Is this normal for guys to do... while I'm burdened with pain and struggles just for

[FreeMe]

I have to comment on this situation. I'll try to keep it short.

 

1. I think this guy has someone else. It's ridiculous that he goes for days without answering his phone, instant messages, or returning your calls. He's got someone else there. That would also explain his sudden decision not to retire. The money thing may be valid, but he may not be ready to give up this other person.

 

2. He's extremely selfish. HE makes decisions that affect you and then you have to scramble around to make your life fit around them. (And you do it.)

 

3. Of course he wants to keep you dangling until he's good and ready to have you around. You bend over backwards in the relationship, "go to extremes" to make him happy, and revolve your whole life arouind him. His actions have the power to ruin your day or your week, upset you or conversely, make you feel wonderful, loved, and needed. It feeds his ego and he knows if he finally decides to have you around full time he can do the bare minimum and you will still treat him like gold.

 

4. His sweetness is bull. I've been fooled by many guys who were soooo sweet and caring. People who are manipulative and users are great at playing the sweet, cuddly puppy dog when they want to. Eventually - when you live with them - they can't keep up the act anymore and they also don't have to because they have you, so they drop it.

 

I'm sorry, but you are way too good for this guy. He's going to keep you hanging and miserable for years. Try to get out of it now before you waste more of your life on him.

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by aroseInLove

I'm in crisis to say the least... this online thing with my 'saint' was killing me... the blocking wasn't so bad.. but his not answering the AOL messages he'd receive while I knew he was online would rip my heart out... last night happened afain.. somehow.. some force within me JUST led me to look to an online dating service.. and the first one I went into.. OMG.. there he was.. looking for love.. was last logged in was April 6th 2004.. Pls. help me through this... anyone.. I need help...

 

 

And he's a player.

 

 

This is really lousy for you. Unfortunately when you build your whole world around someone and he lets you down or betrays you, your world caves in like a house of cards. I've done that to myself and it's not easy to rebuild that house. I think you've got to write him off immediately, suffer your grief and then try to start rebuilding.

[moimeme]

some force within me JUST led me to look to an online dating service.. and the first one I went into.. OMG.. there he was.. looking for love.. was last logged in was April 6th 2004.. Pls. help me through this... anyone.. I need help...

 

Oh, Rose! I'm very, *very* sorry. I think you're going to need a counsellor. I didn't think he was a great deal, but this was beyond what I expected. He sounded too good to be true - which means that he had to be.

I have to agree that this, coupled with this 'no contact' stuff is very, *very* bad.

 

Certainly post all you want here - a lot of people find LS to be very helpful in times of crisis, but also call a counsellor. PM me, too, if you like.

[meanon]

Rose, this guy has betrayed you. Please do not allow him to hurt you any more than he has done already. Stop trying to contact him and start getting him out of your life and your heart. Turn to your friends, rant on LS - whatever helps. The saint was a figment of your imagination - grieve for the loss of the ideal - not the ******* he turned out to be.

[aroseInLove]

Originally posted by meanon

Rose, this guy has betrayed you. Please do not allow him to hurt you any more than he has done already. Stop trying to contact him and start getting him out of your life and your heart. Turn to your friends, rant on LS - whatever helps. The saint was a figment of your imagination - grieve for the loss of the ideal - not the ******* he turned out to be.

 

 

pls. help me..

[meanon]

Oh Rose I so wish I could, I don't know what to say that will help you feel any better. Just know that you will get over him. I know people who have suffered as you are suffering and they all recovered and lived to love again. I've read your posts and you are such a caring person. You will find someone who deserves your love, you will.

 

Go to your Doctor to get something to help you sleep if you need it, call your friends, your kids - ask them for help. Fill your days with activity, as much as you can. Block all contact with him for now. Get angry. Rant about how you feel on LS - Moi is right, there are so many people here who have been through what you have - let them comfort you.

 

Take care, Rose.

[aroseInLove]

Get angry? I've never gotten angry in my life.. just extremely crushed.. so very very extremely crushed that I go into hiding.. for years.. hell, I only dated 6 guys in my entire life.. doesn't that paint a picture.. I wanted so badly to be loved by this soul.. I believed in him.. is there NO hope? On my msgs. to him I implied things are 'over' .. asked for one last call to help me understand things so I could bring closure.. .. He's calling on my cell.. didn't pick it up be can tell he left me a msg.. I'll post back in a few minutes. ..

