willowthewisp Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 The women is pure evil. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 22/10/11 16:18 STBXW calls me from scumbags phone, the kids sing me happy birthday! I get to chat to them for about 30 seconds before they are ushered off the phone. I tell STBXW that I am registering our daughter school preferences this week and did she have any objections to my choices? No, good. Had two house viewings today and got the patio door measured up to have the glass replaced. Not had any feedback yet so hopefully its a good sign! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Heavy weekend with birthday drinks, going to bed soon to recover. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Happy birthday Jaymz, here's hoping that the next year brings LOTS of positive changes to you and your situation! Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Heavy weekend with birthday drinks, going to bed soon to recover. Just the way it should be Happy birthday !! Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Happy Birthday mate. Nice to see despite it all, u had a great weekend for youself. Top stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Happy birthday Jaymz! Link to post Share on other sites
Majkl Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Happy bday jaymz, may it be better than the previous.. : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Happy Birthday Jaymz! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks guys! Not the best birthday every but it can only get better ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 28/10/11 20:10 Kids arrive, really pleased to see them.. They are a little wired from travelling. They tell me all about the holiday and after they go to bed, I break down. I missed them so much! I miss being in their lives! Some scumbag has all that now... Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Boy, can I relate. Found a drawing of a map my little daughter had drawn, with all these roads & stuff (wildly inaccurate, of course) - and what BROKE ME DOWN was the house labeled "my house" and the other one labeled "Dad's house". Good. God. Almighty. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 (edited) I can totally relate as well, my son just drew three smiling stick figures.. I asked him who that was, he said mommy, daddy and me with a big smile on his face. My stomach sunk. Edited October 29, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 29, 2011 Author Share Posted October 29, 2011 29/10/11 20:15 the STBXW calls and wants to talk to kids, I tell her she cant as they are in bed. She then starts to have a go about how I don't tell her when I put the kids to bed and I never let her know when I call the kids etc, I just sad goodbye and hung up the phone. It annoyed me her attitude, i call the kids 2/3 times a week, around 7pm when I know they are still awake and out of the bath. I only speak to them for a few minutes each but she is always "pissed off" when I call. When I have the kids, she calls them late all the time and that's if she bothers to call them. I'm not surprised when she doesn't phone them as I only have them for 48 hours but I do get annoyed when she calls late and they are obviously in bed. She may keep them up late but I know that they are tired from the holiday (where they stayed up until 11pm for 12 nights), and kids need their sleep, they are too young to be up late all the time. If she wants to talk to them, why not call around 7pm? I could hear a bar background noise so I know she was out for Halloween. It pisses me off that she is out (a day after getting back from holiday) when she would never want to do that before as she was too tired from travelling, unpacking, washing etc. I guess he is FUN while I am not. Also pissed me off that I am in on Halloween ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 29/10/11 20:15 the STBXW calls and wants to talk to kids, I tell her she cant as they are in bed. She then starts to have a go about how I don't tell her when I put the kids to bed and I never let her know when I call the kids etc, I just sad goodbye and hung up the phone Yep my kids are in bed by 7.30 pm, they need their sleep. To a kid going to bed at 11pm and waking at 7am, is like us getting by on 4 hours of sleep. They need 11 or 12. Good on you for not letting her have a go at you and not getting drawn into a row. She wants to get you angry so that she can use it to justify some of her guilt at tearing her family apart. She wants you to be an ogre. Instead you're standing up to her spew with dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Hey Jaymz, I feel the same when I call kids during the week. Like I'm bothering her somewhat.. Also depending on arrangements, time with mum and dad can be very different worlds. I get weekends with them, so my working week is alone hers is as it was when we were a family. Come weekends, I'm restricted as to where and when I can enjoy a night out whereas she is as free as a bird to go wherever. My personal opinion is that all this "fun" is highly overrated, and only mentioned to get a reaction or further push us downward. Do you notice whenever we mention getting on with it happily and starting to thrive in our new circumstances, they pop in with some crap that cuts you back down.... I'm ****in over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Just seems I am always getting tested by her. Just want her to be a good co-parent and that's it. It seems she wants to still keep 100% control and does not like it when she doesn't have it. Keeping to NC with her as much as possible. Now I have not risen to her tests or baiting at all and totally ignore any questions unless its about the kids or the current finances (re: house). I hope she spent last night bending scumbags ear about me! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 My personal opinion is that all this "fun" is highly overrate. Yep at the moment this guy is all 'fun' because it's only been 6 months. Somewhere deep down in their minds is the knowledge that because the relationship started by cheating, then either one is capable of it. This is ready to turn into the timebomb of mistrust and deceit, which is why affairs hardly ever last. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 That's right. My stbx spent 9 months telling me, every chance she got, how perfect OM was. I hated my kids accidentally calling me his name, knowing how much time he spent with them, etc. but, now, a year has passed and, suddenly, a few weeks ago, he's no longer around. Guess he wasn't the "perfect" match. Guess she wasn't really ready to jump back into another relationship, even though she's already trying again. I had another opportunity Sat. night to bring a cute girl home, but I didn't because I'm not looking for a shallow relationship and I'm not ready to get into a serious relationship. I told her that, told her I was flattered and will continue pursuing my friendship with her, but, for now, that's all... Keep your head up, keep yourself focused and keep moving forward. I had my birthday the other night and I spent it with my parents taking my kids and I to dinner. We all had a good time and enjoyed ourselves, but, it wasn't how I would have pictured it 2 years ago... Next year, who knows?? Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Found a drawing of a map my little daughter had drawn, with all these roads & stuff (wildly inaccurate, of course) - and what BROKE ME DOWN was the house labeled "my house" and the other one labeled "Dad's house". Good. God. Almighty. The pain is real and you wouldn't be normal if you felt any other way. jaymz and worldgonewrong; This will work out. It may not seem like it, but you are much more to your children than you realize. No one can replace you in their hearts; the harder someone tries (if, in fact someone is trying) the worse their attempt will fail. This is proven fact. Anything or anyone that tries to come between you and your kids only strengthens the bond. Put this in your heart and keep it there. It is truth. Take comfort in it. Kids are only kids for a short time. Lots of people 'take care' of children when they are young...teachers, child care providers, other family and friends, etc. It is when they grow that the real parenting begins, most critically the teenage years. Your influence will be great and so should your awareness; children often use divorce to gain advantage or if they feel they have something coming. The key is to be consistent, strong and smart. Chin up men, and be men. No woman, no ex, no one in the world can take your children away. You love them. They love you. It's untouchable. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 ...you are much more to your children than you realize. No one can replace you in their hearts; ...Anything or anyone that tries to come between you and your kids only strengthens the bond. Put this in your heart and keep it there. It is truth. Take comfort in it. ...They love you. It's untouchable. Excellent. Couldn't have said it better. I so look forward to spending time with my kids and them with me. It's strange looking back at it now, but, if my stbx hadn't decided it was over, I probably wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I probably wouldn't have the relationship with my kids that I do. And, I certainly wouldn't have grown emotionally, physically and mentally as I have in the past year. lol, of course, I'd be much closer to debt freedom than I am now, but, that's just a matter of time. That's a fixable problem. Your kids are closer to you, and know how you are feeling more than you know. I had a fabulous night trick-or-treating tonight with my kids and stbx. They're amazing and, as long as things stay "amicable" between my stbx and I, I'll get to have those moments, in addition to all the moments I get in my half of their lives. They're worth anything, including dealing with her. I've managed to separate myself emotionally and financially, and to view her as a "whole" person, based on all of her decisions, and, often feel sorry for her having to live with the fear, guilt and emotional issues she just hasn't addressed and refuses to. I wish it would have worked out differently, but, I don't think she's ready to be "happy" with herself yet, and, I am. That's the biggest reason I couldn't ever go back with her. I won't put myself, or my kids, through that again. We deserve better. So do you...and it's out there. I've seen it...several times... I no longer believe in soul-mates. I believe in two people who want to be in love...and are...with each other. And they are both happy with who they are, and they support each other, unconditionally.That's what I believe in... Sorry I'm wandering a bit, after trick-or-treating, I went and played volleyball, had a fabulous time, and was out at a Halloween party afterwards and had a few. Excellent party...some great Lederhosen. Anyway, Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 30/10/11 19:00 Dropped kids off. The STBXW was her usual uncharming self. She told me that the mortgage is going onto a variable rate and she had worked out that it was going down £200 per month. I said that was news to me and asked for the paper work, she promised to have it copied and sent to me. So i started to leave. She then asked again if I could have the kids next weekend. I cant as I'm on a course so I just said "goodnight STBXW" and walked off, she slammed the door behind me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Thanks for your posts guys, really appreciate it. Been really down this week. I really want off this roller coaster. I have zero motivation for anything. I know why its all getting to me: finances, selling the house, missing the kids terribly, not having my family around on my birthday, them going away on holiday, divorce papers, financial information sharing, the CSA, the burglary, coming home to cold & empty house, no friends, no social life, low self esteem, zero interest from girls, bike broke and i cant afford to fix it... All weighing on my shoulders. I just having real problems coping with it all. I just need things to start happening for me rather than against. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 The pain is real and you wouldn't be normal if you felt any other way. jaymz and worldgonewrong; This will work out. It may not seem like it, but you are much more to your children than you realize. No one can replace you in their hearts; the harder someone tries (if, in fact someone is trying) the worse their attempt will fail. This is proven fact. Anything or anyone that tries to come between you and your kids only strengthens the bond. Put this in your heart and keep it there. It is truth. Take comfort in it. Kids are only kids for a short time. Lots of people 'take care' of children when they are young...teachers, child care providers, other family and friends, etc. It is when they grow that the real parenting begins, most critically the teenage years. Your influence will be great and so should your awareness; children often use divorce to gain advantage or if they feel they have something coming. The key is to be consistent, strong and smart. Chin up men, and be men. No woman, no ex, no one in the world can take your children away. You love them. They love you. It's untouchable. Steadfast - THANK YOU, thank you, thank you so much for these words. I needed that. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Excellent party...some great Lederhosen. :D too funny!! Link to post Share on other sites
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