Gentlegirl Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I have been NC for almost 5 months now. I have had dates but I compare them to xMM. It just happens. I know I am wasting my life as some of these men are really nice. They probably wonder what is wrong with me. I flinch if one of them tried to touch me in any way.... My affair was 3 years long and I guess it will take more than 5 months to recover. I really like this site as you are all in the same boat and so supportive. Cheers, Gentlegirl. Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 My relationship with MM lasted 3 1/2 years, and ended 3 years ago. As much as I hate to tell you this, I've just recently gotten to the point where I can say it is finally OVER. I certainly hope it doesn't take you that long. Best wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Soon I will be 10 months out. I have no desire to see him, there are no feelings of love left. I rarely get angry anymore and I've done a lot of self reflection and realization of how I got there. So I think I'm good in those aspects. However, I don't feel ready to date yet......I think I still have work to do in getting myself in a happier, more content place in my life without the distraction of a man or a relationship and I will admit that I don't trust myself yet plus I'm of the age where it's going to be difficult to find suitable men. Link to post Share on other sites
EDET Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I've been in NC for about two months, feeling much better. But can't stop thinking of him, especially when he texts and asks to see me. But hanging on here Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gentlegirl Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Soon I will be 10 months out. I have no desire to see him, there are no feelings of love left. I rarely get angry anymore and I've done a lot of self reflection and realization of how I got there. So I think I'm good in those aspects. However, I don't feel ready to date yet......I think I still have work to do in getting myself in a happier, more content place in my life without the distraction of a man or a relationship and I will admit that I don't trust myself yet plus I'm of the age where it's going to be difficult to find suitable men. Dear BB, I always admire the clarity of your writing and thoughts... many thanks. M yaffair was rebound after my husband died from a 7 year long illness. I literally had nobody in the world to help or support me and then there was MM. Anyway, at 63 it IS difficult to meet suitable men. Some I have met are just bored with their long marriages and looking for affairs... oh well. Others have had thir lives shattered by relationship break ups and can't get themselves back together again. I understand how I got here. Now it's time, like you , become content with what I have. It is a lonely place but I want for nothing materially , so I consider myself most fortunate. Gentle Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I've been in NC for about two months, feeling much better. But can't stop thinking of him, especially when he texts and asks to see me. But hanging on here True NC means cutting off the ways that he can contact you also. As harsh and hard as it is......complete cold turkey is the way. Hugs...... Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Dear BB, I always admire the clarity of your writing and thoughts... many thanks. M yaffair was rebound after my husband died from a 7 year long illness. I literally had nobody in the world to help or support me and then there was MM. Anyway, at 63 it IS difficult to meet suitable men. Some I have met are just bored with their long marriages and looking for affairs... oh well. Others have had thir lives shattered by relationship break ups and can't get themselves back together again. I understand how I got here. Now it's time, like you , become content with what I have. It is a lonely place but I want for nothing materially , so I consider myself most fortunate. Gentle GG.......I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and the long illness that you both suffered through. Bless your heart as you were in such a vulnerable position and someone took advantage of that....I'm so sorry. It sounds like you and I are on the much the same road and it never hurts to walk it with someone else. I'm here for you. When you get pm access, shoot me a line and we'll exchange emails. Hugs......... Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I have been NC for almost 5 months now. I have had dates but I compare them to xMM. It just happens. I know I am wasting my life as some of these men are really nice. They probably wonder what is wrong with me. I flinch if one of them tried to touch me in any way.... My affair was 3 years long and I guess it will take more than 5 months to recover. I really like this site as you are all in the same boat and so supportive. Cheers, Gentlegirl. It just takes time. Give yourself time to heal. As for being 63 and lonely, have you looked into senior programs? I know many of my parents friends who are this age have found love a second time around by being involved either in their retirement community or by attending senior events. I wish you well and hope you give yourself some more time to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Breezy Trousers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 I did domestic relations work years ago and the general rule of thumb is that it takes 2 years to recover from a relationship. Five months isn't long at all. Your feelings are normal. I think a lot of us are vulnerable when affairs pop up on our life radar. Falling into an affair after dealing with the death of a husband after a 7-year illness would be in keeping with that. I'm sorry you have had to grieve two relationships in recent years. That's tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gentlegirl Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 It just takes time. Give yourself time to heal. As for being 63 and lonely, have you looked into senior programs? I know many of my parents friends who are this age have found love a second time around by being involved either in their retirement community or by attending senior events. I wish you well and hope you give yourself some more time to heal. Hello, Thanks for you advice. I am l working full time as a university lecturer and very active in my life. I sillt do 12 mile bushwalks in the mountains, gym etc etc. I have tried attending senior events and I'm afraid they bored me witless because I'm just not mentally or physically at that stage yet.. I have been on a couple of senior friendship/dating websites. They are crawling with "cakemen", who are in some part responsible for this website. Most of their profiles say they are either bored with their wives after 40 years marriage or they find their wives unattractive. Many thanks for your kind wishes, Gentle Link to post Share on other sites
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