hope224 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 What is your view of a realistic good and fulfilling marriage? I realize this may seem hard to answer. Just say what comes to mind I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Two people working together, as equal partners, to support one another. Emotionaly, physically and otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hope224 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Come on guys, we need more posts than this! Maybe it would help to break it down a bit....do you think most happy/good marriages have feelings of love? Or do you think they are simply just a glorified friendship? Where does sex and attraction fit in? Do most happy marriages have that connection feeling? Emotional intimacy? Or is that too much to ask for? Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Come on guys, we need more posts than this! Maybe it would help to break it down a bit....do you think most happy/good marriages have feelings of love? Or do you think they are simply just a glorified friendship? Where does sex and attraction fit in? Do most happy marriages have that connection feeling? Emotional intimacy? Or is that too much to ask for? from where I sit the only good marriages are the ones that have ended or better, those that never happened in the first place, sorry Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Yes, some views are bound to be jaded, particularly in this forum. With 2 divorces behind me, you'd think I felt the same, but unlike those who cannot overcome their bitterness and negativity, I personally feel that providing you have the tripod in place, everything else fits perfectly. And my tripod's sitting beautifully, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Yes, some views are bound to be jaded, particularly in this forum. With 2 divorces behind me, you'd think I felt the same, but unlike those who cannot overcome their bitterness and negativity, I personally feel that providing you have the tripod in place, everything else fits perfectly. And my tripod's sitting beautifully, thanks. yeap, that's me Tara "jaded' lol, nice you wasted no time in getting a dig in at me. Quite frankly I'm really happy being single, I get sex and simple, light companionship when I want it without any sort of ongoing obligation to either party. It's taken awhile to get to this place, but I'm a lot happier than I ever was while I was married, my divorce was costly but well worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Remember how in the beginning of a relationship both people were oh so wanting and willing to please? The connection was fantastic! Then there's daily life being married. Little issues don't get resolved, grow into big issues, maybe big issues surface too...and nobody wants to change to keep the marriage healthy first, their selfish neuroses fighting to survive. Resentment grows. They stop trying to please each other, get more selfish, but truly are depressed, angry, and sad. The connection is no longer the priority...and that's where the mistakes are made. So make the connection. Talk through the issues and don't let them grow into big resentments--this is where most couples fail. Life can throw some crazy unforseen stuff at us, and we have to work through that stuff while still maintaining a strong connection. Don't shut down, don't detach, don't dig your heels in obstinantly. Sit down and look each other in the eye and find the way to fix whatever it is, and don't sweep it under the rug, ignore a partner, refuse to hear a partner. It's how well you negotiate difficulties that will be revealed long term. It's also how much you make the love between you the priority, not the selfish wants. Every couple has to work out the push and pull of the battle of wills. The smart ones will find the answer that pleases both partners, preserves the love, respect, and individuality. Don't only make the connection for the honeymoon period, maintain the connection, always and forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveDoesntHurt Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Hmmmm...I have been married 9 months and my husband has left me 4 times already?...i guess i know what a bad marriage is...not sure abt a good one? What is your view of a realistic good and fulfilling marriage? I realize this may seem hard to answer. Just say what comes to mind I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 yeap, that's me Tara "jaded' lol, nice you wasted no time in getting a dig in at me. No, not having a dig. Stating the obvious. Quite frankly I'm really happy being single, I get sex and simple, light companionship when I want it without any sort of ongoing obligation to either party. It's taken awhile to get to this place, but I'm a lot happier than I ever was while I was married, my divorce was costly but well worth it in the end. Well I'm happy you're happy, but you obviously haven't dropped the resentment, bitterness and disillusionment. But hey, if you want to keep those dragging around with you, and colouring your every relationship from now on - carry on, your choice. But you're effectively sabotaging any possibility of finding yourself in the comfort of the company of someone wonderful in your old age. As I said - whatever floats your boat. And good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
fencesitter Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 What is your view of a realistic good and fulfilling marriage? I realize this may seem hard to answer. Just say what comes to mind I guess. I think it starts with a deep respect for the humanity of the other person. A genuine fondness for their personality and enjoyment of their companionship. Every person is different, but for me, I would like to have a very strong sexual attraction to my spouse, with the understanding that it may wax and wane at times. A feeling of comfort and peace around the other person. A stable and safe foundation from which to launch into the world. I think shared values are important, whatever they may be. (Two crackheads can stay together forever!) Is family life important? Do you have compatible financial styles and beliefs about money? Is religion or spiritual involvement important? Community involvement? Do you prefer traditional male/female roles, or not? Etc. Being able to disagree respectfully and not have to power over the other person's opinions...an ability to leave things peacefully be and still retain closeness. The ability to be apart from time to time. Interdependence instead of co dependance or independence. I guess just the space to be yourself and the ease of knowing someone loves you unconditionally. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 No, not having a dig. Stating the obvious. Well I'm happy you're happy, but you obviously haven't dropped the resentment, bitterness and disillusionment. But hey, if you want to keep those dragging around with you, and colouring your every relationship from now on - carry on, your choice. But you're effectively sabotaging any possibility of finding yourself in the comfort of the company of someone wonderful in your old age. As I said - whatever floats your boat. And good luck with everything. This question was posted in the divorce forum, obviously there are going to be a certain percentage of people who feel that the best marriage is no marriage at all. You like being coupled? good for you, glad you've got your needs meet but I'm a lot happier single than I ever was married & I've recognized clearly that I'm not willing to make the kinds of sacrifices needed to enter a committed relationship ever again, the potential benefits simply don't outweigh the costs to me. As far as my old age goes, I've got extended family & friends plus a long term care policy, if I feel the need for more, I'll get a dog:) Link to post Share on other sites
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