aMguilts Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 who filed, and who contested it? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 mediation will get you nowhere, you know that right? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I filed, she agreed to the reason. Now we have to go through mediation route to agree the other terms of the divorce. We have one more meeting in march, if that doesnt work out then I will take her to court. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I filed, she agreed to the reason. Now we have to go through mediation route to agree the other terms of the divorce. We have one more meeting in march, if that doesnt work out then I will take her to court. why the hell did YOU file? Go to your meeting in march. it will be a waste of time thou won`t it. You know her. So after that , you take her to court. She get`s `free` aid? Either if she doesn`t, it`s going to cost you, a lot?!(?!) For what? To get a divorce? you can get one cheap online Jaymz, sometimes its easier and quicker to just agree than to save `face` YOU will not be the one that comes out better off if you keep fighting what does she want?. why DID she contest it? Why won`t you back down to what she wants? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) i really hope you didn`t file cos of being on here?from the `advice` you recieved aM Edited February 13, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Jaymz. A few weeks ago I told my counselor (seeing her for weight loss) that by 30 "I thought I should be xyz.) She of course reminded me not to be doing an external comparison of the "ideal" to myself. I don't think you " should " be any father along than you think you "should" be. BUT amping up those LC rules and making sure you aren't getting walked on by your stbxw is pretty important to role model to your kids. I think you are handling your divorce and children in general quite responsibly. Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) ^^^^^Me too! I think so as well^^^^^ Edited February 14, 2013 by Steen719 clarification 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 i dont, i think you should be further and i also think you know that too. or will it be another 2 years? aM Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 i dont, i think you should be further and i also think you know that too. or will it be another 2 years? aM ....... Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) ....... whats so funny? your right i`m wrong? aM Edited February 15, 2013 by aMguilts Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Hi Sir Jaymz! Congratulations on yet more progress, you continue to inspire so many. I appauld your resolve to do what is best for you in the time that serves you best. It is always wise to consider experienced advice, but never forget this is YOUR story. Be very kind to yourself and take care of you! ~Mystery 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zackburnet Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Hi Jaymz , I've read your thread, your wife should talk to you about the problem, rather than talking to other men. everything is not over yet, there are many other ways to restore your relationship. It seems she has started bored with you, but you still love her. Try the other way, try to find a counselor, for both of you .... Edited February 16, 2013 by zackburnet grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 aM, I don't quite understand your questions. In terms of the divorce: in the UK its a two step process, I filed on basis of her adultery and she didn't contest it, so I have received my decree nisi. Next step is to agree certain matters, submit that to the court and get my decree absolute and I am divorced. The second step hasn't happened yet as she wants me to have all the debt and her to have half the money from the sale of the house. At the moment I disagreed and we are talking independent legal advise and will meet again for another session. After this session I have the choice of agreeing to her terms or taking her to court. fun. In terms of how I am getting on: Much better than a year or two years ago. Much more fit and healthy. Slowly building up a new social circle. Doing well at work. Tackling my debts. Much more quality times with the kids. I still feel my life is on hold due to living with my parents but it enables me to tackle reducing the debt and then start savings. I ideally want to be in a position in two years where I can get more custody of the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 The STBXW gave me some new clothes for the kids Friday eve when I picked them up. She told me that I should keep them at my parents house now as she will not clean them any-more. The clothes are really too big for the kids. So i took them back to her on Sunday afternoon and told her this, she said she didn't care. Picked up the kids tonight, its half term at school so I have them for the evening and all day tomorrow. She and scumbag were waiting at the door for me to arrive. She hands over the clothes that are too big - most have not been cleaned - and tells me that they are my problem now.... Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 aM, I don't quite understand your questions. In terms of the divorce: in the UK its a two step process, I filed on basis of her adultery and she didn't contest it, so I have received my decree nisi. Next step is to agree certain matters, submit that to the court and get my decree absolute and I am divorced. The second step hasn't happened yet as she wants me to have all the debt and her to have half the money from the sale of the house. At the moment I disagreed and we are talking independent legal advise and will meet again for another session. After this session I have the choice of agreeing to her terms or taking her to court. fun. In terms of how I am getting on: Much better than a year or two years ago. Much more fit and healthy. Slowly building up a new social circle. Doing well at work. Tackling my debts. Much more quality times with the kids. I still feel my life is on hold due to living with my parents but it enables me to tackle reducing the debt and then start savings. I ideally want to be in a position in two years where I can get more custody of the kids. thats good maybe i shouldn`t push you the way i have been i know how the divorce goes in the uk i also know when a woman is asking for more than they deserve i also know when a man is being taken for a ride and when i think he should not bow down to that. i`m NOT saying thats what you`ve been doing jaymz! Again, why did YOU file? she was the one that sh at on you?, so why did you?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Yes Jaymz - it's over! Buy your own clothes for your children... That's what parents do. Sop splitting hairs. You want a divorce - agree to the terms and get it FINISHED so you can move forward!!! EVERYONE gets screwed in a divorce - it's just to what extent! Take your hit and get moving on to your next chapter by letting this one be a done deal! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Yes Jaymz - it's over! Buy your own clothes for your children... That's what parents do. Sop splitting hairs. You want a divorce - agree to the terms and get it FINISHED so you can move forward!!! EVERYONE gets screwed in a divorce - it's just to what extent! Take your hit and get moving on to your next chapter by letting this one be a done deal! as tactful as ever 2sunny!! if i`d of said something like this i`d have an `infraction` for it!! (but i agree) aM Link to post Share on other sites
