Livelovelearn Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Hello everyone, So i have been dating this guy for 4 months and we developed an unique relationship similar to fwb but more and he did reassure me that he really likes me however within the last week he hasnt been messaging me everyday like he used to id say every other day. and i have been in a relationship where my ex of 3 years cheated and i do have a bit of insecurity from that. anyway something happened and i kept asking him if he has another girl. anyway i guess he was upset with this and he broke things off with me saying we should only be friends and shouldnt do anything sexual and i told him i felt like an idiot and that i cant just talk to him and act like i didnt have sex with him, since i dont have sex with just anyone! i seen potential in him...anyway so i told him to take care and he said he wouldnt talk to me for a bit until things cooled down, but i dont know if he really liked me wouldnt he fight for me, i have apologized and i spoke kindly with him, no accusations i simply asked him and was open to listening to him. i just dont get it....is this a move on situation? sadly i liked him alot he said he liked me a lot too..advice? Link to post Share on other sites
thebody Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Since I'm hiding behind the guise of anonymity I'm going to be VERY frank about some personal and very dastardly transgressions of my past. Once upon a time years and years ago... I would toy with the idea of dating multiple women, along with having sex with others on a fwb basis. Now... if a girl would try and ask me for more personal information after a sexual encounter I would block and try to move past it. If the girl would continue the information gathering attempts, I would usually insist that we should just be friends and not see each other "in that way". Girls that I had casual sex with tended to be rather inquisitive into my personal life... I usually just wanted sex, and the occasional conversation but didn't want them interfering with any other girlfriends. So... If your beau didn't want to answer the "do you have a girlfriend" question and then to retort with a "no touch" relationship one could only assume the gentile in question must be hiding the fact that he does in fact have one. The "no touch" order only confirms his guilty feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I concur with the last poster. The problem with fwb is once its begun you can't begin again. Can you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 thanks for both of your replies! however he did say that he didnt have a girlfriend, he did tell me that. but i think he got tired of me asking? he said that he liked me and i was beautiful but i act insecure and he is afraid that if he was to ever do anything id go crazy on him, so i dont know ...i kind of tell myself that i was never anything to him and i was just a fwb even though he always kissed me, held my hand, we went out to the movies couple of times and we did know some personal info about eachother plus ive met his sister and been to his house. but i guess it really didnt matter i was still just another fwb.....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 thanks for the response always looking back, i guess your right because it has been now a week that he has said this to me...and i reacted by deleteing his contact but then i added him back (bbm) but it was pending for hours so i redeleted the invite because he always has his phone on him so im assuming he did it on purpose...also i sent him a text saying i may have overreacted and that we could be firends but he has not responded to me at all....and here a week later....nothing from him but i havent been chasing him..i just feel so stupid for falling for him and he did tell me he really liked me..but i guess he was just saying whatever to get whatever Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 My advice is see if for what it is. There's someone who doesn't like being questioned about the rest of his private life and did like having sex, affection and companionship with you. Then there's you, and you liked the same things, but appear to have jumped a step or two and started asking does he have other lovers. Being honest with yourself, why did you ask that? As you asked several times it wasn't to just pass the time of day or out of idle curiosity, was it? My reckoning is he felt that you weren't just making an open enquiry and felt uncomfortable with what may appear to him to be an indirect accusation. In all honesty, if he said "yes, I have several lovers" what do you think your reaction be? You see how this can all get a bit messy what with second-guessing and the like? Perhaps being more direct next time will give you a less ambiguous outcome. If you feel, as I suspect you do, that you'd like to move onto a more exclusive arrangement, then say so (obviously this is for the next time you're in a similar situation). Providing you say this with genuine openness and not in a way that may come across as either meek or pushy, you are likely to get a clearer response. And with clearer information you can move forward in life more clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 betterdeal thanks for your response,i do agree that i fell for him and i didnt want him to do things with people when he was doing it with me, but he had told me before that he wasnt doing anything with others out of respect for me and he did tell me that he has girls that he has those types of relationships with but he hasnt talked to them in a while so i guess i was stupid for asking,i have a hard time trusting based on the past and i guess i shouldnt assume everyone is going to turn out to be the same, i sent him a message today saying no hard feelings that he doesnt want to be friends (because he hasnt spoken to me in a week) and i havent gotten a response yet.....i guess thats over with...i really liked him..but oh well now i know i cant do fwb arrangements Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 When you know what you want... and you already know what the other person wants... AND... it is not compatible... you gotta keep on giving movement to ur life... so that you find a person who is compatible with what you want out of life Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 He probably realized that you had feelings for him and he didn't want to lead you on by continuing to have a fwb relationship with you. It would have complicated things for him. He even told you he was worried that you would "go all crazy on him" which means that in the past, other fwb have fallen for him and acted jealous and possessive of him, which he doesn't want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Livelovelearn Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 thanks for the responses..yeah its been two weeks since a reply and well lets just say im not waiting around for him...every time i get a msg or call i never think its him..i actually think hes never gonna contact me cuz now id just feel too embarassed to talk to him or even face him..i guess its better he cut it off this way...oh well maybe next time Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Do not listen to what a guy says, go by his actions. If you are asking more from this guy - and you were really because you were asking if he was attached to anyone else - then he is responding by backing off. This is a tactic I've seen so often from some guys. They take what they can get and then as soon as the woman starts being interested in something more meaningful, they back off and start talking 'friends'. If a guy is not moving towards you and in regular contact, you can assume he's not that interested. Sorry to be so blunt but I've done the hanging on waiting for him to contact me or waiting for him to stop being afraid of commitment. Quite honestly, what guys say when they've been trying to maintain a sexual relationship without commitment to a particular woman, is utter crap. He doesn't want it to become more of a relationship with you so he'll come up with all sorts of reasons which may include you being more demanding, being crazy, not able to cope - all sorts. He's likely to maintain minimal contact, mostly in response to you, in order not to seem like a total cad. You are better off dropping this guy now and once you've recovered from him, you can meet a nice guy who does want more with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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