Paperview Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Hy, my wife of 4 years recently told she was not a virgin. Out of anger i wanted to divorce her for lyng to me for 4 years. 32 sexual partners is very hard for a virgin groom to grasp. How do i forgive her for decieving me? Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Hy, my wife of 4 years recently told she was not a virgin. Out of anger i wanted to divorce her for lyng to me for 4 years. 32 sexual partners is very hard for a virgin groom to grasp. How do i forgive her for decieving me? Good grief. Okay, so she lied about being a virgin. That was wrong. But to actually contemplate divorcing her over it? You might want to seek counseling to deal with this. Do you love her? Or were you just looking for a virgin? Because let me tell you, there are few of them. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Um, hello? Insane betrayal here..... not about whether she was a virgin or not per se. The fact that she is a pretty ridiculous liar. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 This is why you never believe women when they tell you about their sexual history. Also why there's no point in clinging to virginity like its a badge of honor or something. Every man should be confident in his ability to attract/seduce women before settling. Once you know you can generate options if needed will make you much more confident/secure in any relationship, and much less susceptible to tolerating a woman's nonsense. Just divorce her and go on a tear of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 If you love her let it go. That virgin stuff is old time religion. Be happy she has experience and can make you very happy. Love her, forgive her. Apparently she thought you were the best to marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 For a woman with experience shes pretty stale in bed. Now shes constantly checking my mail and phone to see if am cheating shes paraniod.i loved her but now am not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 My husband was a virgin until we met. He told me otherwise. I didn't find out until we were married a for a few years. Then he "fessed up". I didn't contemplate divorce over it. I was just perplexed as to why he would lie about that. Because it didn't matter. I loved him, no matter if he were a virgin or not. If there is a pattern of lying and deceit, then yes, I would reconsider the relationship. But, if it is just this one thing, maybe you should consider that she was ashamed of her past and wanted to be something she is not, at least in your eyes. Society puts so much on women to be "nice", but it is okay for men to be whatever they want. It was not right for her to lie. But, again, unless there are other issues, I would not divorce over it. Forgiveness and compassion go a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) For a woman with experience shes pretty stale in bed. Now shes constantly checking my mail and phone to see if am cheating shes paraniod.i loved her but now am not sure. Quite frankly, since you were a virgin, what in the world do you have to compare her with? Also, it sounds like you never truly loved her to begin with. Maybe she has been through bad times with men, so she is afraid you will cheat. So, cut her loose and let her find someone who does love her. Hopefully, she won't have to be ashamed of her past enough to lie to the right man. I was fairly promiscuous before meeting my husband. We have been married for 20 years and I have never cheated on him. I met the right one, finally. My husband has never asked how many others I slept with. He says the past is the past and he doesn't care. Good luck. Edited May 1, 2011 by DaisyLeigh Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Was that 32 at once?? Dang! I'd be tired! Offer to take her to a spa to relax after that venture. Now that we have that settled, to all the responders, Is your Troll sniffer not working today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 I did love my wife. But she honestly betrayed me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 If she loved and trusted me she should have told me the truth. Its her past but my present Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Does it change who she is/was in the past four years? Change how you feel/felt about her? Is she still the same person she was when you married her? It's your choice to get past this and deal with it, or end it and walk away.. Do counselling together and give this a chance, unless you feel you've wasted four years of your life married to someone who had a past that you don't agree with. Yeah it sucks she lied/omitted that information but can you honestly say if she told you four years ago she's slept with 32 men, would you have fallen for her anyway? Looked past it? Anyway, you can't punish her over this and drag it out. Think about this, is she a mean, malcious, cruel person? Game playing? Manipulative? If yes, then divorce her now. If she isn't and she is loving, genuine, caring and supportive, then you two owe to eachother to atleast try to work this out before throwing in the towel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 If she had told me she had slept with 32 men i wouldnt have married her, she said she had a preference for tall men why cant i have what i prefer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 For your information her last 4 serious relationshps why they ended? Because those badboys didnt want to get married, i came alng and she took me for a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 I dnt knw il think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 The virginity thing shouldn't be that big of a deal. But the lying clearly is. As others have said, if there's a pattern of deceit, then maybe something should be done. Assuming this is a legit poster/problem, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Why shouldnt the virginity thing not be an issue? Why just because every one ****ing around i should accept her. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Of course the wife's promiscuity is an issue, to HIM. Not us, but to the OP. The lie(s) she has told you is a biggest problem. You said she was unremorseful? What do you intend to do OP? I suggest you don't rush into anything. Of course, this is obviously an issue that won't go away on its own. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I'll add my two cents: I don't think the virginity(or lack there of) is the issue here. The issue here from what I'm seeing is the lying and the omissions. If the OP's wife had slept with 1 person and claimed to be a virgin, it's still a lie but it's far different from the scenario OP described. His wife slept with 32 people and claimed to be a virgin. She lied about her sexual history, neglected to mention her string of failed relationships, and intentionally deceived OP into thinking she was marriage material when she is likely far from it. She played him for a fool. The OP's wife got to 32 sexual partners likely by casual sex, ONS, FB, FWB, and quick flings. It shows that she is not just promiscuous, but makes poor decisions. She has a total disregard for her health, has had numerous failed relationships, and is a proven liar. Notice how the women defending her are/were promiscuous. It's not a coincedence. They don't think she's the problem. They think she's sexually liberated and still a great girl/relationship material. Liars and omitters make horrible partners. My dad was a compulsive liar and omitted a lot of information about himself. He's also been married 4 times. See the pattern, OP? Your wife is a whore, is terrible at relationships, is a liar, omits information, and went out of her way to intentionally deceive you to get you to marry her because she knew flat out that you or any other quality guy would have dropped her in a microsecond had you/they known about her past. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 For a woman with experience shes pretty stale in bed. Now shes constantly checking my mail and phone to see if am cheating shes paraniod.i loved her but now am not sure. Just to add to my last post, this is also a sign of a cheater. Cheaters always think the other party is cheating. Not only did your wife lie, but I'm willing to bet she is currently cheating as well. Please divorce her, for your own sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paperview Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 I think we need to seperate for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Also, OP's wife seems to fit a certain pattern. Date and sleep with bad boys, thinks she can get one to settle down(4 in her case and she failed each time), and get some nice guy to settle down. Nice guy finally realizes she's playing him for a fool and she wasn't his first choice, and he wants out. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 What I find interesting is that she had 32 partners before she met this guy, and then she did not have sex for the entire 4 years before they got married? Something doesn't add up there. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) The OP asked if he should forgive his wife. I answered his question. But he seems to have made his decision. At any rate OP, I wish you luck. And to your wife as well. Edited May 2, 2011 by DaisyLeigh I refuse to fight with anyone. Opinions are like *******s an everyone has one. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I`m definitely not a prude and couldn`t care less about my wife's promiscuous past however I`ve got to agree with the OP here. It seems she knew he wouldn`t marry a promiscuous woman so she lied about her history. This was a deal breaker for the OP (regardless of how ridiculous it sounds to me) and he was deliberately given false information concerning a decision that would affect the rest of his life (marriage). The OP has every right to be upset and even leave if he can`t deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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