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by aroseInLove

Get angry? I've never gotten angry in my life.. just extremely crushed.. so very very extremely crushed that I go into hiding.. for years..

 

This above statement is very "telling." Based on this statement and your past posts here, I get the feeling that when you're in a relationship with someone, they become your entire world....and all of your happiness comes from them, and that you "need" them very very much, too much so. It is natural to feel "crushed" when someone we love hurts us or lets us down, but "anger" is a natural healthy feeling, too.....and it has its place in the healing process. It doesn't mean we have to be rageful or vindictive and wanting to exact revenge on someone who's hurt us......but I think that anger helps us to get in touch with ourselves....and to stand up for ourselves, and to believe that we don't deserve to be hurt and betrayed. Dwelling on "being crushed" and going back into our proverbial "shell" and hiding out is not a healthy way to deal with loss and hurt.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through what you're going through.....I hope you find the closure that you need. But I also hope you'll seek professional counselling.....so that you can gradually learn that being emotionally needy and having unrealistic ideals about a partner (that they are a "Saint") is not healthy.......and that to be truly happy and fulfilled and balanced, your happiness has to come from within...so that even if you don't have someone in your life, you're still very much at peace and content.

[FreeMe]

When you finally do get angry, it's not going to be pretty! Really though, you need to get angry. I would be even more angry that he finally calls you when you hint that it's over. It's an outright admission that all those other times he just flat out ignored your messages!!!!! Bast**d!!

[meanon]

Get angry? I've never gotten angry in my life.. just extremely crushed.. so very very extremely crushed that I go into hiding.. for years

.

 

Well, now's as good as any to make a change . Getting angry is better than falling apart and it directs your emotion where it belongs - at him rather than turning it inwards and destroying yourself with questions such as why me?, what's wrong with me? etc. It's not for everyone and it's best not to stay angry for too long but many find it a necessary step on the road to recovery. Rose I worry that you feel crushed because your bad experiences are reinforcing a view that this is all you can expect out of life. If this is the case please do see a counsellor. We all have the capacity to live a happy, fulfilled life. Don't let past/current damage take your chance away from you.

[aroseInLove]

He's telling me I am WRONG.. that he wants me for the rest of his life.. that this online dating service thing is OLD.. from BEFORE our time.. Says he'll delete it.. He says that it shows last logged in date of April 6, 2004 because the service sent him an email.. and that by his opening it up, it shows him as logged in on that date.. says I take things to extremes.. that it's scaring him a bit.. that he'll call me tonight.. I need help..

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by aroseInLove

He's telling me I am WRONG.. that he wants me for the rest of his life.. that this online dating service thing is OLD.. from BEFORE our time.. Says he'll delete it.. He says that it shows last logged in date of April 6, 2004 because the service sent him an email.. and that by his opening it up, it shows him as logged in on that date.. says I take things to extremes.. that it's scaring him a bit.. that he'll call me tonight.. I need help..

 

I've used several different online personals sites ....so I'd be curious to know which one you found his on. It's been my experience that if a person who's had a profile there, receives an email from the service, it would be delivered DIRECTLY to their email address (whatever address they used when they signed up)....and it would NOT require them to "log into" that particular dating site, in order for them to read it. Sorry, but I'm not buying his "story." If you want to be 100% positive, I guess you could contact that service yourself.....and ask them this:

 

"If a person was a member here, a long time ago, but has not accessed your site/their account there in ages......if the administrators of your service send that individual an email, would that letter go directly to the email address that the person signed up with OR would that person have to log-into their account/your site, in order to read that email?"

 

Then you'll know for sure. If you want a quicker response (as some of these places can take a couple of days to respond), you could find a # to phone, call them up and ask them. Don't sound all emotional. Don't tell them your whole story about what you suspect. Just ask them matter of factly, your question.

 

I'm currently signed up to 4 of the most popular Online Dating sites......3 I don't even access anymore, but I never did delete my account/profile there.........and I still get mail from the service.....asking me to come back, offering specials on their pricing, etc........and never have I had to "log into" my account to be able to read their letters/announcements to me. I read them directly in my home email acct.

 

How does your guy explain his ignoring you for the past few days?

[meanon]

Hear him out, tell him you need a little time to think about it.

 

I'd go with your gut feeling, can you trust him? None of us know him like you do, Rose.

 

Do you think this relationship will make you happy? If you feel you can trust him please do articulate the minimum things that you need to prevent you "scaring" him.

[aroseInLove]

He says this dating service sends him emails of people interested in him.. ..says he opens the mail.. clicks on their link to read what it says about the person.. shows their profiles but he swears he never contacted any of them.. but says that by clicking onto that link, in doing so.. it logs you into that dating site.. which is something he did on that Apr. 6, 2004. MY mind says he shouldn't even be out there even if it's old.. If I tell him to get rid of it, for all I know.. he can go under another name and I'll never find him.. and there goes trust..

 

.. I'm so confused.. esp. in that it feels like 'i'm being put in the corner' so to speak.. he says I'm scaring him... kind of feel punished.. as he says.. I don't know if I can live my life with someone that bugs out for no reason... that I judged before I asked.. he's turning tables in a sense.... I'm gonna hear more of what he says tonight..

 

If you want to ck his online service send me private message.. You can try it.. it's free.. I wouldn't make an attempt so quick.. and it DOES go AGAINST my better judgment.. esp. that of a saint.. but I might consider having someone send him a love note on a few services.. maybe he's on lots of them.. ... see if maybe he'll make them a date..

[aroseInLove]

Forgot to mention.... he says he fell asleep the night before last.. but then last night he arrived home to find someone had broken into his house.. that he was wrapped up with that..

 

We also talked a bit about IM blocking and he says the same thing as always.. that he blocks everyone.. that he has limited time to check on his stocks... properties he's bidding on.. answer emails... etc.. that when he comes home at 11:30 he gets hammered w/IMs

 

IF anyone sees something I don't.. pls. know if this relationship somehow is repaired.. that THIS UPCOMING ROUND he's NO saint.. I WILL be certain he is NEVER a saint.. again..

[befuddled11]

Okay, I know of a few places that will send you emails letting you know who is "interested" in you..and there will be a link in the letter, and if you click on it, it will take you to that site and it will open up the profiles of those interested in you........I buy that part of his "story".....but my question would be.......what the h*ll is he even doing GOING THERE to check out their profiles?

 

If he's been so head over heals in love with you..such that he was wanting you to sell your home to be with him....what in tarnation is he doing checking out the profiles of those who are interested in him? Does that sit well with you?

 

If the tables were turned, and you'd had an old profile on a singles site like this, but were now with him.....and you were getting the mail he claims to be receiving, would YOU bother to go clicking on the link so that you could view the profiles of those interested in you? Somehow I doubt it.

 

Why don't you just go there, make up a fake profile........write things that would catch his attention, but change your writing style.......and then contact him.....see if he writes back. Then you'll most definitely have your answer. Right?

[befuddled11]

First of all, do you and he live in the same city?

 

How did you 2 meet? Was it by chance, through one of these online personals sites? (the kind he currently has a profile in)

 

So he claims that by the time he gets home from work, late (at 11:30pm), he's tired and just wants to check his stocks online, and not be bombarded with IMs.....well let me ask you this? Who are all these people that are bombarding him with IMs? What does he even HAVE an instant message program for? To communicate with far away friends? family? Maybe I'm biased but I myself can't stand sitting there "chatting" with anyone on IM. It bores me silly and is a huge waste of time, I'd rather talk on the phone. BUT.....it's been my experience that a lot of men aren't "chatters"....most ALSO prefer to just talk on the phone as opposed to sitting at a computer and two-finger typing (chatting on IM). So why does he even keep IM turned ON, if he doesn't want to chat with anyone? I have MSN....and it automatically starts up when I turn on my computer. I have people on my buddy list. If I'm tired or not in the mood to chat, I turn the whole thing (the messenger program) right off. SO why doesn't HE do this? You should ask him THAT!

 

And now he's giving what I consider to be very "lame" excuses about why he's suddenly ignored you for a few days.....he fell asleep, someone broke into his house, bla bla bla. How much time does it take to pick up a phone to say "hello"? Especially to someone you are asking to sell their home to be with you. No?

 

Sorry, Rose, but I don't buy any of it. I think he's full of sh*t. And of COURSE he's trying to twist this all around and make YOU the bad guy.........players/liars/cheaters almost always do this...to try and take the focus and heat off of themselves.

 

I myself have dated guys who i met through those online personals services........and a couple I'd dated for many months...only to find that they STILL had their profile there......and were STILL logging in there, sometimes several times a week. When I'd confront them about it,they'd make up some BS, lame, transparent "story" about why a) their profile was still there and b) why they were STILL continuing to log in there.

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by aroseInLove

he's turning tables in a sense

 

EXACTLY - he's using the things against you that you talked about to us - that you're too needy or dramatic. Suddenly he's scared - you're punishing him. He's full of baloney. He's a maniupulator. He wasn't "scared" before - "who, you? dramatic? oh no no never." suddenly you're onto him and the poor thing is being persecuted.

 

Originally posted by aroseInLove

We also talked a bit about IM blocking and he says the same thing as always.. that he blocks everyone.. that he has limited time to check on his stocks... properties he's bidding on.. answer emails... etc.. that when he comes home at 11:30 he gets hammered w/IMs

 

 

BULL - that's no reason not to take 3 minutes and call you - especially the times you've been upset and appealed to him to please call you because you really needed to ask him something. This has happened time and time again. It's not occassional. It happens a lot.

 

And who's he getting "hammered" with IMs from? So what? the person he is so madly in love with, who he wants to spend his life with only ranks with the rest of the crowd? give me a break.

 

Good luck not being snowed by this manipulator. You've proven time and again that you are the one who's doing all the work in the relationship.

[meanon]

Rose, whatever the truth is about the dating service - the relationship isn't worth much without trust. His behaviour had already given you cause to doubt him. There's no point staying with him unless you can believe in him. The other issues may be able to be resolved but this one is the clincher.

[aroseInLove]

Originally posted by meanon

I'd go with your gut feeling, can you trust him?

None of us know him like you do, Rose.

 

Do you think this relationship will make you happy? If you feel you can trust him please do articulate the minimum things that you need to prevent you "scaring" him.

 

I DO trust him.. thus far.. I don't like him out there... or curious ..but I trust him..

 

FYI.. He was in a prev. relationship where a lady 'bugged out' from God knows what and hid in his house in the dark.. when he came home.. she threw a knife at him.. literally sliced his head.. so he IS paranoid of ME BUGGING OUT...

 

With that paranoia of ME BUGGING OUT.. his being unable to live with that...adds a hell of a twist.. his not knowing when it's going to strike is unbearable..

 

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

I buy that part of his "story".....but my question would be.......what the h*ll is he even doing GOING THERE to check out their profiles?

 

If he's been so head over heals in love with you..such that he was wanting you to sell your home to be with him....what in tarnation is he doing checking out the profiles of those who are interested in him? Does that sit well with you?

 

He says he's clicks on the links... as he's just curious to read what people say.. I despise he and what I see as a gorgeous picture of him is out there.. rips my heart out.. his picture out there is equivalent to me putting me out there with a belly shirt on.. something one step short of my posting me in a bathing suit.. Now.. I have a belly-shirt pic.. I near want to put out there to see how he'd like it.. but I can't play games.. don't want to act CHILDISH..

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

If the tables were turned, and you'd had an old profile on a singles site like this, but were now with him.....and you were getting the mail he claims to be receiving, would YOU bother to go clicking on the link so that you could view the profiles of those interested in you? Somehow I doubt it.

 

Why don't you just go there, make up a fake profile........write things that would catch his attention, but change your writing style.......and then contact him.....see if he writes back. Then you'll most definitely have your answer. Right?

 

NO, I would not be out there myself.. I asked him how he'd have reacted if reverse.. he said.. he doesn't over re-act.. ..or pre-judge.. he might ask.. but he said no, he would not mind.. says he trusts me fully,,,as I should trust him...

 

I have to wait this out.. then I will PUT HIM TO THE TEST AS YOU SUGGEST...

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

First of all, do you and he live in the same city?

 

No.. he's CT ...I'm in NY

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

How did you 2 meet? Was it by chance, through one of these online personals sites? (the kind he currently has a profile in)

 

YES.. I met him online ...same thing.. same site ...BUT it ALL changed since last I was there over a year ago... so I know he's at least been there ONCE after we met... he says no... he says it's either very old OR if wrong.. it's so close to that time that it was before we fell in love...

 

Now.. I fell in love with this guy so I KNOW it's a different profile.. AND a diff photo.. even so... STILL with trust in mind.. he says it's innocent...

