Micheal Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 well this is my first time needing advice but i happen to stumble on this page at a good time for me ,because I've got a problem too.i guess i should start from the beginning,My ex and I first met in Indiana.I was in college and my sister was living with me.We first met actually through her ex ,i was a friend of his ,so she saw me with him a the time.her and her ex broke up after six years of hell and two kids.He went to jail and she started calling to just kick it but after a while we both fell for each other.To tell the truth it was rough. Her ex did some really bad things to her and really kinda messed up her confidence.But after a while she became very open and confident.this is when things were good.we never argued and we couldn't be separated.in total we were together little over a year.I loved her with all my heart and wanted to raise her kids as my own.I love them with all my heart too.well everything went good for awhile ,we had the normal problems for young people like money but it wasn't really a big deal and we always worked through them.the problems started when we moved in together.It was great because she really made me feel like i had home.but at the time i was really foolish and stubborn.I pretty much gave up on everything ,i was smoking weed all the time,and i dropped out of school also i wasn't even working.just heading for doom huh.well we startled arguing and the fights just got worse and worse.finally at the end we were punching walls and breaking things.we would never dare to hit each other but she sure broke stuff cared about but i also did the same. so after two months of living together ,we broke up. I moved out to my sisters house and at the time i was desperately in love with her.so i did the knukle head thing and called about 20 times which was dumb because all it was to drive her away.well i started working and saving money,all the while missing her.I had no contact with her for a year.then i got accepted to university of las vegas and with what savings i had. I moved to Vegas.well some time went by probably 3 months and then i wrote her a letter,i didn't except a response.but she wrote me back ,with her phone numbers on it.so i called of course and we talked it went very well.then lets say 3 days later i call her back.but this time i told her my birthday is coming up and if she would like to fly down for my birthday.she said yes and sounded excited.this is where it goes wrong .we hung up with her saying she would call me back.but no call,so i called no answer.i waited a day called again ,left message ,no call back.so this went on for a week i called probably 5 times leaving 2 messages and nothing.I didnt even care she left me hanging but i was worried ,i thought maybe something happened.well this is were it is left now my birthday will be here soon and no ex.i just dont understand why she would do all this and leave me hanging .while we talking though she told me she only had one guy and they slept together , it was rough to hear but i had girls too.but i was happy because she said she was still single and so was I.also that it wasnt more than one guy.i also asked her if she missed me ,she said a couple of times and she asked me and of course i missed u. I love this girl with all my heart so much its making me depressed being without her still even to this day.If i had the chance i would do everything i could to make things work,she the one i want to marry and have a family with.none of the other girls have even compared to her.and they all had looks ,money,etc..but still i would of chose my ex any-day.well at the moment i really lost and i don't know what to do .i know calling isn't doing much good..so someone who is an expert at love plz help,we both have trust issues after we broke up.i trust noone anymore with my heart because i cant take getting hurt.again.and the only 2 things i want out is her and to be sucessful.well thx for reading this and for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Did you ever hear that she was ok? If not, is there anybody you can call to check if she's ok? It is legitimate to worry about someone if she's supposed to call you back and you can't reach her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 no i never heard from her again my sis still live in the same town but she hate my ex so i really cant do anything now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 please give me some ideas of what i should do at this point.thx Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 She could have been called to go visit a sick relative. Anything could have happened. You could try leaving a message to ask her just to let you know she's ok. You can try emailing or writing a letter. I think it's rude of her to not have the decency to at least call you back and say she's not interested or something rather than leaving you to worry and wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 do you guys think i should tell her how i feel about her??? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Seems you'd have nothing to lose if you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 i took your advice and left a message saying i was just wondering if shes ok ,you kinda left me worrying and wondering ,i also said she should of had the decency to tell me she not interested,im not a little kid,hope your ok and much love peace .... thx for the quotes,well see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
nycpetiti Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I am just wondering why you stopped working, started smoking all that weed, and it became doom and gloom. I am not writing that to ask a question to make you feel bad...as a matter of fact, my situation was similar with my ex in the sense that we fought a lot when we moved in together...for us I believe it was because he was not happy with himself, his work, his career, and his finances were a mess..all things he did not share with me when we met. After we moved in together, I learned of his debts, which were sizeable, did what I could to assist him in devising a budget, which was a whole new concept for him. He had/has big dreams, huge ideas and lives in a fantasy world. Is there any chance that you were not really all that happy when you were together? I mean, why did you lose so much of 'you?' As for calling her..you have now done about all you can do aside from calling a family member of hers on her behalf. N Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 you hit it kinda on the button but for me i got to used to my life and after a while i just gave up.not till i had to work did i and not till i to goto school did i .also when we broke up i was left with nothing and i dont know about other dudes but i couldnt just be nothing so i kinda got back into the things i loved all along like old hobbies i enjoyed,but i do still smoke weed but i dont just sit around smoking all day its more of once or twince a day because i understand if you smoke alot it will make you depressed and un sensitive to the world around you.it wasnt that i was unhappy with my ex i was disappointed in myself .**** my ex was the only really good thing in my life at the time but even with all her help .its one of those things you have to get over yourself and come to an understanding with.no matter what anyone did it wouldnt of helped till i wanted to help myself,well i dont know how much help this is but hope it helps anyways Link to post Share on other sites
nycpetit Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Is there any chance you want to talk to my ex? He seriously is/has been in the same situation now for over a year. He is working, but his issues just continue..and even he has said a million times that he has to get himself together, is depressed, needs meds, needs to maybe talk to someone, get out of his neverending debt..but I am the only one he would discuss the extent of this unhappiness, job dissatisfaction, and bills with. It became something I was obviously not helping him with....because i think given the seriousness of our relationship he felt a certain level of responsibility that he was not able to offer...and was not able to do. Financially he was a mess, and while I helped him out of it once (not paying it, but making a budget for him...only after he asked me to help him out with it)....he then turned around and did it again. It was just ridiculous. And who "paid" for this...me...not financially but emotionally..he took out ALL his anger, frustrations and the like on me. I was blamed for ruining his jobs, his life, his mind...and blah, blah, blah He has maintained since moving that he needs to get "himself" together..but after eight months I don't see him doing it at all. And I got tired of being the reason there was no world peace that said, if you were able to tell him what you just wrote me...maybe there would be hope for him, and us...but I guess not he would likely be too angry anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 sure ill tell i dont care but serously he has to want and have a reason to change.For my self i didnt want to raise a family that i was the dad who hated life instead i want to teach my family to enjoy life and have fun love not hate.nothing is this world is forever so u got to make most of what u got.that being said.its not right for him to blame his faults on u.it seems he wont be careing about how hes making you feel.he has to relize what his problems are and try to fix them.thats the only way he'll be happy, it probably doesnt have much to do with u ,hes just venting butt its not kool to blame u or make u feel bad and he needs to relize that to or thats another problem youll have down the line,a very smart strong lady always tells me this "work hard today and things will get little better tomorrow and little by little things get better " thats the one lady whos never let me down ever my mother aaww.seems he forgot what made him happy in the first place and anger never helps just hurts Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 What would I do in this situation? One thing all this relationship breakup stuff is causing within me is struggling to comprehend humanities desire to hurt others. But here I dont know. I aint that sure on US geography, but I think like this - I have met online since losing my ex many many women. I have slept with some and dated others. I have grown as a person and tried also to comprehend and understand what is going on in people's heads. But I understand onwe thing now. If things are meant to be they will happen. This woman, short of her being 'indisposed' due to an accident or something aint worth your attention. You may even be thinking about her when the woman whom you are destined to be walks by. You get should now give back what you receive - noting then give nothing. I would message and say "look, I dont know if you are OK buyt I just want to tell you I have been thinkin about you. I think you are a top person and no matter what I hope you have a fulfilled life. If you dont want to contact me then so be it, but I am leaving the door open for you. Goodbye." And walk away. Grieve, but dont contact her. Meet others, move on. And for the love of God!! Get some help and improve yourself man! Get off drugs and be the person you can be! In 20 years you will look back at yourself and wonder what you did to become who you are. Dont let it be that you look back with dread! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Micheal Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 hey im not a druggie i just smoke herb and only once or twice a day but thx for advice seems like the overall opion Link to post Share on other sites
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