How can I show him that I'm sorry?

[Full of Regret]

I apologize if I start to ramble but I feel like a complete mess right now. I've just been going over everything that's happened again and again.

 

I've been married to my husband for just over 15 years now. I met him when I was 19 and he was 20. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. We were both fairly introverted at the time, so when we first met each other we just "clicked". We had the same interests and the same views, I remember thinking that we were perfect for each other in those few years. We got married 3 years later.

 

I got a job in a small computing firm, he got a job as a marriage counsellor. We saved enough money to buy our own house soon after. We had arguments and problems like any couple but nothing too serious. My husband is a logistical and calm person, so we could usually work out our problems peacefully. So everything was fine for the first 5 years of our relationship.

 

We then decided to that we wanted a baby since we were financially and emotionally ready. After just under a year of trying I was pregnant. I had to eventually leave my job, which wasn't an issue for me. I gave birth to a baby girl without any complications. I remember that during the pregnancy, and the year after, I was a completely different person. My husband supported me during all of this, told me he understood that I was going through changes, and that he was willing to be patient.

 

I was genuinely content with being a stay at home mum for my daughter. I remember that since I was out of work the bills started overwhelming us. My mother would come over every day and look after my daughter while I got a part-time job back at the computer firm.

 

I guess I began to take everything for granted next. I became friends with a male co-worker who was a year younger than me. Of course we became too close. I don't have any excuse for why I did it, only that I feel disappointed that I lost control of my emotions like this. We began a year long EA than a PA soon after. My husband, being both a marriage counsellor and adept at noticing people's signals had suspicions for a long time. Four days ago he confronted me with proof. I'm staying at my parent's house, with my daughter. My husband is back at home. We have stayed in contact but he is only willing to speak to my daughter and my parents.

 

The man I married works hard, is supportive, communicative, kind, loyal, and completely unselfish and I threw it all in his face. The last time I saw him, he was crying, shaking, pale, and unable to speak. I can't get that image out of my head. My parents have been supportive but I know that they are disappointed in me too. I don't know what to say to my daughter, I tell her that it isn't her fathers fault but I can think of anything else to say. I still go to work but completely avoid the male co-worker. I bottle everything up at work then I go home and turn into an emotional mess.

 

I don't want to lose my husband or my marriage but I know there is a very large chance that I will. He has told me that infidelity is one thing that he won't forgive, mostly because of the abusive actions of his father and because of the number of repeat cases he has had at his job.

 

I feel lost. I don't know how to deal with this. I love my husband and I betrayed him completely. What can I do?

[betterdeal]

Ouch. That's a tough situation for everyone. I guess that to start with, you have to start from where you are i.e. you are separated. I'd suggest you consider taking some time off work, using some holiday entitlement, to get yourself out of that place with that other guy, which is putting you under more stress.

 

In the medium term, have you considered moving job? Again, to get you out of that stress point. Your child's stability and happiness has to be paramount, and you coming home stressed will be affecting her.

 

I feel it will be a long haul before you and your husband reach a stable, trusting arrangement with each other, but that's what will benefit all three of you. You and he will have to work through your own individual issues separately in order to be able to work through your shared issues.

 

As for your guilty feelings, remember you're only part of the situation. You're still responsible for your actions, but so is your husband for his inability to forgive and your co-worker for having an affair with you. Regret harm done, of course, but guilt tends to tie us down to the past, and that ruins the present and future as a result.

 

Good luck.

[Audacia]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm a BS but my H was/is willing to work hard to save our marriage. He also disclosed the A which was a big plus in his favor. He was full of remorse and guilt. I saw that and it helped. It helped that I could SEE he loved me and was sorry. At first his words didn't mean anything so it was imperative his actions speak louder than his words. But don't let your guilt overshadow his pain.

 

I understand how him being a MC makes him skeptical. But he has to have clients who have succeeded. My MC had an A. His W forgave him and they have been together for years. They have grandkids now.

 

Just hang in there. Don't let the guilt eat you up. Just try to hold on with everything you have. The balls in his court. And maybe once the shell shock, which from what you described is what he's going through, wears off he will be ready to talk. Just remember he is in pain. From first hand experience, I felt like I was loosing my mind the first month.

[whichwayisup]

You do counselling on your own and fix yourself. You quit your job and find another one. NO WAY will your husband even consider working things out with you as long as you're working with the co worker. You can tell him you're in NC mode and you ignore the OM until you're blue in the face, how is he supposed to trust you? That you don't see or talk/email/text with the guy while at work?