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

Who are all these people that are bombarding him with IMs?

 

His nephews and nieces and co-workers snag him on line.. esp. nephews and nieces that are out of state.. AOL.. comes up automatically w/buddy list.....

 

How much time does it take to pick up a phone to say "hello"? Especially to someone you are asking to sell their home to be with you. No?

 

 

 

Originally posted by FreeMe

So what? the person he is so madly in love with, who he wants to spend his life with only ranks with the rest of the crowd? give me a break.

 

How do I articulate this IM point.. and a few others.. like calls .. when he says he's exhausted.. dealing w/murders on some nights.. without MY acting childish or jealous in HIS eyes.. IN THE EVENT he's innocent.. I DO WANT him forever..... can you help me phrase some type of articulated sentences that'll convey the minimum things that I need to prevent me from "scaring" him.. without my appearing childish... dramatic.. I'm so fearful I might not convey it in the most mature .... appropriate... non-jealous format without sounding like a REPEATED confirmation of last nights panicked calls to him.. that might get him thinking he better back off by my being needy or dramatic keeping in mind his fears of panic..

[moimeme]

what the h*ll is he even doing GOING THERE to check out their profiles?

 

I said it before; it's like looking at a catalogue. You do it out of an idle curiosity but don't actually want to buy.

I've left profiles up out of sheer laziness. And there are sites you have to log into to get your mail. They're badly-designed, admittedly, but they're there.

 

I've never believed in cutting someone off at the knees for one transgression. His excuses do sound plausible and I don't think there's anything to be gained by deciding someone's a liar off the bat.

 

You absolutely have to quit with this 'saint' business. Not even the most wonderful of men is a saint; bless them, they are beautifully human. But if he's saying he still wants you, bla bla, then tell him to get his butt to your town and discuss your future in concrete terms. In the meantime, work out a compromise about being able to get in contact with him which, if he doesn't follow, will give you reason to ditch him.

 

People deserve chances and warnings that their behaviour may be turning into a deal-breaker. He now knows that you're ready to walk, so you have his attention. If he's at all sincere about not wanting to lose you, he'll make some changes.

 

I should have said in my morning post to you that you should always ask before you assume, and I assumed along with you briefly. But people deserve the chance to explain themselves and then understand that you'll check out their stories - it is only fair.

 

'i'm being put in the corner' so to speak.. he says I'm scaring him... kind of feel punished.. as he says.. I don't know if I can live my life with someone that bugs out for no reason... that I judged before I asked..

 

Yes, and plenty of people do that and feel justified and, as I said, I believe that one should never do that. This is the personal equivalent of 'innocent until proven guilty' and nobody should do that to anybody. I should have suggested you quiz him extensively and I disagree with everyone who is now saying dump him without believing him. His reasons were plausible and he deserves, as I said, a chance.

 

Tell him when you talk tonight that you need to have firm plans and that you need some sort of compromise on the contact issue. And please, please, continue to work on detaching at least some of yourself from him because you've sunk your entire self in him. Even if he says he doesn't mind now, eventually it will drive him completely bugs.

 

Just read your last. Here's more:

 

his picture out there is equivalent to me putting me out there with a belly shirt on.. something one step short of my posting me in a bathing suit

 

Your picture is here, isn't it?

 

AOL.. comes up automatically w/buddy list.....

 

You can set it to not come up when you log in. Then you just have to remember to actually turn it on

 

and a few others.. like calls .. when he says he's exhausted.. dealing w/murders on some nights.

 

Ask him if he could send you a quick 'hi' when he gets online just to let you know all's ok. Maybe you can work out a signal where he could call you and ring once if he's tired or IM 'tired' to you or something just so you know how he is. But I can imagine somebody working that sort of awful job until those hours would sometimes be wiped out. What about mornings? Could you two contact each other first thing each day?

 

And apologize for accusing before asking. Nobody deserves to be presumed guilty, particularly someone who has not thus far given you cause to mistrust. It's a natural human flaw, but it is totally unfair to the accused.

[befuddled11]

This isn't about people suggesting she cut him off at the knees for one transgression....this is about a whole lot more than that. She's 48 yrs old, he is likely around the same age. This isn't a situation between 2 inexperienced teenagers who are awkward when it comes to the dating-dance. There's many significant red flags here.

 

By the nature of her posts and the content within, this guy is causing her a lot of stress and upset and uncertainty. She deserves more than that.

 

The fact that they *met* through this same online site is rather interesting.

 

As someone who's used these personals sites for 5 yrs off and on, I can tell you.......80% of them are liars and manipulators..and the greater number is among those who have long distance relationships...because they can "get away" with their deceit much easier.

 

I can't tell how many times myself and others who've used these sites have come to realize that the person who they're in a serious relationship with, continues to keep their profile there, and is continuing to "look" and communicate with others........These places are a virtual "gold mine" for people who just aren't satisfied with having ONE person in their life.

 

The fact that his profile contains a completely different picture and write-up, indicates that since they began dating, he's revised it. What the hell for?

 

She lives far away from him. In light of all this, trust is hard at the best of times in a LDR. Will she ever know for sure that what he says is true? It sounds mighty fishy to me.

 

And now knowing that they don't live in the same city, that makes it even WORSE that he blows her off and ignores her (phone messages, IMs).......you don't treat someone you love like that?! And he expects her to sell her home and relocate? Get real, dude!

 

She's not married to him. She doesn't have children with him. She doesn't have any kind of financial investment with him. Why should she bother to take such a high risk and stick with a guy who's giving off a lot of red flags and causing her a lot of stress and grief?

 

He first told her he didn't think she was dramatic about things..now he's backtracking and saying she suddenly is...what, all because she's confronted him about finding his profile still online, showing him he's recently logged in there? And all this crap about some ex of his who "bugged out on him"......sounds like a stretch to me. Sounds like he makes things up to support his position. Just like the bit about him blowing her off lately because his house was broken into. That sounds up there in the category of "my dog ate my homework."

 

He could have several women on the go.....which might explain his unavailability in the evenings....because he's either out, on the phone or on IM. Rose..you need to find out the truth.......because blind trust is way too much of a gamble. Make up a bogus profile and write to him......then you'll have your answer. Or if you can't bring yourself to do it, have a friend do it. This is the ONLY way you're going to know.

[aroseInLove]

This belly shot pic is MY equiv. to what HE has out there for himself that is ripping my heart out.. .. Do you think I should send it to him In reply as MYSELF... just to see how he likes it????? Then.. I'll see what he says when I tell I'm checking profiles... just out of curiosity..

[moimeme]

Rose - spite is never a good idea.

 

Take some breaths. I know LSers are now shrieking 'kill the sonomabeech' but don't be overly hasty.

 

Why should she bother to take such a high risk and stick with a guy who's giving off a lot of red flags and causing her a lot of stress and grief?

 

Because people deserve one chance. I put it to you that Rose causes some of her own stress because of her clingy behaviour.

 

what, all because she's confronted him about finding his profile still online

 

Oh I suspect this was not a calm conversation.

 

And all this crap about some ex of his who "bugged out on him"......sounds like a stretch to me. Sounds like he makes things up to support his position.

 

These things happen. I bugged out on someone I thought was trying to be controlling once out of the relationship with the abuser. I figured out that that was what I was doing but it's easy to do when one has had bad experiences.

 

Just like the bit about him blowing her off lately because his house was broken into. That sounds up there in the category of "my dog ate my homework."

 

You are such a trusting soul. There are far simpler excuses he could make up, befuddled, than to say his house was broken into. It's a bit farfetched to say he'd be lying about something like that.

[aroseInLove]

I'm 48... he's 50.. he's gorgeous.. looks 40... he's got a killer pic out there that rips out my heart and soul..

 

Now, last night when I found him online in that site.. I had to sign in as myself.. and by error I hit YES-INTERESTED.. which instantaneously fired off an email msg to him.... NOW I can't retract that.. so now do I send this belly pic as my choice of pics... or is that game playing..

 

I have about ONE HOUR to change this pic.. and the words IN that profile... that are written JUST for HIM.. .. says things like this is for my lieutenant... don't bother me guys.. etc. etc.. BUT I WILL and I alreadY HAVE gotten flooded w/email notifications myself.. .. and this belly pic isn't even out there yet....

 

As I said I have one hr. before he comes home and filters thru his emails.. What is best.. .. do I put in the blazae rose with sunglasses pic you guys already know or this new one? Keep in mind I can't retract that msg. waiting for him with MY name on it... it's too late for that.. pls. help.. is it spite?