should i forgive my wife.

[Darren Taylor]

I wasn't saying that it was the right thing for her to do, just that maybe that's what she was thinking. And lots of people make horrible decisions in their past and change..it happens. Like anyway with an addiction do appauling things but then decide to get clean and change their life.

 

 

And there are consequences for your actions. Being female does not excuse you from any wrongdoing. It's laughable at how women blindly defend their own, especially in this thread.

 

 

She should have been upfront with her before marriage. If he can't get over it then he should leave, if he can work through it then he should stay.

 

 

Absolutely she should have been upfront. And absolutely he should leave her. Promiscuous people don't suddenly become good relationship material. The saying "Can't turn a ho into a housewife" has truth to it.

 

 

I have to say though, if the OP really was 100% certain that he wanted to leave his wife, then he wouldn't be on here asking for advice, and the title of his thread wouldn't be "should I forgive my wife?" Obviously he has SOME feelings for her so it's probably not as easy as "kicking her to the curb."

 

 

The OP likely has more to lose in a divorce. That's why he's hesitant to leave. I'm not doubting there's some feelings there, but a divorce as a guy isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3.

[Darren Taylor]

Sheesh you pretty much twisted everything I just said! I think the issue in this thread is that the women are going to be more inclined to defend his wife, and the men are going to defend the OP. There is a lot of bias here. It's okay for men to sleep with 32 women, that makes them cool, but a woman sleeping with 32 men is considered a tramp. That's a double standard now isn't it?

 

I think if a wife was posting this thread about her husband lying about 32 women all the men would be saying that she needs to just get over it.

 

 

If the OP slept with men, this would be relevant. But it's not. It may be a double standard, but life isn't fair. There's double standards that go against men as well.

[GoodOnPaper]

It's okay for men to sleep with 32 women, that makes them cool, but a woman sleeping with 32 men is considered a tramp. That's a double standard now isn't it?

 

Another double standard: It's okay for a woman to be inexperienced in dating/relationships/sex, but the same inexperience makes a man an undesirable loser, nerd, geek, "nice guy", you-name-it.

 

This thread seems kind of trollish -- wouldn't it be rather difficult to put up a front to the guy you've married that you were a virgin if you had actually slept with 32 guys? That would be about eight lifetimes of action for me -- I'd have a hard time hiding that.

[Lauriebell82]

And there are consequences for your actions. Being female does not excuse you from any wrongdoing. It's laughable at how women blindly defend their own, especially in this thread.

 

Aren't you doing the same thing?

 

 

Absolutely she should have been upfront. And absolutely he should leave her. Promiscuous people don't suddenly become good relationship material. The saying "Can't turn a ho into a housewife" has truth to it.

 

Sort of like "once a player always a player?" Is that always accurate? I guess a man who has slept with tons of women won't be a faithful and loving husband then.

 

The OP likely has more to lose in a divorce. That's why he's hesitant to leave. I'm not doubting there's some feelings there, but a divorce as a guy isn't as easy as 1, 2, 3.

 

He actually hasn't said that much about divorce, but I agree with you on that one.

 

I stand by what I said, men and women are ALWAYS going to have bias towards issues such as this.

[Lauriebell82]

Another double standard: It's okay for a woman to be inexperienced in dating/relationships/sex, but the same inexperience makes a man an undesirable loser, nerd, geek, "nice guy", you-name-it.

 

This thread seems kind of trollish -- wouldn't it be rather difficult to put up a front to the guy you've married that you were a virgin if you had actually slept with 32 guys? That would be about eight lifetimes of action for me -- I'd have a hard time hiding that.

 

That's all I was trying to point out, that there are double standards against men AND women. It could be possible to sleep with 32 guys if you had a ton of one night stands. Going from 32 to 0 does seem a bit extreme though...

[Darren Taylor]

Aren't you doing the same thing?

Not at all. OP's wife is clearly at fault. If the situation were reversed and his wife was complaining about OP sleeping with 32 women and claiming to be a virgin or significantly decreasing the number, I'd back her 100%.

 

 

Sort of like "once a player always a player?" Is that always accurate? I guess a man who has slept with tons of women won't be a faithful and loving husband then.

