Steen719 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Broke down at work, just a mess. Being strong is just too hard work sometimes. I just cannot believe she keeps threatening to take my kids away from me and is so horrible. I haven't done anything wrong and always try to do the right thing. Too upsetting. So sorry, Jaymz. I know how that is. I teared up in front of some people I was working on an event with. There was a woman in the meeting who had been horrible and I was upset about it. All it took were a few kind words from someone and I was so tearful. UGH A down dip on my roller coaster ride from hell. She cannot take your kids. She is just being mean. She wants it all. She wants her money, she wants your money, she wants you to make all the house payments, she wants you to commit to take the kids any time she wants you to and when you don't, she threatens you. I know you have to have contact with her, but if at all possible, don't engage in the back and forth she wants you to. She is blowing hot air. You have not done anything wrong and she knows it. She is quite a piece of work, isn't she? Keeping my fingers crossed that your house sells. Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 (edited) worse thing ever is to cancel mortgage payment on a house!! why did you do that? thats the last thing to cancel.. cancel the gas, electric, water 1st, thet wont cut you off for ages Edited January 23, 2012 by coopster Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted January 28, 2012 Share Posted January 28, 2012 Jaymz- re your house, been there, done that, got the t shirt. My ex expected me to continue paying for our house,whilst he went away and rented another one with his new partner and her child. I cancelled the mortgage payments-closed my bank account and opened a fresh one with a different bank. I then moved out with my daughter and rented another house. Vacant possession can help sell a property. There was a bidding war for our house and it went for 5 grand more than the asking price. I missed 2 mortgage payments and paying that back took all the small profit but despite all the hassle, I've never regretted the decision and would do it again if I had to. Get rid of the house. You need a fresh start, where you can have your kids to stay and make fresh memories. Stay strong. Hugs.:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Called the kids on the 25th, didnt speak to STBXW. 28/01/12 19:00 Called kids again, STBXW told me that the bank had written to her that the DD payments had been cancelled, I just sad yes then asked to to speak to kids again, while talking to kids she was telling them that daddy wont have a house anymore... and once I finished talking to the kids, I hung up before she came back on the phone. Had some friends over, lots of champaigne, beer and curry to celebrate my decree nisi! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Thanks for all your kind words and advice. I know I need to stop reacting to her, doing what she wants and waiting her for decisions. As of last week I have doubled my resolve to stop doing those things and get off that damn roller coaster!!! THe house is probably my biggest problem. I just simply cannot afford the large mortgage payments on it, coopster I need to find £1600 per month and I cant do that by cancelling the gas/water/electric alone. I can pay half of it and told the bank they need to contact her for the other half. Hopefully i can keep the house long enough to sell it. After speaking to a good friend of mine its clear to me that happiness is more important to me than pride, so I am doing things make to make me happy and the right decisions for my kids. I have been flirting with a girl I met from a dating site, may come to nothing but has been a boost to my ego and I feel alot better about myself. Onwards and upwards! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 29/01/12 20:57 STBXW texts me and asks if I can have the kids late next week and bath them before bringing them back. I ask where they will be over the next few days so I can call them as normal, no reply. Am I playing games? or should I have answered her yes/no before asking a question? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 she was telling them that daddy wont have a house anymore... Unbelievable, there is a word beginning with C which fits what she said like a glove. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Thanks for all your kind words and advice. I know I need to stop reacting to her, doing what she wants and waiting her for decisions. As of last week I have doubled my resolve to stop doing those things and get off that damn roller coaster!!! THe house is probably my biggest problem. I just simply cannot afford the large mortgage payments on it, coopster I need to find £1600 per month and I cant do that by cancelling the gas/water/electric alone. I can pay half of it and told the bank they need to contact her for the other half. Hopefully i can keep the house long enough to sell it. After speaking to a good friend of mine its clear to me that happiness is more important to me than pride, so I am doing things make to make me happy and the right decisions for my kids. I have been flirting with a girl I met from a dating site, may come to nothing but has been a boost to my ego and I feel alot better about myself. Onwards and upwards! Actually IMO she's going to end