quitting weed and being dumped

[heartbroken555]

hi

I wonder if anybody ever went through the same thing and if they have anything to share.

About 3 month ago, my ex dumped me, she said she was unhappy and that i needed to get my life back on track and take care of myself. I have been smoking weed since i was 13, and the last 5 yrs, iv smoked 3.5 grams a day at least and she hated it. im now 25, and she just turned 20. Numerous times i promised her to quit, but i never did, until she got fed up and she left me. I think she lost respect and attraction because i was a bum and i was always broke because i would spend my money on weed. After she left me, i was so heartbroken and i wanted her back so bad that i decided to quit weed. I quit for almost a weekand it was so hard, i was depressed, had anxiety attacks and couldnt sleep at all. Then i stopped again , but i keep relapsing in these last 3 months.but now i havent smoked its been a week, and i plan to keep it that way.

 

The problem is, since i quit weed iv been really depressed and like i said my anxiety attacks didnt help, i feel like i lost my self respect and dignity because i kept telling her i quit weed and that i wanted her back ( i didnt beg, but i made a fool out of myself) I guess she doesnt really beleive me, or maybe she doesnt trust me anymore, and i guess all that anxiety and depression led me to act like a crazy ex and just pushed her away further. Now this girl is a girl i loved with all my heart, and i didnt have a girlfriend for 5yrs before her. I have been in NC with her its been 3 weeks now, and i miss her alot. the last time we spoke she said she didnt love me anymore, but that she appreciated me, and that she wanted me to be happy and take care of myself and get my life back together, then maybe in the future we could meet up again. I feel so bad about myself because i relapsed a couple of times and its been now 3 month since we broke up and she has moved on and seems happy, but not me.... Some say when you quit weed you go through depression and anxiety and having bad dreams, i guess its true, but the fact i also have my heartbroken doesnt help either... I dont even know what i want anymore, if i even want her back or not, of who im actually quitting for, for me ??? or for her ???

 

sometimes i hate her for leaving me, and judging me and not understanding how hard it is for me to quit, but sometimes i feel like shes right, why woulda beutifull girl, who has amazing grades in college, and goes to the gym and takes care of herself be with a guy like me ? ( she wasnt perfect either, she was always clubbing with her friends, dressing really sexy, always complaining and doing bitch fits lol . and she was never happy about anything ! ) but I think i have a great personality, and my looks are above average, but weed transformed me into a lazy basterd who doesnt do **** and we had a very boring relationship.... Since i havent touched pot a week ago, iv had some moments where i felt good, but today im kinda down and i dont know what keeps me going anymore...is it the hope that i get her back one day ?? is this hope driving me crazy ?? I wish i knew...

someone told me, if i actually quit weed for a couple of months, all theses symptoms will go away, and if i hit the gym and do better at my business i will eventually either get her back ( i know she really loved me at one point, and told me numerous times she never loved like that in her life ) or i will find someone else who is better. Because i will be so proud of myself and value myself for the effort i have done, that i wont NEED her anymore.

 

im just wondering if anyone had a similiar story and wanted to share...

Edited April 28, 2011 by heartbroken555

[GG3]

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much.

 

I was with my ex for almost 5 years. He has issues with alcoholism. Of course my situation is different, the more he drank the more abusive he became. He was still able to work, but the rest of the time a useless bum. I finally got tired and left. I was exhausted and had enough.

 

He contacted me here and there of course and wasn't doing so well emotionally. After the holidays he even asked me to attend an AA meeting with him and he had tears running down his face throughout the meeting. Since then, he has lost 15 pounds because he has tried to cut back (although I really think he has replaced some of his drinking with smoking weed) and I get the impression he is trying to see if I will take notice and try to make it work again.

 

I'm wondering if your girlfriend feels like me, I just can't trust the guy anymore. I understand he is addicted and it would be pretty hard for him to quit everything which is why I don't put any more effort into the situation. I still love him and I think about him everyday. If I take him back, I really think he will just start drinking more again and I'll only be enabling him. Have you tried talking to her about it to see what she's thinking?

 

I'm trying to just focus on my life right now, going to the gym, am moving to a better apartment, maybe find some new interests and friends. Trying to be a better me.

[Lil1]

I'm sorry you've had your heart broken:(, but I don't necessarily think that it was all because of the weed (maybe a combination of you abusing weed and her partying/clubbing). Maybe there just wasn't enough connection between the two of you?

