Is it over?

[aMguilts]

Wow! been an age since I last posted.

 

STBXW still a pain! lol

 

I will try and post a more detailed up date later this week.

 

For now a quick question: What is the usual thing to do if the kids ask to play a musical instrument? The STBXW has asked me to pay for half the instrument and half of the lessons. I pay her 25% of my salary each month, this is standard CSA requirement, and I have all the debts to pay off she left me with.

 

why are you going through CSA??

 

she`s asked you to pay half of whatever musical instrument they want and lessons to go with it??

this is a no brainer

you say no

 

You have YOUR time with them?

and thats your time to do whatever you want and `fund` it as well

 

when they are with her... and they want to `do something` , i.e

musical instruments , then SHE `funds` it!!!

 

Let me put it on a slide scale for you?

 

musical instruments now

a few years down the line it will be.....

 

they want to learn how to drive a car... gonna pay half on a car and the lessons for it too??

 

i know you love your kids and want the best for them

but paying for it, is not the best way

 

aM

[jaymz]

lol, cant believe its been another 3 months!

 

I have dipped into the forum on occasion but havent updated my own story. hopefully have time this week

[FooledMeTwice]

Hey Jaymz, did your STBXW have her baby yet?

Oh man, that must not be easy to deal with .....Hang in there brother

Edited August 21, 2013 by FooledMeTwice

[jaymz]

Hey Jaymz, did your STBXW have her baby yet?

Oh man, that must not be easy to deal with .....Hang in there brother

 

Had it in January this year. dont mind it, its innocent of everything and my kids love him to bits.

[jaymz]

Here's the short update: it sucks!

 

Still not divorced. the STBX hasnt replied to my proposal yet so will be taking her to court soon to end it all one way or another.

 

Still living at home with parents. using the time to pay off the debts before I can save up for my own place.

 

Love life sucks! I meet girls I like and they are not interested. the ones that are interested are nutters!

 

Social life has not improved, just dont seem to connect with people.

 

Have been injured a couple of times this year plyaing rugby so my fitness has dropped considerably and I have put on 1.5 stone (20 pounds) and so have lost confidence in myself too.

 

Just seem to feel like I am in limbo at the moment and not sure how to breaj free of that and kick start my life again.

[2sunny]

Is the D final yet?

[jaymz]

Is the D final yet?

 

Hi 2sunny, hope you are doing well

 

The D is not final yet, if she doesn't agree to my last offer, or doesn't respond or gives a reasonable counter offer then I will take her to court.

[jaymz]

Wasn't in a great mood last night as I had just made a fool out of myself...

 

More details here on that: not-sure-where-i-stand

 

The sentiment still the same though, still feel in limbo.

 

On the bright side I can truly see what my STBXW is as a person and know that, even when I feel down, I am not in that toxic relationship anymore and am much happier for it.

 

Onwards and upwards!

[karnak]

In these recent times the dating scene is really screwed for people over 30.

 

Lots of messed-up people out there. And I mean LOTS.

 

And it's not just a question of emotional baggage. I'm talking of really crazy, screwed-in-the -head people. At first they seem like quite normal and functioning people.

 

But, as soon as you start to probe further... RUN TO THE HILLS!

[jaymz]

In these recent times the dating scene is really screwed for people over 30.

 

Lots of messed-up people out there. And I mean LOTS.

 

And it's not just a question of emotional baggage. I'm talking of really crazy, screwed-in-the -head people. At first they seem like quite normal and functioning people.

 

But, as soon as you start to probe further... RUN TO THE HILLS!

 

Too true. I have met a few through either OLD or in the real world and they are normally quick to spot and so I can end it before it gets too involved. Its just frustrating when you think there is mutual attraction with someone that you are both a great fit for each other and turns out its all one sided!

 

May just knock dating on the head for a while and concentrate on other things

[karnak]

Too true. I have met a few through either OLD or in the real world and they are normally quick to spot and so I can end it before it gets too involved. Its just frustrating when you think there is mutual attraction with someone that you are both a great fit for each other and turns out its all one sided!

 

May just knock dating on the head for a while and concentrate on other things

 

Old universal truth:

 

"Whatever must happen WILL happen"

[worlybear]

Hey Jaymz

OLD can be a minefield -so many people are just not what they seem- often I think they're fooling themselves as much as anyone else!

I have had some very strange encounters and have decided to proceed with great caution!

Best thing I have done so far is to join a singing group (I kid you not)- met loads of people of all ages 20-70 and enjoy warbling along to all types of cool music.

From that, I have made a few friends and I'm setting up a new group (non-singing!) so we can hang out, go to music festivals,cinema etc.

Hope to meet someone special eventually but meanwhile it beats sitting in or meeting strange people in a 1:1 setting!