Most of the time, it is. These guys often have women throwing themselves at them. The temptation is too great for most.

 

 

I stand by what I said, men and women are ALWAYS going to have bias towards issues such as this.

Most likely and it's all biological. Men won't want women with high numbers, just like women don't want men with low numbers.

[Lauriebell82]

Let's just agree to disagree DT. Sorry I hijacked your thread OP with arguing.

 

Anyway, we have all given you our opinions OP. What do YOU want to do? What is truely in your heart?

[John Michael Kane]

Sheesh you pretty much twisted everything I just said!

 

I did not.

 

I think the issue in this thread is that the women are going to be more inclined to defend his wife, and the men are going to defend the OP.

 

The only ones who are pulling the sex card is the ignorant women on here dismissing this guy's feelings, simply because they have their own issues with men.

 

There is a lot of bias here. It's okay for men to sleep with 32 women, that makes them cool, but a woman sleeping with 32 men is considered a tramp. That's a double standard now isn't it?

 

Who said it was okay for men to do it?

 

I think if a wife was posting this thread about her husband lying about 32 women all the men would be saying that she needs to just get over it.

 

LOL!!! Baloney.

[nordic]

Another double standard: It's okay for a woman to be inexperienced in dating/relationships/sex, but the same inexperience makes a man an undesirable loser, nerd, geek, "nice guy", you-name-it.

 

This thread seems kind of trollish -- wouldn't it be rather difficult to put up a front to the guy you've married that you were a virgin if you had actually slept with 32 guys? That would be about eight lifetimes of action for me -- I'd have a hard time hiding that.

 

no wouldnt have. if you are trully sluttish, most of that action would have taken place outside your regular life. maybe going home with guys from bars and just ****ing them while drunk, and then sneaking out next morning. or having sex with guys while on vacation.

 

the sluttier it is, the easier it is to hide, more or less.

 

a committed relaitonship you had for years is harder to hide, but that men will forgive more easily.

[nordic]

Wait, did she tell you she'd had no previous relationships, or that she'd had four serious relationships that progressed to the point of marriage talk? And none of them with sex?

 

Did she tell you just now after 4 years she'd had 32 sexual partners while claiming when you were married she was a virgin? How long did you date before getting married? Did you have so little sexual experience yourself at 22 (I'm presuming you've got to be at least 22) that you couldn't tell if you were having intercourse (either before or after the ceremony) for the first time with a virgin? Or at least the difference between a woman who's had 32 previous partners or someone who's had zero previous partners?

 

There's a lot here that doesn't add up for me.

 

i had sex for a quarter of a century with women. i still do not know how you determine how many they have been with by simply sleeping with them.

 

really slutty girls who has been with lots of men are not always good in the sack, you sometimes think that alll they learned from being ****ed all those times, was to lie still:-)

[nordic]

Guys have no problem banging lots of chicks, and then settling down and wanting commitment from their Miss Right. Her lie aside, why is it so wrong for a woman to have slept around, but okay and fine and dandy for a man to do the same thing?

 

yes it is. simply coz women dont have this type of emotions. its not reciprocal at all. men and women simply have completely different sexualities.

[nordic]

"Men prefer women with less experience, just like women prefer men with more experience. Just the way it is."

 

What a load of tosh!!!!! You fall in love with someones eyes, their smell, the way they tilt their head, the way they listen to you like you're the only person in the world, they put you first and make you feel important and special!!!!!!

 

Neanderthal bs!!!!!!

 

 

fine. believe that. nothing can make a man fall out of love so quickly as seeing the sunbject of his love lying under a another man being ****ed so her head bounces. cures us directly. regardless of smell and eyes:-)

[nordic]

There's a reason you never tell your exact number of partners at all. What you can do is leave it at a significant partner and not tell the rest. It's really not of their business.

 

If I was lied that way, yes I would be kinda upset but don't think I would consider it worthy of divorce unless the man is really a loser or acts the same.

 

Now regarding the opposite.... a virgin lying about being experienced... that would be a different level of anger.... definitely a lot less.. since you're only guilty of adding things that never took place rather than denying your past. In this case you don't have a past so I would get over that quicker than vice-versa.

