Is it over?

[jaymz]

How absolutely awesome for you. Cross my fingers for you that continues. I bet once the house is gone and you are settled, your life will continue to improve every day.

 

Total surprise they both came over. I did go for a run first and left them to it before coming back and they had both taken a lot of stuff out of the loft and then started to go through it with me.

 

It sounds to me as if she had a nice time and definitely wants to see you again. Woo-hoo:bunny:

 

I hope so. She is tall, dark (her dad is from Gibraltar), very pretty and has the most deep blue eyes and when she smiles, it lights up the room. She is smart, funny and laughs at my stupid jokes!

[Steen719]

 

I hope so. She is tall, dark (her dad is from Gibraltar), very pretty and has the most deep blue eyes and when she smiles, it lights up the room. She is smart, funny and laughs at my stupid jokes!

 

^^^^^^:love::love::love:

[jaymz]

Spent saturday and today sorting the house out, loads to do. Tomorrow is more packing, then tuesday throwing stuff away...!

 

The STBXW never turned up, so I went out with a friend instead.

 

The date text me while I was out, will reply tomorrow, hopefully its a good sign!

[2sunny]

After my D and when I moved I got rid of loads of things that were. Reminders of my past and the M.

 

It was very freeing!

[jaymz]

After my D and when I moved I got rid of loads of things that were. Reminders of my past and the M.

 

It was very freeing!

 

That's how I feel. I have kept some bits mainly for the kids, I have put them in a sealed box and it has gone into storage, they can open it when they are old enough to appreciate it.

 

She was keeping things like her wedding dress, certain weddings gifts, also has the painting we bought on our honeymoon is hanging in her front room! She also kept a lot of love tokens I gave her, why keep those?

[jaymz]

Spent Monday with STBXW and scumbag going through the loft stuff. Finally agreed on the divison. She took a lot of things I would have assumed she would not have wanted.

 

Wasn't uncomfortable day at all. They were all cutsey cutsey, calling each other babes etc in front of me. I wasn't really that bothered by it and towards the end it seemed more like an act. The funny thing was I would tell them what to do and they would be doing it.

 

The other odd thing was at the end I asked if she wanted some candle shaped light bulbs, she did so I went and got them from the utility room. I had too many in my hands and kept dropping them, I said "slippery suckers aren't they?" and we both laughed, she then turns to scumbag who had to the front door and explained what we were laughing about...

[jaymz]

Today was eventful. Spent all day with a friend chucking out the rubbish, we had to have two 6yard skips due to the amount being thrown away. I was amazed.

 

I got a phone call from my solicitor, STBXW had sent me a letter where she does not recognise any joint debt that are in my name only and had written to the conyencer that the money was under dispute and not to release the funds. I was livid!

 

STBXW turns up like 10 minutes later in scumbags car, her mum and my daughter. She tells me my daughter is Ill and I check she is ok. I am still pissed off and ask her why she has done it. She explains that I haven't recognised the debts in her name, I said that's the point, she responds with her debts and we agree which ones are discharged. This was 2 months ago and she never said a word about pulling a stunt like this at the last minute. My solicitor was actually laughing when going through the content of the letter.

 

Well, I didn't handle it very well, I told her how it made me feel, that all that love and trust over 15 years from me means nothing and she keeps doing underhand things like this. Well she explodes and brings up all kinds of crap, which I start to respond to and then realise what I am doing and start to shut up. I also then become petty and tell her that I won't give her a key to the house, hers doesn't work, and won't drop off some bits via the removal men on Thursday. She points out that it's nothing more than being petty and I can chuck everything she wanted. I walk away.

 

I realise that she is right, I am being petty. I agreed to drop the stuff off and I should do what I say I will do. How can I keep the high ground if I go back on what I agree and act like she does?

 

I took my eldest to youth club, when I picked him up I told her I was being petty and that's not who I am. She said thanks. They have a brand new car, my eldest was very excited to tell me about it...

 

I agreed to the removal men dropping off a couple of bits in the act of being friendly with each other. I think it's still too one sided still but it's in my nature to be helpful. Will be out of the house by Thursday so that's one less thing to be done.

 

Moved into my parents today. It feels like such a backward step. I was a little emotional about that, moving out of the family home and being really, realy tired.

 

I have a date tomorrow night with another girl. When it rains, it pours!

