How patient should I be?

[homebrew]

SoCal,

 

Isn't it much nicer having her "pursue" you then the other way around?

 

Even though she showed up at your door and told you all the great stuff she did... Don't put your life on hold for her. You still have to move forward with your life. This will help you if she comes back to soon or is not ready. That way, you will have a "life" so to speak and will not tolerate less than her best. (No guy in the picture, she is still in counselling, working on issues, etc.)

 

You do what you are suppose to do... and let's see if she finally follows through on what she says she is going to do.

 

Good job for the most part... Being emotional in front of an Ex, isn't something I would have done. For your sake, I hope that you were resolute and firm with her like you said you were. She needs to know that you are sick of the BS and will not take part of it now or in the future. To her, that is what she wants you to do and she will find it attractive.

Edited May 16, 2011 by homebrew

[gallop30]

we, as men ,always think we are the best BS'ers but that's far from being true. men always brag and "lie" about what they do,and do it very badly.

 

women on the other hand ,hide it and act way better the "everything is ok" scenario until they find the "better" replacement,leaving the male partners surprised and shocked.

[RecordProducer]

SoCal... you can agree or disagree with whatever you want, but when a woman loves, she doesn't wait to get ready, she doens't hook up with other guys, she just goes for YOU. And this woman is NOT going for you. You are at her avail 24/7 (or at least she gets that impression). You are no challenge to her so she need not try hard to keep you. All she needs to do is snap her fingers and you're there. And if you're not, she doesn't care - you'll be the one analyzing the situation on LS and with your freinds and therapist. Not her.

 

Turn a new page. Forget about her or act as if you have. She. Does. Not. Love. You.

 

Just think: WTF is stopping her from being with you happily ever after? When a woman loves and is loved back, she is the happiest thing in the world. You love her - if she loves you back, there would be no obstacle, right? But she is miserable.

Edited May 21, 2011 by RecordProducer

[SoCal_Guy]

RecordProducer and Graceful

 

I'm so sorry. Both of you were were exactly right and I would like to extend my sincerest apology to both of you for not taking your advice to heart and being blinded by love.

 

This woman gave me some news last week that broke me. I'm still messed up by it and I don't know what to do to get over it. I can't eat or sleep and I can't concentrate at work. I went back to therapy and she told me to get everything out I needed to say to her and then pretend like she is dead to me (not literally, but in the sense before she entered into my life). I sent her an email last night (probably against the advice of everyone on here) and am now focusing on moving on for good. It's going to be a long and difficult process, but hopefully I can use some of the techniques I used a few months ago and make it happen quicker this time around.

 

I don't even feel comfortable sharing the news on here, but it has ruined me for the time being. I know I'll be better in time, but I'm right back to square one and I'm very angry and heartbroken. I wish I could go back to mid-March when she came crawling back to me. I wouldn't have replied to her texts at all if I knew this new and awful pain was coming. You're both right - even if they tell you they love you, they would never do what they did to me if they REALLY loved me. All words, no action.

 

Or at least I tried I guess. I won't go through the rest of my life wondering what could have been if I didn't give her another chance. I hope this is supposed to be part of the plan God has for me, but it's really testing my faith.

[homebrew]

SoCal,

 

Look at the bright side I guess... you don't have to go through life wondering "what if".

 

She had some major demons to overcome from the sound of things.... Guess they got the best of her.

Edited May 21, 2011 by homebrew

[RecordProducer]

Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. The reason why I know this stuff is not only because I am a woman, but also because I've been going through the same sh*t as you. Does that make you feel better? Probably not, but just know, as a friend of mine once said when I asked why I am acting like a fool, "Because love is so powerful and it makes you do foolish things."