 

Quit your job, find another one.

 

Focus on being a good mom to your daughter, allow your H time and space. Let him know that you are seeking (or going to be) counselling and you hope he can give you ONE chance to prove yourself again. But, you HAVE to cut ALL contact off with the co worker. I do hope you have been in NC mode with him.

 

Sadly, your consquences are tough..You knew that your H doesn't put up with cheating, that you would lose everything if you did cheat in the marriage..You did anyway...That's why you need to do counselling to figure out why you threw away your relationship, marriage and life with your H.

[whichwayisup]

remember you're only part of the situation. You're still responsible for your actions, but so is your husband for his inability to forgive and your co-worker for having an affair with you.

 

The thing is, he doesn't have to forgive her or give her another chance. She knew he has no tolerance for cheating..Before she chose and allowed the A to start, she KNEW this information about her H, so it isn't his inability to forgive, he's just one who won't forgive and doesn't want. And, that's okay, not everybody wants to give their cheating spouse a second chance.

[Steadfast]

...I remember thinking that we were perfect for each other in those few years...*snip*

The man I married works hard, is supportive, communicative, kind, loyal, and completely unselfish and I threw it all in his face.

 

You expressed a lot of emotions in your post, but only tossed in the fact that you 'love' him at the end of it; almost as an afterthought. In my opinion we don't cheat on someone we're in love with. However, people can, and do cheat on someone they respect and admire because they simply want more...for whatever reason. Those reasons can be widespread and varied.

 

Your relationship was laid out like a corporate battle plan. Structured. I didn't detect any passion or fire. Big red flag.

 

The remainder of your post expresses regret over hurting him, your child and not enjoying the way you are currently being viewed by your family. It is entirely possible you fear the consequences of your actions more than the action itself...but I can assure you at the bottom of your husband's pain is your decision to do what you did. Fragile, like freedom and other things we often take for granted, infidelity attacks the very foundation of a marriage; ending it. What is your husband feeling? That you replaced and betrayed him in the most sacred, personal area of your lives.

 

All you can do is let him know you're willing to do whatever it takes to restore your relationship. This doesn't have to be the end of it, but if he changes his mind and decides to try again, be aware there will be those who consider him a fool for doing so. Which means his self-esteem will be attacked from both inside, and out. Not an easy path for either of you.

 

It may be best to let him go and find the kind of love he deserves. Most cheaters cheat again, and for the same reasons. A repeat action might finish him off for good.

[Full of Regret]

Thank you for your advise everyone.

 

I've been speaking with my parents all day and they have brought up many of the same points that you have which is good to know.

 

I've decided to call my boss tomorrow and quit my job ASAP. I ended the affair as soon as my husband found out. I think his reaction snapped me out of the affair fog far faster than it should have. I've also removed my co-worker from all my contact lists. While I do still feel some attraction to him, I also feel equally repulsed.

 

My parents printed off a list of counsellors yesterday, I plan on visiting a few over the next few days to find one that is right for me.

 

My husband and I have agreed to provide as much support as we can for our daughter. We have no intentions of turning her against each other. I've tried to control my emotions around her but it is just so difficult. We've tried our best to hide the entire situation from her but she is a smart girl. I think she has inherited her father's intuition.

 

I know that my husband completely despises his father's actions, which led to his mother's suicide. I can understand why he would be react the way he has. I just can't believe that I would ever hurt my husband like this.

[Lance22]

As a man who has just been throught this I can give share my experience. When I found out we went to couselling a couple of times and I had a small part of me that made me want to work it out. The first step was to ask her to cut off all contact with several people she had been sleeping with. She wasnt happy but said she would and then I caught her contacting them again. Needless to say we are in the process of splitting and moving to separate homes now. It's tough but life does go on after these sort of things.

 

Figure out why you did it, if you can't, you'll do it again. Before you put your H thru the pain of trying to reconcile you need to be 500% commited, changing jobs if possible and promising never to see the OM again is a start but it will be a long road before he ever trusts you again if ever. If you are willing to do that you have a chance, it happens for some couples, however some people can never get over the betrayal and the relationship is never the same.

 

Mine was wrecked and it takes at least 3 months to feel even remotely normal. It will take time but I know I made the right decision. Good luck but at the very least don't do it again. You have been selfish and caused a lot of people a lot of pain.