[jaymz]

Forgot to add: she tried gas lighting me again, when I said Sunday was a great example of us arranging something and her not following through, not even a courtesy call/text. She said she had arranged it for 6:30 and not 6. I said she was mistaken as I definitely confirmed 6 and even asked if she was eating before as it would be hours going through the stuff in the loft. She was adamant it was 6:30 and when I said even so, she still had said anything about not turning up, she starts to accuse me of mind games and how she doesn't have that any more!! Unbelievable

 

She also basically said this whole situation is my fault as I should have been a better husband... I was speechless and it, to be honest, has really bugged me all day her saying that.

[Steen719]

Forgot to add: she tried gas lighting me again, when I said Sunday was a great example of us arranging something and her not following through, not even a courtesy call/text. She said she had arranged it for 6:30 and not 6. I said she was mistaken as I definitely confirmed 6 and even asked if she was eating before as it would be hours going through the stuff in the loft. She was adamant it was 6:30 and when I said even so, she still had said anything about not turning up, she starts to accuse me of mind games and how she doesn't have that any more!! Unbelievable

Yeah, well everyone is happy to start with. The proof is in the staying, so I would not put too much stock in what she says.

 

She also basically said this whole situation is my fault as I should have been a better husband... I was speechless and it, to be honest, has really bugged me all day her saying that.

 

It is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? sheesh....it gets old. Chin up, you had a good date, you have another date, you don't have to think about the house anymore and in the future, this will not bother you like it does now. I journal and when I read back from one year ago (May 24th...when I found out the XH was calling the OW), I can see progress. You will do fine. {{HUGS}}, but I bet you get some real ones soon!

[jaymz]

It is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? sheesh....it gets old.

 

Oh yes...gets old real quick. Not sure if I am annoyed at what she actually said with a stupid grin on her face or the fact I am annoyed at being slightly annoyed by the comment!

 

{{HUGS}}, but I bet you get some real ones soon!

Hopefully! Am feeling more ready for companionship. Will see what happens

[jaymz]

Moved into Parents on 8/05/12, not been too bad so far, still in honeymoon period

 

The house sale completed on 10/05/12. The STBXW turned up late as usual with scumbag to remove the curtains and take the fish. All the fuss about the house key to remove "her stuff" and she never turned up to do it!!!

 

I was there with my mum as I needed to supervise the removal and then go straight to work. It went reasonably smoothly. The STBXW took my daughter with her so I got to spend 30 minutes with her, it was great until she realized that the house is sold and daddy wont be living there anymore. She then wanted me to buy it back and live with mummy again...

 

As the STBXW was late to the house I left a note on the fishtank with her details stating that she will collect it. When she finally turned up she removed the note and then asked how to empty the fish tank, I told her to "put the hose in the tank and suck, your good at that" with a very straight face. I then gave her my key and told her to drop it off at the agents when she has finished, then left once the removal men had packed my stuff up.

 

As a favour she asked if the removal men could drop of a couple of bits at her house once they had finished, I said ok and arranged it for her.

[jaymz]

11/05/12 Received a letter from the CSA, they want me to confirm that I have been paying the STBXW the correct amount of child support and also why I was paying it direct instead of via them?

 

I called them up and spoke to a horrible toad. I explained that the case had been settled back in January and was agreed with the CSA caseworker that 1) There is no arrears 2) I would pay STBXW direct via bank 3) case was closed.

 

The toad told me that according to them that none of the above was agreed and therefore they want to see why I hadn't done what was agreed and that if I hadnt done anything wrong then I had nothing to worry about. He wasnt interested in what I had to say, so I said just call the STBXW and she can confirm what was agreed. At that point he said she had called them....

 

So not much to do but print off bank statements, send it off and wait for them to tell me how much I owe in arrears! Hopefully I will find a recorded conversation with them which backs what I said. the CSA is an absolute shambles. I cant believe the case worker did not write anything down! I can believe the STBXW is lying to them!

[jaymz]

Still waiting to see STBXW at a roundtable meeting to finalize which of our joint debts are actually joint debts. Have to go through all the finances to "prove" they are joint debts! When my solicitor spoke to her solicitor about her position as its unattainable in law, her solicitor replied off the record "my client is being awkward"... says it all...

 

Her solicitor also confirmed the STBXW is on legal aid. So that's another lie she told me. I don't know how she qualifies for legal either... shame if the LSC found out about her deception...

 

Had a date with another woman on sunday eve, took the family car to this and then dropped it off after. The STBXW wanted it back by 8am with "enough petrol to get the kids to school", lol. Date went well and she was a lovely person but I didnt find her attractive So wont be seeing her again.

 

Spoke to my friend (its his cousin) about the first woman as she still hasn't let me know about a 2nd date yet. He said that she is just really busy right now with part time job/child care/mortgage and has the added stress of her hours being cut and maybe her job being made redundant in the future... So I guess I will have to be patience. She hasn't replied to my text last week so I think shes not interested, he says she is but busy, tired and finds it hard to get a sitter for her daughter.