ruh roh Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Jaymz I have to tell you after taking the time to read this entire thread, one thing is very evident. You love your kids and have endured much because of them, than probably 90% of most fathers would have. You have my utmost respect dude! Because I am just starting with what you have been living for 2+ years, your story reads like my future. My stbxw has also defiled my marriage by cheating. I am somewhat more fortunate in that my boys are 16 and 18 and have already let it be known that they will be staying with Dad. However Jaymz, it seems that you are about 15-years my younger, so you have much more time to rebuild your life and hopefully find piece and happiness once again. This is definitely a positive to keep in mind during your blue days. I will be rooting for you to continue on the route that you have mapped. Don't loose your faith my Brother and never accept even 0.00000000001 of 1% of the blame for what happened to your marriage. Your stbxbw has used, abused and manipulated your three innocent kids to hurt you and that is a sin that will never be forgiven! I just find it very sad that God allowed her to bear another child, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason and only time will tell... On page #75 of this thread you wrote; "I call back. scumbag answers, calls me a "pr*ck" and tells me to "shut the f*ck up" as I wont be talking to my kids, then hangs up." This situation really scares me because I do not think that will have your restrain. I'm afraid, actually I know 100% that I would have been waiting outside his house for him to come out and beat the s##$ out of him. I hope that I never find myself in that situation and can only pray that if I do, I can let it go so that I do not end of in jail. I do not want to set that example for my boys. Just reading this is already helping to prepare me mentally for these types of situations. I wish you and your children nothing but happiness into the future my friend. I sincerely hope that you can settle the financial details and GET A DIVORCE ASAP. I believe that will be the point where you finally realize that the woman you spent so long with is gone for good. Just remember that "time" will heal all of your wounds. Enjoy your new life with the kids and continue to love and provide for their safety as you have for so long. Much love from the USA.. T 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Yes Jaymz - it's over! Buy your own clothes for your children... That's what parents do. Sop splitting hairs. You want a divorce - agree to the terms and get it FINISHED so you can move forward!!! EVERYONE gets screwed in a divorce - it's just to what extent! Take your hit and get moving on to your next chapter by letting this one be a done deal! This. Tell your xW that its no longer necessary for her to pack the kids clothes as you will buy them new clothes for your place. Spin it as a favor to her. ITs ok to be a little evil sometimes. And yes...stop worrying SO much about how much you lose or how fair or unfair it is. Just swallow the bitter pill and move on. It doesn't seem right NOW - but I can virtually promise you get to a better place FASTER. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 This. Tell your xW that its no longer necessary for her to pack the kids clothes as you will buy them new clothes for your place. Spin it as a favor to her. ITs ok to be a little evil sometimes. And yes...stop worrying SO much about how much you lose or how fair or unfair it is. Just swallow the bitter pill and move on. It doesn't seem right NOW - but I can virtually promise you get to a better place FASTER. why even tell her that? that would be like watching tennis? back and forth, back and forth and again...back and forth put up with it or don`t aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) Wow! been an age since I last posted. STBXW still a pain! lol I will try and post a more detailed up date later this week. For now a quick question: What is the usual thing to do if the kids ask to play a musical instrument? The STBXW has asked me to pay for half the instrument and half of the lessons. I pay her 25% of my salary each month, this is standard CSA requirement, and I have all the debts to pay off she left me with. Edited May 20, 2013 by jaymz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Hey Jaymz!! Welcome back! It's for your kid, half is fair on both the instrument and the lessons. Bigger question is why is she still not helping to pay off the debt she left you with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Wow! been an age since I last posted. STBXW still a pain! lol I will try and post a more detailed up date later this week. For now a quick question: What is the usual thing to do if the kids ask to play a musical instrument? The STBXW has asked me to pay for half the instrument and half of the lessons. I pay her 25% of my salary each month, this is standard CSA requirement, and I have all the debts to pay off she left me with. Been wondering what you are up to Jaymz. But if you were free and clear of the D and not wanting reminders, thought it might not be a favor to post to your thread. Make sure the kid gets an oboe. In fact get all the kids drum sets. And encourage them to practice regularly. Especially at 3 a.m.:laugh: I think half and half is a good arrangement. Doing a little extra above for the kids is something that won't spark the petty and you know she's going to tell the kids that you don't love them $25 worth or whatever. Because she's an effing bitc*. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Love it DOT!! Jaymz - Don't forget tamborines too. And not the cheap plastic ones...gets the ones with the steel shakers... Heck, I bet I have an oboe and possibly even a trumpet around here I can loan ya! I totally stand behind introducing children to music, it expands their world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I totally stand behind introducing children to music, it expands their world. Especially at 3 a.m. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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