul go to for time with your kids should pay off, for u.

 

I do all the running around for the kids. I have a 30 minute walk to/from her house to pick them up or drop them off. I have never complained about it or asked her to come to mine.

 

I want to avoid all the drama but it seems that no matter what I do, its always going to wrong or inconvenient. I am trying to move on with my life, going on more technical courses and getting more qualifications is ultimately better but I seem to have the knack of booking wrong the time. I am willing to accept change of agendas but I have my own life too, I arrange times with her so we both know where we are.

[jaymz]

These are the one's who are most likely to come back knocking on your door.

 

I really dont think so. I have no idea whether she is happy or not, i really dont care. Months ago I had the fantasy, probably the same as all other BS, that she would realise what she is doing and want to come back, work on things and have a much better marriage than before. I now realise that it is never going to happen, the vast majority of WS dont want to come back.

 

If your wife had been trying to be all friendly like brother/sister with you and nicy nice, then I'd say she has no feelings for you. Hate is an emotion that is very closely linked to love. The minute you meet someone new, you're wife will be all over you like a rash. This will prove exactly what I'm saying.

 

I have a new female companion (nothing will happen as she is just a friend and there is no way I want a relationship), which my stbxw stumbled over last friday evening. The stbxw has not been all over me at all and if anything has become more short tempered with me over things. So I guess that me moving on is just annoying her even more and she wants to make my life a misery.

[jaymz]

Jay.

 

The reason why she was such an ass when you dropped off the kid's is because she saw another woman in her old house sitting with her kid's. Which is good by the way I really don't think that she doesn't care she's just caught up in her own BS at this time and place. It's good to see you moving on and it will only get better but mark this sooner or later she will be back because she left for all the wrong reasons. OM is a loser period he can't even face you on his own and she is about to really find out how much of a loser he really is when you are D and he is all that she's got. Just remember it's all about the babies and you'll be fine.

 

I don't think she will be back. Kids are first. I have them again this Saturday and am looking forward to it.

[jaymz]

22/09/11 15:03 Just got text from stbxw, it appears she is now going to put the house on the market with another agent and wants to come to the house tomorrow to measure up, get photos etc.

 

Interesting.

[worlybear]

22/09/11 15:03 Just got text from stbxw, it appears she is now going to put the house on the market with another agent and wants to come to the house tomorrow to measure up, get photos etc.

 

Interesting.

Ok. Firstly, the estate agents take measurements and photos not your ex.

Also if an Estate Agent does show up, explain nicely that the house is involved in divorce proceedings.Watch him run!

[jaymz]

Got letter from solicitor, the stbxw has responded to my pertition so i am hopoefully getting my decree nici soon, this means she has admitted adultey and the divorce is going ahead on that basis.

 

I am pleased, i hope she knows the meaning of the word whore.

 

I am uber depressed tonight.

[robf1971]

22/09/11 15:03 Just got text from stbxw, it appears she is now going to put the house on the market with another agent and wants to come to the house tomorrow to measure up, get photos etc.

 

Interesting.

 

Let her lol

 

Houses are just not selling at the moment. I got friends who've had places not shifting for more than a year. The flat's been empty next to my parents for nearly 3 years lol.

[robf1971]

Ok. Firstly, the estate agents take measurements and photos not your ex.

Also if an Estate Agent does show up, explain nicely that the house is involved in divorce proceedings.Watch him run!

 

Brilliant,

 

Jaymz your in the driving seat on the house sale, remember that. Possesion is 9/10ths of the law.. That's a Divorce lawyer who told me that

[robf1971]

I really dont think so. I have no idea whether she is happy or not, i really dont care. Months ago I had the fantasy, probably the same as all other BS, that she would realise what she is doing and want to come back, work on things and have a much better marriage than before. I now realise that it is never going to happen, the vast majority of WS dont want to come back.

 

 

 

I have a new female companion (nothing will happen as she is just a friend and there is no way I want a relationship), which my stbxw stumbled over last friday evening. The stbxw has not been all over me at all and if anything has become more short tempered with me over things. So I guess that me moving on is just annoying her even more and she wants to make my life a misery.

 

Let her become short tempered and nasty, it's her problem man. She talks to you in a nasty way?

 

Wife " until you can talk to me in a civil and friendly manner this conversation is over" Phone down.

[jaymz]

24/09/11 09:40 Get home after a night out - spent the night with a woman! And find my house has been burgled. cant believe it. the stbxw turns up 15 minutes later with the kids, starts going all funny and paranoid about things: "Who have you upset? who is after you?" etc. I take kids and tell her I will sort it and she can go an have a nice day with scumbag and his kids.

