Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 OK, the good stuff: Called bank and told them we are getting divorced. They then cancelled the joint account, bank cards and all DD's. w doesnt have a bank account. the important DD's are already transferred to my new bank account. I will pay for kids food/clothes/school etc with new bank details. So just the mortgage to go. Called wife and told her she is now totally cut off and will need to get a job, she moaned that the CSA will take 12 weeks for her to get money and she hasnt claimed the benefit yet, not my problem. Bad stuff: w admitted sleeping with someone while on holiday last december and with others between that and the affair i know off. I guess tomorrow its down to get checked for std's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 02/06/11 23:15 w just texted, back in the morning Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 OK, the good stuff: Called bank and told them we are getting divorced. They then cancelled the joint account, bank cards and all DD's. w doesnt have a bank account. the important DD's are already transferred to my new bank account. I will pay for kids food/clothes/school etc with new bank details. So just the mortgage to go. Called wife and told her she is now totally cut off and will need to get a job, she moaned that the CSA will take 12 weeks for her to get money and she hasnt claimed the benefit yet, not my problem. Bad stuff: w admitted sleeping with someone while on holiday last december and with others between that and the affair i know off. I guess tomorrow its down to get checked for std's. wow, she's admitting adultery... somehow you have to get that recorded, will come in handy during divorce proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 She had already said that I can divorce her on grounds of adultery, she wont contest it. So i have instructed my solicitor to do so on this basis, its also important to me as to shows she is to blame and something the kids can see when they grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 OK, the good stuff: Called bank and told them we are getting divorced. They then cancelled the joint account, bank cards and all DD's. w doesnt have a bank account. the important DD's are already transferred to my new bank account. I will pay for kids food/clothes/school etc with new bank details. So just the mortgage to go. Called wife and told her she is now totally cut off and will need to get a job, she moaned that the CSA will take 12 weeks for her to get money and she hasnt claimed the benefit yet, not my problem. . I'm proud of you man... You are handling this great Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Called wife and told her she is now totally cut off and will need to get a job, she moaned that the CSA will take 12 weeks for her to get money and she hasnt claimed the benefit yet, not my problem. Precisely, you are doing the right thing. Maybe having to go out and work for a living like everyone else will bring her back to earth with a jolt. Looks like she's totally disorganised too... you will come up good in this Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I will pay for kids food/clothes/school etc with new bank details. Make sure you keep every receipt, scan em into your computer, photocopy them and put them somewhere save. Did she give you the passports back yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Some more hassle with the bank bouncing DD when they shouldnt but most things now in order, just need to arrange meeting with w and mortgage advisor to get the mortgage sorted. The passports are not technically stolen, so I am putting in a order to have the kids passports blocked unless she has authorisation from me to take kids abroad. I dont think that will happen but you never know. w is up to something, i can feel it. This morning she asked why i was causing hassle at scumbags work, I havent but it was nice to know that someone has noticed that he has not been there. Went to local GUM clinic, bloody closed for refurb! just my luck, have booked an appointment near work, have used a false name ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 so I am putting in a order to have the kids passports blocked unless she has authorisation from me to take kids abroad. Great, you are 2 steps in front of her at the moment and you need to stay that way. Very soon she won't have any money to fight you with unless she gets a job. Might be time for her to sell all that nice designer stuff she brought on Ebay lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Forgot to mention: Wednesday night I had the best night sleep in ages, i also had a dream where I was following a man who was shooting people in an old office building for fun, kinda like running man. odd? Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Forgot to mention: Wednesday night I had the best night sleep in ages, i also had a dream where I was following a man who was shooting people in an old office building for fun, kinda like running man. odd? Ha ha ha At least you were not the man who was shooting!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 The stbxw has been nice to me all afternoon via phone calls. I get home and she is out all night again. I give her £10 for petrol and ask for a full receipt. I bath and speak to the kids, they spent the afternoon at the cinema with stbxw and scumbag, they all then came back to the house. He came back to the house again. He even went upstairs into my eldest room as my eldest wanted to show him a computer game I got him. The boys went on about how nice scumbag is. The middle child told me he wished he was their dad, i want to die. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Jaymz: That is sad man. Don't let it get you down though. Kids are silly, they don't mean that. He is just a new person so they think he is "cool". You are the Dad who makes rules and has structure so they don't see it now but you are the "cool" one. These flings never last, the relationship won't last. Soon enough your kids will be a bit older and be able to understand what is going on or what happened. Keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The stbxw has been nice to me all afternoon via phone calls. I get home and she is out all night again. I give her £10 for petrol and ask for a full receipt. I bath and speak to the kids, they spent the afternoon at the cinema with stbxw and scumbag, they all then came back to the house. He came back to the house again. He even went upstairs into my eldest room as my eldest wanted to show him a computer game I got him. The boys went on about how nice scumbag is. The middle child told me he wished he was their dad, i want to die. This is kids Jaymz, they think scumbag is great because well, he is doing all the fun stuff with them isn't he? Cinema today for example. You on the other hand get to do all the rountine stuff, plus work and have to sort all the legal things out, plus all the tension in the house (NOT YOUR FAULT) and of course fun and happiness between him and stbx (seemly to the kids anyway, because this is honeymoon phase). Don't let what your child said get to you, he's a kid, he doesn't understand what is going on. When he is older, when he gets into his middle teens, he will realise just what happened and trust me, it's his mother he is going to have issues with, not you. You're his dad, and he will be very grateful for that in years to come. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The stbxw has been nice to me all afternoon via phone calls. I get home and she is out all night again. I give her £10 for petrol and ask for a full receipt. I bath and speak to the kids, they spent the afternoon at the cinema with stbxw and scumbag, they all then came back to the house. He came back to the house again. He even went upstairs into my eldest room as my eldest wanted to show him a computer game I got him. The boys went on about how nice scumbag is. The middle child told me he wished he was their dad, i want to die. Holy hell, your wife is a prize c***, I hope you can guess the rest of those letters. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 ast. Soon enough your kids will be a bit older and be able to understand what is going on or what happened. I know someone who hasn't spoken to his father in 7 years because he cheated on his mother. Sadly they will hate her for what she has done. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Par for the course and possibly totally reasonable. I know cheaters live with this stuff for ever. People who destroy marriages will always be damaged by what they did. So will their families and close friends in most cases. Sad. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The stbxw has been nice to me all afternoon via phone calls. I get home and she is out all night again. I give her £10 for petrol . Ok I know that 10 quid isn't enough petrol to get you round the corner nowadays but why did you give it to her.? In fact who owns and pays for the car?. I wouldn't hesitate for a microsecond to sell it if I was you. This woman needs a severe jolt, ie get a job, pay for her own car. she can afford designer sh*t and to spend 25 quid at the movies, hardly the essentials of life I think. I'm sure the CSA won't mind. Next time OM comes to your house, call the police have him removed from your property pronto. Hope you've done a CRB check already also? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks everyone for your comments. Firstly after what my son said, it hurt me soo much, much more than anything the stbxw has said or done. I know he didnt mean it the way it sounded, but it was horrible to hear from him. I guess i crashed again this evening, you all said it wasnt easy and thats a fact. The kids really do like scumbag, its because he is new and cool and exciting for them, hopefully it will wear off soon. its soo tempting to tell the kids that he is the reason mummy and daddy are splitting up. I wont do it. I will keep all converstation about me and the kids, nothing about mummy or scumbag. She is really primeing them: said they can have a tv in their room with a playstation 3 and an xbox - everything we agreed as parents not to do to ensure the kids had a normal social upbringing. I dont know why I gave her £10 for the petrol, guess i didnt want to be a jerk with the car nearly empty and wanted a reciept to prove that is what she wanted the money for. The car is in her name as well as insurance, we do need it to get the kids to school etc, we only have the one car. So i will fill it up with petrol tomorrow, unless that is a bad idea. I dont know where she is getting money from now to pay for things, she has her own bank account so will get a credit & debit card with that. Scumbag could be paying for cinema as far as I know. I can only call the police when I know scumbag is in the house, i keep finding out after the fact. CRB check fine. Link to post Share on other sites
jamster Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I know this isn't any advice,but I don't know how you can allow scumbag to be in the house Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I cant stop him coming in. stbxw allows him in when I'm at work. As we both own the property i cant stop him on trespassing. I can get out an injunction but that cost $$$. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 You CAN do something. Don't tell her you are kicking her out, she is rubbing this in your face. Just do it When she's out pack her stuff in boxes, i mean clothes tootbrushes, everything. Dump them outside OM's hous or leave em in your driveway. Tell her to make sure she picks them up before the dustmen arrive (garbage to the Americans on here). How much longer are you going to tolerate this immense disrespect? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I cant stop him coming in. stbxw allows him in when I'm at work. As we both own the property i cant stop him on trespassing. I can get out an injunction but that cost $$$. Stop giving your STBX money for petrol. Let her walk the kids to school. I do this every day, and still manage to run a full time business. She's got nothing else to do all day. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 . So i will fill it up with petrol tomorrow, unless that is a bad idea. . Er, my car costs 80 quid to fill up, I guess thats about average nowadays but your STBX will p*ss all your hard earned money up the wall taking OM around. If she really NEEDS it to get the kids to school. Calculate the mileage and fuel consumption and give her enough petrol for that. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Jaymz I think you are doing a really good job of coping with all you are having to cope with. What your stbx is doing to you is more than most people would be able to handle without having a nervous breakdown. With regards to throwing her out of the house, there are leagl ramifications of doing so, which I think you already know, if the house is in joint names she has a legal right to live in it and so do you, until a court orders otherwise. As for OM being there, I know you already asked your solicitor about tresspass and because you both own the property your solicitor told you only one of you needs to give permission for him to be there. With regards the petrol, yes it is annoying that stbx might use the car for seeing OM etc, but unfortunately if the car is essential to the transportation of the children, CSA and Court will probably want to see that you were able to rise above it all and put the needs of the children first. A court is interested in first and foremost, is protecting the children of the relationship. Since the Childrens Act the needs of the child come first, no matter what. Jaymz, you are doing everything you should be doing to put your children first and that is very good, because trust me, you do not want this whole thing to become a public law case with regards to custody and contact and who the children are allowed to be around etc, because then social services are involved, a solicitor is appointed to act on behalf of each child, a guardian (in a legal sense, not living with sense) is appointed to protect the rights of the children and on it rolls. The court ends up filled with a judge, solicitor for mum, solicitor for dad, counsel for mum, counsel for dad, solicitor for each child, counsel for each child, local authority case workers (up to 3), guradian, solicitor for local authority, counsel for local authority. Then psychologists and social worker reports will be ordered and on it goes. Basically a b***** nightmare results where all say and control is taken out of your hands and your solicitor has to fight for you. Remain cool, keep it as amicable as you possibly can, keep doing what you are. You have filed the divorce petition, once that court date arrives the judge will be able to order living arrangements, and it is then that you present evidence of how well you have behaved and how badly she has behaved. Edited June 4, 2011 by willowthewisp Link to post Share on other sites
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