Is it over?

[mark982]

great news jaymz, her bubble is exploding at a rapid rate;). i sure as hell wouldn't answer her vm at all. let her stew. wouldn't be surprised if you recieve lots of voice mails.

[jaymz]

Spoke to the OMW today. what a truly lovely woman, feel so sorry for her as she is now going to be single parent with 3 young kids.

 

The OM told her that he made a terrible mistake and has got off the ship yesterday and is trying to get a flight back home from Cork!

 

the OMW told me all about the OM coke and crack habit, how he has spent 10 weeks in the priory trying to kick the habit. He owes **** loads of money to everyone trying to be the big I am - he owes £70k to his mum alone!

He is in therapy for anger and depression. he is a toltal scumbag. I cant believe w thought this guy was soo much better than me.

 

Gave her all the evidence I have, promised to keep in touch.

 

Feel a million dollars today.

[jaymz]

The OM called me on his mobile, ignored the call. Then W called me on my mobiles and home phone and ignored those too. Maybe they are still together? odd.

[jaymz]

According to OMW, he is trapped in cork town and drunk, wants to yell abuse at me, lol!

 

W keeps calling and texting, she is desperate to talk to kids. funny that, wasnt yesterday before this all blew up! love karma

[jaymz]

She came back today. told me it was still over and she wants to be with OM.

She has been very interested in how I found out things about them, didnt answer any questions. She then moved onto how everything was my fault and we woudnlt be in the position now if I had done x/y/z etc.

 

I guess I start to move on with my life now.

[robf1971]

The OM called me on his mobile, .

 

Lol you should have taken the call.

[robf1971]

.

 

Seeing the OM wife today, she wants to chat and swap evidence. also like .

 

Lol maybe you should sh*g om's wife and see how much he likes being cheated on.

[jaymz]

I don't think it would have made any difference. They believe they are meant to be together and the OM was going to tell his wife next week.

 

Its a real shame. I loved her very much but she could not see it.

 

Back to my adventure now. Going to call to see if my new bike is ready to collect. New clothes have arrived today too.

 

Just need to get dates.

[2.50 a gallon]

Get yourself the nastiest solicitor you can afford. Your first priority is your kids and keeping him out of the clutch of the scumbag, coke and crack head OM. For no your mission is to gather all the evidence you can on the both of them and get custody. Make her pay child support.

 

The OM is in deep debt. If your STBXW and he are to be together it will be a financial hardship for your kids. Also your child support will be going to him and not for the kids welfare

 

I would stay tight with the OMW, the two of you can support each other.

 

As to robf1071's suggestion, I did that. It was one of the most erotic nights I have ever spent. It was awesome to watch this guys world collapse, when he found out. Big boys and OM's do cry.

 

Hopefully there is no way that you would even consider getting back with her.

 

Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me

[robf1971]

I would stay tight with the OMW, the two of you can support each other.

 

As to robf1071's suggestion, I did that. It was one of the most erotic nights I have ever spent. It was awesome to watch this guys world collapse, when he found out. Big boys and OM's do cry.

 

 

Lol I was only half serious.

[robf1971]

Get yourself the nastiest solicitor you can afford. Your first priority is your kids and keeping him out of the clutch of the scumbag, coke and crack head OM. For no your mission is to gather all the evidence you can on the both of them and get custody. Make her pay child support.

 

 

Yep, you are in the UK I take it? Getting a good solicitor is more important than ever as the courts favour the mother. You need to get your ducks in a row, document everything, I mean dates, times the lot.

 

While your wife is pining after some sad loser, you need to be preparing for a full scale nuclear war.

[jaymz]

I'm in the UK. Have instructed a solicitor. She is going to see hers today, she will qualify for legal aid and has to have one appointed.

 

Got another two estate agents coming round today to value the house. ****ing heart breaking.

 

She doesn't want to move out. Says its much easier for me to go instead, I explained that as we are selling the house it doesn't matter if she goes in two weeks/two months/two years, she still needs to get a new place and I am not paying for her and OM to live in my house. Also told her to make other sleeping arrangements as I'm keeping the bed.

 

For some reason she is in a bad mood today, lol.

 

She also told the kids last night when I was out that they are moving to a new house without me, she said she didnt but the kids dont lie and she has spent the last two months lying about everything, guess who I'm gonna believe?

 

She said she wants to keep things friendly and amicable, what she really means is that if I do everything she asks she will be friendly. I told her that I am not her door mat any more and she needs to start negotiating on things as I will not be told what to do any more. That started another row where she accuse me of being stubborn, being unnecessarily cruel to the kids as they will have to leave the house etc WTF: she has to leave anyway!

 

Just called me, she is going to move in with OM straight away now and its all my fault as she wanted to introduce him to the kids slowly and cant now. Why is everything my fault?

[robf1971]

Just called me, she is going to move in with OM straight away now and its all my fault as she wanted to introduce him to the kids slowly and cant now. Why is everything my fault?

 

Trust me, she'd have done it anyway just another stick to beat you with. Remember... talk is cheap

[robf1971]

She doesn't want to move out. Says its much easier for me to go instead, Just called me,

 

She is going to move in with OM straight away now and its all my fault as she wanted to introduce him to the kids slowly and cant now. Why is everything my fault?

 

A contradiction in terms, I think. Excellent, news her moving out. In fact go to Wickes or Halfords ask for some boxes, pack her stuff into boxes, tell her to comew get them when she wants.

[robf1971]

. I told her that I am not her door mat any more and she needs to start negotiating on things as I will not be told what to do any more.

 

Economy of words my friend. As soon as her voice gets raised, hold your hand up

 

" Wife, until you can have a civil conversation with me this conversation is over" walk away.

