judster76 Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I was wondering.....If you love your husband(or boyfriend) or wife (girlfriend)with all your heart...how many has ever thought of the following....And what did you do #1 Cheating??Or maybe an accidental 1 night encounter? #2 Your not good enough??Or your TO GOOD to them? #3 Fear of being cheated on??Has been Cheated on?? #4 Fear of the future and what it may bring? #5 Fear of your past and what it would do to them and your relationship? I was just wondering what you all think and what you would do with feelings and thoughts as these...are they normal,,,or just fear. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Every relationship has it fair share of concerns and fears.. that is normal. It is what you do with those fears that makes or breaks you. 1. Cheating, yep did it, worked through, never want to experience anything like that again for as long as I live. 2. Not good enough... only after cheating... stated that opinion and was told it wasn't my decision to make. 3. No fear of being cheated on. 4. Fear of the future... Nope. But look forward to each and every day and what they bring 5. Fear of the past... the past is done, it is gone, can't change it and it makes you who you are today. Link to post Share on other sites
dartchik Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Well,I am curious as to what you did to work through the cheating part? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Ugh, hmm... well we had to do a lot of talking, crying, heart unburdening, and counseling (on my end). Then a lot more of talking, we actually quit talking for about 16 days over Christmas due to the fact that he was having nightmares related to it. (The black hole happened in September). We tried baby steps... and kind of had to learn each other all over again ... because as he said, the woman he fell in love with would have never considered cheating on him. And it wasn't only my S/O that was hurt, it extended to so many areas that I had never even considered. Now the trust is back, but it is different. Good but weird to begin with. And now he is more ready to jump to conclusions whereas before he didn't. But I know what it stems from so I understand. We actually set down times to discuss the effects when one of us is feeling that it is coming back up (the anger, pain, or what have you.) But now I also realize more about myself, more about Us, and more about what led to the event ... so we communicate on a whole new level and I am more likely to state how I feel than I was before. I wish it hadn't happened, but on the same token, I am glad in a way that it did. And in whole new ways it showed what our relationship meant to both of us. But it is extremely hurtful and painful so I wouldn't recommend it for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 i'm jst curious - do you think you cheated to cause a crisi that might help/save/make your marriage better? or did it just happen? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Originally posted by average guy i'm jst curious - do you think you cheated to cause a crisi that might help/save/make your marriage better? or did it just happen? We aren't married .. Do I think I cheated to create a crisis? Perhaps that is a large part of it, testing him to see how far I could push. And in ways I felt that he wasn't there for me (when even I couldn't ask for what I thought I needed). As if that makes any sense for anyone. Another thing though, it wasn't for the actual sex as the poor guy was a softy (and I mean no disrespect but it sure is my luck to have an affair when you can't even claim it is great sex). No it didn't just happen, it was one of my best buds and we had discussed it before (when I wasn't attached). And I could cope out and say it was alochol related but I knew what I was doing and so that is just one of those excuses~ Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 how many has ever thought of the following....And what did you do #1 Cheating??Or maybe an accidental 1 night encounter? #2 Your not good enough??Or your TO GOOD to them? #3 Fear of being cheated on??Has been Cheated on?? #4 Fear of the future and what it may bring? #5 Fear of your past and what it would do to them and your relationship? 1) I've never even been close to cheating. 2) Both. I try to not let myself think in these terms though, it's just a complete waste of time because for one, everyone's awesome in their own way --myself included and if you love someone you're supposed to be good to them, that's just how I love. 3) Yes and no. We had an agreement many moons ago, if there is cheating, we would leave. 4) Yes. We're poor as hell, the state of our relationship is currently a blur, and his chosen career path means that if we ever have kids, I would pretty much be a single Mom. 5) Yes. A long time ago, when we first met I used to think about this. I had a much more colorful past and battled though quite a lot ... but he knew it all and didn't care, so I let it be. I think these thoughts are normal. Fear is normal, you just have to not let it take over your life. I think it's sweet you're thinking about all of this, it shows how much you care Link to post Share on other sites
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