[worldgonewrong]

The STBXW wanted it back by 8am with "enough petrol to get the kids to school", lol.

 

My STBX pulls the same stunt. And then she of course doesn't reciprocate in kind. Massive balls.

[Steen719]

Still waiting to see STBXW at a roundtable meeting to finalize which of our joint debts are actually joint debts. Have to go through all the finances to "prove" they are joint debts! When my solicitor spoke to her solicitor about her position as its unattainable in law, her solicitor replied off the record "my client is being awkward"... says it all...

 

Dear Lord...awkward??? Ya think?

 

Her solicitor also confirmed the STBXW is on legal aid. So that's another lie she told me. I don't know how she qualifies for legal either... shame if the LSC found out about her deception...

 

Had a date with another woman on sunday eve, took the family car to this and then dropped it off after. The STBXW wanted it back by 8am with "enough petrol to get the kids to school", lol. Date went well and she was a lovely person but I didnt find her attractive So wont be seeing her again.

 

Spoke to my friend (its his cousin) about the first woman as she still hasn't let me know about a 2nd date yet. He said that she is just really busy right now with part time job/child care/mortgage and has the added stress of her hours being cut and maybe her job being made redundant in the future... So I guess I will have to be patience. She hasn't replied to my text last week so I think shes not interested, he says she is but busy, tired and finds it hard to get a sitter for her daughter.

 

Hang in....there is someone down the line for you. At least you are out there and you have had some nice dates and met nice people. The other one who is not answering you most likely is not that interested since she is not answering you to tell you what the friend says (? I guess she still could be, but)...but she is just one woman. You seem like a really nice guy. You will find someone worthy of you....don't settle, isn't that what OWL says? Good things coming your way, Jay.

[SuperGeek]

Wow. My experience wasn't even 1/2 as bad as yours. Your ex-wife is a real piece of work man. i don't know how you aren't crazy or being hauled off to the looney bin yet. I have to give you props for keeping it together going through all of this. It does get better though, as I'm sure you've seen.

 

This thread is almost complete proof and justification to me on why I will likely not get married again. The upside can be really good, but the downside can really reach the depths of hell. Sounds like divorce is even worse in the UK than it is in the US/Australia when it comes to financials and paying maintenance to the ex wife. I kept most of the financials separated in my situation which helped immensely.

 

It's been 2 years since my experience and all I do now is work, travel, run a few companies, and date as many women (casual NSA of course) as possible. i date several at a time and I just have fun and don't get serious. I'm a manwhore at this point to be fully honest, but I haven't always been this way -- Any guy that goes through something like this is changed for a long long time.

 

Thank you for your thread and for documenting your experience, it has helped me realize I'm not the only one that has been through hell

 

SuperGeek

 

11/05/12 Received a letter from the CSA, they want me to confirm that I have been paying the STBXW the correct amount of child support and also why I was paying it direct instead of via them?

 

I called them up and spoke to a horrible toad. I explained that the case had been settled back in January and was agreed with the CSA caseworker that 1) There is no arrears 2) I would pay STBXW direct via bank 3) case was closed.

 

The toad told me that according to them that none of the above was agreed and therefore they want to see why I hadn't done what was agreed and that if I hadnt done anything wrong then I had nothing to worry about. He wasnt interested in what I had to say, so I said just call the STBXW and she can confirm what was agreed. At that point he said she had called them....

 

So not much to do but print off bank statements, send it off and wait for them to tell me how much I owe in arrears! Hopefully I will find a recorded conversation with them which backs what I said. the CSA is an absolute shambles. I cant believe the case worker did not write anything down! I can believe the STBXW is lying to them!

[jaymz]

Hang in....there is someone down the line for you. At least you are out there and you have had some nice dates and met nice people. The other one who is not answering you most likely is not that interested since she is not answering you to tell you what the friend says (? I guess she still could be, but)...but she is just one woman. You seem like a really nice guy. You will find someone worthy of you....don't settle, isn't that what OWL says? Good things coming your way, Jay.

 

Thanks Steen. Still not heard anything from her so will call tomorrow night and then just leave it at that. Its a shame as I thought we clicked.

[jaymz]

Wow. My experience wasn't even 1/2 as bad as yours. Your ex-wife is a real piece of work man. i don't know how you aren't crazy or being hauled off to the looney bin yet. I have to give you props for keeping it together going through all of this. It does get better though, as I'm sure you've seen.

