Marriage or break up?

[princess75]

Hello, I am very confused about what should I do in my relationship.

My boy and me have come back together after 2 months of he trying to gain my trust, we have broken up 6 months before mainly because he was scared of marriage and said he didn't want to spend with me say 5 years and then decide we wont go for it. Cause I would suffer. I loved him so much , I have never pressured him into anything but he would constantly bug me with "I am not getting married to you" that drove me nuts and we broke up. Then he went out with another girl for 6 months and now he is back saying he is really in love with me. Since 2 months he has tried all to gain my trust but this is the current situation which makes me confused.

Now , after 2 months I have come to a point where I have realized one thing. I would like to marry him one day. See, I was not sure before but I realized that then why was I with him at all?

Since I have realized this I have told him so. He says he wants to be with me but not in a serious relationship. Cause he is not ready for marriage. He is aware of our age differences (I am 28 he is 25, so he still has time) and he believes I should get marry within one year or so. SO he says he doesn't want to ruin my life by being with me and then maybe one day decide not to marry me. I have proposed him the following:

That he should decide within 2 weeks if he wants a serious relationship or not with me. This means he will try his best to get married to me, will do all he needs to do from meeting my parents and introducing me to his and all that. And work towards it. And if within 6 months we realize we cannot go through the relationship then we can break it off. Either he or me. But that I don't want to be with him, without him taking responsibility of his actions.

Now I also have said to him if he says no then I would never again come back to him cause I have been deeply hurt over and over again.

The current situation is he says no, to my suggestion. He didn't take 2 weeks, he said it within 3 days. But he wants me to hang out with him as friends. He doesn't say like no calls, instead he says we will talk tomorrow.

I feel really used cause I never thought I would be in such a loving relationship where I would not end up marrying him. I have not thought about marriage with anyone before except with him. And my problem is I don't know if I hang out there, or even engage in a "not so serious relationship" (he would be committed just to me but the marriage is the not serious part) if one day he will realize we are meant to be. But then time is in his side, if I end up going with him for another 3 years and then he splits. I will be past 30s and starting all over again is difficult.

What is the opinion out there? I am clue-less.

[nikkilove]

Start dating other guys and be his "friend" as he wants. If he really loves you, he will go crazy knowing you are dating other guys and then he might realize what he has to lose. If not, he won't mind you dating others, and this gives you a chance to test the waters and find "Mr. Right", all the while learning he's not really the "one" or he would be upset about you dating someone else. He sounds like he's willing to be "Mr. Right-Now" but not make the committment you want and deserve.

 

Good luck!

[monamacy]

princess75,

 

i presume u r 29 years of age this year, and what u are going through, i have been through myself. except that your guy is younger and he is too young to commit to you now. he may still want to explore other alternatives if given a chance and it has proven that he has dated someone else while you guys broke up. so he is still capable of finding someone else whom he might be more attracted to. im sorry to say this but everybody is selfish to a certain extend that they put priority to themselves, life is such!

 

i was with this guy for almost 2 years now and i just found out that he is not the marrying guy. despite that, in every way, he makes me his priority and spend most of his time with me alone. all things went on smooth except that he doesnt see the value of marriage as i do. to him, marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesnt guarantee love and happiness, whereas we should be concentrating at co-existence and commit to each other in all ways except "M". conversely, to me, marriage is the confidence he gives me to carry on the commitment with him in another phase. so we have succeeded in the first phase to co-exist together, then we move on to second phase, ie marriage. to him second phase is not a must but to me it is. therefore, we have to come to a conclusion whereby im still young and given a choice of a marriage, i would want to experience it (be it a failure or a success). i may regret someday in giving up on him but im prepared to take the risk becouse life is all about experiencing. he has had his life experiences as he's 10+ years my senior, but i still need mine.

 

go for what u want in life gal. at times be selfish in relationship is not wrong, cos u need to love yourself before you can love others. so loving yourself is giving what you want for yourself.

 

i wonder if any guys out there has actually not wanted to get married but eventually gave in becouse he coudlnt stand loosing the woman of his life?!...sigh!