Aghhh!

[BJ]

I recently got dumped by my ex-GF. I have lots of friends, who are very4 supportive. Only problem is that My ex is with somebody, and I feel that because she is with somebody, I have to be with somebody, or I'm somehow less than her. This is especially painful on the weekends, so I always HAVE to be around my friends, and can't be alone because I know she's with somebody. I also feel like a loser, 'cause It's been so hard for me to find new women, even though it's only been a few months. I have to stop comparing myself to her, but her breaking up with me has caused great insecurities on my part.

[Tony T]

While her breaking up with you certainly hurt, you didn't want somebody staying with you who didn't want to be there. That would be certifiably insane on youR part and we know you aren't crazy.

 

What is a bit irrational is your need to have someone because you ex has someone. If youR ex breaks her leg, would you like yours broken as well. The two of you are different people, she is completely out of your life, and to base your needs ON where she is in her life is to give up your entire being to the past.

 

Do what YOU want to do. Enjoy what YOU want to enjoy. FORGET about your ex. She is no longer in your life and you have no need whatsoever to please her in any way or to do the things she does!!! Get your elevator reset so it will once again stop at all floors.

 

It takes some people more time than others to recover from break ups. You didn't know it because you weren't paying attention but your girlfriend was getting over you long before she broke up with you. That's a strategy that many women use (it seems more than men), both in dating and married relationships. The woman feels hurt, ignored, unfullfilled, etc. so she starts pulling away emotionally over time. The man, being busy with work, TV, sports, friends, etc., sees this pulling away as a refreshing change which gives him more space to do his thing. Then one day, BINGO, she announces she is GONE...BYE BYE!!! And the man is left dazed and severely depressed, and hasn't even started the healing process.

 

So next time pay more attention and be sure you give your lady what she needs. Perhaps you did that but it wasn't exactly what she wanted. Who knows now and who cares? Just give yourself your own time to heal...your girl had a real good head start on the process. When you are ready, you will put out the good vibes that you welcome a new lady in your life and I promise you they will be there.

 

I unconditionally guarantee that you will not die or become disabled in any way if you don't have a date for a few months...or even a year. It is not fatal. But to require yourself to do so because your ex is doing so is, well I didn't want to come right out and say it, but it is ABSOLUTELY INSAME!!!

[Dragonflys]

BJ

 

We seem to be on a similar wavelength (check out my response to your response).

 

I am going through the healing process now. As Tony said, the same happened to me. She was well over me when she pulled the plug finally. I was useful because I was feeding her all these feelings and emotions. But I DO NOT blame her because I stayed and kept trying, she was honest with me all the way that there was likely no future for us.

 

Because of that I can move on feeling I did the best I could, and have no regrets. But in order to get over her better I have ceased all exclusive contact with her. Sure I see her, but I avoid direct eye contact, and feed her no emotional cabbage. I just talk about stuff or nothing.

 

Don't look at her lovingly, don't compare her to you, don't think about the past, don't care about her for a while. She does not want you, so don't want her.

 

Gradually, by using this technique I am beginning to look after myself, because I have more time to think about myself, and plans for myself. The past moves from the front of the mind to the back.

 

I felt low for a while, but the less emotional input I put into my thoughts of her, the better I feel about myself.

 

I wish you the best.

 

Oliver

I recently got dumped by my ex-GF. I have lots of friends, who are very4 supportive. Only problem is that My ex is with somebody, and I feel that because she is with somebody, I have to be with somebody, or I'm somehow less than her. This is especially painful on the weekends, so I always HAVE to be around my friends, and can't be alone because I know she's with somebody. I also feel like a loser, 'cause It's been so hard for me to find new women, even though it's only been a few months. I have to stop comparing myself to her, but her breaking up with me has caused great insecurities on my part.

[Deejette]

Lots of people move on to any relationship just to have somebody in their life, but they may carry the same patterns with them that will ruin the new relationship as well. I have been one who has always had a backup system in case of failure with the man I am with. This creates its own problems because instead of facing the hurt, I gloss over it and bury it. But it is still there, hiding under the surface and may erupt in strange ways.

While her breaking up with you certainly hurt, you didn't want somebody staying with you who didn't want to be there. That would be certifiably insane on youR part and we know you aren't crazy.

 

What is a bit irrational is your need to have someone because you ex has someone. If youR ex breaks her leg, would you like yours broken as well. The two of you are different people, she is completely out of your life, and to base your needs ON where she is in her life is to give up your entire being to the past. Do what YOU want to do. Enjoy what YOU want to enjoy. FORGET about your ex. She is no longer in your life and you have no need whatsoever to please her in any way or to do the things she does!!! Get your elevator reset so it will once again stop at all floors. It takes some people more time than others to recover from break ups. You didn't know it because you weren't paying attention but your girlfriend was getting over you long before she broke up with you. That's a strategy that many women use (it seems more than men), both in dating and married relationships. The woman feels hurt, ignored, unfullfilled, etc. so she starts pulling away emotionally over time. The man, being busy with work, TV, sports, friends, etc., sees this pulling away as a refreshing change which gives him more space to do his thing. Then one day, BINGO, she announces she is GONE...BYE BYE!!! And the man is left dazed and severely depressed, and hasn't even started the healing process. So next time pay more attention and be sure you give your lady what she needs. Perhaps you did that but it wasn't exactly what she wanted. Who knows now and who cares? Just give yourself your own time to heal...your girl had a real good head start on the process. When you are ready, you will put out the good vibes that you welcome a new lady in your life and I promise you they will be there. I unconditionally guarantee that you will not die or become disabled in any way if you don't have a date for a few months...or even a year. It is not fatal. But to require yourself to do so because your ex is doing so is, well I didn't want to come right out and say it, but it is ABSOLUTELY INSAME!!!