[jaymz]

Hey Jaymz

OLD can be a minefield -so many people are just not what they seem- often I think they're fooling themselves as much as anyone else!

I have had some very strange encounters and have decided to proceed with great caution!

Best thing I have done so far is to join a singing group (I kid you not)- met loads of people of all ages 20-70 and enjoy warbling along to all types of cool music.

From that, I have made a few friends and I'm setting up a new group (non-singing!) so we can hang out, go to music festivals,cinema etc.

Hope to meet someone special eventually but meanwhile it beats sitting in or meeting strange people in a 1:1 setting!

 

Meet ups sound great but there are none where I live

[jaymz]

Here is a great example of dealing with my STBXW:

 

She books a holiday with the kids and tells me (after I ask for the details as she never volunteers it even thought she should) that they return on the Saturday morning of my weekend. So I say ok I will pick them up at lunch time.

 

Then a few weeks before they go she tells me: sorry got the dates and times mixed up, I will be back late on the Sunday. so essentially meaning my weekend with them is totally screwed.

 

So I decided the other week to go our for the day today with a friend, one of those action days to take my mind of things.

 

In the morning my phone blows up as soon as I get in range of a signal. The STBXW is back and wants me to talk to kids and have them from midday. By the time i get these messages its too late and tell her that I am out for the day and will call them in the evening as planned.

 

Of course I get ****ty text messages about how I don't want to talk to kids etc, I just ignore them.

 

Call kids at 7pm as usual. The eldest and youngest are fine, tell me all about their holiday etc. The middle one starts off ok and then breakdowns saying he misses me etc and really wanted to see me today. I tell him that I will see him at the weekend. Thats not good enough for him, he really misses me and then asks why I didn't see him today. So I told him the truth, that I was told he would be back late so had made other plans. He is very upset and then starts yelling at the STBXW telling her she is a liar. She then yells back "I am not lying, I told him you were back".

 

What the hell do you do then???

 

I told the middle one that I have to go to work tomorrow but will see if I can get Tuesday off so I can see him. He gets much happier then, asks me to promise to let him now via imessenger as soon as I know.

 

Bitch...

[2sunny]

Jaymz -

 

After agreeing with the adjusted schedule - its best to confirm with the kids when you plan to see them - that way THEY know what SHE changed and what to expect of you (when to see you).

 

And get the D finalized with the court so when she changes the schedule - you can legally tell her NO - that's not on the agreement!

Edited September 1, 2013 by 2sunny

[FooledMeTwice]

OMG, that was the longest 3 months of my life!!!!!!

It's good to have you back Jaymz

I'm sure it's both therapeutic to us and yourself to update us of your current situation. Once again, thanks and welcome back!!!

[jaymz]

Jaymz -

 

After agreeing with the adjusted schedule - its best to confirm with the kids when you plan to see them - that way THEY know what SHE changed and what to expect of you (when to see you).

 

And get the D finalized with the court so when she changes the schedule - you can legally tell her NO - that's not on the agreement!

 

The kids know the schedule and they know when I have them at extra times as I confirm it first with the STBXW and then tell them.

 

This is where she tells them they can go to mine without asking me first, then I look the bad guy for saying no.

[jaymz]

OMG, that was the longest 3 months of my life!!!!!!

It's good to have you back Jaymz

I'm sure it's both therapeutic to us and yourself to update us of your current situation. Once again, thanks and welcome back!!!

 

Thanks. it is a very windy road at the moment...

[jaymz]

Another thing that irks me: The STBXW is ALWAYS pleading poverty. It was my eldest sons birthday and he had some birthday money. He wanted to spend it with me, it was £22 so a fortune for a kid. He called the STBXW and she agreed that he could spend it and she would give me the money.

 

I never received the money. I reminded her several times and so far have been ignored.

 

Today she picks up the kids with scumbag in a brand new X3 BMW...

 

Its not the amount of money, its the principle. Pisses me off!

[marqueemoon4]

Hey Jaymz glad to see you are hanging in there.

 

I feel your pain.. my ex picks up my son from soccer practice (which I coach) in her new POS husbands c63 amg Benz he bought for himself. Clearly he is all about putting his faux family first. F 'em, they're a joke, and their marriage is doomed. I'm just sorry my son has to put up with it.

 

Oh and btw I've paid her over $32k in child support since we separated, most of which she spends on herself. Now I'm 2 months behind on child support, living check to check, in major debt, and gonna get killed if this goes to court (which it will). I'm the one who went to college, have been working for 15yrs and supported her and my child for YEARS. She's such a bottom feeder.

Edited September 4, 2013 by marqueemoon4

[jaymz]

Hey MM4, hope things are going well for you buddy (except that awful football team you support....)

 

It turns out the car is only a curtsey car, his is in the garage again being fixed.

 

Finally got a responce to my solictor letter, she basically still wants me to have all the debt in my name. So i instructed my solicitor to file this afternoon and will be going to the first hearing in about 6 weeks or so. Hopefully it will only take a couple of hearings for the judges decision and then I can draw a line under the whole thing.

 

I have the kids this weekend, picking them up in a few hours. I also have to take my eldest to one of his secondary schools open days tomorrow, meeting the STBXW and scumbag there...

 

Still not much luck on the girlfriend front, have got a FWB with an ex but its very casual.

 

Still playing rugby but will be off for 4-6 weeks as I have a groin strain.. really annoyed at that!

 

Have started the "diet chef" program: I really struggle to eat well and am hopeing this programme will kick start that again for me.

[jaymz]

I think my STBXW is not happy with me today.

 

She sent me the usual text about the kids wanting to eat dinner with me, fine.

 

I picked them up. she totally blanked me while the kids got their shoes and coats and bombarded me with running hugs and kisses

 

Then she mentions about meeting tomorrow at 10am, I said that's correct.

 

Then she said she wants the clothes back the kids are wearing right now. I said why are they special, she says no but its what they usually wear at home. So said I would try. Not happy with that.

 

Then she mentions about a school trip. I said I am happy for him to go. She wants half of the money, I said I don't have it at the moment. She says that means he cant go. I said she could make a sacrifice and cancel her gym membership (£70 per month) and then she could afford to pay for the trip.

 

So I leave and the kids coming running after me, she yells that they haven't said goodbye to her so I tell them to and then get in the car. The kids come back one by one and the next thing I know she runs down the path and grabs open the car door. She then starts to go on about how I have no respect for her and the kids have no respect for her and when they come back they are hell to deal with and unless I start showing her respect, I cant have the kids any more. I say that respect is a two way street and I don't, at any point when the kids are with me, bad mouth her at all if that's what she is getting at.

 

She then starts going into no respect again and says I cannot have the kids, AFTER this weekend, the kids go mad. She tells the eldest that I am wrong for wanting her to pay me the birthday money, that a proper dad would have given him the £22 to spend and not expected the birthday money (I call it "survey says" when she tells everyone what I have done and they ALL side with her, even though they dont know the full facts, she has done it for years as a way to make me do what she wants or feel bad about a decision I had made) - its not the money I really am bothered about, I only asked her once for it back. Its the fact that he called her and specifically asked for the money so he could spend it on something he wanted, he then asked her to give me the money when i dropped them off that weekend. I guess its really , with me, that it was important she kept faith with him, now he sees her as she is.

 

I felt like I am starting to lose my cool at this point and then try to close the car door but she stands in the way and remarks how brave I am when scumbag is not around. I just roll my eyes at this and she yells for him to come out and help her take the kids out of the car.

 

The kids go mad, telling her that they wont go etc. She starts to go mad as well and so I tell her that she can only do this now but once we go to court she wont be able to do it again. Scumbag ambles over by now and he is getting the low down on how she gets no respect. I can see it in his face that he really doesn't think its the right time for this conversation, with the kids screaming etc, and tells her so. She starts to go on about how she needs to discuss things with me and that I am too stubborn to listen etc.

 

Scumbag then says that we are both too stubborn! I laughed, said goodbye and closed the car door.

 

I know I am an ar*hole at times, and I probably didn't handle it very well but I did find it funny that he kinda took my side. Hopefully he is seeing her for who she really is now.

Edited September 13, 2013 by jaymz

[jaymz]

Turn up at the school on time, STBXW was very late... All in designer clothes.

 

Things went ok. My eldest wouldn't leave my side. we listened to the head teachers speech and then went to explore the class rooms.

 

While I involved the eldest in activities, showing him what he would be doing talking to teachers etc. STBXW and scumbag seemed to more interested in chatting to the other parents etc, it got to the point where I just left them to it and visited the other depts with my eldest, and they tagged along behind..

 

They eventually had to go to feed the baby, STBXW did say that there are two other school open days we could all go to. so that is good.

 

In the car on the way back my eldest told me his was pleased that mummy behaved herself today... I tried really hard not to laugh.

 

When I got back I had a letter from the solicitor waiting for me. In it was a copy of STBXW rejection letter and her counter offer. I think she is on another planet as she seems to think the money left over is double what is actually there. She is also claiming for family expenses AFTER we split up, which my solicitor said was odd as she has to prove they were made in my name AFTER we split up, which is impossible...

[worlybear]

Oh Jaymz, why do these people poison our lives?

She sounds like the woman from hell-

Great that your relationship with your kids is thriving- hang in there!

[jaymz]

Thanks worlybear, hope all is well with you.