should i forgive my wife.

[John Michael Kane]

Your marriage is based on a lie, if she told you upfront then you would have made your decision based on the facts. Not only was she willing to lie in order to get you to marry her but she continued with the lie for the past 4 years. This shows she is completely untrustworthy and is probably lying about other things as well.

 

She's also a hypocrite, she had no problem banging all those other guys with no commitment but when Mr Right comes along she suddenly demands marriage/commitment.

 

Furthermore she's trying to turn it onto you by accusing you of having an affair.

 

Best post on here so far. Shining through all of these ignorant hypocritical posters who are ignoring a man who was obviously betrayed because they have their own screwed up issues. I also agree that her accusing you of cheating sounds like she's cheating or cheated on you herself. You need to get rid of her fast and quick. Protect yourself legally and kick her out. Your story looks like she's been lying to you about a lot more things than you know. She's trouble. So sorry for your situation, brother.

[John Michael Kane]

The hypocrisy comes in when women demand commitment from Mr Right while making no such demands when banging all those badboys for years. All of a sudden they are born again virgins and want the benefits of marriage before putting out.

 

I agree. Women want a man to put up with all of their baggage but won't lift a darn finger for their own man. Damn shame.

[Garrgoil]

lmao, we almost NEVER tell you the real number. We tell you the lowest number we think you'll accept and not go all bitch on us. The men who get honesty are the ones who can handle the truth

 

Well there's no doubt about where the tattoo is mommy.

[John Michael Kane]

You know I know for a fact these generalizations do not fit me, but it is a bit irritating none the less. I do not understand the generalizations about ALL MEN or ALL WOMEN.

 

Yes Bent I know full well they do not certainly fit you. Just referring to the selfish tramps out there.

[samsungxoxo]

There's a reason you never tell your exact number of partners at all. What you can do is leave it at a significant partner and not tell the rest. It's really not of their business.

 

If I was lied that way, yes I would be kinda upset but don't think I would consider it worthy of divorce unless the man is really a loser or acts the same.

 

Now regarding the opposite.... a virgin lying about being experienced... that would be a different level of anger.... definitely a lot less.. since you're only guilty of adding things that never took place rather than denying your past. In this case you don't have a past so I would get over that quicker than vice-versa.

 

Frankly I would get a bit suspicious of on a date, the guy wants to know about my past right away. Why? For what specific reason? Luckily it's only 1 for me..... my ex BF who I still keep in contact as friends.

Now he wanted more details about it then I'd be walking away soooo fast. It would sound to me as a man with serious issues.

[chuckles11]

Um....yes some of us would. My husband WAS a virgin when we met and had told me that he was experienced. I found out later that he was NOT experienced. I forgave the lie, we got a good laugh out of it, and we have been married for 20 years. But, when I presented my story in this thread, I was told that it was not the same.

 

I am not a hypocrite in this case.

 

I can't believe that you don't see that your situation doesn't equal the OP's. The OP is clearly someone who thinks being a virgin is sacred and that your virginity is a "gift" that you give to your spouse. I don't agree with his view, but, I understand how that is not comparable to someone claiming to have more sexual partners than they had.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Women that sleep around have little to no value. Men prefer women with less experience, just like women prefer men with more experience. Just the way it is.

LOL how's the weather over there in the 1920s, troll?

[musemaj11]

Lol, she had lots of fun with the bad boys and when she was done having fun, she settled with the next 'nice guy' in line whom she could use to provide security for her for the rest of her life.

 

Smart woman.

 

I feel sorry for you man.

 

Its funny though how all the women on this forum are defending this liar of a woman. This thread truly shows what a bunch of hypocrites the women here are.

 

Guys have no problem banging lots of chicks, and then settling down and wanting commitment from their Miss Right. Her lie aside, why is it so wrong for a woman to have slept around, but okay and fine and dandy for a man to do the same thing?

Lol, men take better care of the women they settle with and actually disrespect the women they only have fun with. On the other hand, women truly desire the men they have fun with and use the men they settle with to take care of them because the men they had fun with won't settle with them or couldnt provide for the security she wants for her future.

 

You see the difference?

 

So men, you want to be those bad boys whom women have fun with not the chumps that women use to take care of them for the rest of their lives.

 

My husband was a virgin until we met. He told me otherwise. I didn't find out until we were married a for a few years. Then he "fessed up". I didn't contemplate divorce over it. I was just perplexed as to why he would lie about that. Because it didn't matter. I loved him, no matter if he were a virgin or not.

Are you seriously equating this with the OP's problem?

 

This is like saying, "The worst thing I ever did was killing a person" is the same as "The worst thing I ever did was helping someone too much."

 

as to the lying about her virginity? sounds like she loved you so much and wanted you to think well of her that she told you what you wanted to hear.

Something married people do all the time to keep the peace. You sound imature. Cut her loose so she can find a grownup to share her life and gifts with

What a big pile of crock with little logic.

 

I suppose you would be fine if an impotent man never told you about his impotence until the two of you are already married because he loved you so much?

Edited May 9, 2011 by musemaj11

[Garrgoil]

sorry wrong thread

Edited May 9, 2011 by Garrgoil

[DaisyLeigh]

Lol, she had lots of fun with the bad boys and when she was done having fun, she settled with the next 'nice guy' in line whom she could use to provide security for her for the rest of her life.

 

Smart woman.

 

I feel sorry for you man.

 

Its funny though how all the women on this forum are defending this liar of a woman. This thread truly shows what a bunch of hypocrites the women here are.

 

Lol, men take better care of the women they settle with and actually disrespect the women they only have fun with. On the other hand, women truly desire the men they have fun with and use the men they settle with to take care of them because the men they had fun with won't settle with them or couldnt provide for the security she wants for her future.

 

You see the difference?

 

So men, you want to be those bad boys whom women have fun with not the chumps that women use to take care of them for the rest of their lives.

 

Are you seriously equating this with the OP's problem?

 

This is like saying, "The worst thing I ever did was killing a person" is the same as "The worst thing I ever did was helping someone too much."

 

What a big pile of crock with little logic.

 

I suppose you would be fine if an impotent man never told you about his impotence until the two of you are already married because he loved you so much?

 

 

I already addressed this with other people here who are not being nasty. I am not going to justify anything to you. Think what you like.

[DaisyLeigh]

I can't believe that you don't see that your situation doesn't equal the OP's. The OP is clearly someone who thinks being a virgin is sacred and that your virginity is a "gift" that you give to your spouse. I don't agree with his view, but, I understand how that is not comparable to someone claiming to have more sexual partners than they had.

 

 

Whoa. I was replying to another person who mentioned that very scenario. Nothing more.

 

I understand that it is not exactly the same.

 

My point was, that he can either divorce her and hunt for that perfect virgin, or forgive her and move on. His choice.

[Baroness67]

Wait, did she tell you she'd had no previous relationships, or that she'd had four serious relationships that progressed to the point of marriage talk? And none of them with sex?

 

Did she tell you just now after 4 years she'd had 32 sexual partners while claiming when you were married she was a virgin? How long did you date before getting married? Did you have so little sexual experience yourself at 22 (I'm presuming you've got to be at least 22) that you couldn't tell if you were having intercourse (either before or after the ceremony) for the first time with a virgin? Or at least the difference between a woman who's had 32 previous partners or someone who's had zero previous partners?

 

There's a lot here that doesn't add up for me.

[VicJay79]

Hy, my wife of 4 years recently told she was not a virgin. Out of anger i wanted to divorce her for lyng to me for 4 years. 32 sexual partners is very hard for a virgin groom to grasp. How do i forgive her for decieving me?

 

 

Its a large number to grasp, but honestly any number besides 0 is always a huge number when dealing with a person you love's past. You just have to move past it, and realize that you love the person now. It took a lot of courage for her to be honest with you, even if its a bit late. You should at least take that into consideration.

[DaisyLeigh]

Its a large number to grasp, but honestly any number besides 0 is always a huge number when dealing with a person you love's past. You just have to move past it, and realize that you love the person now. It took a lot of courage for her to be honest with you, even if its a bit late. You should at least take that into consideration.

 

I think that this is the best post of the thread.

[musemaj11]

Its a large number to grasp, but honestly any number besides 0 is always a huge number when dealing with a person you love's past. You just have to move past it, and realize that you love the person now. It took a lot of courage for her to be honest with you, even if its a bit late. You should at least take that into consideration.

Or she probably just couldnt live with the lie anymore because it was eating her alive. You know a thief cant sleep well at night. So she finally told him because she wanted to let go of the feeling of guilt not because she thought he deserved to know. If she really thought he deserved to know, she would have told him before the marriage.

[John Michael Kane]

Or she probably just couldnt live with the lie anymore because it was eating her alive. You know a thief cant sleep well at night. So she finally told him because she wanted to let go of the feeling of guilt not because she thought he deserved to know. If she really thought he deserved to know, she would have told him before the marriage.

 

Yes sir. So right. Can't stand women who lie.

[xxoo]

She was very wrong to lie.

 

I'm having a difficult time understanding why a woman with that much experience would choose a man who wants a virgin, though! I wonder why she would choose a man who would judge her so harshly if he knew the true her. Was she looking for punishment?

 

I think you both married for the wrong reasons, and under the wrong pretenses. No sense in staying with her and shaming her. Just split up.

 

sounds like she loved you so much and wanted you to think well of her that she told you what you wanted to hear.

Something married people do all the time to keep the peace. You sound imature. Cut her loose so she can find a grownup to share her life and gifts with

 

That is just a terrible idea in any marriage

[just_some_guy]

The number of partners isn't that big of a deal, but the lying is.

 

If your values and culture are such that chastity before marriage is important to you, and she *deceived* you about her status, then I cannot see any way to make this work. You should leave her now. If the marriage starts on a pillar of dishonesty, there is no hope whatsoever. Do not sleep with her again, ever, for risk of having a child.

 

End it now.

 

Most people I would say go to therapy or get over it. But if this was a core value to you and she didn't respect that with honesty, then there is NO MARRIAGE in the first place. This should have been discussed openly and honestly up front.

[John Michael Kane]

The number of partners isn't that big of a deal, but the lying is.

 

To you it isn't but to him it is.

 

If your values and culture are such that chastity before marriage is important to you, and she *deceived* you about her status, then I cannot see any way to make this work. You should leave her now. If the marriage starts on a pillar of dishonesty, there is no hope whatsoever. Do not sleep with her again, ever, for risk of having a child.

 

Nothing wrong with having a virgin to marry. They have self-respect and at least they don't screw around with 10 dudes a year at the risk of STDs.

[Entropy3000]

There's a reason you never tell your exact number of partners at all. What you can do is leave it at a significant partner and not tell the rest. It's really not of their business.

 

If I was lied that way, yes I would be kinda upset but don't think I would consider it worthy of divorce unless the man is really a loser or acts the same.

 

Now regarding the opposite.... a virgin lying about being experienced... that would be a different level of anger.... definitely a lot less.. since you're only guilty of adding things that never took place rather than denying your past. In this case you don't have a past so I would get over that quicker than vice-versa.

 

Frankly I would get a bit suspicious of on a date, the guy wants to know about my past right away. Why? For what specific reason? Luckily it's only 1 for me..... my ex BF who I still keep in contact as friends.

Now he wanted more details about it then I'd be walking away soooo fast. It would sound to me as a man with serious issues.

 

I disagree. It is the spouses business if we are talking marriage. If one believes in secrets from their SO then so beit. I find that very telling in itself that someone would lie about it.

