Brokenhearttornapart Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 my goal is to turn my life around and become independent. I've pretty much lived off of my now separated husband since the beginning of our relationship. I've been clingy, I've been jealous, I've been a complete different person than who I am because to me, he was this perfect person that no one could even come remotely close to being like. We were both very much in love, and then my insecurities got in the way of that. i wrote the "*le sigh*" post, here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t275627/ Now I am not just heartbroken, but what I call "heart sick". I have crying spells, I wake up in the morning with diarrhea, I have heartburn so bad that I almost throw up, and I have these constant headaches from crying. I know this all sounds super dramatic, but it's reality to me right now - and we are just separated from like 5 days ago. I can only imagine how sick i'm gonna be when we actually get divorced Like I said in the other post, I want to be his friend. I want him to eventually see my personal transformation from clingy-jealous-insecure-dependent wife to self fulfilled-nothing to worry about-secure-independent woman. I'm not only wanting to be that for him, but I want to be that person for ME and my daughter. My little girl deserves better - I deserve better. The idea of me moving out and he brings someone else into our home (well it wouldn't be mine anymore since I would be out) makes me sick to my stomach also. He always said he felt "trapped" in our marriage. I never wanted to do that to him - ever... I felt like I was just "loving" him and being committed and that's how I rationalized my jealousy and insecurities. I'm not nearly as crazy as I sound right now, I promise... Still though, like I said in the "le sigh" post, it's a "MAYBE someday I'll feel that way again for you" time. He's shut off all "in love" feelings for me and once he's made up his mind there's no going back. I still love him though and not only is my body taking this hard but my emotions are too. It's a emotional roller coaster with me these days and there are times when I find myself crying to him about the fact that he left me and days that I will just be silent - and sometimes bitchy to him about it. Read the "Le Sigh" post before commenting on this one please, it will help you understand just what is going on with this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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