should i forgive my wife.

[DufenSchmertz]

It was an extremely good one, and during this date she told me she was divorced.

 

Arcturius:

 

I didn't see you mention it in your very informative post, but I would bet your ex-lady friend got divorced because she cheated on her husband. If she could lie to you about screwing another guy simultaneously while being with you; and do so under the guise of "oh don't hurt poor little ol' me," to throw you off the scent; that capacity to prevaricate and mislead, is "the sign of the cheater."

 

Yes she was lying to you, and yes it was probably a lot more than she only banged the other guy for a month into your relationship and her number of guys. Good riddance to her but I'm sorry you let her get under your skin. Now that just makes you more suspicious to give your heart up to the next woman. A lot of guys are in your position.

[John Michael Kane]

Dude this is just freakin WRONG - u dont speak bout the woman u marry like this. Its plain nasty. 'Stale'? WTF.

 

WTF? He's a grown man and he has a right to express his feelings, especially about someone who's obviously a liar.

[John Michael Kane]

Welcome to Marriage my friend its a long roller coaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows, and some side way action. This ride is not for the faint of heart. It takes, strength, understanding, forgiveness, and open mindedness to reach the end of this ride alive.

 

The divorce route can also get him out alive and even with a better woman.

[Woggle]

The issue is more to do with the lying.

 

I can understand why women on here are mad about double standards but they don't see it from a male perspective. We hear about the horror stories other men experience and we want to avoid the same thing happening to us. Not every woman who slept around is bad relationship material but with women I have known who would be a complete nightmare to be involved with promiscuity was there with almost every single one. It seems to be a big part of the picture when dealing with a woman who is not relationship material.

 

This is why men put so much stock in it.

[Untouchable_Fire]

If you love her let it go. That virgin stuff is old time religion. Be happy she has experience and can make you very happy. Love her, forgive her. Apparently she thought you were the best to marry you.

 

That is the dumbest saying I've heard. Women marry for a billion different reasons and true love is just one. Yes, he could be the one she loves... but he could just as easily be the one with the most money.... or the most stability.

 

She is lied to get OP into a marriage. Clearly she knew he felt it was a big deal. What is she going to lie about next?

 

OP, giving her a free pass on this could easily wind up being the greatest mistake of your life!

[Untouchable_Fire]

The issue is more to do with the lying.

I can understand why women on here are mad about double standards but they don't see it from a male perspective. We hear about the horror stories other men experience and we want to avoid the same thing happening to us. Not every woman who slept around is bad relationship material but with women I have known who would be a complete nightmare to be involved with promiscuity was there with almost every single one. It seems to be a big part of the picture when dealing with a woman who is not relationship material.

This is why men put so much stock in it.

 

32 is high. Crying about a double standard is just slapping lipstick on this pig.

 

From what I've experienced promiscuous women are not redeemable. I tried once... and it ruined nearly 5 years of my life

[Woggle]

32 is high. Crying about a double standard is just slapping lipstick on this pig.

 

From what I've experienced promiscuous women are not redeemable. I tried once... and it ruined nearly 5 years of my life

 

I wouldn't be that extreme but I understand where you come from. Men tend to not want to make the same mistakes twice so if we try and fail we do it differently the next time.

 

I know this is a generalization but women who treat sex as a sport tend not to be able to fully transition to being a good relationship partner. I don't think men should expect a virgin but the other extreme is not good either.

[John Michael Kane]

32 is high. Crying about a double standard is just slapping lipstick on this pig.

 

From what I've experienced promiscuous women are not redeemable. I tried once... and it ruined nearly 5 years of my life

 

I'm with ya brother.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I wouldn't be that extreme but I understand where you come from. Men tend to not want to make the same mistakes twice so if we try and fail we do it differently the next time.

I know this is a generalization but women who treat sex as a sport tend not to be able to fully transition to being a good relationship partner. I don't think men should expect a virgin but the other extreme is not good either.

 

Exactly... it isn't the actual number it's more about sexual attitudes.

 

Lots of young guys like me get tripped up by easy women because we think they just enjoy sex. Maybe some do, but they are extremely rare... most are just nutjobs that use sex to get what they want.

