debtman Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 ABSOLUTELY! Don't blame yourself. I spent several weeks blaming myself for my D as well, but, I realized that all I could blame myself for was a portion of the state of our relationship. The D was NOT my idea and I won't take ANY responsibility for that. Yes, I should have spent more time focusing on my W and our relationship. Yes, I should have listened to her when she said she felt "alone" and that we were growing apart. But, instead of telling me that we were headed for D unless we fixed our problems, she just went out and found OM and SHE decided that the M was over. Anyway, stay the course, keep working on yourself and moving forward. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Jaymz, I think the last line you wrote is very positive, for me also. "Looking forward to the future, WITH A SENSE OF ADVENTURE". Priceless. Right or wrong, slow or fast, today or 4mnths from now, alone or with company, the future can be awesome if we let it become so. It may even present the oppurtunity to surpass the heights of a life we are no longer in, yet stuggle to let go of. Very nice mate, well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Been a heavy week this week. Hassle at work, dealing with a new estate agent that the stbxw has instructed but has an awful contract he wants me to sign, still not sold the house, no one is looking at it, problems with the insurance after the recent burglary... lots on my plate to deal with. As I walk to the stbxw house my heart is thumping and I am looking forward to seeing her. When i get there she looks ordinary but loads of feelings surge to the surface... 30/09/11 18:50 picked up kids from stbxw, barrage of questions of about insurance, break in, getting the glass replaced, estate agents, selling the house etc. I deflect most of them but she is not happy being kept in the dark and tells me she will call them herself, fine by me. The insurance needs to be moved into my name so she wont be able to get any info and the estate agent needs my signature to market the house, so unless he puts together a better deal, he is not putting my house on his books. There are plenty of other agents I can use instead. She then tells me about a birthday party that my youngest daughter has been invited to on Saturday, my daughter knows all about and is excited to go, her brothers tell her that is will be a great party etc - so I am totally annoyed that this has been put on me last minute and mucks up my plans for the Saturday as the party is in the middle of the day. I don't show that I am annoyed but now have to work around it as I'm not going to disappoint my daughter now. But the coup de gras? the stbx tells me that I am going to have to get used to taking the kids to parties when I have them and I now need to get a card and present for the party. thanks. She now is openly calling scumbag all the pet names she used to call me, as he gets a few bits the kids want from the house. As i am driving off, scumbag stands at the door holding her hand and cuddling her, my heart sinks again. Feeling depressed. When does this rollercoaster end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Jaymz, I think the last line you wrote is very positive, for me also. "Looking forward to the future, WITH A SENSE OF ADVENTURE". Priceless. Right or wrong, slow or fast, today or 4mnths from now, alone or with company, the future can be awesome if we let it become so. It may even present the oppurtunity to surpass the heights of a life we are no longer in, yet stuggle to let go of. Very nice mate, well said. Feels like two steps forward and one step back all the time, still have the house to sell and now I have a letter from the solicitor stating that the divorce is going to cost at least another 2k - money I just don't have. On the bright side a friend told me that his cousin saw a picture of me on fb (they were pictures of my brothers wedding) and thought I was very handsome. When my friend sent me her picture i was gobbsmacked, she was drop dead gorgeous! So hopefully will meet up for a drink and see what happens. You just don't know what is around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 She now is openly calling scumbag all the pet names she used to call me, as he gets a few bits the kids want from the house. As i am driving off, scumbag stands at the door holding her hand and cuddling her, my heart sinks again. Re the bolded~Hells teeth Jaymz how sad is that! She hasn't even managed to make some new pet names! Get yourself out and meet that new lady! Hugs:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 be glad you're not doing 1 forward and 2 back as I am.... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 , she was drop dead gorgeous! So hopefully will meet up for a drink and see what happens. You just don't know what is around the corner. Good for you mate, you deserve it!! Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 jaymz, chin up man! You've been through an insane wringer and between the emotional, mental and financial impact, your life is in a complete state of upheaval. Stick to it and, soon, this will all be behind you and life will start to gradually improve and, before you know it, you'll be back on top. This is a temporary situation! Every day is a new adventure and you can make it whatever you want! Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 jaymz, chin up man! You've been through an insane wringer and between the emotional, mental and financial impact, your life is in a complete state of upheaval. Stick to it and, soon, this will all be behind you and life will start to gradually improve and, before you know it, you'll be back on top. This is a temporary situation! Every day is a new adventure and you can make it whatever you want! Good luck and keep posting... Yeah , very soon you will realise there is so much more to life than your walk away wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 6/10/11 STBXW "couldn't hear her phone" so I wasn't allowed to talk to the kids despite phoneing and texting. 7/10/11 Night out in London with some friends, was a good night! 10/10/11 Managed to talk to kids, they told me how much they miss me and that was it, i crashed again Monday evening and it spillt over to Tuesday. 12/10/11 Went to my new lady's house and things feel very different now. I really like her but the guilt of my kids, feeling like I am cheating on my marriage, the house, money worries, the STBXW excluding me from kids life etc is really affecting me emotionally and I know i am being distant to her. Its really unfair on her and I need to make a decision on that relationship. 13/10/11 Have another viewing tonight at the house, i now have 3 agents working on it so hopefully have it sold soon. Also finally spoke to the loss adjuster in regards to my insurance claim and having the door replaced, its cold people! -------------------- Still cycling semi-regular now, I enjoy being out and getting exercise. My body shape is starting to change, my legs are rock solid and look very defined, my arms are looking more defined too, its just body and face which needs to get thinner! My weight has stayed the same, around 13st7lbs. My birthday is coming up soon, the kids will be away on the big family holiday with STBX and scumbag. First birthday without them, I am going to miss them so much. The STBXW will never know how much she has taken away from me, birthdays, xmas, holidays, evenings etc. Why do I feel so punished by all this? She is in the wrong yet I am being punished? Still eating the great big sh*t sandwhich Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 14/10/11 09:32 STBXW calls me (number withheld) and tells me that her great aunt died and the funeral is Sunday and as I have the kids can I keep them longer and bath them for her, she will let me know when she can pick them up when she gets the funeral details, I said OK. Then she goes on about the insurance and that she could have seen them today etc, I told her I was dealing with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 14/10/11 13:00 STBXW calls again, she put the car in today for its MOT - it failed and now wont be ready until tomorrow and can I go and pick it up? We share the car at the moment as I cant afford to buy one, she has offered to drop the kids off tonight. It means I have to walk to the garage with the kids to pick the car up in the morning whenever its ready... eating into MY time with the kids. Why couldn't she do this a few days ago? I also suspect she is not paid so I have to when I pick it up... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 14/10/11 13:00 STBXW calls again, she put the car in today for its MOT - it failed and now wont be ready until tomorrow and can I go and pick it up? We share the car at the moment as I cant afford to buy one, she has offered to drop the kids off tonight. It means I have to walk to the garage with the kids to pick the car up in the morning whenever its ready... eating into MY time with the kids. Why couldn't she do this a few days ago? I also suspect she is not paid so I have to when I pick it up... I feel your pain, mine failed yesterday, 400 quid to put it right!!! Yep, it's all about the money (like the song) she wants you to fork out. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 14/10/11 13:00 STBXW calls again, she put the car in today for its MOT - it failed and now wont be ready until tomorrow and can I go and pick it up? We share the car at the moment as I cant afford to buy one, she has offered to drop the kids off tonight. It means I have to walk to the garage with the kids to pick the car up in the morning whenever its ready... eating into MY time with the kids. Why couldn't she do this a few days ago? I also suspect she is not paid so I have to when I pick it up... Hey Jaymz, sorry to hear she is trying to take you for all you've got. It sucks. Yet, you are doing great by taking more time to be with your kids, even if it's at that expense. Keep up the good work man Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 14-16/10/11 Had great weekend with the kids. Have noticed they are much more demanding than before, don't do as they are told, want me to buy them everything, go on about mummy buying them a PS3 for xmas etc. I spent Saturday with my brother, his son and my dad. My brother commented on how much the kids have become so spoilt in the month since he last saw them. Not much I can do other than to continue teaching them manors and saying no to their unreasonable requests and keep some sort of constant with how I was bringing them up before. Its clear that the are just not being disciplined at all and are just getting anything they ask for. its sad and shocking to see. 16/10/11 20:10 dropped kids off, all bathed, teeth brushed and ready for bed. Not much conversation from STBXW other than asking me to phone her if I want to talk to kids while they are on holiday, I had to explain that as they are on a ship I could only phone them at certain times, she agreed to call me when they could. Said goodbye to the kids. I got very upset walking back