How can I deal with my low self asteem issues?

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

well u see i am very ugly. Ass ugly if u will and i dont have any friends. im at a new school and although i do chat around with peoples and make them laugh i still dont exaclty click with them on the friend level. i have this enoying nick name (50 cent ) because i look all grown up and adult like when i just turned 15. how do i get friends and block out my negative thoughts about my appearence?

[Heartfelt]

It's all about personality. Smile a lot, be happy and out going. You can't expect positive responses all the time, just don't let it bother you if you don't get one and move on. Get into a habit of introducing yourself to people and remember their names when you first meet them, and always extend a handshake when you see them again the next day or so. And do a firm handshake, also look them in the eye when you do. Don't dog yourself on your looks too much, we are usually our own worse judge. Hope this helps.

[fredrolin]

not to kick you when your down, but it's "esteem" not asteem.

 

I too have suffered and still do from low self esteem. I always felt I wasn't good enough. I was shy.

 

I finally got to the point where I realized that I only have this one life and I had better start living it. I forced myself to be outgoing and made friends and opened up.

 

I have learned that most people love to talk about themselves. A good listener always makes a popular friend.

[guccigirl]

You can do so many thing to change your appearance. I mean if you have bad skin go to doctor.if you fat loose weight. get a new hair cut. there are a million ways to make yourself more attractive if that willmake you feel better. real friends dont care what you look like. maybe its yor own issues keeping you from connecting with other. dont be scared. nothing ventured nothing gained

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

Im not fat, im just dark skinned and have exama(sp), and im ugly, just plain ugly. well the only friend i had was my pet parakeet and he was the only person i ever loved, yes i dont like any of my family memebers, no this is not out of childish anger but out of complete and utter hatred of every apect of them. well anyway sadly on christmas day 2001 my best and only friend died and i am afraid of replacing his memory with ones of undesearving peoples who only want to gain something from me like school work awnsers and stuff. so how do i cope with the devastating death of my friend who each day i think about to the near point of tears?

[Pookette]

Well, I don't know if you've considered talking to a counselor? Perhaps you can get on some medication that will lessen your depression. There are also medications for eczema that you can use.

 

Is there something that you do, a hobby or sport that can take your mind off of things?

 

Is there another school you can go to if the one you are in is dragging you down? If people want answers from you in school, you must be pretty smart, right? Try for a gifted student class of some kind.

 

If you find one thing about yourself you are proud of, it will be easier to find more and more.

 

Where did you buy your parakeet? If you got it from a breeder, perhaps you could get a brother or sister of your parakeet?

 

Hang in there though, I'm rooting for you!

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Although she hasn't died, my sister is my closest and best friend, and I moved away from her 3 years ago. When I moved to my new place, I didn't get too close to other girls because I felt like I would be betraying the closeness that my sister and I have and I didn't want to replace her. Then I read a quote one day along the lines that your heart is never too small that it doesn't have enough room to love someone else. And sense, then I have been making other close relationships with girls. People are going to walk in and out of your life, and unfortunately some are going to be taken away from us when we don't want them to. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't let other people into your life. Life is about living in the present and enjoying what the present offers. The same person that makes you happy today, someone else can come along tomorrow and top that person. But when you limit yourself, you miss out on so much.

 

As far as you considering yourself unattractive, beauty is subjective. What one person may find ugly another person may not. So in my opinion when it comes to physical attractiveness, there's really no set standard. And I'm sure there are people you've met or seen on television that you did not consider to be physically attractive, but people liked them and they even have romantic interests. As one post said, its all about personality. Self-confidence can be very sexy and attracting. When you are sure of yourself and you like yourself for what you have inside and what you have to offer, it's sexy. You don't have to look all that good physically or be drop dead gorgeous for that matter. I have eczema also. And if that's what your main concern is, there are things you can do to prevent breakouts and treat the ones that you have. You can clear your skin with a skin care regiment, or seek out medication and ointments for it. It's treatable and can be handled. But above all else, open your heart to other people, stop worrying about them taking advantage of you, and work on your personality. There are plenty of books out on the market to help you do so.

[longlegzs80]

It sounds like you need to focus on yourself and try to find people who will be positive in your life. I find myself the same way. But I have been told I am very attractive etc., but how do you believe that when all you do is get negative remarks from others or think of that stuff yourself.

 

So, what you should do is change up your look alittle bit. This is totally a choice made by you, but I find with myself that if I change my hairstyle or put on mascarra for the day, it helps me not feel ugly like I normally feel. Try doing something on those lines by changing alittle bit of your appearance. But do this for yourself. Don't do it because someone says your ugly because what the hell does that person know.

 

Focus on yourself and learn to accept the fact that whether your ugly, pretty, tall or short, fat or thin, that is who you are and you can change that stuff that your not happy about as far as your appearance goes. But also focus on finding people who are going to be positive in your life because that is what everyone needs.

 

I find that the people that I know in my family are very negative to me, and I have a mother who pretty much says I am fat because I am not 140 like I used to be. Those people you need to shut out of your life. Stick to finding something that is attractive on you and play it up. Get the negative people out of your life and focus on a more positive light.

 

I know easier said then done, but it would make life so much easier. Hope this has helped. Take care.

[De Rossi]

You have to remember that you are going through a very weird time in your life. when i was 15 I also felt like an ugly duckling and I also moved a lot. high school will seem so silly later on in your life. who knows your looks might change as you get older. And it is true that you don't have to be the best looking person in the world, people are drawn to those who have confidence and a good attitude.

 

Keep in mind that you are not the only one that feels the way you do. It sounds like you have trouble letting people into your life. when you have the desire to meet people and are willing to be friendly to anyone it will show and people will feel mare comfortable approaching you. Maybe the people you think are out to get you have the very same problems and insecurity you have.

 

One thing that i learned in grade school is that if you are nice to people for long enough they will eventually open up. some people appear arrogant at first when they are really just shy and insecure.don't look for friends that might gain you popularity look for friends that you have things in common with. Also remember that sometimes you find friendships in the people you would last expect. be open to anyone. But the thing is, people can give you advise until they turn blue in the face. You have to decide to make the change. it wont always be this hard I promise you. keep your head up and your thoughts positive.

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

I found out that the gurl whom i liked doesnt even have enough regard for me to even tell me she doesnt. I wish that i was dead tho, or atleast in somewere alone by myself. well im ugly 100% ugly. no gurls would ever like me, no one would ever even talk to me. im not smart. What do i do when i have absolutly no reason to live?

[newcommer]

I AM SORRY, BUT I JUST DO NOT BELIEVE YOU, God does not make humans so ugly nobody likes them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I tell you that yes, people are ugly, but it is their personality which makes them beautiful. Humor is the biggest thing. Humor can make the ugliest person the most beautiful. Women will like you. Your too young to date. Trust me, work on developing your sense of humor and be more outgoing and charming and you will notice how much more attractive women will find you. Go to church!!! Trust me, go to church! Develop your social skills there and then take it to the next level and be out going outside of church.

[moimeme]

found out that the gurl whom i liked doesnt even have enough regard for me to even tell me she doesnt. I wish that i was dead tho, or atleast in somewere alone by myself. well im ugly 100% ugly. no gurls would ever like me, no one would ever even talk to me. im not smart. What do i do when i have absolutly no reason to live?

 

First of all, your self-worth should not depend on others. It is up to you to learn to love you - and then you won't care what anybody thinks. Everybody is beautiful to somebody. You just haven't found the right somebody yet. And just because one girl isn't interested does not mean no girl will be.

 

Others have suggested that you see a counsellor and I agree. Go see your school counsellor tomorrow because you need someone to tell you this stuff face-to-face.

[white_angelbreath]

First of all, your self-worth should not depend on others. It is up to you to learn to love you - and then you won't care what anybody thinks. Everybody is beautiful to somebody. You just haven't found the right somebody yet. And just because one girl isn't interested does not mean no girl will be.

 

I agree.

 

Before others can see your beauty, you must first discover it on your own your true inner beauty. You'll never know you might discover a treasure buried in there!

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

Im not someone who comes to a conclusion with out a thurow analysis. I have lost everything i have ever loved and well i just wont go back. Love to me now mean nothing. There is no inner treasure when my ship has sunk empty. God may not make mistakes but i must be pretty close. Not were i live do people look at inner beauty, if you are ugly (like i am) then you would most likely comit scuicide. Is it so bad to just be alone and truelly unloved?

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Stunna:

 

I'm pretty sure you did not fall in love with every person you met in your life, and I'm pretty sure you didn't think everyone was beautiful or good looking. So why do you feel everyone should think you're good looking? There are over 6 billion people in the world, all of which you have met. So to come to the conclusion that you are ugly based on what less of a fraction of 6 billion may have told you is overgeneralizing, and an overgeneralization is inaccurate.

 

Above all, you should concentrate more on who you are inside than what you look like on the outside. There are plenty of good looking people out there that are no good or don't have a clue. Do you want to be one of those? Nobody's perfect. Sometimes our imperfections show on the outside as well as the inside. You can go crawl under a rock or you can make the most of what you got. But no one's going to be attracted to you if you don't love yourself first.

[sienna]

As you get older and hang out with more mature people you might see that more mature people accept the should I say not so attractive people. You havent found out yet but some people prefer personality to looks. I am very attractive and went out with a guy who was so so. I found his personality to be very attractive to me .....so you see its not all looks for everyone of us. If it can be changed like a nose job that will make you feel better do it!!!!!!!!! Good Luck to you hon Love Sienna

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

personality doesnt count. althought u might have went out with that so so guy still the past tense was went and so u tossed him to the curve. i bet he looked 100 times better than me so were do i draw inspiration when i look like something scrapped under your shoe.

[De Rossi]

What you are saying to everyone is starting to scare me. You talk of death and suicide and that is serious! Maybe you can talk to a school counselor. Looks are not that important in life. You have to find yourself and like yourself, before people can see the real you! Remember you are your worst critic. Your so critical on your self. Stop beating your self up and only focus on the positive. I tried to hurt my self before and I'm so happy now! what if I had been successful? Things will not get better until you make some kind of change. Please do, it is never to late. Be conscious of what you are saying to your self and don't allow it. think of something positive every time you think of something negative. Please, please, please!!!! You will find someone who cares I promise.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Stunna:

 

It seems like you're just destined to live in gloom for the rest of your life. Everyone here has given you good advice that you're not even considering. You're not even stopping to think that what others have to say may have some truth to it. You seem like you're more concern with the way you look than anybody else. If you were as good looking as you wish you were, you would probably be vain because you put way too much emphasis on looks. What about the person on the inside?

 

So my question is, if you're not considering what we say, why did you come here looking for advice? Did you want a pity party? There's alot of help out there for you in the form of school counseling, and books to help you build your self-esteem. If you're really interested in building yourself esteem up, take the necessary steps to do it instead of sitting in a corner feeling sorry for yourself. Looks are not everything to everybody.

 

There's alot of good looking people out there who actually think they're not good looking....look at Halle Berry. She thought she was ugly, and that's because she didn't feel good about herself inside. Even as good looking as she is, all of her husbands cheated on her. So that should tell you that looks eventually didn't mean enough to them to remain faithful to her.

 

Good looks may help you catch a girl or a man, but it doesn't make them stay. A relationship goes on far more substantial things. Having a great physique will not make your problems of low self esteem go away the way you think they would. You have deeper issues than that. Even if you were as good looking as you want to be, you'll still be imperfect. You'll still make mistakes and YES you will still be rejected! It's not going to magically change you into a better person, and not everyone is going to think you're good looking. There are alot of people in Hollywood that Hollywood considers good looking, and not everyone else.

 

So instead of worry about your shell, start working on what's truly important..the person inside. If you don't want to do that than what more could we do for you? We'll all start sounding like a broken record.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

And if people treat you rude or mean or "less than" because you're not as good looking as they want you to be, that's not your problem. That's there's. That's their ignorance. Why would you want to be around a bunch a people that only like you for the way you look anyway?

[A Friend]

What are your GOOD points, Stunna...? What are you good at? What do you like to do? Believe me, personality DOES count. Attitude DOES count. Is there no one to tell you these things? I know that it seems hopeless and you want to give up, but EVERYONE goes through that. Strength of character comes through getting over things you can't change and really focussing on the things you CAN change.

 

Find the things that you love to do and DO them, with avengance! Nobody else can make you feel what you want to feel. You have to feel that for yourself, reinvent yourself...if you have to change schools to do that, if you have to join a club, see a doctor, whatever you have to do. I have faith that you CAN get past this. Please don't give up.

[StunnaWitFlyIce]

i have considered every word of what these people are saying. i have ran these thoughts through my mind numerous times and still i dont see how that will change how i look. looks are everything around where i live so whats the use for personality. whats the use of smilling when theres always a cloud above you? thankz most of you for the advice. and councelers are useless. if i died then there still wont be a point. no one will care. i am alone and alone i shall remain. but thats not why i came here. i came here with the question of my self asteem issues about my appearance. not the issue of my personality. understand that before you try to analyze me, you know who im talking to. so once more to those who want to help me out. give me a specific and strait awnser. how can i change my self asteem towards my looks?

[moimeme]

how can i change my self asteem towards my looks

 

1. quit thinking looks are the most important thing. Once you finally understand that they mean little, then you will start to feel better. Placing your self-worth on your looks is foolish. There is much more to you than that.

 

A reality check here. Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez. Acknowledged to be beautiful, sexy women. Both of them twice divorced and still looking for love.

 

George Clooney - just about everybody on this board swoons over him. Married? No. You see stunning-looking people who are having exactly as much trouble as you are finding true love. Sure, they may date a lot - but so what? They can't find people to settle down with.

 

Check out the best-looking people around you. They get dumped as much as regular-looking people.

 

So forget about looks. It is absolutely your personality which will go the distance. Become kind, loving, and friendly and you'll have no trouble finding people to like you.

[De Rossi]

[how can i change my self esteem towards my looks?

 

 

Everyone has been telling you!!!! Looks are not that important !!!!!! Do you think that when Brad Pitt or some other great looking guy looks back on his life on his death bed he will say, What a great life, I was so damn good looking! Thank god!! Sure at times it has made things easier for him but life isn't all cookies and milk!! What do you think your purpose is????? Think about that if you can for a minute. Forget about everything on the outside and focus on the inside. Do something good for your community like volunteer somewhere. Try and feel better about who you are as a person and maybe you will care less about what you look like to others. What I'm trying to say is do something that will make you proud of who you are and everything else may seem less important. THAT, is what you should do about your self esteem.

[Heartfelt]

Originally posted by StunnaWitFlyIce

i have considered every word of what these people are saying. i have ran these thoughts through my mind numerous times and still i dont see how that will change how i look. looks are everything around where i live so whats the use for personality. whats the use of smilling when theres always a cloud above you? thankz most of you for the advice. and councelers are useless. if i died then there still wont be a point. no one will care. i am alone and alone i shall remain. but thats not why i came here. i came here with the question of my self asteem issues about my appearance. not the issue of my personality. understand that before you try to analyze me, you know who im talking to. so once more to those who want to help me out. give me a specific and strait awnser. how can i change my self asteem towards my looks?

 

 

 

 

Ya, looks can get you what you want sometimes but it's superficial in situations where life, love and true happiness counts. I don't know about you, but I care more about my friends than just what they look like. How can you change your self esteem towards your looks? You can start by knowing many go through the same fear every day. But stop focusing on your looks so friggin much. You're never going to change your own opinion about yourself. Sh*t man, can you walk? Can you hear? You obviously can see. Be thankful for what you do have and be thankful that you're alive! Many times I have been down on myself and depressed about situations I can't change. And when I get that way, I think of people who are going through a lot more sh*t than I am. No matter how bad life can be to you at times, know that there are many more going through much worse than you. The posters here have poured their hearts out to you and have tried to help you. Why can't you see that and absorb what's been said to you? You're a good guy no matter what you look like! Why worry so much about your looks? You're getting too down on yourself. I was at a club last night and saw this beautiful young woman in a wheel chair. Guess where I saw her at? On the dance floor! She was having a great time and nobody could have wiped that smile off of her face!