 

Not quite the morning I wanted. Managed to get police over, have forensics done, statements, organize insurance and someone to board up the window. Left in time to get to a friends birthday party with the kids and spent the afternoon there. the middle child was ill, chocolate and bouncy castles do not mix. Dropped kids off and the stbxw wants to know all the details, just told her that a few bits were stolen but nothing important like my wedding ring, id bracelet, cuff-links and gold watch that she bought me.

 

It was going through the stuff that was stolen that I realize that apart from those 4 things, she never bought me anything and those items value was not over £200. I on the over hand bought her loads of stuff, esp jewelry, and she would buy stuff for herself also. I have no high value items at all now. I just did not spend any money on myself.

 

Just glad the kids weren't there.

 

Had to postpone a house viewing from Saturday to Sunday, but they weren't interested.

 

26/09/11 13:00 stbxw calls me and wants to know what is happening with the insurance and why did i leave my stuff out. I told her I was sorting it and if there wasn't anything else? said goodbye.

 

I have to wait for a crime reference number to be generated to complete the claim with the insurance company. Because we have both our names on it I guess she will find out anyway.

 

So a mixed weekend! Just wondering what else could go wrong!!!!

[jaymz]

Let her become short tempered and nasty, it's her problem man. She talks to you in a nasty way?

 

Wife " until you can talk to me in a civil and friendly manner this conversation is over" Phone down.

 

I do. Often just cut off conversations or just walk away. Just not interested in pointless arguments with her anymore, I don't have the time, patience or inclination.

[robf1971]

"Who have you upset? who is after you?" etc.

 

Wow she really likes to blame you for everything. I'm surprised she's not been trying to pin global warming on you with this warm weather we've been having.

[robf1971]

! Just wondering what else could go wrong!!!!

 

Stuff happens, burglary's, kids getting ill etc. There's no reason to it.

[jaymz]

Apart from the obviously strange and frustrating week. I have had a lot of thoughts on my marriage and I guess its incidents like having my house broken into that I realize what i have in terms of material goods. Most of the stuff I have that had any value (bar TV and PC) has now gone. Several of those items had high sentimental value, eg: a watch I got for my 16th birthday from my parents. The few items I got from my stbxw hasn't bothered me in the slightest they have gone as I was only going to put them in my divorce box, seal it and put in the loft.

 

I guess I see that I don't have anything because I wasn't good enough to get anything from her and also the fact that I didn't want high value presents as I believed the money should be spent on "us" instead and later the kids. I don't regret it; I've had nice cars, houses, holidays etc but now I have nothing to show for it apart from 3 wonderful kids.

 

The other thing I have been thinking about is my stbxw told me she hasn't been happy since august last year. It was around that time I was working more overtime and starting to have trouble at work with bad decisions I had made due to being tired from working all the time. She never really told me she was unhappy. She did know how tired I was and all the pressure I was under from work and getting money to keep the new house we had bought 8 months earlier. I guess what really annoys me now is how we both dealt with the problem: I just carried on doing what I did, dealing with things as they popped up to ensure my family had everything it needed and keeping the house.

 

The stbxw just said she wasn't happy on a couple of occasions but did not really discuss anything with me at all, instead just watched me work and work and work, not go on the holiday in November because of work, and instead looked for attention or validation from other men. Happy to do this behind my back while I carried on.

 

I guess that abandonment of "us" in our time of need is the biggest betrayal and while I hate scumbag for who he is and what he has done, the person who is fully to blame is the stbxw. I'm not saying I was a saint or easy to get on with but I dealt with things at the time the way I thought was best, i guess the priorities were wrong but even though I was unhappy too, the thought never crossed my mind to see another woman.

 

I dont know if I will ever get the truth from her about what really went on. I have put bits and pieces together from what people have told me or let slip, evidence I have gathered and looking between the lines of what stbxw has told me. It hasn't helped knowing more. Knowing they were at a certain place or hotel or somewhere else that was "special" to us as a couple: this has killed me at times.

 

At this point now I do feel angry to her at times. I still believe we could have sorted things out if we had sat down and talked things through. I wont make the same mistakes again.

 

Now my over riding feeling of the whole thing is sad and disappointed. I love my kids, I love being with them and what time I have with them now will never be enough. But I have got my priorities straight in life. Learnt an awful lot. And finally looking forward to the future with a sense of adventure.

[debtman]

Excellent Jaymz!! Good to hear. Sounds like you've come to grips with the reality of the situation and are focused on moving forward and keeping things positive for you and your kids.

 

NICE!!

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[robf1971]

due to being tired from working all the time. .

 

A decent respectful woman would have gone out and got a full/part time job to help her financially stressed family out. Instead your wife used her time to sneak around with other men. Utterly disgraceful!! Do not blame yourself for working too much.