 

Women who champion this type of female should be slapped... hard! For lying and tricking generations of men into believing in a myth that hurts them.

 

Anybody that says promiscuous women are a great bet or cries about a double standard owes me $25,000... because that's what it cost.

[crazycatlady]

I had no problem being faithful to my husband for many years after being very "slutty" (I think of it as having loads of fun) before marriage. I wouldn't have had trouble continuing to be faithful to my husband if we hadn't decided to open up our marriage. I'm glad we did, I won't lie about that, but mainly because I'm bisexual and also enjoy the chance to be with other women. But I would have been fine keeping to just him for the rest of my life. Now I didn't have the 32 lovers before him...unless you count oral sex, and then it was higher then that....but it was close to 32. And cheating never crossed my mind.

 

Even now knowing I could sleep with as many men as I wanted, as long as I told him first and met his needs first, I rarely ever do that. And I have a very high sex drive and he has had some health issues for the past year or so that had decreased his sex drive for over the past year and not once did I look outside to get my needs met. I just prefer my lover to any other. He's darn good at it.

 

Maybe the real problem isn't the "slut" maybe the real problem is the men aren't that good in bed, don't care to try and be better in bed. After all a woman who loves sex must be a slut and thus no good.

 

I have dated a few guys who did think this way about women as the majority here think...and actually they were all lousy lovers. Maybe that's the reason they want inexperienced women.

 

All I can say is....This makes me my man all the more.

He has his issues...but being a freaking hypocrite isn't one of them.

[John Michael Kane]

I had no problem being faithful to my husband for many years after being very "slutty" (I think of it as having loads of fun) before marriage. I wouldn't have had trouble continuing to be faithful to my husband if we hadn't decided to open up our marriage. I'm glad we did, I won't lie about that, but mainly because I'm bisexual and also enjoy the chance to be with other women. But I would have been fine keeping to just him for the rest of my life. Now I didn't have the 32 lovers before him...unless you count oral sex, and then it was higher then that....but it was close to 32. And cheating never crossed my mind.

 

Even now knowing I could sleep with as many men as I wanted, as long as I told him first and met his needs first, I rarely ever do that. And I have a very high sex drive and he has had some health issues for the past year or so that had decreased his sex drive for over the past year and not once did I look outside to get my needs met. I just prefer my lover to any other. He's darn good at it.

 

Yo you're in an open marriage with your husband (who cheated on you with your sister). Your case is slightly different but nonetheless your demand of fidelity after being so promiscuous is still contradictory.

 

Maybe the real problem isn't the "slut" maybe the real problem is the men aren't that good in bed, don't care to try and be better in bed.

 

The real problem is the "slut" because all the "slut" cares about is herself. This is a case of deception, direct disrespect and a fraud of a marriage, not about how good someone is in bed.

 

After all a woman who loves sex must be a slut and thus no good.

 

You're completely right. Women who only care about sex are thus no good.

 

I have dated a few guys who did think this way about women as the majority here think...and actually they were all lousy lovers.

 

So what? Doesn't mean they're wrong to feel the way they feel about relationships and all you seemed to care about was how good they could make YOU feel in the sack. Just because you rack up a lot of numbers doesn't mean you're automatically a good lover. And that is a stereotype by the way. Typical response.

 

Maybe that's the reason they want inexperienced women.

 

Or it could be they don't want to catch AIDS by a woman who's been sleeping around with 1000 men a year. Nothing wrong with picking someone who's in your own personal category.

 

All I can say is....This makes me my man all the more.

 

Riiiigggghhhttttt.......

 

He has his issues...but being a freaking hypocrite isn't one of them.

 

Keep telling yourself that to convince yourself everything is right as rain. Yea one is a hypocrite because they don't want a ho for a wife.

[nordic]

I had no problem being faithful to my husband for many years after being very "slutty" (I think of it as having loads of fun) before marriage. I wouldn't have had trouble continuing to be faithful to my husband if we hadn't decided to open up our marriage. I'm glad we did, I won't lie about that, but mainly because I'm bisexual and also enjoy the chance to be with other women. But I would have been fine keeping to just him for the rest of my life. Now I didn't have the 32 lovers before him...unless you count oral sex, and then it was higher then that....but it was close to 32. And cheating never crossed my mind.