 

The OP situation is pretty much over the top. She should have told him. If she now admits to 32 maybe it was really 64. That info should have been put out there up front. How many sexual partners a person you are going to marry does matter. Also the nature of the encounters. They don't have to apologize for that. Were they cheating on anyone else at the time? If four of them were long term and the rest were ONS that says much about the person. Also, if she starts later to have contact with previous lovers and calls them friends, he would not know that there is a danger as previous lovers will forever be a threat to him. Why would we not expect her to continue to want the variey and contrinue to lie about it?

 

It is bait and switch and lying and sleaziness and OMG realisitcally when you have sex with someone who bangs everything in sight you are putting yourself in peril from many perspectives.

 

Dump her.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Entropy3000

[Lauriebell82]

If she loved and trusted me she should have told me the truth. Its her past but my present

 

Okay, but then you say...

 

 

If she had told me she had slept with 32 men i wouldnt have married her

 

So you are hurt and betrayed (and rightfully so..) because she didn't tell you about the 32 men, but if she would have told you the truth then you would have dumped her?

 

Yes she was wrong for lying to you, however in her defense, she had slept with 32 men which means she liked sex with different people. So then she chose to commit to having sex with only you for the rest of her life! Maybe she decided she was going to change her life around and being a "virgin" was a way of adopting a new identity. I don't think ANY of us are disputing the fact that she lied and that it was wrong. I'd like to tell you to work through it and that you should give her another chance, but if you REALLY can't get past it then it's best to part ways. No use making her feel guilty and being miserable for the rest of your life.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Lauriebell82

[Darren Taylor]

Maybe she decided she was going to change her life around and being a "virgin" was a way of adopting a new identity.

 

 

You don't slut it up in your youth, and then decide you're going to become a born again virgin when you find "the one". It doesn't work that way.

[John Michael Kane]

Yes she was wrong for lying to you, however in her defense, she had slept with 32 men which means she liked sex with different people.

 

Which is disgusting and shows how dangerous she can be in a relationship.

 

So then she chose to commit to having sex with only you for the rest of her life! Maybe she decided she was going to change her life around and being a "virgin" was a way of adopting a new identity.

 

So what, it was worth lying to him right? That's the problem with so many women. They want to tramp around when they're young then want to hold hands and "settle" with the nice guy who hasn't had much experience with women. Just like someone said earlier, men don't want a "reformed sl*t."

 

No use making her feel guilty and being miserable for the rest of your life.

 

He's not making her feel guilty and being miserable for the rest of her life. He just discovered this and he has a right to be angry and the sexist and bitter card is so played out.

[Lauriebell82]

You don't slut it up in your youth, and then decide you're going to become a born again virgin when you find "the one". It doesn't work that way.

 

I wasn't saying that it was the right thing for her to do, just that maybe that's what she was thinking. And lots of people make horrible decisions in their past and change..it happens. Like anyway with an addiction do appauling things but then decide to get clean and change their life.

 

She should have been upfront with her before marriage. If he can't get over it then he should leave, if he can work through it then he should stay.

 

I have to say though, if the OP really was 100% certain that he wanted to leave his wife, then he wouldn't be on here asking for advice, and the title of his thread wouldn't be "should I forgive my wife?" Obviously he has SOME feelings for her so it's probably not as easy as "kicking her to the curb."

[Lauriebell82]

Which is disgusting and shows how dangerous she can be in a relationship.

 

 

 

So what, it was worth lying to him right? That's the problem with so many women. They want to tramp around when they're young then want to hold hands and "settle" with the nice guy who hasn't had much experience with women. Just like someone said earlier, men don't want a "reformed sl*t."

 

 

 

He's not making her feel guilty and being miserable for the rest of her life. He just discovered this and he has a right to be angry and the sexist and bitter card is so played out.

 

Sheesh you pretty much twisted everything I just said! I think the issue in this thread is that the women are going to be more inclined to defend his wife, and the men are going to defend the OP. There is a lot of bias here. It's okay for men to sleep with 32 women, that makes them cool, but a woman sleeping with 32 men is considered a tramp. That's a double standard now isn't it?

 

I think if a wife was posting this thread about her husband lying about 32 women all the men would be saying that she needs to just get over it.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Lauriebell82