worlybear Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Jaymz. Concentrate on you. I know it's difficult but you need to be 100% and firing on all cylinders, if you are to stay ahead in this game. Forget the ex and all her problems- the future is you and the kids! Hugs:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 (edited) jaymz: That's too bad. FB stinks for that reason. It forces you to know everything that's going on. Some things are better just not known. Once my divorce is final and it's public, I plan on deleting all of my wife's friends and family and any mutual friends that lean more towards her. Facebook's for school kids. I never understand the need that adults have to paste every living thought or action all over Facebook. It's just a way that insecure people need to show everyone else that their life is so great. Edited December 21, 2011 by robf1971 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 She can ask her new BF to help her. Stay out of her personal business - tell her you wish her well. Create distance - it will lessen the drama that SHE consistently brings to you. Start telling her no every time she asks for anything. My exH asks - and I remind him that I'm no linger his W = no longer a part of HIS life. My kids I deal with directly... They also deal with him directly. Agree to a schedule that you both adhere to. That's what the courts do in the end anyway. Know that you can't rely on her to be decent. She's thinking of herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 While I would love to say no, its a day with the kids... Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 i say let the new om step up to his new parenting responsibilities.he wanted her, now he has her warts and all Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 While I would love to say no, its a day with the kids... Completely agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 I have asked work for the day off, my boss said he would let me know but as its the first day back after the xmas break, I know they are going to say no as its very busy and a lot of projects are ending and being presented that week. I wont be able to ask for compassionate leave as HR told me "she is not family anymore"... Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I have asked work for the day off, my boss said he would let me know but as its the first day back after the xmas break, I know they are going to say no as its very busy and a lot of projects are ending and being presented that week. I had something similar happen today! My stbxw asked me to come home from work early so she could go Xmas shopping, i told her i would do my best? She then started to threaten me with not having my girls on xmas day, Normally i woudn;t rise to it but this time i let her have it and in the end she backed down. sometimes you just have to tell them to **** off Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I have asked work for the day off, my boss said he would let me know but as its the first day back after the xmas break, I know they are going to say no as its very busy and a lot of projects are ending and being presented that week. I had something similar happen today! My stbxw asked me to come home from work early so she could go Xmas shopping, i told her i would do my best? She then started to threaten me with not having my girls on xmas day, Normally i woudn;t rise to it but this time i let her have it and in the end she backed down. sometimes you just have to tell them to **** off Good to see you standing up to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 Good to see you standing up to her. It doesn't always work though... But I have noticed that everything that comes out of my STBXW mouth is total crap and just hot air. She has not followed through with any threats so far and in fact is always nice to me afterwards.... usually after a favour or change of schedule again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) The STBXW called the kids everyday I had them, which i didnt mind, but the kids just really werent interested in saying much - i have the same issue with them which is why i call them 2/3 times a week, enought to show i care and want to know about them but not too much that it becomes a chore. On friday the kids put the phone on speaker while driving back home so I could hear both sides of the conversation. This time STBXW told my eldest she loved him and he said he loved her too, she then said "you love both of us?", he said yes and I could hear her telling scumbag that he loves us both and then she told him that he loves him too, this was repeated with the middle child. Now was that for my benefit? or manipulating the kids and/or scumbag? My brother and I looked at each other and just rolled our eyes Then the MIL called and asked if we were all ok, then asked if she was allowed to talk to the kids which I thought was a odd thing to say, I have no problem with them calling - it did remind me of a previous conversation with the STBXW where she asked if her parents could call the kids, I said sure, I have no problem with that. After the MIL spoke to the kids she then told me to have a great xmas and new year and to look after myself.... thanks. Had xmas with my dad and brother as well as the kids. they were pleased with the presents they got and we had a good day. I bought some party poppers for xmas lunch (part of my "build great childhood memory" ethos) and after toasting