 

Even now knowing I could sleep with as many men as I wanted, as long as I told him first and met his needs first, I rarely ever do that. And I have a very high sex drive and he has had some health issues for the past year or so that had decreased his sex drive for over the past year and not once did I look outside to get my needs met. I just prefer my lover to any other. He's darn good at it.

 

Maybe the real problem isn't the "slut" maybe the real problem is the men aren't that good in bed, don't care to try and be better in bed. After all a woman who loves sex must be a slut and thus no good.

 

I have dated a few guys who did think this way about women as the majority here think...and actually they were all lousy lovers. Maybe that's the reason they want inexperienced women.

 

All I can say is....This makes me my man all the more.

He has his issues...but being a freaking hypocrite isn't one of them.

 

 

fun post. i give you that.

 

i dont think it has anything to do with the future, i think the men here just need a way to justify their emotions. l lived all over the world, in a bunch of different cultures, and this mecanism seem to be very very stable.

 

men like uncomplicated sex with women when it served up to us in a good looking package. i, personally, love sluts. i think they make the world a better place.

 

even so. i would never want to marry a slut, or have one as a long term partner. i simply feel anything, after i know that she slept 30 men. i just dont get those emotions around her that i need to feel connected.

 

as i said, i think this is stable over all cultures. i grew up in sweden in the 70s, which is supposedly the most liberal society you can find. even so, none of friends or me, would ever consider going with a slut as real gf.

[nordic]

I had no problem being faithful to my husband for many years after being very "slutty" (I think of it as having loads of fun) before marriage. I wouldn't have had trouble continuing to be faithful to my husband if we hadn't decided to open up our marriage. I'm glad we did, I won't lie about that, but mainly because I'm bisexual and also enjoy the chance to be with other women. But I would have been fine keeping to just him for the rest of my life. Now I didn't have the 32 lovers before him...unless you count oral sex, and then it was higher then that....but it was close to 32. And cheating never crossed my mind.

 

Even now knowing I could sleep with as many men as I wanted, as long as I told him first and met his needs first, I rarely ever do that. And I have a very high sex drive and he has had some health issues for the past year or so that had decreased his sex drive for over the past year and not once did I look outside to get my needs met. I just prefer my lover to any other. He's darn good at it.

 

Maybe the real problem isn't the "slut" maybe the real problem is the men aren't that good in bed, don't care to try and be better in bed. After all a woman who loves sex must be a slut and thus no good.

 

I have dated a few guys who did think this way about women as the majority here think...and actually they were all lousy lovers. Maybe that's the reason they want inexperienced women.

 

All I can say is....This makes me my man all the more.

He has his issues...but being a freaking hypocrite isn't one of them.

 

oh, and for the record. i dont care about partners sexual history as long as i am not really invested. so i can live in relationships with women where i am not sexually exclusive with them, and then i dont really care about their history. and of course with a ons, i couldnt care less about how pure she is:-)

 

maybe thats what is going on with you and your hubby. if you are not sexually exclusive the feeling of jealousy goes away. for me, of course, that means a lot of other stuff goes as well. car keys to the porsche, credit cards with two names, and, yes, apartment keys:)

[nordic]

Yo you're in an open marriage with your husband (who cheated on you with your sister). Your case is slightly different but nonetheless your demand of fidelity after being so promiscuous is still contradictory.

 

 

 

The real problem is the "slut" because all the "slut" cares about is herself. This is a case of deception, direct disrespect and a fraud of a marriage, not about how good someone is in bed.

 

 

 

You're completely right. Women who only care about sex are thus no good.

 

 

 

So what? Doesn't mean they're wrong to feel the way they feel about relationships and all you seemed to care about was how good they could make YOU feel in the sack. Just because you rack up a lot of numbers doesn't mean you're automatically a good lover. And that is a stereotype by the way. Typical response.

 

 

 

Or it could be they don't want to catch AIDS by a woman who's been sleeping around with 1000 men a year. Nothing wrong with picking someone who's in your own personal category.