 

Do not let this "defeat" erode your self-esteem. I know right now all you want to hear is how to get her to fall in love with you, but she is not the love of your life. It shouldn't be this way. There is love waiting for you around the corner, so focus on finding someone new. Meanwhile, stay away from this woman, do not contact her, no matter what. And stop beating yourself up about the follish things you've done and said in front of her - she is not important. Not at all. She is just one episode in your life. An episode from which you learned something and are now ready to move on. Trust me, you ARE ready to move on. You know now she is not the one, you know you have to move on - and that's the first step. You're all packed, you just need to ship yourself to someone else. Love will come to you within two years of no-contact (that's how it usually happens for most people). I guarantee you. Do you believe me?

Edited May 22, 2011 by RecordProducer

[Graceful]

SoCal,

 

Not sure what to say. I'm the only person who has posted to you since day one, that's right, since the first day you came here five months ago. So I feel as though I know you better than anyone else does, and I hope that is comforting to you, since I know you need to be around friends right now.

 

I feel for you, and I always did. From day one, I never sugar coated, even though I gave you the benefit of the doubt because you didn't want to hear what you didn't want to hear, it was that obvious to me. And yes, maybe you had to follow the path that you did so you'd never have any doubts about the outcome, and that's the truth. The fact that you are more hurt now than you would have been months ago is something you have to take full responsibility for, and I can see you are doing that, but it shows that you are aware that you brought on more misery than was necessary.

 

Your first priority now is to figure out why you did what you did, not why she did what she did. She's history, and to me, should have been a long time ago. You should be infuriated along with your other feelings, because she is truly a user

 

This woman gave me some news last week that broke me. I'm still messed up by it and I don't know what to do to get over it. I can't eat or sleep and I can't concentrate at work. I went back to therapy and she told me to get everything out I needed to say to her and then pretend like she is dead to me (not literally, but in the sense before she entered into my life).

If you don't or can't talk about it here, I understand. But this is only going to impede your healing. SoCal, do you know that people come on this board and spill their guts? There are people whose lives were destroyed, no money, no home, entire disruption has ensued from the breakup. And they can talk about it. You have your home, you have your family, you have a job, you did not suffer financial ruin, etc., so let me tell you something, for you to come here and say what happened is not going to shock anyone.

 

A problem for you that i see is that you always seem to feel that what ever is happening to you is the absolute only situation in the entire world. It's not, You're in good company. When you tried to go NC, you acted as though you were struggling with it in a way no one else does. Not true, everyone struggles with it. So what I am saying is that the sooner you see and understand that you are just part of the universal issues that we all confront and face, the better off you're going to be. Welcome to the club, we're all in this together, and to be quite literal, we are all on this board to help one another, even if the advice comes in various varieties.

 

You are as dysfunctional as the secrets you keep. Just remember that.

 

I don't even feel comfortable sharing the news on here, but it has ruined me for the time being. I know I'll be better in time, but I'm right back to square one and I'm very angry and heartbroken. I wish I could go back to mid-March when she came crawling back to me.

Then how can we help you? What can we do except give generic advice about keeping NC that is going to mean anything to you? Again, if you don't want to talk about it, that is up to you, but I have a feeling that you are feeling ashamed, and if you want to get rid of that shame, you need to open up. At the very least, to your therapist.

 

If you feel that you really would have always wondered, then perhaps you did the right thing. This way, you have clarity and closure, even if it came at a very high price. She is not the one, she is not anything, but a very pathetic person who I am sure you see in a different light, and that is painful. She's not special in any way, and yes, she is dead to you. Don't blame yourself for doing what you had to do, but you do need to learn from it, and that will take time. As for shame, we all feel it, but I have a feeling that's a biggee for you right now. So that's the monkey you're going to have to work to get off your back.

 

You owe me no apology. As I said, if anything, you can thank me for sticking with you, despite the fact I did not agree with you, and you knew it. If you want to go back to your thread, you might be able to have a few laughs over it, b/c we did share a few laughs, as we respectfully disagreed with one another. But I'm not happy right now, not at all, other than the fact that I am glad that are off the merry go round, and rid of someone who was not suitable for you in any way. Time to focus on yourself. I'm on your side, hope you know that. Take care.

