mark982 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 i think you're starting to see the things rob said in his last post...things are not going well in her relationship with the other man.she tring (slowly)to worm her way back into your life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 No contact from STBXW at all since the call last week, until today... 22/11/11 10:55 Missed call from STBXW 22/11/11 11:11 text "in a meeting until 12. what is the matter?" 22/11/11 11:13 she replies "need to ask u about <1st born> xmas present" 22/11/11 12:17 I call STBX, she wants to know what I am getting the kids for xmas, i tell her I was going to speak to her in a couple of weeks about presents so we don't get the same thing and can complement each other choices. She says she is getting the eldest a PS3 with MW3 game and wanted to know if that was ok, I said that as she has already promised him a PS3 (all my eldest goes on about is a PS3 with the MW3 game that mummy has promised him) she should get it for him but I strongly disagree about getting him any adult rated games - my kids are 8, 6 and 3 and should not be playing games marked 18+ even if they do play it around their friends house sometimes. Next she says she is going to get a PS3 and lego star wars bundle, it cost £250 and would I want to go halves? I said no as I want to buy the kids presents from me. She then tells me she is shopping and can she call me back when she leaves? I told her I will call her tonight when I get home. ----- I guess she is only being nice to get money? Thinking about not calling her tonight and say that I forgot I was going out and will call tomorrow evening to speak to her and kids, which I was planning to call kids Wednesday night anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Miky Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 jaymz, Rob is right, I think what you see is her hard realization and doubt starting to creep in Hang on there mate Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 No contact from STBXW at all since the call last week, until today... 22/11/11 10:55 Missed call from STBXW 22/11/11 11:11 text "in a meeting until 12. what is the matter?" 22/11/11 11:13 she replies "need to ask u about <1st born> xmas present" 22/11/11 12:17 I call STBX, she wants to know what I am getting the kids for xmas, i tell her I was going to speak to her in a couple of weeks about presents so we don't get the same thing and can complement each other choices. She says she is getting the eldest a PS3 with MW3 game and wanted to know if that was ok, I said that as she has already promised him a PS3 (all my eldest goes on about is a PS3 with the MW3 game that mummy has promised him) she should get it for him but I strongly disagree about getting him any adult rated games - my kids are 8, 6 and 3 and should not be playing games marked 18+ even if they do play it around their friends house sometimes. Next she says she is going to get a PS3 and lego star wars bundle, it cost £250 and would I want to go halves? I said no as I want to buy the kids presents from me. She then tells me she is shopping and can she call me back when she leaves? I told her I will call her tonight when I get home. ----- I guess she is only being nice to get money? Thinking about not calling her tonight and say that I forgot I was going out and will call tomorrow evening to speak to her and kids, which I was planning to call kids Wednesday night anyway. BTW i think MW3 for kids is totally innapropriate though Lego Star Wars is great I spent twenty six pounds on a PS2 on Ebay for my 6 year old and buy games secondhand for less than a quid. To him it's the same as a PS3!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 I assume as she has promised him she now cant go back on that promise, I still cant believe she will buy an 8 yr those types of games - i guess her buying their affection? The kids already have a wii, ps2 and a pc which they have loads of games on (like lego starwars, indiana jones, batman, pirates of the carribean etc) which are appropriate for their age. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 MW3 for an eight year old - that is crazy, absolutely crazy. Personally I think you should speak up. My 12 yr old is no way getting that for Xmas. What is wrong with the woman Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 I have told her she shouldn't be buying 18+ rated games for an 8yr old, but all she says is that all his friends have got it and he has played it before and she has seen another game that is similar that is only rated 16+ WTF??? Sometimes I think she does this so I will say no, then she will ask me what she really wants (ie: to pay for half the PS3 + Lego star wars) hoping that I will say yes through guilt or some nonsence. Got a text this morning from her asking me to have the kids late on sunday evening and bath them for her, i replied "sure but pack extra socks and breasts with them" she replies "thanks & i think you mean vests" stupid autocomplete, I blame DOT & MM4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 27, 2011 Author Share Posted November 27, 2011 25/11/11 19:00 I go to their house to pick up kids, scumbag is not there so I walk into the house and close the door to keep the heat in and start to help with kids shoes + coats etc. STBXW tells me that scumbag will be back any minute, I just ignore her and carry on getting everything ready. He turns up, opens door and doesn't look too happy. He gets one of the kids child seat from his car and puts it into the back of mine, then disappears. I start to put the kids in the car with their stuff, he then reappears and goes into the house. The STBXW then stands there and in full view of me goes to kiss him hello, he is hesitant for a sec and then kisses her back. My heart sinks. I finish getting everything in and STBXW walks out. FIrst she asks for money and I say no, then she wants to come around and take "her" xmas decorations home, I tell her no. Then I drive off Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 27, 2011 Author Share Posted November 27, 2011 26/11/11 19:00 STBXW calls and speaks to kids, after she says to me that She will let me know when she is back Sunday evening so I can drop of the kids, I tell her no, we agreed 8pm and I will drop them off then, shes says ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 27, 2011 Author Share Posted November 27, 2011 27/11/11 20:05 I drop the Kids off and tell STBXW that my daughter has had a funny tummy. She then talks to me about getting tickets to see their xmas plays, I tell her I would love to come. We then say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 27, 2011 Author Share Posted November 27, 2011 Apart from the powerplay still, I think she wants to maintain 100% control of things still, it seems to be getting better. I hope this does mean she is going to be a good co-parent, so far some good signs... fingers crossed! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 . The STBXW then stands there and in full view of me goes to kiss him hello, She wants you pining for her heartbroken, not because she cares in any way but because it's food for her ego, having 2 guys drooling after her. The fact that you are not doing that anymore is causing her to take opportunities to throw it in your face. Even money on her and OM lasting till the end of the football season... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 She wants you pining for her heartbroken, not because she cares in any way but because it's food for her ego, having 2 guys drooling after her. The fact that you are not doing that anymore is causing her to take opportunities to throw it in your face. That I believe in. She has shown in the past that once your "against her" she will do anything in her power to belittle you or get one over you. The immaturity of it in the past caused arguments as I tried to explain that putting yourself in other peoples shoes and not everything is so black & white, and things can happen without them being against you. Even money on her and OM lasting till the end of the football season... Why are you so sure? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 That I believe in. She has shown in the past that once your "against her" she will do anything in her power to belittle you or get one over you. The immaturity of it in the past caused arguments as I tried to explain that putting yourself in other peoples shoes and not everything is so black & white, and things can happen without them being against you. Why are you so sure? Several reasons. Firstly the old saying buy in haste repent at leisure comes to mind, Secondly you are now acting in a way that is causing your wife to respect you far far more. It's hard to know what's going on with Om but the chances are he's running around trying to keep your wife happy. Chances are he's resenting being lumbered with your kids (no offence but I love my kids, couldn't stand anyone else's). Eventually or even now she is comparing you as a father to him and he is resenting her and forking out money for her and your kids. At the moment chances are these feelings aren't surfacing yet because their relationship is still in honeymoon phase. Thirdly, they are both cheaters and although they deny it, deep down they know there is mistrust. Like a cancer at the heart of their relationship. Fourthly. Your wife is going to deal with your relationship breakup at some point. It's like a credit card bill, you have to pay it sometime. It will get triggered at some point. One day your kid will let slip that daddy's in love with someone else. Although not all of these factors are in play now, probably at least one or two are. This is why their relationship has as much future as A Turkey in the runnup to christmas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Several reasons. Firstly the old saying buy in haste repent at leisure comes to mind, It was quick for them to get together and move in rented house with the kids. She had been having other affairs since november, some physical some emotional, and was out being drunk a lot, so I think she may have "moved" on in her mind about the marriage and was looking for someone to have her and the kids... Secondly you are now acting in a way that is causing your wife to respect you far far more. It's hard to know what's going on with Om but the chances are he's running around trying to keep your wife happy. Chances are he's resenting being lumbered with your kids (no offence but I love my kids, couldn't stand anyone else's). Eventually or even now she is comparing you as a father to him and he is resenting her and forking out money for her and your kids. At the moment chances are these feelings aren't surfacing yet because their relationship is still in honeymoon phase. I don't see how I am acting now is making her respect me more? If anything she just thinks I am being difficult, childish or stubborn. I am sure he is running around after her and "treating her like she deserves" (which she told me). He has been very good to the kids and they like him but they do complain that he shouts at them when they are being noisy. Boys are noisy and boisterous, he is used to having 3 girls. She does have a big mouth and no empathy, so will say inappropriate things. Thirdly, they are both cheaters and although they deny it, deep down they know there is mistrust. Like a cancer at the heart of their relationship. I just dont think they actually care about that at all. Fourthly. Your wife is going to deal with your relationship breakup at some point. It's like a credit card bill, you have to pay it sometime. It will get triggered at some point. One day your kid will let slip that daddy's in love with someone else. She may have already done that earlier this year as she was drinking loads and seeing other guys, then coming back home pretending to me that everything was ok. If she was looking for an exit affair then it means that she has already switched off from the marriage and the drinks were her dealing with the guilt i guess. Although not all of these factors are in play now, probably at least one or two are. This is why their relationship has as much future as A Turkey in the runnup to christmas. Unless he leaves, I don't think it will happen and I don't see him leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 30/11/11 19:00 Called to speak to kids. The STBXW tells me she has booked an hairdressers appointment for the kids on the 20th as she wants their haircut for xmas and will I take them? I told her no and they can be done before I get them. She says its the only appointment she can get, I told her to change the hairdresser. She then accuses me of not being nice to her and its all one sided as usual etc, ranted for a minute or so, when finished I asked to speak to kids again. As she handed the phone over to my kids she told them to be quick... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 I had asked for the kids this Sunday to go to a family party. The STBXW was asking what it was for as it was HER weekend with the kids and she would decide if it was important. While she does have a point I have only asked for the kids on her weekends when it has been something important. I told her it was a family occasion. Today she texts and says she will drop of the kids if I let her go through the xmas decorations. I don't want to spend any of my time with the kids going through stupid xmas decorations, so I tell her no but say I can do it next Sunday. Wow, all hell breaks lose. Texts me that I am not putting the kids first, being selfish, inconsiderate to her etc and she is going to take the decorations she wants now. I didn't bother to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 oh and she is NOT going to drop the kids off now, I can go and get them. And her letting me have MY kids on HER weekend, was a huge favour from her and i should be GRATEFUL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 When I picked the kids up and dropped them off, she was nice as pie and scumbag wasn't around to wave them off as usual. Told her we are going to sit together for the kids xmas nativity on tuesday, she said ok. Hot and cold... doing my head in Link to post Share on other sites
MikeT4 Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I can't imagine how diffficult it must be to have to have contact with her. You are made of strong stuff jaymz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 05/12/11 18:31 Today she texts and says I can have the kids for the afternoon after their xmas nativity play, i reply ok, that's great. I do need to see them at least once a week now, every 12 days is just too long for me. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Every 12 days is too long A relation of mine got very down not seeing his kids except for a Saturday twice a month. He did eventually negotiate additional time with the ex and it went to every other weekend (Fri after school to Sunday lunch time) plus a sleep over in the week. Is there anyway you can negotiate more time? You may need to go via mediation or your solicitor if she isn't agreeable. It could allow you to have them to sleep over in the week so that you can also take them to any after school parties, clubs and stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 06/12/11 10:50 I arrive at youngest kids nativity play, the STBXW is waiting outside with the other parents. I walk up and say hello, we then have a frosty silence for 15 mins until we are let in. Once in the nativity only lasts 30 minutes but is super cute with all the 3 or 4 year old kids dressed up, doing lines and singing. We seemed to get on ok, she was using my camera to take pics and I said I would email her the pictures after. We had little comments together while I daughter was doing things. Once it finished we left and I said I would take my daughter to the car. On the way my daughter was giving me loads of kisses etc and i put her in the carseat. The STBXW then demanded to know when I would be there for this afternoons performance, I said about 20 minutes before it starts, she told me I had better otherwise I wouldn't get a good seat, ok. 06/12/11 13:15 I arrive back at the school for the afternoon nativity play. Lot more parents there and the STBXW says hello and then ignores me, fine. I speak to some of the other parents, the STBXW is going on about her wonderful boyfriend and how he is in charge of a new area etc and her parents want a new garage door, nice. 06/12/11 14:00 After the middle child's nativity finishes the STBXW then starts on me, wanting to know if I am going to pay or will she need the CSA to get the money she is owed from me. I tell her we already have an agreement in place until the house sells, but she wants to know if I will pay up straight away or going to fight for it, I ask if she is threatening me? She says no, its just a question. Next she then goes on about the hairdresser again, I said I cant but she wants to know why as she should know where her kids are and we are supposed to be friendly etc. I just tell her no and ignore her. I was going to say that I don't receive a weekly itinery of the kids movement but knew it would be pointless to argue with her. Lastly she asks me to put more petrol in the car as I used it and didn't put any in, this is true, I was so surprised on Sunday to have petrol in the car I completely forgot to fill it up! 06/12/11 15:00 The elder child's nativity finishes, I ask her if she is going to wait for the kids or go, She says scumbag is outside waiting for her and so is going home. I guess that answers who she has been texting all afternoon. So I stand there in the kids playground talking to another parent but out of the corner of my eye I see his car and him talking to a mutual friend and watch the STBXW walk over, get in and they drive off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 Every 12 days is too long A relation of mine got very down not seeing his kids except for a Saturday twice a month. He did eventually negotiate additional time with the ex and it went to every other weekend (Fri after school to Sunday lunch time) plus a sleep over in the week. Is there anyway you can negotiate more time? You may need to go via mediation or your solicitor if she isn't agreeable. It could allow you to have them to sleep over in the week so that you can also take them to any after school parties, clubs and stuff. I get them every other weekend, from friday 18:30 until sunday 18:30. Occasionly I will get them on the otherweekend if there is something going on I would like them to come to. The main problem I have is I work in London and am therefore out from 06:30 until 18:30 everyday, it makes having the kids for afternoons or overnight difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 9, 2011 Author Share Posted December 9, 2011 Had a weird dream last night. At the beginning of the breakup I would hardly get any sleep, no more than a few hours and often in separate spurts. But i haven't remembered a dream in years. I dreamt i went out to a pub with my STBXW for the reason of trying to bury the hatchet and be more cordial to each other. What I remember is while we were there she had a very white face and bright dark red lips. She was trying to seduce me but I got the impression it was only to see if she could do it rather than her wanting to, like a power thing? I remember refusing her advances politely at first and then more vigorously, then I woke up.... Funny thing is, when I walking to the station this morning I saw her driving scumbags flash Mercedes taking the kids to school. Shocked me even more. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
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