 

 

 

Riiiigggghhhttttt.......

 

 

 

Keep telling yourself that to convince yourself everything is right as rain. Yea one is a hypocrite because they don't want a ho for a wife.

 

mmm, agree, she has a funny way of approaching relationships.

[Entropy3000]

After reading this thread and others on the subject of female promiscuity I find it amazing that all women aren`t lesbians.

 

The hypocritical double standards posted here by what I can only assume are shallow utterly insecure cave men are UNREAL to me.

 

I married a "promiscuous woman".

I was interested in her in part because of her promiscuity believe it or not.

 

I liked that fact that she could play a mans game as well as any man.

She played it better because she was a woman.

 

When jealousy reared it`s ugly head in me I simply reminded myself she wasn`t doing anything I hadn`t done myself.

 

For the past 12 years I`ve been in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship with this "promiscuous woman" who has ruined me for all other women.

 

No one else could hold a candle to her.

 

There are a lot of weak men here at LS, maybe that`s why they seem to have relationship problems.

 

Some men like to be cuckolded as well. Does not make them stronger .... in my view.

 

Also promiscuity is not just about a woman with a high sex drive. It is indicator of possible other issues. Not just possible but IMHO likely of other issues.

 

So sure we want a woman with a high sex drive but one who is not promiscuous. I guess if a given man wants to compromise and settle for less then fine. I don't. Most men are wired this way. Not all. But the original poster was not looking for a promiscuous woman. Moreover he was not looking for a liar. He should move on with his life.

Edited May 22, 2011 by Entropy3000

[jrsmum]

OK, So your wife lied about her sexual history and she may have got around abit BEFORE SHE MET YOU!!!! Her lying is definalty a problem and my husband lied to me 2 times about going to strip clubs before our wedding, I was furious, that was 18months ago and I still get angry about it because I asked him not to go them and then he did and lied about it, I felt worthless and more insecure becuase of it. I have come to realise that he did lie to me because he didnt want to hurt me or upset me. That doesnt make it any easier as I am against lying and think you should be able to tell the truth. After your wife telling you she was a virgin she has obviously been feeling quilty since otherwise she would nver have come out and told you the truth.

I dont think you should get a divorce as the next girl you meet/marry might do the exact same thing. Your wife needs to ear your trust back and if she isn't willing to do that then look at other options. She needs to be sorry for lying to you but doesn't need to be divorced about it.

[Entropy3000]

OK, So your wife lied about her sexual history and she may have got around abit BEFORE SHE MET YOU!!!! Her lying is definalty a problem and my husband lied to me 2 times about going to strip clubs before our wedding, I was furious, that was 18months ago and I still get angry about it because I asked him not to go them and then he did and lied about it, I felt worthless and more insecure becuase of it. I have come to realise that he did lie to me because he didnt want to hurt me or upset me. That doesnt make it any easier as I am against lying and think you should be able to tell the truth. After your wife telling you she was a virgin she has obviously been feeling quilty since otherwise she would nver have come out and told you the truth.

I dont think you should get a divorce as the next girl you meet/marry might do the exact same thing. Your wife needs to ear your trust back and if she isn't willing to do that then look at other options. She needs to be sorry for lying to you but doesn't need to be divorced about it.

 

To accept behavior like this because the next girl might do the same is irrational thinking. There is no reason to believe he will encounter this same situation, especially now that he is more aware of the possibility. If he stays he knows she is a liar. If he goes he has a much better chance of finding someone who is not a liar and more compatible for him. He knows she is wrong for him. Move on. Do not reward bad behavior. It is a ticket for further abuse.

[John Michael Kane]

To accept behavior like this because the next girl might do the same is irrational thinking. There is no reason to believe he will encounter this same situation, especially now that he is more aware of the possibility. If he stays he knows she is a liar. If he goes he has a much better chance of finding someone who is not a liar and more compatible for him. He knows she is wrong for him. Move on. Do not reward bad behavior. It is a ticket for further abuse.

 

Especially when she's trying to blame him for her issues, along with the strong possibility she cheated on him.

[John Michael Kane]

OK, So your wife lied about her sexual history and she may have got around abit BEFORE SHE MET YOU!!!! Her lying is definalty a problem and my husband lied to me 2 times about going to strip clubs before our wedding, I was furious, that was 18months ago and I still get angry about it because I asked him not to go them and then he did and lied about it, I felt worthless and more insecure becuase of it. I have come to realise that he did lie to me because he didnt want to hurt me or upset me. That doesnt make it any easier as I am against lying and think you should be able to tell the truth. After your wife telling you she was a virgin she has obviously been feeling quilty since otherwise she would nver have come out and told you the truth.

I dont think you should get a divorce as the next girl you meet/marry might do the exact same thing. Your wife needs to ear your trust back and if she isn't willing to do that then look at other options. She needs to be sorry for lying to you but doesn't need to be divorced about it.

 

Your own husband lied and disrespected you before you guys even got married and you're willing to accept his lame attempts to excuse his behavior. But in no way does OP have to suck up a marriage that has been a lie from the beginning.

[nordic]

OK, So your wife lied about her sexual history and she may have got around abit BEFORE SHE MET YOU!!!! Her lying is definalty a problem and my husband lied to me 2 times about going to strip clubs before our wedding, I was furious, that was 18months ago and I still get angry about it because I asked him not to go them and then he did and lied about it, I felt worthless and more insecure becuase of it. I have come to realise that he did lie to me because he didnt want to hurt me or upset me. That doesnt make it any easier as I am against lying and think you should be able to tell the truth. After your wife telling you she was a virgin she has obviously been feeling quilty since otherwise she would nver have come out and told you the truth.

I dont think you should get a divorce as the next girl you meet/marry might do the exact same thing. Your wife needs to ear your trust back and if she isn't willing to do that then look at other options. She needs to be sorry for lying to you but doesn't need to be divorced about it.

 

women will just never get the scales correct when discussing this.

 

his wife said she was a virgin, and then she had been under 32 men, or on top, or on her knees, or all of it.

 

thats not really compareble to your husband going to a stripclub twice. did you really think that?

 

if your husband cheated on 32 times, then it would be something we could compare on the same day.

[RecordProducer]

I can't believe how backwards most men in this thread are. If you guys were actually born in the US and talking sexist crap like this, I am thinking maybe I chose the wrong country to immigrate to. It's nobody's business how many men any woman has had. Nobody has ever asked me that question. It doesn't define anything.

 

Get a good Lawyer and sue her for divorce. Make sure that as embarrassing as it will be to you that her deception and fraud is known by the court so that you won't be in the position of financially supporting her while she has sex with number 33.

Courts don't care about stuff like that. Maybe in Iran, but not in the United States.

[Woggle]

Anybody has the right to know what they are entering into when they marry. I don't care how many men a woman sleeps with but I like to know who I am marrying because if a marriage goes wrong it can be disaster. If a woman is asking me to make such a huge commitment to her then I have the right to ask a few questions. If not then I don't care who she sleeps with.

[Arcturius]

No courts don't care about the numbers. But they do care about fraud. In this case, there was fraud. Past history isn't what I'm referring to. The propensity to perpetrate a fraud to get something she wanted is. As I said in my original post, for me at least is wasn't about the numbers or the past. It was about the lies. In reference to the other pay regarding my previous one, no surprisingly she didn't cheat on her husband. I got that from him directly. The married man she had the affair with was where she learned her deceptive behavior.

[RecordProducer]

No courts don't care about the numbers. But they do care about fraud. In this case, there was fraud.

No, they don't and no, this was not "fraud" in any legal way. Alimony and child support are not based on the character of the potential recepient.

[Entropy3000]

I can't believe how backwards most men in this thread are. If you guys were actually born in the US and talking sexist crap like this, I am thinking maybe I chose the wrong country to immigrate to. It's nobody's business how many men any woman has had. Nobody has ever asked me that question. It doesn't define anything.

 

Courts don't care about stuff like that. Maybe in Iran, but not in the United States.

 

Perhaps you did choose the wrong country but it is absolutley the right of the man to know this. She has the same right. This is not sexist. It is about marriage. If that does not work for you how about this is a free country and men can feel anyway they wish and so can women.

 

France is nice this time of year.