up ruining your credit history by association. I think you need to get on HMRC's web site and find out the tax breaks for taking in lodgers. That will make the 1600 quid more digestable. As for memories etc that's nothing that a few beers, a large takeway curry, a few pots of paint and some mates to help you can't solve. You're wife is lazy, my guess is she won't do anything re the house sale. In fact my lawyer once told me during my acrimonious first divorce that 'possesion is 9/10ths of the law' Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 she was telling them that daddy wont have a house anymore... ! She is sowing the seeds of destroying her relationship with the kids, it's sad to see. You are your kid's hero, she's sitting down with some stranger 'OM' and probably openly slagging you off all the time. Your kids will remember this into adulthood, you're wife probably thinks that because they are kids that they don't notice or take anything in. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 she was telling them that daddy wont have a house anymore... ! She is sowing the seeds of destroying her relationship with the kids, it's sad to see. You are your kid's hero, she's sitting down with some stranger 'OM' and probably openly slagging you off all the time. Your kids will remember this into adulthood, you're wife probably thinks that because they are kids that they don't notice or take anything in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted January 30, 2012 Author Share Posted January 30, 2012 !!!!sold my house today!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 30, 2012 Share Posted January 30, 2012 Awesome news about the house! Now - when your xW asks you to adjust the schedule - or take up her slack for her side of things - simply respond with "that doesn't work for me, I'm sure you'll figure out something else!" Stop fixing her timing conflicts! If you start saying NO - she may stop being away from her parenting role so much. Stick to the agreed schedule! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Nice one mate, good luck with the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 !!!!sold my house today!!!! YAAAAAY! That's awesome news! Time for a beer!:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 01/02/12 19:00 Spoke to kids, stbxw said something just as I hung up after saying goodbye to the kids. didnt bother calling her or texting her back, if she wanted to talk she could have said something at the begining of the call. 01/02/12 19:47 Text from STBXW asking to change the schedule sunday, I told her "sorry but cant". Get barrage of texts about my lack of help and understanding etc and its all been noted against me.lol Am out tonight with some friends to celbrate, in the last week i got the decree nisi, the house sold and maybe a girlfriend! 2012 is shaping up to be a good year so far! I also texted scumbags ex-wife, she would love to meet up with me next weekend and catch up on everything that has gone on. Should be interesting, cannot wait!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Good! Keep telling her NOPE every time she tries to change the schedule! Just tell her to schedule her social life around her visitation schedule - its what the law WILL order! If she needs to - she can PAY a babysitter! Ignore her texts when she throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way with you. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I also texted scumbags ex-wife, she would love to meet up with me next weekend and catch up on everything that has gone on. Should be interesting, cannot wait!!! Hmm maybe you should s*** OM's ex if the opportunity arises. Love to see OM all broke up running round to your house with your STBX, then maybe you could call the police on them lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Great night out wednesday, just what I needed. The only thing was the nightclub we went to was full of girls half my age! Had a date thursday evening, didnt go very well, she left after an hour or so. I didnt mind, her picture was taken atleast 8 yrs ago... She text me the next day, thanking me for the drink and said there was "no chemistry", so all ok. Scumbags wife texted me, she wanted to know if I was going to tell her something when we meet up next week, i told her no it was just a catch-up, she thought i was going to tell her that STBXW is pregnant! I told her she doesnt want any more kids, her priority is having another boob job (which she did on monday) and then a tummy tuck, kids would ruin that plan. Now scumbags wife then said that she has the impression that STBXW is a) does not like to lose and b) is desperate to hold onto what she has got, when i asked why, she said her MIL and kids told her things, interesting. Scumbags wife gets on really well with scumbag and his mum, she talks to his mum loads and thinks they are the best behaved seperated couple ever. odd. Will find out more next week. I think its a good idea meeting up, get a differnt perspective on things. 