 

It does get better, seems real slow at times and I feel back in limbo living with my parents until I get my own place and the finances sorted with the STBXW. Yeah she is a piece of work so I know that she will continue to be like that, so keeping my distance/getting divorced is a top priority, I also hope she continues to stay with scumbag until my life is back in order, I need her to have the distraction otherwise it would be 10 times worse!!

 

This thread is almost complete proof and justification to me on why I will likely not get married again. The upside can be really good, but the downside can really reach the depths of hell. Sounds like divorce is even worse in the UK than it is in the US/Australia when it comes to financials and paying maintenance to the ex wife. I kept most of the financials separated in my situation which helped immensely.

 

I haven't written off getting married again but it has crossed my mind if I can trust someone fully again and not hold back. I hope it hasn't affected me that way but I guess time will tell. The finance side is just her being awkward and totally shunning her responsibility. She put most of the debt in my name before we split up on purpose so she wouldn't have an responsibilities, nice eh?

 

It's been 2 years since my experience and all I do now is work, travel, run a few companies, and date as many women (casual NSA of course) as possible. i date several at a time and I just have fun and don't get serious. I'm a manwhore at this point to be fully honest, but I haven't always been this way -- Any guy that goes through something like this is changed for a long long time.

 

Thank you for your thread and for documenting your experience, it has helped me realize I'm not the only one that has been through hell

 

SuperGeek

 

A lot of people on here have been throw hell! Not really sure if I am going to go through any "man whore" stages or what with my life. Just going to concentrate on me and the kids for the now.

[jaymz]

Not much to add to last week. Have got the information together for the CSA as well as a covering letter explaining what had been agreed.

 

Started to get some statements through for joint debts which "proves" we had it while together.

 

Spent a long weekend in Portugal with my firm: That was a very good weekend, lots of fun, drinks and sun!

 

Knocked the woman from the second date on the head, I wasn't interested in her and it would have been unfair to carry on.

 

Not heard anything from the first woman: Will call her tomorrow night, then just leave it. If she doesn't talk to me or reply to the VM then I know she is definantly not interested and I can stop wondering then.

[2sunny]

An interested woman does keep contAct going - in one for or another. So if she hasn't - she's not interested enough right now...

[jaymz]

That's what I thought... It's a shame as I liked her and thought we clicked, things after the date seemed to be positive too but then she suddenly stopped. Oh well! Not sure where I went wrong on that one, back to concentrating on me again :)

[jaymz]

Called her last night and left a voicemail basically saying I understand she is busy being a single parent, looking after the house and working with the added worry of the future of her job so I won't put any more pressure on her. If she does have some free time and wants to spend it with me then that's brilliant but if not that's fine too, just let me know.

 

No reply yet. Felt depressed this morning, like being rejected all over again. I guess I am not ready for dating yet...

[russell1968]

Called her last night and left a voicemail basically saying I understand she is busy being a single parent, looking after the house and working with the added worry of the future of her job so I won't put any more pressure on her. If she does have some free time and wants to spend it with me then that's brilliant but if not that's fine too, just let me know.

 

No reply yet. Felt depressed this morning, like being rejected all over again. I guess I am not ready for dating yet...

 

 

Hi Jay,

 

Same sort of thing happened to me last November, i met a girl really liked her but it didn't work out and i felt really rejected. Fast forward 6 months and i'm rejecting women left right and center, it's just time mate! thats all..You will get there.

Edited May 23, 2012 by russell1968

[Steen719]

Awww, Jay...her loss

 

You did not go wrong anywhere. Remember what it was like when you started dating? There were some who liked you and you didn't like and some you liked who didn't like you. That is all it is. You did not 'like" that one woman...weren't interested is what you said and better way to put it...there was nothing wrong with her. The chemistry just wasn't there. It is what it is, right?

 

Carry on. You will find a woman who is worthy of you. Maybe just look at the dates more casually and when the right one comes along (for both of you), it will be great. In the meantime, make a lot of friends and have some fun!!! I always met the best dates when I was doing something I liked to do the most...racquetball, softball, dancing..etc. I always figured we would have at least one thing in common.

 

Feel better...it was just chemistry and she couldn't help it anymore than you could....no rejection. {{{HUGS}}}

[jaymz]

Hi Jay,

 

Same sort of thing happened to me last November, i met a girl really liked her but it didn't work out and i felt really rejected. Fast forward 6 months and i'm rejecting women left right and center, it's just time mate! thats all..You will get there.

 

I dont mind it not working out, its the not knowing I think is unfair. I have dated a couple of girls and have either told them or been told a day or two later that there was no chemistry or whatever. Probably blunt but atleast we all know where we stand.

 

Where are you beating them off with a stick?