[SoCal_Guy]

RecordProducer - I realize this woman is bad news for me now. I truly do. As a female, maybe you can help me understand why she would tell me such things like "I want to marry you" and "I realize I should have never let you go" and "I know what I have with you is perfect" … why do they tell you these things and then show you affection when we end up where we are now? That's mostly why it hurts so much. It's crushing to hear those things told to you and then see something else happen. It'd be one thing if when we started talking again that we clashed or didn't get along or argued all the time, but we didn't. It was just like old times - we were great together once again - and then she just flaked out. And she wouldn't tell me why she said those things other than she really did mean them, she just wasn't ready to enter into a relationship with me right now (before the latest news, which I will get to in a sec). It's so freaking frustrating and I know I just need to not worry about it and move on, but only time can help me get these thoughts out of my head.

 

Graceful - Your writing is simply therapeutic to me. I'm so glad you chose to follow my story from the beginning and you've been a huge help and of great support during my ordeal. I can't even begin to thank you enough, but I know you're not asking for that. You're just the wonderful type of person who helps out a total stranger in need. THANK YOU. I hope one day I can help you, but I'll never be able to repay you.

 

Now, on to the bad news …

 

My emotions on the news she shared with me late last week are all over the spectrum. I've felt mad, sad, angry, lost, forgiveness, hurt … you name it, I've felt it, well other than happy. I am honestly a mess still and I'm trying to figure out why this happened. I think the answer is I let it because I was not strong enough when she came back in March. I wish I could go back in time and tell her we can't do this, but like you all said, then I would have been kicking myself for not allowing us to have another shot at this.

 

The news she broke to me? This is embarrassing to me, but I guess no one really knows me, so I'll let it out there for all of you to digest … she showed up at my house again one night last week and was already in tears before she started talking. I guess the guilt had overwhelmed her before she could tell me. She said she missed her period and thinks she is pregnant … from the other guy. I don't want to relive that night and the emotions I felt on here, but I did not yell and I did not hurt her at all (that's not me at all). I was very upset, but I kept my cool and just tried to talk through everything, partly because she was really broken up about it. She apologized and she said there was no love there (with the other guy) so she is not sure what she's going to do if she is carrying a child. I have been pretty much speechless since.

 

Trust me, I am really broken by this news, more so after she left than when she was there telling me. I have cried - not ashamed to admit that - and I have been very mad. Even though I'm as disappointed in her as I have ever been, I still just want her to make the right decision for her and be happy.

 

Meanwhile, I am doing all the usual things (again) to try and not think about her or this news, but it's not really working. I have picked up mountain bike riding with a buddy from work, I work out every evening after work, I try to stay busy at work, I go out with any of my friends any time someone is up for something. I'm doing it all, but my mind is still on her and this. The one thing I have realized is you can't stop loving someone cold turkey. I think that's why this is so tough on me - I truly did love her and now I can't walk away.

[jacksonBrown]

thats tuff dude i feel your pain iam also going threw a break up with my girlfriend of 3 years i too cant stop thinking about her and i think what you said is right you really cant just stop loving someone cold turkey i think the only way you can is if you move staight on to someone else and start loving them instead, it sounds like she obviously loves u still and has made a mistake with this other guy maybe you guys will work things out but i wouldnt hang around and be her emotional support on this its too hurtfull create some distance if its meant to be she will come round

Edited May 24, 2011 by jacksonBrown

[RecordProducer]

RecordProducer - I realize this woman is bad news for me now. I truly do. As a female, maybe you can help me understand why she would tell me such things like "I want to marry you" and "I realize I should have never let you go" and "I know what I have with you is perfect" … why do they tell you these things and then show you affection when we end up where we are now? That's mostly why it hurts so much.

