Romance Dramas Abound!

[TragicAlliance]

I've got romantic dramas coming out of my ears lately. It's been nearly a month since I left my LDR and I'm dealing with a LOT of confusion there... (If anyone's interested, read more here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t275780/ )

 

But it gets even better! I've got two more issues at hand.

 

First issue: I'm being pursued by a guy that I'm not interested in. He is a friend of mine that I've known for several years now. Now, don't get me wrong... I DID have romantic feelings for him at one point. But at the time, he had a (super controlling and snooping) girlfriend who absolutely hated me. When I tried to tell him that I was home from a surgery and all was well, it turned out she was on his account and she kindly informed me, "He doesn't like you and is planning on deleting you, so please leave him alone." I was more amused than anything, said nothing else, and left it alone. I told him later about the encounter, and he was angry at her. (He actually had to use other account names to talk to me and several other of his friends because his girlfriend didn't approve of us.)

 

At some point, he and I got into a nasty fight, and we lost contact for several months. But recently he's come back... we've made up, and we chat pretty regularly. The problem is: He is obsessed with me. Multiple times a night he tells me, "You know I love you" and "I'd be the happiest man in the world if you were mine." And while this is flattering... it's usually followed up with comments like "But I know I'm not good enough. =)" He's always making it a point to remind me that I don't show romantic interest in him, and it's almost as if he's trying to make me feel... guilty... about it. It makes me uncomfortable and even angry at times. I don't know how to respond to him, as he is EXTREMELY hypersensitive and if the wrong words are said, he's triggered into massive episodes of self-bashing that I can't stand. The other day he happily told me he had taken a mess of sleeping pills and that "nobody cared." I got angry and told him, "If you're so convinced that nobody cares, why are you telling me this? Are you just trying to slap me in the face?" He got upset and apologized, saying he didn't want to drive me away again after just recently getting me back in his life.

 

I care for him immensely, but I couldn't be in a relationship with him. He is even more hypersensitive than me, and that's pretty bad. I thought I couldn't take a punch... he is so much worse. I'd be walking on eggshells constantly with him if we were dating, and that's something I wouldn't be able to do.

 

 

Second issue: I have weird feelings for my best friend. I've known him for a very long time, too, and we have a very amusing relationship. We are ALWAYS ripping on each other about everything... if you heard us talking to each other, sometimes you'd be convinced we hate each other. But that is so not the case. We spend a lot of time watching videos, playing videogames, and otherwise annoying each other together. When I try to go to bed... if he doesn't want me to leave just yet, he informs me I'm not allowed to sleep. And, considering he has admitted he isn't a very emotional person, I find this to be quite endearing.

 

My issue here is that I'm very much crushing on him... I have for quite some time. And he knows about my feelings, as we've discussed it. (I find that I can tell him almost anything, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it might be to say to someone else.) He's told me he's not interested in a relationship of any kind with anybody, and I respect that. And while I harbor a lot of feelings for him, I don't find myself bitter that he doesn't return them... although I do get a tiny bit jealous when he mentions one of our mutual friends.

 

With me being roughly a month out of my LDR, I find myself dwelling a lot on my feelings for my best friend. (Who my ex hated with a royal passion, as he was extremely jealous of him.) I want to try again to win his affections, but am afraid that I'd ruin what I already have with him if he said no. And even if he said yes, and we dated... I'm not sure I could have sexual relations with him. It's not that he's unattractive... he's adorable! I just find myself unable to imagine anything of that nature with him. I definitely appreciate the hilarious friendship I have in him, and I'm grateful for every day he's around to annoy the living daylights out of me. But I always have hope.

 

Got one wanting me back, one wanting me, and one that I want... it's been a very stressful month! Thanks for letting me vent, though... it's definitely helped! =)

[ShatteredReality]

Well the one wanting you back doesn't sound like he deserves your time or energy...not to mention are you ever planning to move where he lives or him move here? LDRs can only last so long before someone has to move closer in order to keep it alive.

 

The one wanting you needs to be told it's not going to happen, that while you're flattered you have considered it a lot and realize it just would end up a messy bad situation. Tell him that you really value his friendship and would never want to hurt him, but that you also don't want to lead him on or have him pining for you. If he can't bear to be just friends he is free to move on, otherwise boundaries need to be set and as much as you enjoy hearing the nice things he has to say, he's got to stop saying them.

 

And for the one you want. You're the flip side of that relationship you have going on above. Either you are ok being just friends with him or your feelings are too strong to let you do that and you need some space. Now, there is always a posibility that if you took "time off" of him that he would realize he had feelings for you too and come a knocking...but that's more like a chance happening - so don't get your space if that's the goal. Sometimes we need to take a breather from these situations to better gauge where we are at and where we want to be...sounds like you have some soul searching to do - mostly sounds like you need to figure out how to be happy with you. Also you need to really think about who you are, who you want to be...and what type of relationship do you want in the future.