 

You said you've been smoking weed since you were 13, so try to think about if and how weed has been harming your relationships with others. I have been a long time pot smoker myself ('prolly since I was like in 7th grade), it's been on and off but it's always been a part of my life. I don't think it has been a hindrance in my life, but then again I can go for months without doing it so I've never had a problem not smoking pot. I am a very active person and have always been a generally happy individual, pot is just something I do at the end of my day to relax me, in no way does it ruin any aspect of my life.

 

I know everyone is different, and maybe some people are more prone to becoming addicted to it, but I think you should examine other areas in your life that are causing you to be unhappy (besides having a broken heart). Don't blame the ganja, and don't abuse it either;). I definitely suggest taking a break from it, like you've been doing so you can find some sort of balance within yourself. Once you gain clarity you will be able to put things into perspective and see that you will find love again. You may even find a girl who likes to smoke with you (but remember - not 24/7! Everything in moderation!) and who will love you for who you really are. I wish you the best of luck!

[jamrah]

Hey man, i know ur story and i feel ur pain. My ex left me in somewhat similar circumstances involving ganja. She aint never comeback bro. We dated for 6yrs. Taken me around a year to move on. I suggest lowering smoking levels and joining a gym, coz man its over. Its gonna hurt and you will feel desperate. But i'm sorry to say bud. She's gone...Try as hard as u can to not contact her. Try and move on. I can't stress this enuf. Good luck big man....

[heartbroken555]

its been a while since this last post

i have been thinking alot, and i realised this girl actually never loved me.

she knows i quit weed and got my life back on track, but she doesnt care, i think the weed issue was just an excuse to leave me. Shes just young and dumb and wants to meet other people and have fun. she hasnt been doing anything but clubbing,drinking and flirting and dating guys. She even said she doesnt love me anymore.

 

theres alot of things i didnt see during the relationship because i was so blinded by love, tht now i realise. This girl is no-good. She doesnt know wht love is, and she keeps jumping from relationship to relationship till she gets bored. She didthe same to her ex, and h didnt even smoke weed. had a job ect. She just got bored after a yr.

 

Sometimes when your with someone you lie to yourself, and you are blinded. To put it in simple words, my ex is a HOE, and i even doubt she cheated on me while we wer together.

 

I just feel so stupid that i loved her so much, when she didnt even take our relationship seriously and it was only to have fun. Im stil hurt. every day when i wake up i get chest pains and i feel like my heart is goig to explode. I dont deserve this and i hate her for it. She played me.

 

If she really loved me, she would have stood by me, and maybe she would have left me, but when she knew i quit weed and was trying very hard to get my life back on track, she would have given me another chance, or at least wait and see, and keep in touch. but she doenst give a damn, shes out there "living her life" while im suffering.

 

I know i will eventually be back to my old self, and not care about her anymore. I miss the sex, i miss her as well, but i realise that she is very good at manipulating me. She knows she can have me anytime, and knowing her she thinks i will be back in her life, or when she gets bored she can giv me a call, and ill be there like a fool. But i am stronger then she thinks, i will never contact her again, and if she does, i will not even reply. She doesnt deserve anything from me. I know my worth, and im a great guy, im good looking, i have a great personality, and im a good person with a HUGE heart. too bad for her. she doesnt deserve me. And i know one day she will regret it. Well, maybe she wont, but who cares anyways.

[Lil1]

I know my worth, and im a great guy, im good looking, i have a great personality, and im a good person with a HUGE heart. too bad for her. she doesnt deserve me.

 

 

That's the spirit! Good for you for realizing your self worth and that it's ultimately HER LOSS! Peace, love, health and some good green to you !

[Feelin Frisky]

Maybe after six months you can say that you "quit weed" but considering that you spent all of your life since adolescence under it's influence and don't understand what life is like without it, you are jumping the gun big time in saying you "quit weed" for the small period you have. First it will take quite a long time for your neuro-transmitter system to find new equilibrium and you will experience the "depressions" or anxieties that you are. But on top of that you will have to reconcile the fact that you have not led a life of facing real competitive challenges in which other people have carved out their identities and their grounds for success. There is no faking the fact that you haven't "grown up" in the way that establishes most folks as competent.

 

I was a big weed smoker myself early in life and went through that. I couldn't let it make me a "bum" though and had a tough, tough job on Wall Street starting at age 18 in which I had to perform. The weed definitely did not help my advancement--I never used on the job but smoking in the off hours caused me to procrastinate many things and not extend myself to the people who could have opened better doors for me. Ya gotta be patient now and live your penance until you've earned the trust in yourself that you've truly overcome this compulsion. Good luck.