Because she realizes you're a great guy and wishes she could be in love with you, and appreciates your love, but can't help but fall in love with the lowlife bad boy scum bag who will impregnate her and cheat on her on the day she gives birth to his child. It's not her fault, but she is not for you. You should find yourself a nice person like yourself. This girl is not bad, but she is toxic for you. Someday you can be friends with her and comfort her when her partners mop the floor with her. You are going to make some other girl very happy.

[Graceful]

All we can tell you is the same thing you learned as a kid, that old cliche, "actions speak louder than words" -- just repeat that over and over until you are sick of hearing it. Someone can say the words, but if they don't come through for you, what's the point of listening? What's the point? Just words. People say lots of things that they think they can make happen just by saying the words. Empty. Sad. She wanted the words to be true, so she said them, but she didn't mean them. That's the price you paid in continuing to believe in her. You have to focus on her inability to feel true love for you, and face the fact that people say things they don't mean -- and understand that was not your fault.

 

Just stay NC. Do whatever it takes. Stay in therapy and address your own issues. No, love does not evaporate overnight, it will take time, but every day is a step in the right direction, moving forward. You were in limbo for a very long time, now you're not, that's a start. Take care.

[SoCal_Guy]

Graceful - I went back for another therapy session yesterday and she was very direct and to the point about me needing to separate myself from this woman. She has come to the conclusion based on everything I've told her that I need some serious time away from her and to not contact her. If she contacts me, I'm to keep it friendly and civil (no relationship talk) unless it hurts me. My therapist thinks this woman has no business being in a relationship right now … period. She doesn't want me to get hurt anymore by her and she explained it will take time to get past my strong feelings for her. Doesn't this all sound familiar? These forums are a bit cheaper than her, too!

 

RecordProducer - I still struggle about why she told me all those things, and to be honest, there were actions she displayed that led me to believe we were on the path to true reconciliation. Looking back, I think she was confused but really did feel that way about me at the time. I do not see her intentionally using me ever, but I think she did in this case and that's why she was so broken up when she broke the news to me. She really does have a good heart (or maybe she used to before this guy walked into her life). I honestly think this other guy has mind control over her, has manipulated her into doing bad things in general (not just toward me) and has created a situation where she feels if she leaves him he will hurt himself. Not good. She needs to run away from him, and I hope she does even if it is not toward me. We may not be right for each other like you say, but I still don't want her to suffer in a bad relationship with this loser.

 

All that being said, I need to stop worrying about her and just focus on myself. I'm working very hard to get there, it just is taking time. The nights are the toughest, because that's when we used to hang out. Now I'm trying to stay busy with friends and other things in those times.

 

The last few days haven't been easy for me, but this morning I woke up with a new attitude on everything. I'm going on a week-long vacation in two days — all by myself — and I think that will help cleanse my mind from what I've been put through in the last few weeks. I know I can get there.

[SoCal_Guy]

So, I am back from my much-need vacation. I had a blast, although I was by myself the entire time and I'm not the type of person who just walks up to people and starts talking to them. It was great to be able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, but there were times when I wish someone was there with me. Anyway, I wouldn't change anything I did and it helped me clear my mind (for the most part) and get away from work, which were my two main goals.

 

About halfway through this week-long vacation, I received a text from the ex. She was just asking how my trip was going. I thought about not replying at all, but I decided to just be myself, so I just replied with "It's amazing so far." She replied saying she was very happy to hear that. She we exchanged a few more texts and she asked to see a few pics from my trip, but then we began to go down the relationship-talk path, but nothing deep. She asked if she could get some of her stuff back when I returned. I said yes and that I needed to get mine from her place too (she owes me a lot of money, too, so not sure how to approach that). At one point I got a little frustrated so I just flat-out asked of she was moving on with this guy (didn't bring up the pregnancy possibility or anything) and she said not really because he has some issues. I didn't respond to that - I changed the subject and then told her I was exhausted.