 

Expect, serious venom, expect hundreds of calls and hate filled text messages, expect accusations, she will blame you for everything from her affair to global warming. You stay cool, do not respond, document EVERY SINGLE TEXT AND CALL. Remember her talk is cheap, your actions show you mean business eg her stuff in boxes, your solicitor.

 

You can do this. She is spinning, you are finally getting your testicles back from her handbag, and she's not liking it one little bit.

[robf1971]

Just need to get dates.

 

Look, Joking aside about sh*gging OM's wife, maybe this is a bad idea. You do not want to give this woman anything she can use against you. It's gonna get nasty.

[robf1971]

the OMW told me all about the OM coke and crack habit, how he has spent 10 weeks in the priory trying to kick the habit. He owes **** loads of money to everyone trying to be the big I am - he owes £70k to his mum alone!

He is in therapy for anger and depression. he is a toltal scumbag. I cant believe w thought this guy was soo much better than me.

 

Gave her all the evidence I have, promised to keep in touch.

 

Feel a million dollars today.

 

Lol why do they always trade down from a Jag to a Kia. I used to live down the road from the priory lol.

[jaymz]

The W was telling me all about how the OMW is actually a nutjob and cannot be trusted in anything she says. W is also aware of the OM drug problem but "it was years ago and he's over it now and is not in therapy".

 

I asked why she thought OMW was a nutter, her answer "because OM told me and so did his mum and his friend and I heard her going mental on the phone". No **** she was going mental, she just found out about the affair!

 

I told her that it doesn't matter what they say, she will find out in due course when the reality of OM finally hits home, then she will know who is lying or not. I also told her that if she is moving in with OM then I will be contacting SS about the kids and get him an enhanced CRB check done etc.

 

The W just found out about the cards being cancelled and wasnt happy about it, I told her that I had legal advice and due to her constant lying and withdrawal of money I couldn't trust her anymore - not happy. Once I get everything into my bank details then she can have her cards back with a zero account, then its all her responsibility then.

 

The last estate agent came round today, its so hard having to explain the situation and why we want to sell the "great family home" after 18 months. I really hate her for doing this to me. makes the separation and divorce easier as I have less and less feelings for her as the truth comes out about what she had been up to, the lies, the cheating, stringing me along for so long, it really is the most cruel and selfish thing one person can do to another.

 

I have to speak to mortgage broker next, see how much I can borrow to get a new home.

 

I have a target of xmas to have everything sorted by. New home, new life style, new clothes, new girls, new friends, new fitness etc.

[robf1971]

I told her that it doesn't matter what they say, she will find out in due course when the reality of OM finally hits home, then she will know who is lying or not. I also told her that if she is moving in with OM then I will be contacting SS about the kids and get him an enhanced CRB check done etc.

.

 

Dude, economy of words... All that talk was unecesary.

 

How old are your kids? Get a CRB check done NOW, Contact the SS NOW, Actions. See it like a game of poker, you are giving your hand away by Telling her sh*t that you need to be DOING.

 

Ohh and if that CRB check comes out less than 100%, you tell your lawyer and inform the police. Remember you need all this stuff for the coming legal battle over your kids and assets. You are being too damn weak.

 

You think your wifes OM gives 2 ****es about being nice and supplicting to your wife? there's a lesson in the laws of attraction. Please take my advice.

[jaymz]

Need to learn to shut up? Its hard, we have been together 15 years and I'm used to talking to her about everything. Another habit to break!

[marqueemoon4]

Need to learn to shut up? Its hard, we have been together 15 years and I'm used to talking to her about everything. Another habit to break!

 

yep, I've been the same way.. giving up precious intelligence to my stbxw because I'm so used to being open and honest with her, and she then uses it against me. showed my hand on numerous things that if I could've just kept my mouth shut, would've given me the upper hand. remember, she's not your wife anymore, she's the enemy, treat her as such.

[robf1971]

yep, I've been the same way.. giving up precious intelligence to my stbxw because I'm so used to being open and honest with her, and she then uses it against me. showed my hand on numerous things that if I could've just kept my mouth shut, would've given me the upper hand. remember, she's not your wife anymore, she's the enemy, treat her as such.

 

Yep , or maybe opponent is a better word.

[jaymz]

She is being abit more reasonable now, asked if I was up to something so I know she is.

 

Spoke to solicitor today, she advised staying in the house until its sold and ignore any threats from the W as they are mostly unsubstantiated or she will have to pay for them herself (legal aid doesn't cover everything).

 

Had a good look through the finances. I am totally ****ed while living in this house still

 

Cant wait until its all over.

[debtman]

Stick to 180...lots of good advice on here for you already. My situation was VERY similar, now, 7 months later, my W and OM are no longer together and now she's poking back around to see if there's still any interest from me. Thanks to the 180, support on LS, friends, family and LOTS of activities, I'm in a better place...I don't WANT to go back to her anymore. It's MY decision at this point and I won't put myself in that situation again with someone who isn't willing to address their own issues or take real steps to fix those problems.

 

Talking with her, while she's in a fog, is pointless and will only give her justification that she made the "right" decision. She will try as hard as she can to push your buttons, make you upset and start fights so that she can tell herself how "horrible" you are. Be better than that...

 

Focus on yourself and your kids. I have a better relationship with my kids than I ever have even though I don't see them as much...

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[jaymz]

Thanks for the advice all.

 

Told the kids today. The eldest (7) understood that we were breaking up, the others (5 & 3) didn't really understand. I felt so awful. Didn't really see the wife with new eyes, just so disappointed in her and where we are now.

 

She is pushing for me to leave the house, I wont go.

 

She is now threatening to invite the scumbag round when I'm out. I can believe she has zero respect for me, the kids, the house and the 15 years together we had and what we built together.