we let the kids set them off!!! Dropped the kids off at 6:20pm, the STBXW hardly said a word which was fine by me. Spent the evening getting drunk with my brother and father, playing an old childhood game (axis and allies) and watching A Game of Thrones on TV. an enjoyable evening. Boxing day I went to my other brothers house with the whole family. a great day, got drunk, played stupid party games etc. Keeping busy was great but everyone was in couples and I really started to miss the STBXW as she was always great at these types of things. Still a very good evening and I had fun. Last night I went to a local gig (my brothers wifes brothers band). They were really good, great atmosphere and again I had fun and forgot about everything for a little while. Before I went I called and spoke to the kids, they were all fine and enjoying their new xmas presents, the STBXW did buy my eldest MW3 and her brother bought him BF2 Today I am going into London to see some old friends. Trying to keep busy. Edited December 28, 2011 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 Going to put togther a kind of "bucket list" of things I want to achieve in my life and mini goals on how to get there. Going to split the list up in to things I can do this year and long term goals. I want 2012 to have purpose to my life now. My old life is gone now I want to mould a new and better one for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 Posted in MM4 thread but have put it in here too as its very meaningful to me. Just checking my emails and I came across a really old one. When I first went through my breakup I contacted a "get your ex-back" website with my story and asked for advise. I was desperate and would ahve done anything to save my marriage and family, the low price of $45 to save it seemed a very small price to pay. The email response back was "why would you want this person back?" and I was given a full refund! Sometimes we dont see as we are too close. Standing back from the situation gives us alot more perspective. This email I hated back then as it wasnt what I wanted to hear, now it makes me laugh as even a service which helps you get your ex back told me right from the begining not to bother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 30/12/11 11:09 Text the STBXW that I couldnt take the 3rd off but wished her the best. No reply. 30/12/11 18:52 Called STBXW and asked to speak to kids, spoke to the kids for 10 minutes or so then they put STBXW back on, I said I would call the kids again on NYE and said goodbye. Straight forward. Didnt feel anything. Maybe I am getting to acceptance stage now?? Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Good stuff Jaymz, I was thinking of a 2012 bucket list also. When u accept the possibility u CAN have a better life, it seems uplifting. OMs have our OLD life, what awaits us is whatever we want. New. Fresh. Could take us anywhere. Unreal what the website told u, lol. Says something though. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 30/12/11 11:09 Text the STBXW that I couldnt take the 3rd off but wished her the best. No reply. 30/12/11 18:52 Called STBXW and asked to speak to kids, spoke to the kids for 10 minutes or so then they put STBXW back on, I said I would call the kids again on NYE and said goodbye. Straight forward. Didnt feel anything. Maybe I am getting to acceptance stage now?? Bravo Jay And not a single F#ck was given that day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Bravo Jay And not a single F#ck was given that day. Gotta be less like goog guy greg Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Good stuff Jaymz, I was thinking of a 2012 bucket list also. When u accept the possibility u CAN have a better life, it seems uplifting. OMs have our OLD life, what awaits us is whatever we want. New. Fresh. Could take us anywhere. That is the weird part. He is basically living my life, my kids, my wife, my furntiure, my plates, cups, and cutlery, my paintings, my ornaments. So many reminders that he owns nothing in that house... Have done loads of research on things to do, need to condense the list into manageable things. Just cant wait to get the house sold and get started!!! Unreal what the website told u, lol. Says something though. I didnt want to hear it at first and then forgot about it, then it pops up out the blue and is like a big fat reminder. I couldnt pay someone to help get her back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Not much else to update really. Called kids NYE and spoke to them. Went out with my sister NYE and got blind drunk. Was then ill NYD until today, I did think i had an epic 3 day hangover but it was just a stomach bug Here is to a new year and much better one than the last one for everyone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 5, 2012 Author Share Posted January 5, 2012 Had two dreams about the STBXW last night: #1 She had come back to the house to collect some additional things. For some reason she left the house but left her bag behind. I came home and looked through her bag, usual stuff in there except for 3 unused condoms and a packet of half used daily anti-pregnancy pills. I was angry and tore the 3 condom packets, then i woke up. #2 I had taken the kids down the beach for the day. The STBXW turned up on her own as was kinda following me around, so I walked up the path aways and she followed. Then she started to berate me, things like "your so useless", "I cant stand it when you do that" etc. She then walked in front of me and started to be much louder so people could more obviously hear, so I hung back and let her walk on ahead. We came back to the part of the beach where my kids were playing. The STBXW was with another person whose little girl was crying, she turns to me and says "x was bullying this girl, told our sons to grab her vagina", x is their cousin. So i grab x and move him away from the situation and go to find his dad, I call out to my kids but they decide to hide from me, so I spend the next 10 minutes frantically searching for them and my brother. Eventually find them but am so angry with them for ignoring me and running away. I woke up. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Had two dreams about the STBXW last night: She then walked in front of me and started to be much louder so people could more obviously hear, so I hung back and let her walk on ahead. This is the heart of that dream. Bam. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) STBXW is not a happy camper 06/01/12 18:30 Turned up at their house, she answered the door and said that her niece birthday in a couple months falls on my weekend with the kids so can she pick them up and drop them off after a few hours? I said i wasn't happy with that and can we look at a day or weekend swap? She said no then started going on about "all the favours she does me" etc, said I can wait outside for the kids and i CANNOT have them at all that weekend and then slammed the door!!! So i waited outside 5 mins for the kids to get coats and stuff on etc. She opens the door again and then tells me that she is going to the clinic tomorrow (to discuss her PIP implants) and she will probably have them removed end of Jan or beginning of feb and would I help her? I said she can let me know what days she wants me to have the kids and I will check and let her know. She then asks if I meant swap all the weekends? I said no, I meant I would have them the weekend before or after, I told her to think about it. Then bundled the kids in the car and left. I don't know how I stopped myself from laughing! All hot air. Inside I just wanted to tell her exactly what I thought of her but i didnt. Edited January 6, 2012 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Also forgot to add: While I was waiting for the kids to come out, she had told them they weren't allowed to go to their cousins party, so when they came out they were asking me why??? What did I do wrong? I am wiling to compromise but she fails to understand that I only have the kids every other weekend and those times are gold to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 You did the right thing mate, it's caled laying down boundrys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 8, 2012 Author Share Posted January 8, 2012 07/01/12 10:15 Went to library with the kids. I take them pretty much everytime I have them to ensure they have books to read. The two boys love books are are devouring them. As we were outside the library, the STBXW appeared. She says hi and tells me she has just gotten waxxed, lovely. The kids are pleased asnd ask her to come into the library with us. She says ok and we all go in. I have a bad feelin but dont say anything. The kids go and look for books and i sit down in the reading area and start to read a book to my daughter, the STBXW sits down and starts asking me loads of questions, "Why wasnt your mum at xmas? have your parents split up? how is the family? how was your brother wedding? how was your cousins wedding? how is work? you still working for x company? are you leaving x company? etc etc" I gave her the answers to things she knew all ready and the rest I told her it wasnt her concern anymore. She then said to me that I thought we were going to be civil to each other? I told her i WAS being civil to her. The STBXW had to go, she need to leave for the checkup. The kids didnt want her to go, and got her a library book to take out etc. She wanted me to take it on my ticket but I told her that i only had the kids tickets and you cant take adult books on a kids ticket. Eventually we got outside and my eldest spat on the floor, I asked him what he just did, he said he spat out his chewing gum on the floor. I asked him where he got the gum from and to pick it up and through it in the bin. he said that mummy gave it to him. I looked at her and said "you just gave an 8yr old gum?" she replies, "yes, he wanted some". My eldest gave her the gum and she just threw it in the road. He then got upset and didnt want her to leave. My youngest got upset and didnt want her to leave either. Eventually talked him into coming back with me. I got them into the car and asked him what was the matter, he told me he loved that we were all in the library together and wanted mummy to spend the day with us.... I drove the car just around the corner to fill with petrol. where I was i could see scumbags car. A few minutes later they both are walking down the street together. He has a cigarette in his mouth and is bellowing into his mobile phone. She is nexdt to him with sunglasses on etc. They get into the car and drive right by me but dont ackowledge me at all. My mum is helping out a sick friend with her flat, needs lots of work. So we had gone there for the weekend. We had a great time doing stuff and so so forgot about what happened earlier that day. Link to post Share on other sites
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