 

Frankly I would get a bit suspicious of on a date, the guy wants to know about my past right away. Why? For what specific reason? Luckily it's only 1 for me..... my ex BF who I still keep in contact as friends.

Now he wanted more details about it then I'd be walking away soooo fast. It would sound to me as a man with serious issues.

 

nobody will ever ask you that on your first date. the issue doesnt come up if we dont want a relationship and after we have had sex with you a few times. i dont care one bit how many a slut i will not have a relationship with has slept with. if she wants a relaitonship it becomes an issue, and a hot one.

[nordic]

LOL how's the weather over there in the 1920s, troll?

 

this never goes out of style. been the same across cultures for ever and ever. look at history and mention a time when men wanted to marry whores. or a culture that exists today. you will fail to mention one, coz they dont exist.

[linwood]

After reading this thread and others on the subject of female promiscuity I find it amazing that all women aren`t lesbians.

 

The hypocritical double standards posted here by what I can only assume are shallow utterly insecure cave men are UNREAL to me.

 

I married a "promiscuous woman".

I was interested in her in part because of her promiscuity believe it or not.

 

I liked that fact that she could play a mans game as well as any man.

She played it better because she was a woman.

 

When jealousy reared it`s ugly head in me I simply reminded myself she wasn`t doing anything I hadn`t done myself.

 

For the past 12 years I`ve been in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship with this "promiscuous woman" who has ruined me for all other women.

 

No one else could hold a candle to her.

 

There are a lot of weak men here at LS, maybe that`s why they seem to have relationship problems.

[Darren Taylor]

There are a lot of weak men here at LS, maybe that`s why they seem to have relationship problems.

 

 

Then why are you here?

[linwood]

Then why are you here?

 

Comic relief.

 

 

This place is also a great reminder of how good I got it.

Thank you for that.

[nordic]

Then why are you here?

 

 

he he. coz he is so different:-)

[nordic]

After reading this thread and others on the subject of female promiscuity I find it amazing that all women aren`t lesbians.

 

The hypocritical double standards posted here by what I can only assume are shallow utterly insecure cave men are UNREAL to me.

 

I married a "promiscuous woman".

I was interested in her in part because of her promiscuity believe it or not.

 

I liked that fact that she could play a mans game as well as any man.

She played it better because she was a woman.

 

When jealousy reared it`s ugly head in me I simply reminded myself she wasn`t doing anything I hadn`t done myself.

 

For the past 12 years I`ve been in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship with this "promiscuous woman" who has ruined me for all other women.

 

No one else could hold a candle to her.

 

There are a lot of weak men here at LS, maybe that`s why they seem to have relationship problems.

 

no problems with your slut wife if she makes you happy. i like happy people, keeps me safer:-) nobody ever said that there are not different people around. swingers take their wives to clubs to watch them get ****ed by other men, and are happy with that.

 

doesnt change the fact that 99 percenty of men would hate that, and would never do it.

[nordic]

If the OP slept with men, this would be relevant. But it's not. It may be a double standard, but life isn't fair. There's double standards that go against men as well.

 

i actually disagree with this. double standards would imply reciprocal emotional repsons from the sexes on this matter. since there isnt, since our sexualities are so different there is no comparison like that.

 

if a child kicks you with all his power. you can not kick back with all yours, coz that might kill the child. the effects of the different consitutions has to be taken into account when we act.

 

women are generally not interested in whether or not men are virginal, coz they have no emotional repsons to that. men have, and thta emotional repsons can be very strong, so obvioulsy we can compare the two sexualities like that.

[Skump]

FWIW, here's my two cents:

 

If confronted with a lie like this, it would be the psychology behind the lie that mattered to me more than the lie itself.

 

It's certainly possible empathize with someone who feels compelled to lie about past sexual experiences. I - and a whole lot of other guys - would prefer not to marry a girl who could teach Dr. Ruth a thing or two. For their part, women often discriminate against virgins. So both men and women have an enormous incentive to lie about their sexual histories if those histories go against the certain expectations. This is particularly true in the case of past promiscuity, which is inherently irresponsible behavior. Moreover, if a promiscuous woman has truly changed, genuinely regrets her past behavior and finds no appeal in meaningless casual sex, she may think that immediately revealing her history gives potential partners a misleading impression of who she currently is. In a way, she's right.