 

This is why I think we just need to give each other's things back and stop communicating. Period. The end. After she contacted me, my mind began to race again. I guess I over-think or try to read into things too much. I mean, after all, this woman has done things to me that should make me beyond pissed at her. Why can't I just let go? I get angry every time I think about what she has done to me and how I never deserved any of it, so why am I hung up on her? Why can't I be mean to her?

 

I think my plan is to phone her this week and just get all this over with. I don't even want to know if she is pregnant or not (she's supposed to find out this week). I really want to be done with this whole situation, despite how much I really miss her (well, her former self - this new guy has ruined her) and care about her. I guess this whole episode is a setback.

[00sports00]

I feel like I really need to post in this thread because there are A LOT of good opinions on here that may be able to help me out (although I don't believe I am in such a position as SoCal, I am looking for Homebrew and others to help me out quickly, as I am in a predicament as well pertaining to "how patient should i be")

 

First off, SoCal, I feel for you man. I read up on most of what has happened and I have to be honest with you, what homebrew and others have said, is the clear cut truth. I can't practice what I preach, but being outside the box here, you have to stand up for your self and do what's right FOR YOU. Don't let her run your life or keep you down, you got a lot going for you, and are you going to really put herself in front of your own life, while she has some other guy?

 

Here is my quick story, hopefully somewhat it can relate but I really need help and I feel I may just be not seeing the full picture, but with what advice I've seen here, I feel you guys can help me out. (I'll try and keep it as short as possible, with as many facts as possible):

 

My girlfriend and I dated for 8 months. I'm 24 and she's 19. We are going to the same school, but she lives over an hour away now for the summer. We broke up because around April, I heard one night she was flirting a lot with some guy (she doesn't remember she was that drunk). A couple say they kissed, most say they just flirted. I tried getting it out of my head, but it was tearing me up inside and the next week it come out in an argument we had. We were fighting and then i said I don't think i can do this anymore, and i was trying to say i don't think i can do this anymore with her going out and partying so much (I was never against it, I always let her do her thing, but this one time ripped me up) but she took it as I was breaking up with her and everything, we talked for a little once she calmed down but it wasn't really getting anywhere and i went home. The next couple days she said she wanted to talk but then called it off because she said it was too hard for her. We eventually talked and she tried standing strong and said right now she can't get back into a relationship and she needs time (this was around mid-april). Starting around the end of april to mid may she would still call me babe and say I love you and then I asked her if thats how she really feels and if we could give it a nother chance and she said she just needs time and space for her to live. We would go back and forth here and there, and sometimes she would just text me saying hey how are you, i would respond (probably stupid move). I finally got courage to go no contact for a week and she started getting mad at me for not answering, and I kinda told her off like you can't be getting mad at me because you told me you wanted time and space and everything, and she got a little taken back by it. Then, a couple days later she called me (this was about a week ago) she called me to hang out and we did. It went well, we hung out, kisssed, just like how it was when we dated. Saying goodbye, she told me it was just hard for her, and then we hugged and she left. She again told me later that night talked with me and said she loved me. Now, last week, we talked all week until Thursday when she just stopped responding, until today, she texted me saying that shes sorry for not responding back and for me not to hate her and that she loves me very much. I still haven't responding back. I don't know what to do right now because I feel like I may be getting used as comfort for her while she can go out and do her thing with her friends and have fun, but when she wants to talk to me she will. I DO want her back, i want to be with her, and her telling me she loves me is very confusing, and I do not know what to do. Hopefully with the advice I've heard with SoCal you guys can help me out with this, I would REALLY appreciate it, THANK YOU!

[00sports00]

I can't agree with you more on that statement. And with that, you are ABSOLUTELY right. She tells me she can see herself marrying me, and she also said that she does need her time to do what she may not be able to do in 2 years with her friends. She knows the type of guy I am and how I treated her. Do I not talk to her at all and go no contact? Even when she tells me she loves me? That's what I'm confused about. (It has been a very bumpy last month and a half since we stopped dating with the back and forth of relationship talk and what have you) ... Do I stand up to my self and tell her to figure her self out and then come back to me when she is ready? I don't know which path to go down.