home. Cant believe they are going away on my family holiday without me, and they will be away for my birthday. Very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 17/10/11 08:30 Had loss adjuster around to look at my claim, even though I left him outside for 20 minutes (didn't hear the doorbell), he said he was happy with the claim and will be processing it with the insurance company as soon as possible. Some good news! Dont feel as bad today knowing the kids are on my family holiday with scumbag et all. I guess its just getting over milestones. Hopefully the STBXW will allow them to call me while they are away, even if its just for my birthday this saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 14-16/10/11 Had great weekend with the kids. Have noticed they are much more demanding than before, don't do as they are told, want me to buy them everything, go on about mummy buying them a PS3 for xmas etc. I spent Saturday with my brother, his son and my dad. My brother commented on how much the kids have become so spoilt in the month since he last saw them. Not much I can do other than to continue teaching them manors and saying no to their unreasonable requests and keep some sort of constant with how I was bringing them up before. Its clear that the are just not being disciplined at all and are just getting anything they ask for. its sad and shocking to see. 16/10/11 20:10 dropped kids off, all bathed, teeth brushed and ready for bed. Not much conversation from STBXW other than asking me to phone her if I want to talk to kids while they are on holiday, I had to explain that as they are on a ship I could only phone them at certain times, she agreed to call me when they could. Said goodbye to the kids. I got very upset walking back home. Cant believe they are going away on my family holiday without me, and they will be away for my birthday. Very sad. I don't get it, did your wife and OM rob a bank or something, last time I looked it cost best part of 3k to take my family on holiday? Yet she can't afford to MOT the car? Interesting if this will be taken into account come the divorce settlement. And another thing I'd rather sleep on a bed of nails than drag someone else's kids on holiday with me? Takes all sorts to make a world I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Her parents probably paid... The car MOT is probably another of her childish power plays.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 knowing the kids are on my family holiday with scumbag et all. I guess its just getting over milestones. . Look on the bright side, maybe scumbag will fall over the side of the ship lol If I was you I'd do a big birthday, no kids, no annoying STBX. Perfect opportunity to get some mates together and get totally wasted!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) Ended the relationship with the girl I met, its way too soon for me to date. Its funny how things get processed in your brain and things just pop in. I was thinking about some of the things the STBXW was saying to me when we split up. Her favourite was that she "tried to tell me that she wasnt happy and I did nothing", I can only remember two occasions where she said that, the first I asked her what I could do and she said small things like putting away the dry dishes after I washed up (which I started to do). The second time I asked her what I could do (this was just after xmas), she asked for a pair of Jimmy choos! They have been on holiday for 3 days, no phone call from the kids yet... She also left the car at her house, I would have used it for the 12 days they are away but assumed she was going to the airport with it. Am I just being petty to be annoyed that she didnt offer it to me? Got a letter today from the council, I need to register school choices for my daughter. Part of me wants to do it to teach STBXW a lesson that I can too sideline her from decisions, the other part says just tell her what schools you have put down and see if she has any objections before registering. I want to be the bigger person, but damn its hard! Edited October 19, 2011 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 She also left the car at her house, I would have used it for the 12 days they are away but assumed she was going to the airport with it. ! Jaymz, get on your bicycle, go to her house, I assume you have a spare set of keys, I also assume as it's your car you have every right to be driving it. Take it back, let her come back to pick it up of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 Only have one set of keys for the car, otherwise I would have. If she hadnt gone with her parents then I could have got them to get me the keys... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Only have one set of keys for the car, otherwise I would have. If she hadnt gone with her parents then I could have got them to get me the keys... Next time you have the car, get a key sorted from the dealer. If she tries to manipulate you with the car again you can take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Majkl Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Read ur story james.... my heart is with you, I hope to never experience what you are experiencing now but I fear it Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 21/10/11 16:00 Come back from a meeting, i see some missed calls on my mobile. listen to the vm and its the stbxw, gives me a load of **** about how I dont answer the phone and now i wont speak to my kids for another couple of days etc. FML Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts