Amazingly attractive man turns out to be a disappointment. Why?

[Sandra]

I went out with a guy where there was an enormous physical attraction from day one, and I was almost positive we would be great lovers together.

 

When the time came for our first night it was a big disappointment because he didn't last very long, and when it was over for him I asked him to "do it" again, but he was too tired and wanted to go to sleep. Everything about him had seemed so masculine and sophisticated in the art of treating a woman, as the foreplay was amazing. I just don't understand how the sex part of it could have been so disappointing. It was as if he wasn't even "present" and this lack of communication made me very upset, but he wasn't even aware of what I was getting at when I mentioned it.

 

Everything seemed to "click" so well with us, and belive me, this was NOT only about sex for me. I am only writing about the sexual aspect of the relationship because it just doesn't seem to fit with the rest of what we had that seemed so great.

 

Could it be that this man is actually less "experienced" than he makes himself out to be, and that he just hasn't "learned" certain techniques? Or could it be that he didn't like having sex with me, so he made up an excuse that he was tired? Please help me understand this situation.

[Tony T]

Hey, sex isn't some kind of circus act where the trainer blows the whistle and the performance begins. Sex happens between two vulnerable, imperfect human beings.

 

There are hundreds of reasons why this could have been a fluke night. He could have been extremely tired, he could have been very anxious for some reason, he could be taking some medication, there could be some kind of financial or other stress factors in his life, etc.

 

Because all other aspects of the relationship are so great, I think that...even if your experience was very disappointing...you ought to communicate with him, teach him what you enjoy, etc. Sex is a loving and communicative act between two people that doesn't have to be perfect all the time. But I'm sure he wants to please you so give it some time and practice. If he doesn't want to work on this together with you and if the sex was critically disappointing, you'll have to ditch him. But he sounds so good for you, I hope you will give him some lessons and some time.

 

Let me tell you right now. The greatest complaint women have about men and sex is the absence or inadequacy of foreplay. You said this dude was amazing in that department so you don't really have a whole lot more to teach him.