03/02/12 18:35 Picked up kids this evening. Again STBXW asked to change the schedule and I said no. She then offered me my daughter on her birthday from 9am to 2pm, I said thanks and would let her know about getting time off work. I had told the STBXW that the house was sold earlier that day. She then went on about the money we were given by her great aunt to pay for the house we moved into back in 2010. She wants that money paid back to the great aunts estate (she died last year) which i think doesnt exist anymore as everything passed to the STBXW parents. Not sure about the position on that, STBXW inists it was a loan and needs to be paid back first, if so then I will be lumbered with all the debt still in my name... And to top it off, the car would not start. So had a lift back home by scumbag in his car...! STBXW said she would have the car looked at and drop it off tomorrow morning for me... Weird week. Edited February 3, 2012 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Daughter/ ex's bday - say NO to any changes in the set schedule! She wants to change it every time she wants to go out! It's her job as a parent to give the KIDS her consistency! If you allow it to be changed - they know they aren't her priority. Don't make it easy to change the schedule. The money? Did you SIGN an agreement that said it was a loan? If you signed - keep your agreement. If you didn't, there's no agreement. You can't count on her - hopefully you can stop picking up her pieces - that way she can learn how to carry the load she needs to carry. She will allow you to do it all if you keep saying yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 (edited) Good! Keep telling her NOPE every time she tries to change the schedule! Just tell her to schedule her social life around her visitation schedule - its what the law WILL order! If she needs to - she can PAY a babysitter! Ignore her texts when she throws a tantrum when she doesn't get her way with you. Have done now... Its hard to stop wanting to help but I know I have to do what you say. thanks. Its funny, she never kicks off in front of him, but will do at my place or via phone or text... Edited February 3, 2012 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 So what do you think she's doing that she isn't having her kids for those hours on her b-day? You babysit when it's her visitation time so SHE can go out with lover boy - have a meal and sex - all while you watch the kids... And when my ex got mean with me - I stopped communicating - stating only that I'm not continuing if he planned to be mean ----> funny how he stopped after a long while of silence from me. She can pay a sitter on her fun time - or stay home... Like most people do. She can be his plaything on a whim - cuz she believes you WILL take the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 So what do you think she's doing that she isn't having her kids for those hours on her b-day? You babysit when it's her visitation time so SHE can go out with lover boy - have a meal and sex - all while you watch the kids... And when my ex got mean with me - I stopped communicating - stating only that I'm not continuing if he planned to be mean ----> funny how he stopped after a long while of silence from me. She can pay a sitter on her fun time - or stay home... Like most people do. She can be his plaything on a whim - cuz she believes you WILL take the kids. Sorry. I should have been more clear. She offered me to have my daughter on my daughters birthday from 9am to 2pm Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 4, 2012 Share Posted February 4, 2012 Oh - ok. Just celebrate the bday on your visitation time before or after her actual bday. Keep to a rigid schedule... No wavering - so the ex and the kids know what to expect. Kids can celebrate their bday whenever you want. They always love to make it last longer than one day. Just tell the child when to expect it... That way she doesn't wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 5, 2012 Author Share Posted February 5, 2012 05/02/12 14:00 STBXW called me and asked when I was dropping the kids off, I told her normal time, she then said that as it was snowing did I want the kids until tomorrow evening? I said no, she then said that "glad to see you are making the most of the time with your children", I asked if she had anything else to say and then said goodbye and hung up. Hard decision to say no, but I have work and the kids have school. We had the day outside clearing the drive, making snowmen, snowball fights etc. 05/02/12 18:40 My daughter did not want to go home and was crying, i was regretting my decision earlier now. Dropped kids off at STBXW, she didnt say anything but her and scumbag both looked really pissed off. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 6, 2012 Share Posted February 6, 2012 05/02/12 14:00 STBXW called me and asked when I was dropping the kids off, I told her normal time, she then said that as it was snowing did I want the kids until tomorrow evening? I said no, she then said that "glad to see you are making the most of the time with your children", I asked if she had anything else to say and then said goodbye and hung up. Hard decision to say no, but I have work and the kids have school. We had the day outside clearing the drive, making snowmen, snowball fights etc. 05/02/12 18:40 My daughter did not want to go home and was crying, i was regretting my decision earlier now. Dropped kids off at STBXW, she didnt say anything but her and scumbag both looked really pissed off. Well, it's obvious why, isn't it? The kids put a crimp in her & scumbag's good time they were planning. She really needs to grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
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