[jnj express]

Do you think---you cheated, cuz you missed the normal dating that most people go thru from ages 16 to 26---when they are single, and experience life---they so to speak sow their wild oats---You on the other hand took on a H., and mge., and missed experiencing life

 

You were in a mge that possibly also became stagnant

 

What were you looking for---you knew it was very wrong, and you had your A., anyway---

 

If you can come up with the WHY---maybe you can go to your H., with answers, and try to convince him to give you a 2nd chance---even go so far as to agree to a POST--NUP.

 

To have any hope you need to convince him, you know why, and you know what needs to be done to have a mature relationship---and convince him, that you have learned, and you can be a proper wife

 

You are gonna have to overcome his sub--conscious, which will fight you every step of the way---but is your mge., child., and H. worth it

 

Bombard him with the things he loves/likes---do everything you can for him---ask him out on a date

 

In other words---START ALL OVER---your mge., is dead---start a new relationship from the ashes of the old!!!!

[Full of Regret]

I knew what the consequences of having an affair were yet I did it anyway. I realize that it was immature and selfish, and that I have no excuse. I fully intend to work out my own issues so that I will never hurt my husband again. I am willing to do anything in order to show my husband that I love him. I know that talk is cheap and that he may never forgive me but I want him to know that I am genuinely remorseful for my actions.

 

I'm sorry that your wife hurt you Lance. I hope you can find a woman that truely respects you.

 

Do you think---you cheated, cuz you missed the normal dating that most people go thru from ages 16 to 26---when they are single, and experience life---they so to speak sow their wild oats---You on the other hand took on a H., and mge., and missed experiencing life

 

You were in a mge that possibly also became stagnant

To the first question: No. We were both fairly introverted and were never really interested in going to parties or casual sex or anything like that. We are still like this so I don't think that is the issue. I guess we aren't the fun couple.

 

The marriage becoming stagnant? I don't think it was...maybe I am in denial. Before the affair we would both communicate and be honest with each other, sex three times a week lasting up to an hour, we went on dates, gave each other space when we needed it, made time to be intimate when we needed it, we were physically and emotionally affectionate. When the "spark" started to fade from our marriage as it does with time, we both worked hard to relight it. We worked hard to keep things fresh, learned from my parent's experiences as well as my husband's work experiences. My husband told me he was happy and I believe I thought I was happy.

 

You expressed a lot of emotions in your post, but only tossed in the fact that you 'love' him at the end of it; almost as an afterthought. In my opinion we don't cheat on someone we're in love with. However, people can, and do cheat on someone they respect and admire because they simply want more...for whatever reason. Those reasons can be widespread and varied.

 

Your relationship was laid out like a corporate battle plan. Structured. I didn't detect any passion or fire. Big red flag.

 

The remainder of your post expresses regret over hurting him, your child and not enjoying the way you are currently being viewed by your family. It is entirely possible you fear the consequences of your actions more than the action itself...but I can assure you at the bottom of your husband's pain is your decision to do what you did. Fragile, like freedom and other things we often take for granted, infidelity attacks the very foundation of a marriage; ending it. What is your husband feeling? That you replaced and betrayed him in the most sacred, personal area of your lives.

While that message did hurt, I do feel like I need to reply since my initial post might have sounded a bit self centered. I love my husband. I'll understand if you don't believe me but I truly love my husband. Yes, we have passion, fire, and spontaneity in our marriage. We both know that we have to plan ahead at times too. Is that a bad thing?

 

I believe part of the reason I cheated was because I had taken my husband for granted. That may not be the whole truth and hopefully IC can help reveal more.

 

As for the last paragraph, maybe you're right. Am I a bad person? Did I just make a life altering mistake? I don't know what I can say.

Edited April 30, 2011 by Full of Regret

[betterdeal]

The thing is, he doesn't have to forgive her or give her another chance. She knew he has no tolerance for cheating..Before she chose and allowed the A to start, she KNEW this information about her H, so it isn't his inability to forgive, he's just one who won't forgive and doesn't want. And, that's okay, not everybody wants to give their cheating spouse a second chance.

 

Yes, what have I said contrary to this?

Edited April 30, 2011 by betterdeal

[Lance22]

One thing strikes me that is you still have an attraction to the OM. Do you want to return to your husband for stability and convenience or real love? You really need to examine why you did what you did and what you truely want. Men and wemon both cheat however they tend to do it for different reasons. For men it's mostly is physical, women seem more complicated; sometimes its trading sex for affection or other emotional reasons. From experience I know having a child completely changes womens emotions and it's difficult for men to understand this sometimes and the relationship changes.