[00sports00]

Yeah you are right, 150% percent; especially when you say about being friendzoned and pushing her away and then getting into a fight and then acting like a fool because that has happened when I tried asking if her telling me that shes loves me is a means to get back together or if she just wants to talk like friends, but no that can't happen .. And then a couple days later I'll get an I love you text or something (I guess that's the breadcrumbs you mean by) .... Your also right with the timing thing, she said exactly that shes wishes she met me a year or so down the road! .. You are good my friend! .. How do I approach and tell her what to do, and what should I say? I feel as though just ignoring her I love you texts and hey how are you texts will get her mad and then I don't know what to say when she texts me mad asking why I'm not talking to her.

[00sports00]

Homebrew,

 

So I never responded to that text on sunday she sent me and today she just sent me another saying hey <name> .... I feel like these are the breadcrumbs you are talking about, and I honestly don't know if I should respond to these texts or if she is just trying to see if I'm still there when she wants ... I do feel guilty for not talking to her, especially because of how she still tells me she loves me. Shouldn't I be happy/lucky enough that she is actually talking to me and not in a mean way but in a loving way? I feel as though many people on here, their ex's don't even talk to them, I don't know if I'm in a good position or not?

Edited June 6, 2011 by 00sports00

[Jeep guy]

So cal

I had just found this site and found your thread and instantly siged up for this site. I read the whole thread is one sitting at work even though I'm not suppose to be using a computer but I just had to say our stories are very similar. I just don't understand why some women do things that hurt us like this I just wish I was a stronger person. I have tried to go NC but have failed miserably it just consumes my day and I can not get over it but I know I need to! I just wish you the best and to say your thread has shown me the light on what I need to do thank you!

[SoCal_Guy]

Thanks, Jeep guy

 

Glad you have found us and happy to hear this thread/my story has helped you in some capacity. If I have learned one thing from this entire experience, it's that knowing what we need to do in order to heal from being hurt in this way and actually finding the strength to consistently do it are two TOTALLY different things. It's tough and I'm still struggling with how much I do miss her and what we had in the past, but I'm working on trying to forgive, forget and move on. Easier said than done. You'll find many people on here who are going through the same thing (sometimes worse) we are. That's where I find some comfort, knowing I'm not the only one to which this is happening.

 

I found out something today by chance … through one of the few mutual friends my ex and I have, I discovered my ex is really torn up by what she has done to me. This was unsolicited when I ran into her in a store today. I didn't even bring my ex up, but our friend just flat-out told me she is really feeling guilty for what she did to me and that she knows I'm a great guy who didn't deserve any of this. She's apparently trying to act happy but her friend knows she is hurting from this. I didn't really have an answer other than I told her friend that my ex will hopefully learn from this and that I was very hurt by what happened to me. It was a bit awkward since this girl was her friend first.

 

I don't know what to think of all that other than we all make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes hurt someone else. It's a lesson in life and hopefully she doesn't do this to anyone else again.

[Jeep guy]

It is a lesson learned but don't harp on how bad she fells about it I learned this from my situation my ex was actually one of my sisters best friends and we dated for four years and my sister still tells me she is regretting it but like everyone else on here said if she truly wanted to pursue it, it would have happened and I am slowly coming to this reality.

[SoCal_Guy]

Well, found out a bit of news this morning. She is NOT pregnant. I know that doesn't really change the entire situation, but we had a good and civil conversation about things. She contacted me and asked me if she could call to speak on a few things. I agreed, so don't get mad at me homebrew, Graceful, Record Producer. I wanted to say some things too and I did. There was no yelling or blaming - it was a good talk and I came away feeling a bit relieved actually. We both agreed that if we are to have any type of future together (friends or more) that is can only work if there is a fresh start. Neither of us are ready right now, but really there isn't any hate between us at all. It's hard to explain.