 

So, supposing that my GF had lied about her sexual history... 32 dudes, whatever... the crux of it for me would be why she lied. If she lied out of shame and a burning desire for the chance to show me who she has now become, I could forgive that. However, if the lie were only an expedient to snag me, and didn't reflect any sense of shame and changed values, well... yeah, then I'd be pretty pissed. I would've been given a false bill of goods. I'd be involved with a selfish person who didn't share my values and misrepresented her own to entrap me.

 

I guess you could say that my feelings would depend on whether she was "living the lie" - has she finally become the sort of person she wanted you to think she always was? If yes, I think it would be genuinely decent and manly to forgive her completely and move on. If not, well, you don't really owe an illusion anything.

[linwood]

 

doesnt change the fact that 99 percenty of men would hate that, and would never do it.

 

But it`s the hypocrisy behind that 99% of men that has me so amused.

 

The constant, inconsistent theme in this thread from the male posters is that women actually prefer experienced men while men prefer inexperienced women.

 

At the same time those same posters are stating that promiscuity is "irresponsible behavior".

 

In order to take anything of value away from this exchange one most accept the notion that women seek out irresponsible partners while men seek out responsible partners.

I think we can both agree that this notion is demonstrably false.

 

The foundation of your argument nordic is that male and female sexuality are polar opposites which my lifetime of experience (and excessive reading of these very forums) tells me is simply untrue.

 

Male and female sexuality are damn near parallel concerning the physical/emotional aspect of the act.

 

The divergence is within hypocritical cultural values which are all too apparent in this thread.

 

Women want the same things men want sexually but our culture suppresses them.

Men are also sexually stereotyped by cultural mores to a lesser and different extent.

[Skump]

^^^The only problem is that our culture isn't equally successful at suppressing men and women. There is no real social value to promiscuity and a definite and quantifiable social cost. It should be discouraged.

[What_Next]

Wow, talk about off topic... This isn't a debate (or perhaps the OP didn't ask for one anyway) on the evils obe being 'easy'... Well for some they can't help themselves from making it about that anyway. It's about his wife's lying.

 

See personally I don't much care how many men my wife had before me. It is of no consequence to me. Stretching the truth a little is also of no consequence to me. Outight lieing? A WHOLE different ball game.

 

Would I 'forgive' if I were in your shoes? Hard to say. I can say I'd be mighty pissed off about this huge lie. Period.

[nordic]

But it`s the hypocrisy behind that 99% of men that has me so amused.

 

The constant, inconsistent theme in this thread from the male posters is that women actually prefer experienced men while men prefer inexperienced women.

 

At the same time those same posters are stating that promiscuity is "irresponsible behavior".

 

In order to take anything of value away from this exchange one most accept the notion that women seek out irresponsible partners while men seek out responsible partners.

I think we can both agree that this notion is demonstrably false.

 

The foundation of your argument nordic is that male and female sexuality are polar opposites which my lifetime of experience (and excessive reading of these very forums) tells me is simply untrue.

 

Male and female sexuality are damn near parallel concerning the physical/emotional aspect of the act.

 

The divergence is within hypocritical cultural values which are all too apparent in this thread.

 

Women want the same things men want sexually but our culture suppresses them.

Men are also sexually stereotyped by cultural mores to a lesser and different extent.

 

three things.

 

first. i never wrote "irresponsible behavior" anywhere. so dont get me mixed up with that. this is my view on that. i love sluts. i think sluts make the world a better place. i do not want my wife to be a slut. nor my mother, sister or daughter. any other woman, i am just happy if they are slut, given it gives me a better chance to get uncomplicated sex.

 

second. hypocracy needs the concept of moral. i have no moral around this at all. its an emotion. emotions are not subject to morals. if i hit you hard on the knee with a hammer, it will hurt you regardless of what moral attach to it. if you tell your man about that week on vacation when you ****ed 5 men in one week, and three simultaneuosly, that will hurt you husband, regardless of morals, its within him. same as hitting him with a hammer, and if he was me, i prefer the hammer.

 

third. if you think your sexuality is them same as a mans, you cant have looked very carefully. a womans sexuality has a positive market value, a mans has a negative. that creates a big difference.