 

Take a deep breath and decide what you really want - Some of the post's have been harsh on you but what I eventually found is that you have to look after yourself first and then you can look after your children properly. If it's still early days of being caught you are not in a fit state to make a decision and neither is H. Step back and decide where and who you want to be with. My x wanted to get back or said maybe we will in future however I know it's dead for me. It's naturally hard to let go of the familiar. This seems to happen to everyone at one point or another - but you did it for a reason, something was missing.

[Full of Regret]

You're right PR, the timeline in the first post is a bit vague. I just can't think clearly right now. I'll try to type up a more specific timeline tomorrow.

[TurboGirl]

Full of Regret...

 

Tell your hubby that you are his wife not a "client." This will take some time for him to see that you are truly remorseful and will to commit 100% to the marriage.

 

I don't think you threw it in his face... did you tell him you wanted a divorce? or did you tell him you wanted to work it out? Why on earth did you leave and go to your Mother's house with your child?

 

Your H sounds pretty rigid, and as a counselor he should know that people do make mistakes. (hopefully he has not become cynical due to his work) I hope that you will put forth the effort to recommit, and hopefully he will forgive. This won't get fixed overnight.

[whichwayisup]

You're right PR, the timeline in the first post is a bit vague. I just can't think clearly right now. I'll try to type up a more specific timeline tomorrow.

 

The specific timeline isn't that important, with details..It's best for your own safety not to share too much detail that could identify you and someone just passing through this place could figure out who you are. Lots of people change dates around, kids too, instead of saying 2 sons, they'll say 2 daughters..Just to protect their private life and identity. So if you don't feel comfortable going into exact detail about everything, it's okay.

 

Your H sounds pretty rigid, and as a counselor he should know that people do make mistakes. (hopefully he has not become cynical due to his work) I hope that you will put forth the effort to recommit, and hopefully he will forgive. This won't get fixed overnight.

 

I hope her H sees the effort she's making, counselling and quitting her job so maybe he'll change his mind. Though as she mentioned her H doesn't tolerate cheating. MC or not, it's his personal view.

[John Michael Kane]

I apologize if I start to ramble but I feel like a complete mess right now. I've just been going over everything that's happened again and again.

 

I've been married to my husband for just over 15 years now. I met him when I was 19 and he was 20. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. We were both fairly introverted at the time, so when we first met each other we just "clicked". We had the same interests and the same views, I remember thinking that we were perfect for each other in those few years. We got married 3 years later.

 

Sounds nice.

 

I got a job in a small computing firm, he got a job as a marriage counsellor. We saved enough money to buy our own house soon after. We had arguments and problems like any couple but nothing too serious. My husband is a logistical and calm person, so we could usually work out our problems peacefully. So everything was fine for the first 5 years of our relationship.

 

Happy dandy.

 

We then decided to that we wanted a baby since we were financially and emotionally ready. After just under a year of trying I was pregnant. I had to eventually leave my job, which wasn't an issue for me. I gave birth to a baby girl without any complications. I remember that during the pregnancy, and the year after, I was a completely different person. My husband supported me during all of this, told me he understood that I was going through changes, and that he was willing to be patient.

 

I was genuinely content with being a stay at home mum for my daughter. I remember that since I was out of work the bills started overwhelming us. My mother would come over every day and look after my daughter while I got a part-time job back at the computer firm.

 

Okay...

 

I guess I began to take everything for granted next. I became friends with a male co-worker who was a year younger than me. Of course we became too close. I don't have any excuse for why I did it, only that I feel disappointed that I lost control of my emotions like this. We began a year long EA than a PA soon after. My husband, being both a marriage counsellor and adept at noticing people's signals had suspicions for a long time. Four days ago he confronted me with proof. I'm staying at my parent's house, with my daughter. My husband is back at home. We have stayed in contact but he is only willing to speak to my daughter and my parents.

 

And that's good you're taking the blame for your actions. To be blunt, the daughter should be in his care for now, not yours. Having an affair for a year shows that you really didn't value your marriage to him.

 

The man I married works hard, is supportive, communicative, kind, loyal, and completely unselfish and I threw it all in his face. The last time I saw him, he was crying, shaking, pale, and unable to speak.