 

Now back to moving on with my life. It's getting a bit easier with each passing day, but I still have setbacks. The vacation was a huge help and I have a fun weekend planned that begins tonight. I'm still thankful for all the advice I've received on here. I want to keep this thread alive so that others can hopefully see what happened here.

[iceweasel6]

If I have learned one thing from this entire experience, it's that knowing what we need to do in order to heal from being hurt in this way and actually finding the strength to consistently do it are two TOTALLY different things.

 

Quite possibly one of the best lines of realizations in this epic thread. You good sir, are on your way.

[SoCal_Guy]

iceweasel6 - glad you found this thread epic. I certainly have learned MANY things from what has happened to me in the last two months.

 

For those who have been following this story, I'll give an update on the past couple of weeks since I last posted.

 

My ex has contacted me a couple of times via text. I have only responded in very short, yet polite replies. This is against most of the advice I've received, but you know what? It doesn't bother me one bit. Yes, I still miss her and what we had, and I have my down moments, but I think I've begun to turn the corner. I'm getting more confident in myself and losing that feeling of being rejected by the woman I loved. My therapist agrees I am improving and said she doesn't need to see more until the end of next month. That's good news for me and my wallet.

 

Anyway, for those who doubt what Graceful, homebrew and gang have to say on here … DON'T. They have much different ways of presenting their advice, but please take it. They DO know what they're talking about. I only wish I had listened sooner than I did.

[lipvixen2011]

WOW. Good Lord SoCal! I just got done reading your 2 threads (which took me almost over an hour I'd say) and it was like reading a soap opera or drama filled series! You have to be completely exhausted by this whole thing. I'm glad you are making progress here, I hope, and you keep it up. Can I just say, me being a woman in my 30's, if I ever loved a man I would never do what she did to you. Then again, I realize she is in her mid 20's. I actually would never pull that even then! It seems to me that you like feeling miserable, I know that sounds harsh but it's so very true! OR I can say misery loves company. She loves misery and wants you to join her. I've been in your situation before with a man that I loved very much that I was with for 3 years and when his ex came back into the pic?? The same sort of stuff started happening but instead of waiting around to see what the verdict was going to be, I bailed. I am sooooo glad I did. I avoided a lot of heart ache and going back and forth. Guess what? They're still together til this very day, unhappy I'll add but still together! This was 4 yrs ago!

 

I thank my lucky stars that I am a very strong minded woman now and I do not put up with anybodys crap when it comes to stringing me along. Except for my current situation but that was my fault because I am an "overreactor" if you would like to call it and occassionally jump to conclusions. Anywho, I hope things get better for you. Believe me, they will. People think that they will never get over it and the horrible feelings they are feeling but they do sooner or later go away. Each day you will wake up feeling better and may not even realize it that you'll go a day and not think about her! It happens but you have to take the steps to make it happen. I'm on the NC right now with the guy I prematurely called it off with. It's a day since no contact and I'm okay with it. We haven't been dating long (2months) but it's nothing compared to what I've been through in the past so this will be a breeze if things don't work out. I hope nothing but the best for you. Just stay strong and determined and everything will be just fine...you'll see

[0hpenelope]

My ex has contacted me a couple of times via text. I have only responded in very short, yet polite replies. This is against most of the advice I've received, but you know what? It doesn't bother me one bit. Yes, I still miss her and what we had, and I have my down moments, but I think I've begun to turn the corner.

I think the majority who insist on not responding to them whatsoever are also coming from different planes of experience. For myself, when it's obvious from what the OP's shared that the continuing contact with ex/mutual friend/ex's mom, brother, whatever isn't helping, then NC for however long is a good thing.

 

Since you're ok with it, then there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Circumstances, situations, perspectives, thoughts, feelings do change from time to time. That's all that happened with you; you felt bad weeks before and right now, at this moment, you're okay with whatever's happening. When the contact starts hindering you from healing and moving on, then you know you can get right back to NC.

 

Good to hear from you!