Is there an issue here? do I tell my gf? Have I lost a friend?

[thatdog]

Ok so I kinda posted this elsewhere but got no response I think cos a- it was the wrong forum and b- my post was about 20 pages too long.

 

First- After recent issues with my gf getting busted in the beginnings of an EA(we are trying to fix things) I told her 'You don't have to tell me that you might start to have feelings for someone else or they for you but you DO have to act appropriately and that means cutting contact with that person to focus on our relationship.' I guess most of my dilemma here boils down to whether this is a reasonable statement.

 

I am now possibly in the same situation.

brief version of the story (extended version can be found here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t275531/ if you have a spare half hr )

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I am good friends with an ex who i was with 10 years ago and carried a torch for on and off for about 5 years. These feelings only ended when we had an argument over how I thought she was treating me inappropriately as a friend and I realized we would never be together again and forced myself to stop thinking about her that way.

 

this week we had a conversation during which I kind of brought up our argument and how I stopped liking her because of it. She got a bit upset and told me the reason she acted that way was because she had feelings for me and wanted to rekindle things but the change in my demeanor made her think i had no feelings for her anymore and she was devastated over it. She said this was the only time her treatment of me changed because we both have solid morals and all the time before this period one of us was always in another relationship. Things got awkward after we both realized our mistake and I left soon after. Thinking about this has dredged up old feelings though it's pretty soon after the chat so I think there's a good chance it will die down pretty soon. In the meantime I have obv resolved to go NC with her at least until I'm confident these thoughts have gone. But while considering what happened I also realized that since that time 5 years ago we have once again always been in other relationships. This makes me wonder if she has still felt the same way after all this time. If so, I guess the NC has to remain indefinitely and I have just lost a close friend.

 

So yeah. As I stated above. Is this something I should just sit on, avoid contact and assume it will go away? Or should I tell my gf about the problem? Also is it possible my friend/ex is still 'carrying a torch' after all these years? If so does this mean we have permanently lost our friendship?