 

Ahh here we are....the justifications. If he's such a good person, then why did you cheat? It's because you wanted to and you didn't care about him, your daughter, or yourself. You knew this was going to hurt him.

 

I can't get that image out of my head.

 

And I'm sure those memories of you and your co-worker OM will never leave your head also.

 

My parents have been supportive but I know that they are disappointed in me too. I don't know what to say to my daughter, I tell her that it isn't her fathers fault but I can think of anything else to say.

 

You are correct, there really isn't anything else to say. If you're trying to think of lies to tell her it would be wise not to. You've lied enough.

 

I still go to work but completely avoid the male co-worker.

 

You know going to work with the man is still a great disrespect to your husband and your marriage.

 

I bottle everything up at work then I go home and turn into an emotional mess.

 

Compartmentalization. A well known skill of cheaters, professional killers, and all other people with psychotic issues.

 

I don't want to lose my husband or my marriage but I know there is a very large chance that I will. He has told me that infidelity is one thing that he won't forgive, mostly because of the abusive actions of his father and because of the number of repeat cases he has had at his job.

 

Hopefully he'll follow through on his moral code and not let his discovery of finding out who you really are, throw him off track.

 

I feel lost. I don't know how to deal with this. I love my husband and I betrayed him completely. What can I do?

 

If you loved your husband you wouldn't be doing any of this. Honestly you should let the man go so he can find a woman who will not abuse him like this.

[John Michael Kane]

Thank you for your advise everyone.

 

I've been speaking with my parents all day and they have brought up many of the same points that you have which is good to know.

 

I've decided to call my boss tomorrow and quit my job ASAP. I ended the affair as soon as my husband found out. I think his reaction snapped me out of the affair fog far faster than it should have.

 

It didn't take you to see your husband hurt by your premeditated, cold actions for you to finally quit your job. You did it yourself. It seems from your posts and like all cheaters, you act on impulse. The fact that you can so easily move into a year-long affair and just drop it at the sound of an alarm shows how dangerous you are to your husband.

 

I've also removed my co-worker from all my contact lists.

 

Ya that's very better. After all this time you want to cut him off now.

 

While I do still feel some attraction to him, I also feel equally repulsed.

 

You know exactly why you feel that way. You were covertly having contact with this man for a year, which is a long time of lies and deception on your part.

 

My parents printed off a list of counsellors yesterday, I plan on visiting a few over the next few days to find one that is right for me.

 

You could've done that yourself if you were really remorseful.

 

My husband and I have agreed to provide as much support as we can for our daughter. We have no intentions of turning her against each other. I've tried to control my emotions around her but it is just so difficult. We've tried our best to hide the entire situation from her but she is a smart girl. I think she has inherited her father's intuition.

 

He's the one who's trying to keep it together for his daughter, not you.

 

I know that my husband completely despises his father's actions, which led to his mother's suicide. I can understand why he would be react the way he has. I just can't believe that I would ever hurt my husband like this.

 

And you knew all of that and that never stopped you from feeling entitled to cheat on your husband for a long time. Lets all recognize the red alarm here: If he hadn't found out you, like an immature child, would still be pissing on your marriage for God knows how long.

[John Michael Kane]

Full of Regret...

 

Tell your hubby that you are his wife not a "client."

 

Even though you are an unremorseful participant of infidelity (which shows why you would say this), I wouldn't be surprised if she did. It'll only show her husband even more how much she cares nothing of her marriage.

 

This will take some time for him to see that you are truly remorseful and will to commit 100% to the marriage.

 

Throwing the "wife" title around is useless and I don't see anywhere in her posts that stated this man is treating her like one of his "clients." She cheated and morally she has no say to run her mouth. Making smart ass comments like that will get her nowhere.

 

Your H sounds pretty rigid, and as a counselor he should know that people do make mistakes.

 

Yea he's rigid because he got cheated on and abused. Just because he's a counselor doesn't mean he has to forgive his wife, who cares nothing about him. Her posts are riddled with arrogance and self-entitlement. And lastly, what she did was not a mistake, even if it was just a ONS. This was something that was meticulously planned on her part.

 

(hopefully he has not become cynical due to his work)

 

He's human and he has a right to be pissed. His job doesn't mean he has to accept this trash from his WW.

 

I hope that you will put forth the effort to recommit, and hopefully he will forgive.

 

And what if he doesn't? He's bitter then.

 

This won't get fixed overnight.

 

Correct.

[devilishangelrjp]

This is a really bad situation. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he rejected you on principle. But part of me actually kinda feels sorry for the guilt you have experienced. He would be very noble to take you back, because you broke vows that you made before God. If you break such a vow, how can he trust you again?

 

Good luck.

[jnj express]

Hey Regret---now that more of your story is out---I don't know where you are coming from---you are either holding back something, or you don't know what you are doing

 

How is it you can have a year long A,---and then when you are "outed", stop cold turkey---just completely stop?????

 

Was this other guy---for sex only---where there no emotions----

 

Let me ask you this---DO YOU HAVE A HEART, at all---or are you just a cold robot

 

You have sex with the other man for a year---and then all of a sudden you can stop, just like that, no emotions at all for him (he is not due anything but bad karma himself for what he did---but to cold turkey a lover like that)---you cheat on your H., and child for a year---and you don't care enuff about them---to not cheat

 

What is your real true story?????

 

You looked your H., square in the eyes for one full year, and every single night you told him, every thing was fine---we are good---even as many of those nights you had probably just come home from having sex---with your lover

 

How can you claim to love/wanna be with your H

 

 

 

Had he not caught you---you would still be having sex with the other guy---the guy that you were able to drop" just like that"

 

What I am thinking is you are scared sh*tless of the consequences---those being if your H. divorces you---you will be out there on your own---having to work probably more than one job---having to pay ALL your bills, having to do everything on your own---you have never had to face that, probably never even thought about that---PLUS---you will be a woman with the following tag---single, divorced mother of a child, who cheated on her husband-----WHAT DECENT MAN WILL EVEN LOOK AT YOU

 

Lady you have a whole to be regreful (doubt if that is a word) about

 

You just may not be able to fix the mess you made---the more your H---thinks about all of this---the further he is gonna pull away from you

 

He did nothing basically wrong except be a good, faithful, loving, providing H---and look what it got him!!!!!!!!

[TurboGirl]

turbogirl,

your advice is flat out retarded. You put way too much on her husband and you don't even give them consideration of being human. There is nothing rigid about not accepting infidelity, its called life.

 

She pretty much laid out the fact that her H is wonderful spouse so you can stop putting this on him.

 

Sure she is making the claim that she loves her H and will do anything to keep but in reality the only thing she needed to do was not spread her legs for another man. She knowingly destroyed her H and everything about him.

 

I don't understand how you can be so cruel and disregard the fact that her H is now in pain. How you can simply say they needs to "see that you are his wife".

 

Cheaters are not worth the time of day. They simply aren't

 

the OP is in pain too, and if the H was sooooo darn wonderful, maybe he should have paid a bit more attention to his wife!

 

No need to be so nasty, this is a public forum and I am entitled to my opinon and not full of hate like you are.

[TurboGirl]

OP

 

Obvioulsy you are getting blasted by some very very mean people. Just because you had an A that does not mean you are not a good Mom. Ignore that person who said that... lots of hate.

 

I've been on both sides of the fence, and in any relationship IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MESS IT UP. So don't be taking all of the blame on your shoulders here.

 

If infidelity is unforgivable, then so be it. Then your H will be the big time loser in the end if he does not give you another chance to make things right.

[jnj express]

Hey turbo---whoa, slow down---we are not in some alternate universe---where the cheater gets to make the rules

 

Where are you coming from, anyway---the betrayed is the only one that matters here, as far as to his future-----the cheater doesn't have a say, in what the betrayed spouse decides to do

 

The cheater made their choice---they cheater checked out of the mge.,--the cheater murdered the mge---the cheater wrecked her kids lives---why does the cheater get ANY INPUT into anything

 

If the cheater is the luckiest person on earth, the betrayed might give her the greatest gift he could give A SECOND CHANCE

[Audacia]

Then your H will be the big time loser in the end if he does not give you another chance to make things right.

 

I totally disagree with this statement. Her remorse and guilt has nothing to do with his decision to take her back. Some people just can't do it or even want to. I never thought I could.

[Audacia]

the OP is in pain too, and if the H was sooooo darn wonderful, maybe he should have paid a bit more attention to his wife!

 

No one is denying she is in pain. But she is the cause of the pain. It's self-inflicted. The whole play with fire bit.....

 

Did the she ever voice to her H she was unhappy? Did she ever tell him she needed more attention before stepping out on her marriage? Did she ever give him a chance to give her what she needed before she went looking for it elsewhere? If she did and her needs weren't satisfied she had the choice to leave instead of deceive.