Steen719 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I realized this morning that I have not had a "back together" dream in a couple of weeks. I hope you can get to a dream free night of sleeping. One week of divorce recovery group helped me...glad I started it and looking forward to other meetings. Having facilitators who came out on the other side stronger and happier made me have hope. Also, as bad as I felt my situation was, some were so painful to listen to, much less live. I wonder at times if she does feel like that or is having too much of a good time. My brother, having been through a similar situation, assures me that becomes less important until you just don't care anymore. That's my aim. Best to you jaymz. {{{HUGS}}} (we all need them) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 I don't really dream that much or haven't remembered a dream in years, since the split I have remembered around 8 dreams and all of them involve the STBXW, ODD! I have looked into divorce groups, but there are non where I live. But looking back over this thread I can see where I am healing and becoming less affected by it all. I still get sad at times but its less frequently and doesn't have the same impact. Instead I am looking forward to getting the house sold and making a new home for myself - never thought I would be like that. I dont know why I want her to feel guilt or be aware of what she put me through, looking over other threads on here its a common thing and I guess it has become less important to me as I realise that I shouldn't be using her to validate me at all. I guess in someways I still do care. I wonder what she is up to and if she thinks about me and our marriage at all. I allow myself a little time each day to reflect on things and allow my heart and head to process things before distracting myself with something else. Its hard to be sad if I am out cycling, or with the kids or learning to dance or trying to cook or shopping for new clothes! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 jaymz - You have really done the right things all along. Of course there will be sad points, we may all experience these for many years to come. But I have to hand it to you, you are on the right track and have documented it so well, which I believe is a really healthy thing to do. (unlike those bacon and butter sandwiches ) Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 jaymz - You have really done the right things all along. Of course there will be sad points, we may all experience these for many years to come. But I have to hand it to you, you are on the right track and have documented it so well, which I believe is a really healthy thing to do. (unlike those bacon and butter sandwiches ) Bacon , fried mushrooms and fried egg roll with loads of butter and tomato sauce, mayonnaise and english mustard, tomato and lettuce... mmmmmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 now that sounds good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 Just got home with the feelin i had forgotten something, BACON! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 jaymz - You have really done the right things all along. Of course there will be sad points, we may all experience these for many years to come. But I have to hand it to you, you are on the right track and have documented it so well, which I believe is a really healthy thing to do. (unlike those bacon and butter sandwiches ) Cheers. Just when i think its over, I get another dose of reality... it really is two step forwards, one step back at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 Yep, forgot the BACON! (first world problems, eh?) Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Making Hawaiian pizza tonight, with extra bacon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 07/02/12 19:00 Called kids, did it via the STBXW fathers mobile as STBXW was out. Kids fine but eldest wanted to go to a friends party on the 17th, had to say no as it is my daughters birthday party. Needless to say he wasnt very happy and thought it all unfair...! I cannot believe the STBXW set me up like that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Called the conveyancer about the house sale. Everything going through fine no problems. Paper work sent to buyer to sign, copies sent to STBXW to sign. I need to send in a couple of bits. All looking good. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Fingers(and toes!) crossed Jaymz! You deserve some good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Another trigger yesterday. Part of my job is working away or over weekends, usually stay at a local hotel. I have done anything like that since I got separated, this is the first weekend where I have to work and stay overnight. Yesterday I checked in fine, went upstairs to the room, dumped my stuff and then it suddenly hit me... the STBXW and scumbag booked lots of cheap hotels together around this time last year (one was a hotel that we spent our wedding night together in, nice eh?). so I just stood there for a moment, felt sad, then shrugged my shoulders and left the room. Went out for the evening with work, bowling, food, drink, had a good time and went back to the room. Didn't feel anything else when I went to bed or in the morning when I got up, felt normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 10/03/12 19:00 Called the kids. Middle child was upset, when i asked why he asked if i was going to live in another country! When i asked him how told him he said mummy did. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Can i ask, are you still surprised by things she says and does? I am sad to say: yes. I just dont think or act that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Had to call loads before STBXW would pick up the phone and let me talk to my daughter. She had a great day and is looking forward to seeing me on friday. so am pleased. Spoke to STBXW afterwards, she said she was busy dishing up dinner and can she call me back later? I said no as I am out and I want to know why she is telling the kids lies about me. She then started shouting down the phone that she tells no lies and i tell them loads of **** etc. I cut her off, thanked her for confirming that she will stop telling lies, wished her a great evening, then said goodbye and hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Was pissed off. So cooked up my lunch for the week: slow roasted chicken strips with sugar snap peas, baby sweetcorn, red onions and peppers, drizzled with olive oil, paprika and chilli powder. plan to serve with freash garden salad in a wrap, yummy. Then went out for an hour bike ride. Havent eaten this evening, no appetite today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) A couple of updates: Yesterday got a reply from STBXW solictor, my post is sent to my parents house and they read it and let me know if anything is urgent. My dad scanned and emailed me her letter, with one word "enjoy"... THe letter is basically a load of lies, but the main points are: (1) Apologies for late reply, they were busy working...! (2) I have not told her who the conveyancer is --- I have on 3 occasions, 2 while picking up/dropping off kids and 3rd via text (3) She has shown interest in sale of the property --- Really? Who called the agents? Who showed buyers around? Who dressed the place? Who begged/borrow/stole furniture to dress the place? Who decorated the house?Who did the garding? Who cleaned the front of the house? Who bought the materials needed for the above? Who delayed the paper work two weeks to decide on what fixtures & fittings she wants? (4) She now wants all the light fittings and curtains --- Oops, too late. I guess the email she sent listing a couple of fittings and a couple of cutains didnt make it to the solictor and is now too late to change as the paper work has been completed and sent on. (5) She has personal items in the loft which she wants to retrieve at a mutually conveniant time --- she doesnt want to help get the stuff out and go through it? surprise. (6) Discuss division of items on the loft which arent her personal items --- sure but we need to decided which ones are her personal items in the first place as I thought everything was shared when we married? (7) She only took items from the house at mutual consent --- Yep and the rest! Edited March 15, 2012 by jaymz Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Today called the school about the kids parent evening next week as they haven't sent me the forms. They are aware of the situation and didn't send them to me anyway... The STBXW has already completed them and returned. Again we are seeing the teachers at separate times. I text her why? She replied: "What do you expect after xxx's birthday!" I guess she doesn't like being asked not to lie to the kids... Not replied. Didn't see the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 16/03/12 18:30 Picked kids up, STBXW had a face like a smacked arse. She dragged out the middle child and shouted at me "listen to this", then she got him to repeat that he thought I was on a plane everytime he spoke to me on the phone...WTF? Just ignored her, got kids and went. Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 16/03/12 18:30 Picked kids up, STBXW had a face like a smacked arse. She dragged out the middle child and shouted at me "listen to this", then she got him to repeat that he thought I was on a plane everytime he spoke to me on the phone...WTF? Just ignored her, got kids and went. This is what happens when it finally dawns on them that the show is coming to an end. By selling the house and moving on you release yourself from the ties that bind. She needed you to stay in the same place, do the same things now thats done. When you kept the house there was always the sick thought that she had something to return too if it didn't workout with the OM. If that makes any sense, twisted as it sounds anyone that you became involved with would be living in a place that she still considered hers in some way. Now your headed in a whole new direction new life, people and experiences... She has truly lost everything all she has left is the kids to use against you. Now is when the real life lessons for you STBXW will begain. You are going to be alright Bro !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 I dont think its that. I just think she is one of these people that are never wrong and will do anything to be seen that way. To her image is much more important. I guess no one told her to love her kids more than she hates her ex...! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 I'm telling you...there are all kinds of signs of some kind of change in her life. She's "re-writing marital history". (Look it up, it's a common method that most people engaged in an affair do to mentally justify their actions) She's become self-centered and self-focused. She can't (or won't) explain her behaviors, actions, or feelings to you. Let me guess...prior to this, before you seperated, she became distant, emotionally detached, and very moody. When you'd try to interact with her, rather than respond, she'd pull away, and dissemble whenever you'd try to ask why she was doing that. And the longer time went on...the worse it became, up to the point where she told you she wanted to seperate. Today, she looks back and all she can see of your marriage is the bad things...she can't see any of the good things. She sees where she's been trying to tell you that she's not happy. And yet, when you look back, you don't see that at all? If you were forced to explain all of this, you'd have to conclude that aliens have abducted her to the mothership? Does this all describe her actions and behaviors leading up to today? Pretty accurate summation? Stolen from another thread...post #19 But Wow, this is exactly what happened to me a year go. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 16/03/12 18:30 Picked kids up, STBXW had a face like a smacked arse. She dragged out the middle child and shouted at me "listen to this", then she got him to repeat that he thought I was on a plane everytime he spoke to me on the phone...WTF? Just ignored her, got kids and went. Wow has your wife ever thought of setting up a balloon trip company. She's got enough hot air to keep it going for years. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Ha ha, good one Rob. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts